Being there for your kids - Nighttime with Newborns, Family Discipline

Episode Date: February 20, 2021

Being a new parent is the toughest job any of us ever have, for which we have NO training. With just our own parents for reference, we usually want to be just like them, or nothing like them. Navigating nighttime for newborns can be exhausting. Here, I offer some tips.   A basic questions all families face is this. Who's in charge? If you don't clearly define that you are in charge, your kids will run rough shod until you take control. Securing rules, boundaries, roles, and expectations is a start. Reward and consequence systems follow and families can be comforting and run smoothly for all.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's one. Dear Dr. Robinson, I'm a new parent. My husband and I waited so long to have a baby, and her little girl is everything we imagine she would be. However, she's now six months old. Neither she nor I have gotten a decent night's sleep since she was born.

It takes me three hours to rock her to sleep, and then she's awake and only two hours to be breastfed. That's another 30 minutes to an hour, and then she sleeps for only another two hours. Help! Signed. Exhausted. New Mom.

Dear Exhausted, welcome to new parenting. I appreciate your nightly ordeal with your baby girl. Did you know? Parenting is the hardest job for which we have no training. It's a trial by fire. Typically, all we have to go on is what we experienced with our own parents, and that's a toss-up.

Either we want to be just like our mom and dad, or nothing like them. There are two schools of thought. on feeding newborns in general and on breastfeeding in particular. Most new moms are either feeding on a schedule or on demand. I vote for on a schedule. Establish a nighttime routine with your infant. She will take her cue from you.

Although there will be two or three short interludes during her nighttime for feeding, children up to five years old require 10 to 12 hours of sleep to encourage growth and stable mood. So, gauge her bedtime by the time she needs to get up in the morning. Take 15 minutes to rock her to sleep after her bedtime routine, usually bath and story and rocking. Prompt her that soon she will be fast to sleep. Darken her room, 15-watt nightlight is okay. Rock her and tune up a lullaby or two. Begin a countdown from 12 minutes, gently noting the minute markers.

When you get to zero, put her down. Children thrive on this contact comfort, but they also respond to limits. If you stick to them, once she is down for the night, let her cry up to half an hour before checking on her. Always keep the room darkened, even when changing her diapers, and she will get back to sleep quicker. My daughter, at this age, topped out at six minutes and 39 seconds, before she conked out for the night. Crying is exhausting. With firm limits on your part, soon she will get that it is now time to go to sleep. Children always test the limits. They test them to be sure that they are there, even at six months of age. Soon, you'll both get the routine, and neither of you will continue to be exhausted.

Blessings, Dr. John. Here's another one. Do Dr. Robinson, in our home, we live by the family rule of give and take. We give and our children take. Not so, L.O.L. It seems like no matter what electronics, toys, and games we buy for our brood, it's never enough. They only say thank you with our prompting. I want to wear them out, but my wife says they're just kids.

help dear help your wife is right they are just kids which is why rules boundaries limits and rewards and consequences are so functional as they're growing up a defining question in all families is this who's in charge children are too young and immature to be in charge developmentally the capacity for abstract thinking is not formed until most children are 12 years old being in charge is anxious and terrifying to children. That's why they act out. They will do whatever it takes for you to take control and be in charge. A good place to start for your family would be to have a family meeting. This would be where you would lay out your concerns about your children's behavior and lack of gratitude,

hear their feelings, and brainstorm how all of you can help out more and pitch in. Use the time to agree on house rules phrased in positive terms such as use your inside voice, rather than negative terms such as no yelling. Also, set up a chores chart with each child assigned a chore or chores consistent with their developmental stage. Mom and Dad, you define chores for yourselves as well. Allowance can be based on chore completion. Finally, set up both reward and consequences based on compliance with house rules and completion of chores. All won't be perfect and will need fine-tuning as you reset the climate and expectations in your house, but it's a start. Good luck. Blessings. Dr. John. If these letters stir up questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.

www.org.org.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0. at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Members. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at amazon books.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.