Being there for your kids - Make Your What if's into I wonders

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

What if questions generate anxiety. I wonder statements generate curiosity. When you want to calm down, switch out your what if anxiety into I wonder curiosity. Being curious about your circumstances always has a calming effect. Check it out.

Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let's talk about anxiety. With the national population of around 330 million, roughly one-third are anxious in some kind of way. Anxiety can be situational. Why can't I find a parking space near my store? Anxiety can be chronic. What if nobody likes me? What if this job is wrong for me? Mentalism psychotherapy, that is MPT, is a means of treating both types of anxiety. After giving your patient ample opportunity, to explore his anxiety and share with you how it affects him, using empathy and active listening, I start my intervention sequence. Okay, Kyle, I began prepping him for changing his thinking. Let me give you some tidbits to chew on that will help you rid yourself of debilitating anxiety.

Sure, Doc, he eagerly replied, go for it. First, close your eyes, breathe deeply and rhythmically, and focus all my directions. Kyle took a deep breath as he nodded to me. Take your left hand from your side and extended out shoulder height. He did so. Take your right hand from your side and extended out shoulder height. He did so. Now, with your arms extended, lower them slowly to rest together. Kyle lowered both arms and then took another deep, slow breath. He then opened his eyes and smiled. What you've just done, Kyle, is limit your experience of both your anxiety and your depression. He looked at his hands clashed together in front of him. Really? How so? Our experience of depression typically comes from past events we have internalized. Our experience of anxiety typically

comes from the negative anticipation we have for yet unknown future. Okay, Kyle tentatively understood. By physically moving the position of your arms from your side to in front of you, you symbolically chose to live in the now or in the moment. In essence, you said to yourself, I will not let my negative history hold me back, nor my unforeseen future keep me from moving forward. Staying in the now can be very freeing. Your feelings have nowhere to root and nowhere to grow. We talked more about how living mindfully can help him overcome his anxiety until I felt he was beginning to embrace the concept. Now, Kyle, let's talk. Let's tackle your anxious feelings. What are you telling yourself when you get anxious? Well, let's see, he pondered my challenge. What if I'm late for work again? What if I don't

get along with Mandy? That's my girlfriend's parents. What if I can't pay my bills? How's that for a start? That's great, I reassured. Now, stay with me here. I'm going to turn each of your what-if questions into I-wonder curiosities. You ready? Follow me here. Kyle nodded in agreement. I wonder how I will plan to be on time for work tomorrow.

I wonder how I will win Mandy's parents over. I wonder how I can budget my money better. Do you see what I do there? I think so, Kyle thought it through. You turned my questions into statements. You changed my what-ifs into I-wonders. Is that right? Yep. Curiosity beats anxiety every time. But also, notice I included something else. The curiosity statement generates action to cure your anxiety. I don't follow. Let's take the first, what if. What if I'm late for work tomorrow? It becomes, I wonder how I will plan to be on time tomorrow. There's a positive, subliminal message to yourself embedded in there, and that message is, I will be on time for work tomorrow. I then directed Kyle to unpack subliminal messages.

to his next I wonder statements. Great. I think you're getting it, Kyle. You see, as you well know, the feeling of anxiety is constricting, limiting, and binding. The feeling of curiosity, however, is expanding, freeing, and generates boundless possibilities. As a behavioral prescription, I asked Kyle to write down at least five what-if questions that he encountered between his sessions with me. Then pair each with an I-wonder statement with a positive presuppositional phrase embedded in it. When treating anxiety with MPT, you can set the stage with mindfulness, channel positive energy into the healing process, and use cognitive behavioral strategies to challenge your patient's thinking and change his behaviors. When your patient confronts his anxiety, coach him into switching questions from what if my comments stir questions for you for you. Contact me through my website at www. thereformykid.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at Bellsouth.com.

met. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting and my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adverting. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at tmcpinc.com.