Being there for your kids - Parents Go Through Stages Too!

Episode Date: October 28, 2018

Just as our children reach certain developmental stages as they grow older, so too do us parents, depending on your child's stage of development. When they are totally helpless, we do for them, Hands-On Parenting. When we are helping them learn boundaries and relationships, we enter the Directive Stage of parenting. After they have developed the capacity for abstract thinking, but don't quite "know it all," we offer Advice-Based Parenting. Finally, as they reach adulthood and are in charge of their own lives, we offer Consultative Parenting. It's critical that your stage matches the developmental stage of your child. Yes, we parents go through stages of parenting if we are to be effective in raising our children.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. What is your parenting stage? You know, our children go through specific developmental stages as they grow. Most of the time we parents simply hang on. But did you know that we parents have developmental parenting stages as well? If our stage is not lined up with the one our child is in, there might be trouble, if not simply a misconnect. When your child can't do for himself and is totally dependent on you for everything, ages birth through five, then we have to do for them. This is hands-on parenting. Tell your child to tie their shoes before they can or know how to is setting him up to fail and be frustrated. Here, let me do that for you, direct hand-on parenting. From ages 5 to 12, children are exploring, understanding their world and trying to make sense of everything. As they learn new things, shift to directed parenting. Lots of teachable moments in this stage. If you're lucky, they'll even ask you for help. Can I help? Let's try this together. From stages 13 to 18, teens know everything and usually make lots of mistakes and have lots of regrets. Offer him advice-based parenting.

You have the wisdom of having been there done that. Your gift to your teen is to share that wisdom with them in an accepting, non-condemming, helpful way. You know, back in the Stone Ages when I was your age, something like that happened to me. Want to hear about it? As your teen now becomes a young adult, after age 18, treat him like one. With respect, collaboration, and acceptance, move on to consultative parenting. His choices, his decisions, but you can offer perspective, a sounding board, and ideas. I have some thoughts about what you're saying. Can I bend your ear?

As child and parenting stages and ages line up, you continue to be a powerful, helpful influence in your child's life. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed to clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author. This has been Teachable Members. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.