Being there for your kids - How Do You Lead Your Family?

Episode Date: November 5, 2019

Whether you are the mom, dad, or other parent figure, you lead your family unit. It comes with the job. How your children follow depends on how you lead. When we think of leadership, most folks are aware of the dominance or submission as leadership styles. The dominant parent declares "my way or the highway," and keeps the family in line with fear and power. The submissive parent says a lot of "yes, dear. what else can I do for you?" A fear of rejection often drives the parent to be submissive to the children. The submissive parent keeps the family in line by giving in, which generates a sense of entitlement in the children, an attitude of "I can do what I want without consequences." Wow!! No thanks. Lesser known is the parental leader of the family who presents as a "benevolent despot." You are in charge. You have earned authority in the family. What you say goes. That's the despot. Your leadership, however, is driven by empathy, compassion, and understanding of needs and feelings. That's the benevolent part. How do you lead your family?

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Are you a benevolent despot? What is that? As parents, we are the leaders of our homes. The dominant parent gets things done by fear, control, and manipulation. Because I said so is the only reason this parent knows. They barrel through their family getting their way and use anger to make others conform to their expectations. The submissive parent gets things done by doing it all themselves. Please like me and be my friend is their mantra. They are tidying, putting everything in his place, and asking, what can I do for you? Ad nauseum. Children end up feeling entitled without consequence. The better question is, who's in charge?

As a benevolent despot, you are both the strong leader of your family and you exercise servanthood parenting. As a despot, the buck stops with you. You make decisions, you direct, you delegate. Your leadership is welcome because of your benevolence. You listen. You understand needs and feelings. you encourage, you include. House rules and chore lists are not demanded.

That's what a dominant parent would do. You don't do at all. That's what a submissive parent would do. As a benevolent despot, you call family meetings and direct a cooperative effort. You understand and serve their needs and their feelings. Grow your children up in the ways of the Lord so that when they are old, they will not depart from him. Be a benevolent despot in your home. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author,

and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMP-I-N-C.com.