Being there for your kids - Parenting is Lifelong

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

       Do you ever stop parenting your child? Nope. You signed on for the long haul. In Proverbs 22:6, Solomon cautioned us parents to "raise your children in the ways of the Lord so that, when they grow old, He will not depart from them."  That's pretty daunting. What you say to your children, how you act, how you parent, will be with them for all of their lives, whether you are there in person or not. Just as there are stages of child development, so too are there stages of parenting. When your teen reaches adulthood, you shift your parenting from advice-based to consultative. He's grown and make his own choices, but you are available to impart your wisdom, if he asks. Be available. Beyond time and distance, your parenting is lifelong, and with your availability comes potential teachable moments.

Robinson and this is teachable moments. Let's talk about when as a parent you can declare mission accomplished. One of my favorite old-timey baseball players is yogi-bera, catcher of the New York Yankees and later manager of the hapless Mets. He was colorful and said some goofy things. After a team rally where the Mets won, he commented to the press, you know, it ain't over till it's over. That's a yogiism, and that is a classic with meaning far beyond baseball. How about parenting? When raising your children in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old he will not depart from them. Of course, that's Proverbs 22.6. Is your task ever over? Now, healthy parenting is a lifelong process of letting go and letting God, and your style of parenting changes over the years, but it ain't

ever over. Occasionally, my now-grown and gone son invites me to play golf with him. I consider this a rare opportunity to talk about stuff with him, impart the meager wisdom of my years and experience. There's a lot of time to talk while riding in the golf cart between shots. Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes it's golden. I cherish every moment. If I were off-duty or dismissive as his parent now, how would we ever continue to build and revise our relationship as we grow older? Our adult children certainly have their own lives now, so how can we continue to fit into them, be helpful, encourage, and reinforce all that's good about who they are becoming? In the last chapter of my book, Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting,

I define the principle of responsible freedom, where we give our emerging adult teens who still live at home as much freedom as they demonstrate responsibility for. We build in accountability and supervision to encourage success with their freedom. We pull back on the freedom when they demonstrate irresponsibility. This guarantees a healthy progression toward launching our children into their own version of adulthood. our style of parenting changes as they grow. At birth, and until about school age, our style of parenting is hands-on. As they get more curious and their social boundaries are extended with school, our style shifts to directive parenting. When their brains develop the capacity for abstract

reasoning, about age 12, we shift again to advice-based parenting. When they leave the nest from about age 18 to 30, we shift again to consultative parenting. This stage is where we adopt the attitude of hearing them out and commenting, you know, I have some thoughts about what you're going through. Do you want to hear them? Getting their permission gives you the power and emotional connection to impart your wisdom. It's then their choice to take it or not. Your teen and young adult's pathway to adulthood is likened to a NASA space launch. As parents, we are in mission control. We monitor their progress, give them necessary readouts and feedback about their progress. Our teen or young adult is in the space capsule flying the craft and making

making mid-course corrections to reach their target. We can't do life for them, but we can be with them in a supportive, consultative capacity. When we launch our teen into adulthood, we may give a sigh of relief and believe that our mission is accomplished, but our parenting, while always changing, is never over till it's over. Thank you, Yogi. This is Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable moments building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.