Being there for your kids - Number 1 of Top 10 Parenting Tips

Episode Date: February 9, 2020

Start where your child is. That's tip number 1 of my top 10. Your child's words and actions will give you a hint as to where he is emotionally at the time. As best you can, let him be and give him time. Make observations and offer to be his sounding board. Active listen when you get his permission, but don't try to change him. Help him figure it out for himself. Help him understand the impact of his words and actions on himself and on others. Help him be mindful. Being present where he is forms the foundation of a healthy parenting relationship.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Recently, I posted my top 10 tips for parenting success. Now I want to elaborate on this list in my next 10 postings. Parenting tip number one is this. Start where your child is. 10-year-old Robbie just came in the back door after having ridden bikes through the neighborhood with his friend Jack. Mom noticed that the door bounced a little, not quite a slam, as Robbie sat down at the kitchen table. He grabbed his iPad and found a video game.

"'Hey, sweetie,' Mom cooed. "'Everything all right?' "'Robbie's thumbs rapidly moved over the keyboard. "'Hon?' he mumbled, while keying in on his gaming. "'Ah, yeah, okay.' Then he put his iPad down and left the kitchen, going into the family room where his younger sister was playing with her Barbie set. "'Don't be such a baby,' he dug at her as he passed by and went upstairs.

Mom found Robbie in his bedroom, laying on his top bunk, hands intertwined on the pillar behind his head, staring at the mini-galaxy of stars stuck to his ceiling. She knocked on the open door and came in to his room when he responded. Is somebody in a funk? Mom asked timidly. What do you want? Jack muttered while still gazing at his stars. Excuse me? Robbie sighed. I'm sorry.

Mom settled down on his desk chair as Robbie swung his legs over the railing of the top bunk. Okay. Got a minute to help me out? Mom asked. Whatever. Mom ignored the disrespect and attitude, attributing it to Robbie's mood. Then she shared her list of observations she had mentally compiled since Robbie had come in from his bike ride with Jack, concluding, So, it seems that your body is here, but your mind is somewhere else. How am I doing so far? Robbie sighed, paused, and then launched into what was on his mind.

At any point during this exchange, Mom could have laid out her assumptions, his attitude, and ultimately some version of the talk about life and how her son should act. If she had, Robbie would have tuned her out after her first three words. Instead, Mom stayed with her son, gave him his space, allowed him to be who he was in the moment,

and then asked for clarification. This is a great example of starting where your child is. In such moments, your goal is not punishing, praising, or correcting your child. It's relating to him, where he is. He may or may not show. an emotional fever. If he does, use active listening to help him lower his fever. He may just need to unpack his stuff with your giving him an attentive ear. Starting where your child is involves

being in the moment with him, following his lead, and offering counsel only when and if he asks for it. This is the foundation of your healthy relationship with him. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.