Being there for your kids - Practice Makes Perfect

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

After breaking up the bedlam between your children, how do you sort it out? Who started it? How did each contribute? Who gets consequences? What ever you do, don't start with these questions. After separating the combatants, use your active listening to lower emotional fevers, ask permission to make suggestions, and by all means include each in the problem-solving process. The basic question is, "What can each of you do to avoid these bad things with each other in the future?" Family history will plan a part, and you won't get it right the first time, or the tenth time :( However, make sure your kids know you are trying and that getting along is the goal. With time, practice will make prefect.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Charlie came stomping in the back door from outside, grumbling to himself. His brother, Pete, followed him and mumbled, sore loser. Charlie turned on his heel and started yelling at his brother. Their mom heard the commotion from the kitchen, sighed, wiped her hands on the dish towel, and turned toward them at the back door. Charlie, that's enough, she started. We don't talk like that around here.

But, but he broke the rules. He pleaded with his mom. I said enough, Mom barked. Then she sighed and directed, Go to your room to calm down. Charlie stomped off and complained under his breath. Sure, take his side again. Pete smiled to himself as he found his iPad and queued up a game. Mom went back to the kitchen thinking, well, that didn't go so well. As she went back to drying dishes, she made a decision. I need to go to Pete, apologize for snapping at him, and let him talk it out. I need to pull out my active listing. This is a snapshot of the journey parents travel from surviving to thriving in a healthy family.

For all of us, stuff happens. It's what you do with the stuff that makes for teachable moments. The journey has four parts. First, we tend to do what's familiar, even if it's not working. Then, when we learn something and decide it's a better path, we try it. With repeated effort and lots of missteps, we get used to the new path. Finally, the new path becomes second nature to us. For Charlie's mom, she's, she's, She caught herself on a familiar path using her power to solve the immediate problem. That works well for the moment. However, Charlie has lots of unexpressed feelings and sees Pete as her mom's favorite. That makes for longer-term issues.

How cool was it for a mom to catch herself in old, unhealthy habits that were familiar and then to venture out on a new path, active listening? She started with an apology to her son. With her apology and then active listening, Charlie's feelings went from angry and frustrated to confused, to heard, to hopeful. She could see his emotional fever come down. He's not off the hook for his behavior, but the process has gone from power to relationship.

After her conversation with Charlie in his bedroom, Mom asked how he felt, and then what he thought about how his mom handled the situation. Afterwards, she told him that she was trying out active listening as a way to understand him and his needs and his feelings better. Charlie said he liked it and told her to keep him. keep doing it. Such as a parent's journey to thriving and to many more teachable moments. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been

Teachable Wants. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at tmc-P-I-N-C.com.