Being there for your kids - Making the Most of The Homework Wars

Episode Date: January 13, 2019

Unless your child is the one in a million who dives into homework each night with great joy and abandon, you experience the homework wars in your family. You know, they don't have to be awful. While you might active listen your child's reluctance to get started on their homework, doing it is not an option. They may have some say in how they do it, but getting it done each night is the goal. Think about how you can include your child in this problem-solving process, so that there are no casualties from your homework wars.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Are you surviving the homework wars in your house? Oh, ma, do I have to? We just did all this stuff in school today, eight-year-old Adam complained. Can we just skip homework tonight? I promise I'll do all of it tomorrow night. Mom raised her eyebrows, looking skeptical with Adam's assurances. This kind of parent-child exchange is typical of what is frustratingly referred to as the homework wars. Almost all families with school-age children have some version of this. Doing homework becomes a nightly battle, a test of wills with your otherwise wonderful, loving youngster. It is a test of wills, an opportunity to set healthy boundaries with your child and a pathway to successful academics. In my book, Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, I caution that children

will always test the limits. This is not because they want to be free of them, is to be sure that they are there. What child says, oh boy, I have lots of homework. tonight. I can't wait to get started and practice what I've learned today in school. Shall we say, uh, not many? In this test of wills, your child wants you to set the firm boundary. The answer to the question, do I have to, is a resounding yes. However, the wars ramp up when each side digs in for battle. Do you want to avoid the homework wars? Then don't engage. Doing the homework is not an option. How your child does it is negotiable. Have this discussion outside of homework time. Engage your child

and a curious discovery of what works best for them. Decide on a designated homework spot, such as the desk in his room or the kitchen table, and talk about the time that works best for him, such as right after getting home from school or after dinner. For elementary age students, sit beside your child and coach or tutor them as needed, but without doing any of it for them. For middle school students, be in the proximity of where they are doing their homework. Be available. Encourage with, how's it going in there?

For high schoolers encourage their good work habits, where low or failing grades are the outcome, homework time becomes study time to bring the grades up. When the process is well defined, put it into place for a short time, a week or two, with reward or consequence in place after the time frame is over. Revise as needed, but be firm with your limits. You can survive the homework wars by negotiating a peace treaty that involves your child successfully getting through his homework. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.