Being there for your kids - Setting Healthy Boundaries

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

Healthy boundaries are the emotional elixir of strong relationships. When we maintain healthy boundaries, we balance self-care with other care. Feelings are not hurt. Good choices are made. Everybody is valued and all of us get along. Great! Easy to identify and talk about. Hard to put in place. With this podcast, I'm sharing with you the substance and context of setting healthy boundaries and also giving you an example from a therapy exchange. My new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, gives more concrete examples and shows how mentalligent psychotherapy can light your path on your healing journey. Blessings, Jon

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have some thoughts for you today about boundaries. How well do you set them? Setting boundaries is an issue for almost everybody. How well we set them can define the extent of our mental health. Physical boundaries are seemingly everywhere. Fences define the boundary of our property. Most people with healthy boundaries in social settings

maintain at least 18 inches physical distance from our conversational partner. Legal contracts define property boundaries, custody boundaries, division of responsibilities. Physical boundaries are pretty easy to observe and to define. Emotional boundaries, not so much. As licensed clinical psychologists and other behavioral health professionals, we talk to our patients a lot about emotional boundaries. Many folks understand the concept of emotional boundaries and see how setting them in a healthy way can improve relationships, however, actually setting and maintaining them can be very hard. So, Alex, you and Julie had another blowout last night?

I asked as he settled into his therapy appointment with me. Yeah, since our separation, getting things right with the kids has been a really big issue. She's always late bringing them to me for my visit with them, and she comes early when it's time for her to pick them up. Her excuses are reasonable, but she's cutting into my time with them. You try to accommodate her, I offered, but you feel taken advantage of. Well, yeah, but no, Alex fumbled his words. We've talked about trying to get back together, so I don't want to upset her anymore, but you have feelings too.

Yeah, damn it, Alex slammed his fist on the side table. When do I get to have my feelings? I drew on our previous sessions and asked, Doesn't this feel a bit familiar? Huh? I'm not following. You've talked before with me about how Julie can be all about Julie, and that you have often felt shut out of the family decision. making process. Well, Alex admitted that's true. Let's talk about setting healthy boundaries. I think that

will help you reclaim your sense of self. The main issue for my patient was his inability to say no to significant others in his life. He was afraid he'd hurt their feelings. He didn't want to be the bad guy. He'd rather take care of the situation himself. Emotional boundaries keep self-care and other care in balance. Without that balance, one can feel taken advantage of, victimized. With time, resentment, anger, and rage can spill out. After centering my patient with mindfulness and generating positive self-talk with intelligent psychotherapy, I will often use cognitive behavioral strategies to help them practice saying no in role play.

I give them rapid-fire demands to which they repeatedly say no. No need for explanations. The fewer words, the better. When people are comfortable saying no, setting healthy emotional boundaries gets much easier. Self-worth goes up and relational conflict eases. When-win, blessings, Dr. John. If my comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org,

thereformyfriends.com, or email me at John Robinson-0.0.bilsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, and my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.