Being there for your kids - Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

In healthy families, people talk to each other...a lot. Such talk, however, consists of both verbal and nonverbal communication. If the two are out of sync, then you have double-speak. Then, your child says, or does, "Wait...whaaat??" Double speak also can get parents in trouble. The world's worst parenting model is, "Do what I say, not what I do." That's trouble waiting to happen. Make sure both your verbal and nonverbal communication are in sync. Point out when you see your child's speak out of sync with something like, "Your words don't match your actions. What else is going on here?" Be prepared to active listen to help him reduce the emotional fever that is throwing him out of sync.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. You know, we talk about double speak. Sometimes you say one thing and mean another. What is important is to mean what you both say and do. Verbal and nonverbal communication. They are the substance of relationship in our families. My mama cautioned me, mean what you say and say what you mean. No room for misinterpretation there. Verbal communication and relationship building gets all the press. Nonverbal communication is often seen merely as the backdrop for verbal communication. However, each is vital and instrumental in creating emotionally healthy relationships. Teens in particular are a jumble of words and actions. If you zoom in on your teen's words, you will miss vital information to help decode what she's trying to say.

Perceptive parents will find themselves noticing disparity between their child's words and actions. I hear what you're saying, but your actions don't match your words. What else is going on? For children in general, and for teens in particular, a rule of thumb is to be able to be. believe everything your child does and nothing he says. A shuffling gait can mean I don't want to go. An eye roll or shoulder shrug can mean leave me alone. A vacant gaze can mean all I hear right now is blah, blah, blah, I'm not getting it, or it can mean I don't want to. Children are good at picking up nonverbal cues also. Because kids are the emotional barometer of what's going on in the family, they know what we're feeling long before we do. If your words and actions don't match, watch out.

Advanced computer technology and smartphones, we are smack in the age of doublespeak. Texting shortcuts, emoticons, abbreviations all put the English language at risk. Did you know that OBL8 means don't be late? All of these things make it more important for parents to keep up with gadgets, gizmos, and doublespeak. It will all help you relate to your child meaningfully and also catch them before big trouble when they are testing the limits. To avoid the pitfalls of double speak mean both. what you say and what you do. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed to clinical psychologist and Christian Parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian

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