Being there for your kids - Is that my Teen?

Episode Date: April 20, 2019

Do we as parents embrace our teen's adolescent years? Do we control them? Do we tolerate them? None of the above. When your child enters her teenage years, the best you can do is endure them. Moods? Attitude? Disrespect? Challenges? All of the above. A German psychologist talked about the "sturm ung drang" of adolescence, the "storm and stress." If you use heavy-handed parenting, your teen will either comply or rebel further, both responses at the expense of healthy relationship. Instead, appeal to their better side with observation. "Wow! This isn't like you, Ben. What else is going on here?" If Ben doesn't answer the essay question, make it multiple choice. You know your teen well enough that you'll likely hit on something bugging him. Then follow with active listening to help lower his emotional fever. Yep. That is your teen. Endure the journey.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Mom. Amy glared at her mom and announced, Leave me alone. Her mom stopped in her tracks at the edge of the door to Amy's room. As she looked, stunned at her 12-year-old daughter, she pondered, Where has my little girl gone? Well, Mom, your daughter, Amy, has begun her journey into adolescence. You know, that's a foreign land where our grown-ups are the enemy.

German developmental psychologists identify Sturm undrong. German phrase that means storm and stress. So as parents, we see this storm and stress in our teenagers and ask, is that my teen? Up until about age 10, parents are mostly the best thing ever. Our children love us, show us that love in many ways. In healthy, loving families, they want to grow up to be just like mommy and daddy. Developmentally, ages 10 to 12 are the latency ages. That is not children, but not teens. A newer term is called tweenager. however you name it for the parents the jury's out like others her age amy is beginning to find herself the first place teens go is to not mom or dad as children they want to be just like mom and dad as teens

they want to be just opposite mom and dad all i can encourage parents of teens to do is to hang on the ride will be bumpy but the journey worth it be good role models and hold on to your values set healthy limits stick to them and catch your teen being good the sterns undrong of adolescence is the furnace of events within which their personal identity is forged. Amy's mom was just going to tell her that dinner was ready and to come to the table to eat. With Amy's abrupt words, mom now has a choice. She could look at her daughter with sadness or anger and just silently turn away and leave her in a room. She could throw her hands up in a timeout gesture and confront her with, whoa, time out, young lady. You don't talk to your mother that way.

Get your butt downstairs for dinner. While both of these options are warrant, neither will get to the heart of the matter. Both will just put more distance in the relationship. Give Amy time to realize her harshness by starting with, excuse me? If that prompt doesn't generate a recognition of the line crossed, then follow with observation and active listening, such as, wow, Amy, this isn't like you. What's going on? If you get silence or a short, curt answer to your essay question, make it a multiple choice question. You know your daughter well enough to come up with some options. She will then likely come to the table with you, even if in silent protests. Is that my teen? Well, yeah, it is. But just for now, hang on, keep the communication channels open,

and your prickly caterpillar will one day be a beautiful, engaging butterfly. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and this has been Teachable Moments.