Being there for your kids - Lying Can Double the Trouble

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

"Okay! Who made this mess?"  Your question is met with a chorus of "not me's" When and how do you get to the truth? First, how important is the mess? If it directly affects you in the moment, then it needs to be straightened first. Deal with the lying later. Whatever the timing, when confronting the Not Me-er, make sure you child understands his choices. If he messed up and owns it, you have a teachable moment. You active listen his upset, ask permission to offer counsel, and help him with corrective steps. He may also get a consequence for his actions. If he messes up and lies about it by saying "I didn't do that," confirm the infraction independently, and then give two consequences, one for the mess up an one for lying about it. Lying can double the trouble.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. A newspaper cartoon that I grew up with was called The Family Circle. Several children and parents, and occasionally a ghostly character named Not Me lived in the home. So I want to ask you the question, does not me now live in your home? You come into your family room and you see it as a mess. Susie is on her phone, Joey is locked into a world of Warcraft computer game, and Little Emily is talking to her dollies around their tea table. After surveying the mess, you bark, okay, you guys.

who made this mess? In unison, without looking away from their respective activities, your crew responds, not me, that poor fella, not me, gets blamed for lots of messes around the house. So, how can you delegate getting the room straight again while also creating a teachable moment about taking personal responsibility? Several things come to mind. First, you might conclude that assigning individual blame is pointless and the priority is to get the room straight again to your standards. If that's the case, have your children stop all activity and take 15 minutes, to collectively straighten the room with you delegating each responsibility. Okay, enough griping. The sooner we get this room straight, the sooner I'm out of your hair,

and you can get back to your activities. Second, you might conclude that everybody having fun is more important in the moment than how straight the room is. If the room's messiness does not directly impact you, then it's no big deal. However, if you are having friends over in 20 minutes and you want to use the room to entertain them, then the messiness does impact you and you need to ride herd to get the room straight in a timely manner. Finally, if you want to use the circumstances as an object lesson for the kids, then the not-mead defense needs to be addressed. After the room is straightened, either sooner or later that same day,

have a brief family meeting where you address the subjects of taking personal responsibility and lying. When my son accepted personal responsibility and took time to make the circumstances right, I heaped praise on him and gushed my pride and his consequence was less. When he tried to dodge the circumstances, I asked him how much trouble he wanted. One trouble is making the mess. Two troubles is making the mess. Two troubles is making. making a mess and then lying about it. And his consequences were double as well. If not me, lives in your house, use it to create a teachable moment for your children. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been teachable moments.

Teachable moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.