Being there for your kids - Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Episode Date: December 15, 2019

You can visually see what a healthy relationship looks like by imagining a transparent, Plexiglas pyramid. The pyramid shows levels of your relationships, starting with your relationship with God, above the apex of your pyramid. Extending downward are levels with your spouse, children, extended family, coworkers and acquaintances, and strangers. The quality of each relationship is related to how well the relationship above it fares. As you are able to best take care of your own needs and feelings, you put yourself in the position to bless others with agape, or unconditional, love. That's the stuff of which teachable moments are made.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let's talk about the Plexiglass Pyramid of Relationships. One of the ways I have helped couples and families to navigate their relationships is to describe a Plexiglass Pyramid they can see to visualize how they interact meaningfully with people in their lives. The pyramid is transparent, so we can see all the interactions going on. It has levels that identify the importance of the people in our lives. It has a bright, shining sun above the pyramid that illuminates each of the relationships depicted in the pyramid.

So, the starting point in understanding your plexiglass pyramid is the bright shining sun above it. You're standing at the apex of the pyramid. Your spiritual connection to God, how you relate to the sun, generates the quality of the other relationships in your life. In the Bible, Matthew 2239, Jesus identifies what I call the codependence commandment, which is to love one another as you love yourself. As you stand on the apex of the pyramid, you are loving yourself by embracing the axiom. What would Jesus do?

The next level down in the pyramid is the coupleness you share with your spouse. When you are in sync, sharing thoughts and feelings, respecting each other's perspectives and opinions, jointly problem-solving, then you have the most to offer each other and your children.

Your children occupy the third tier of your pyramid, as each of you make time to be with each and all of your children, active listing their needs and feelings, helping them learn life lessons, and embracing teachable moments, they will thrive. Beyond the third tier are your relationships with extended family, friends and coworkers, acquaintances, and strangers, each tier expanding the base to form the pyramid. Healthy families and relationships work the pyramid from the top down. As you are in sync with God, you have the most to offer your spouse. Similarly, as you and your spouse are in sync,

you have the most to offer your children. As your family is in sync, your extended family thrives, as do your coworkers, acquaintances, and strangers. In contrast, as you are out of sync with God, all other relationships suffer. I like to share with folks that when you feel distant from God, you know which one moved. That would be you. Taking care of yourself and mind, body, and spirit gives you the most available energy to take care of others. Don't take care of your own needs and feelings, and you can only engage in conditional loving of others. That is, I will do this for you, but you owe me.

I won't even tell you that you owe me. Just pay up. Take care of yourself and you can give unconditionally others, what's called agape love. I have this for you. Have a great day. Being aware of your own plexiglass pyramid of relationships gives you the opportunity for self-care, which can generate agape other care and provide ample teachable moments. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian. parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.