Being there for your kids - Kids Will Be Kids

Episode Date: June 17, 2023

Have you ever had your child jerk your chain so hard that you couldn't wait to give them a piece of your mind (or maybe THE BELT)? What parent hasn't? Today I have such an example. However, I put the example in context as a learning experience for your child. Making your child into a "mini-me" is not the goal of parenting. While our kids are the best and the worst of both of their parents, first and foremost they are who they are. The takeaway" Kids will be kids.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I'm going to dip into my archives today and give you a story and then some context. I call this Kids Will Be Kids. Here I am calmly clicking through the news on my iPad in the sanctity of my den. I hear a loud, bang, coming from the playroom upstairs. With frustration and anger boiling in me for being interrupted during my daily ritual, I march upstairs. All right, you guys, what the heck? is going on here, I bellowed. My five-year-old Todd muttered, uh-oh, as he bounced off his eight-year-old

sister, Rachel, whom he had pinned to the floor in a wrestling move. Get off of me, you jerk, Rachel complained. Toys were everywhere. Cardboard building blocks were strewn about in disarray, as if the pretend building had exploded. Todd's Hot Wheels was on its side in their midst. I was calmly building a playhouse from my dolls, just having fun. Then my stupid brother comes barreling in the room and just slams into my perfectly fine house. He then jumped off his trike and pounced on me like some kind of wild animal. I stared at my son who was giggling to himself before commanding, go to your room. He stomped out of the playroom door, and I heard him slam his bedroom door.

I then cuddled Rachel and consoled her on her wrecked playhouse. Daddy, why did you get me a baby brother? I wanted a baby sister, but no, I got that jerk. I understand, sweetheart. Life just isn't fair sometimes. I'm sorry he messed up your playhouse. He's grounded big time. Now, let's see if we can build a better playhouse. I won't let Todd back in the playroom until after you're finished playing.

Okay, Daddy, I like it when he's nice and plays with me, but then he goes all Hulk on me sometimes and messes things up. Okay, baby, I'll talk to him now. I added as I kissed the top of her head and then left the playroom. I was mad at Todd and determined to him. to teach him a lesson he would not forget. Todd was laying across his bed, pouting when I knocked and entered.

I stormed to his bedside, determined to give him a peace of my mind about his reckless, selfish actions toward his sister. Son, why do you have to be so? So, I caught my breath with an epiphany. So Todd! Todd gave me a puzzled look and whispered,

I'm sorry. In a split second, I had gone from furious to frazzled. What Todd had done was wrong and disrespectful to his sister, but so Todd at five years old. Spanking or grounding him might make me feel like I was doing my job, but is that a way for my son to learn a valuable lesson? At five years old, he has an abundance of energy, and he wants to put his power on display. In and of themselves, these are not bad behaviors. How he exercised his energy and power is, on the other hand, what got him into trouble. So I gave him an unexpected hug, and we continued our

discussion. I'm glad you're sorry, I started. Tell me why. Caught off guard, Todd took a breath and thought about his response. I'm sorry I messed up Rachel's play. I'm sorry I tackled her and pushed her to the floor. Remember when I asked you how you could be so Todd? He sheepishly nodded. Being Todd is who you are. It's who you always will be, and I'm proud of the Todd you're becoming. He puffed out his chest as he took my compliment. Now, when you saw your sister in the playroom playing, playing quite, quietly. Did you knock on the door and ask to come in? No, he answered with a defiant voice. It's my playroom, too. Were you respecting your sister's play and asking if you could join in? No, Todd hung his head and whispered as his lesson was sinking in.

So, I concluded, if you guys are playing together and you both want to wreck something, both of you laughing and having fun, then that's okay. Is that what just happened in the playroom with Rachel? No. Okay, what is your plan for the next time so that nobody's feelings get hurt and you don't find yourself in trouble again? I don't know. I have some thoughts. Do you want to hear them? Todd nodded.

How about thinking of both of your feelings? How about asking to join her and play together? She might say no because she thinks you're up to something by being nice to her. If that happens, come to your mother or me and we'll talk to her. Deal? Deal. I gave Todd a 30-minute timeout and his bed. and asked him to use that time to plan how to approach his sister better and then draw a picture of telling her that he's sorry kids will be kids you want to raise them in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old they will not depart from him

that's from the old testament of the Bible proverbs 22 6 and yet they will always be who they are nurture that help them find their way when they mess up use active listening to hear their feelings and explanations then with permission give them ways to handle the situation better. Maintain appropriate consequences because kids need your boundaries to learn to navigate life effectively. Rule of thumb with timeouts, limit the time out to five minutes per age. Todd was five at the time, so five times five is roughly 30 minutes. This makes the time useful rather than being in jail. Hope this has been a helpful, useful example and context for letting your kids be kids. Blessings, Dr. John. If my comment, stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. Therefor My Kids.com

or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at Bellsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC. incinc.com.