Being there for your kids - How to be when things are going great!

Episode Date: January 11, 2019

Isn't it great when things are going great? No fuss, no muss. Everybody's getting along. Things are getting done. There's a delightful playfulness in the air. Uh oh. What's wrong? Well, how about nothing? You are enjoying the fruits of your parental labor. Your relationships in your family are humming along. Remember, communication is relationship. How to be when things are going great? Be in the moment, Be mindful. Use the time with your family to instruct, to direct, to check in, and to find teachable moments. These things drive healthy parenting and family relationships.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. I want to talk to you about how to be when things are going great. You and your kids are doing great. You're having a fun time with them. They're accepting your authority. Your communication with them is awesome. Can we package this and put it in a pill so every family can feel this way? So what's going right? In my book, Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, my lead-off chapter confirms that communication is relationship. What's going great? Your communication with your children. They get what you. You're a lot. You're you are saying and you get them. Christian parenting is not about power who's in charge. Do what I say. It's about relationship. How you talk to your child. The communication defines the quality of relationship. When things are going great, there are four types of communication happening. First, we engage in

directional talk. Be careful, sweetheart. Don't get too close to the water. It's way over your head. We give direction and it's well received. Second is instructional talk. Put your shoulder down and drive your defender. The lower lineman wins the battle. Children, learned by helpful instruction. Third are check-ins. These by nature are brief comments meant to elicit information. Dude, what's up? Or hey, pumpkin, rough day at preschool? With the information you get, you decide how to proceed. Finally, the holy grail of parental communication is teachable moments. In these moments, you impart your wisdom, perspective, and counsel for your child. Boy, when I was your age, my dad used to tear up my butt for the least little thing. Now, I don't do that with you.

You want to know why? Or, you know, sharing works really good. First, when you share, you make a friend. Also, sharing helps you enjoy giving instead of just getting all the time. These are the times when all is right with the world and being the parent is your best job ever. Of course, how your words are received determines what happens next. If you get any verbal or nonverbal red light, leave me alone, not down, dad, or eye roll or looking away, then switch gears to active listening. This is when you focus on your child's feelings and try to draw them out.

A check-in comment can get things rolling. Wow, that's not like you. Anything going on that I can help with? Or, I have some thoughts. Want to hear them? When you feel his emotional fever going down because you're active listening, you get to go back to the fun stuff. Be vigilant, but when things are great, go for it.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian parenting author. This has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.