Being there for your kids - How Much Trouble Do You Want to Buy?

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

If you are looking for a trouble-free home, forget about it. All kinds of trouble, big and small, kid and parent, will visit your family at some time or another. You have no control over whether trouble comes. You have every control over what you do with it. The longer you wait, stall, rationalize, or stew over the trouble, the more of it you are going to eventually buy. The best option is to address troubles as soon as you are aware of them. Confront the situation with the offender, and then use your active listening to understand the feelings and context. Set the boundary, in terms of your expectations, and then talk together about how the offense can be avoided in the future. Set rules through family meetings and post them for all to see. Act as soon as trouble occurs and you will be buying very little of it.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Another question for you. How much trouble do you want to buy? In all homes, even in Christian homes, trouble comes in all shapes and sizes. Big trouble, little trouble, parent trouble, kid trouble. The question is not how to avoid trouble. Rather, it's how much trouble do you want to buy. Five-year-old Joey leaves a mess in the family room after gaming on the TV for a while. Cookie crumbs, spilt milk that the cat is now licking up, jacket thrown on the floor. Well-intentioned moms might think he's just a little boy and boys will be boys as she cleans up his mess. Of course, mom's thoughts are exactly right, but how much trouble is she buying both immediately and down the road? In the present, mom has to either look at the mess and accept the new normal or take time from what she's doing to clean up Joey's mess. She might even rationalize that she's being a good mommy. Down the road, Joy becomes a preteen with feelings of entitlement with impunity.

that is, I can do what I want with no consequences. As a teen, has Joy been set up to blow off his studies, get poor grades, come and go as he pleases, and find trouble with the law? Now what kind of a mommy has his mom been? Imagine my left hand is the point in time when you recognize that there's a problem. This is a finite point, and you can tag the problem to that point in time. My right hand is in motion and represents the time at which point you address the problem. It can be inches from my left hand, far away as I can reach. You can have control over when you address the problem. The distance between my hands defines the amount of trouble that you're buying with your response, what to do, what to do. When I see it this way, I want to address the problem as soon as I recognize it, inches from my left

hand. I'm not going to hold off and see how it comes out. Holding off just buys more trouble. My granddaughter has the habit of using the bathroom and then leaving the lid up, toilet unflushed, and light on in the bathroom. When I noticed this, I call it. call it to her attention. Since we have repeatedly had this discussion, all I need to do now is call her name with that tone in my voice, and she goes, oh yeah, I forgot again, before going back to the bathroom to correct the problem. Hopefully, I'm slowly encouraging her to develop healthy, responsible habits. I could yell at her or grumble under my breath as I clean up her mess. However, both of those options are power-related and only lead to anger, frustration, and emotional

distance. Addressing problems as soon as we are aware of them minimizes the trouble and creates a teachable moment while also encouraging emotional intimacy and healthy relationship. How much trouble do you want to buy? For me, as little as possible. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.