Being there for your kids - Launching Our Teen into Adulthood

Episode Date: November 3, 2019

     The two most significant moments for us parents in our children's lives are that moment of birth and their launch from adolescence into adulthood. We prepare our children for adulthood through their teen years, letting go little by little. As they learn individually to make good choices, exercise responsibility, and be accountable, they are ready to launch. Just as in our space launches, we parents remain in ground control, while our teen/young adult is in his space craft. He occasionally makes mid-course corrections, as he charts his path to his destiny. These booster rockets come from our consultations with him, just as ground control stays in contact with the spacecraft. We move from advice-based parenting (I remember when I was your age and had similar difficulties) to consultative parenting (I have some thoughts on what you are going through. Do you want to hear them?). Always, we are on the lookout the proverbial emotional fever, to which we respond with active listening. We praise his successes and are allowed bragging rights. Mission accoomplished. Our teen/young adult is launched.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. We all look forward to the opportunity of launching our children into adulthood. Do you ever brag to others about how well your adult children are doing? Well educated, great job, great family, on their way. How did that happen? Adolescence is the proving ground for adulthood, where our teens develop the tools to have an enriching, successful adult life. Analogous to our space program, we parents are in ground control in Houston. After graduating high school, our teens enter adult life in one way or another. Job, college, marriage, a life mostly separate from us. Before launch, we provide teens with measures of accountability, curfews 12 o'clock hun, don't be late, and oversight. Let me look over your college personal statement before you submit it. We guide the launch by exercising the principle of responsible freedom. Our teens have as much freedom

as they demonstrate responsibility for. If or when they become irresponsible, we pull back on their freedom and give them opportunity to learn from their mistake and regain our trust. After launch, on their journey, we help them make mid-course corrections, much like the thruster rockets on the side of the spaceship adjusts its trajectory. As parents of teens, we use advice-based parenting tools. Been there, done that, son, let's talk. As parents of young adults, we switch to consultative parenting. I have some thoughts about what's going on. Do you want to hear them? Getting their permission first conveys your respect and recognition that they're grown and gone. then you are free to convey wise counsel.

Launching your teen into adulthood can take 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years. Think about the boomerang kid. Be patient and use your active listening. They will get it and make you prouder. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMCP-I-N-C.com.