Being there for your kids - Starting Summer Vacation Off Right

Episode Date: May 29, 2021

Transitioning from school year to summer schedule can be challenging for some families. In this first letter, mom laments that their vacation planning is "never good enough" for the kids, who complain regardless. Including the kids in the planning process always goes a long way. In the second letter, mom is frantic to corral her brood after school is out for the summer. Taking account of structure, supervision, and accountability makes for smooth sailing through summer activities.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Do Dr. Robinson, every year my husband and I sit down and plan a vacation for a week or two that's within our budget and when we can get time off from work. Our three children, ages 7, 10, and 12, seem to always find something wrong with our choice and plans. By this time, we've made reservations and accommodations, but the kids just seem to complain, even though we're doing all of this for them. Go figure. Help. Signed, At Wits End. Dear At Wits End, good for you for making annual plans to get away and have some fun. I'm sad that it seems the kids are intent on spoiling your efforts. I have some thoughts, though. First, I ask two questions. Why this? Why now?

Things don't happen in a vacuum, and our kids will often take their cues from each other or from their parents. It sounds like your family has a bad case of the glass half empty. When making vacation plans, or for that matter, anytime things go awry, start with active listening. Remember, this is your go-to response when you see your child having an emotional fever. Listen to their feelings, say them back to them. When they feel heard, they will then become more agreeable. Second, don't let the kids gang up on the grown-ups. Remember, a family is not a democracy.

There is no voting. Parents are in charge, but the key is to be a benevolent despot. That is, understand the needs and feelings. of all parties before making decisions. Also, I don't know the makeup of your children, but I wouldn't be surprised if the seven-year-old is mimicking the older two to get their approval and attention. You might want to encourage individual perspective to avoid power plays. Third, vacation planning is great opportunity for family meetings. Set the agenda a week ahead of time and meet for an hour. If you need more time, set another meeting. Brainstorm any

vacation ideas from anyone in the family. No comments. Just list-making. Then go back through the list more realistically with regard to time, expense, and feasibility. Focus on ideas that meet the most needs and where each family member can find good about it. Encourage discussion, but not bickering. Set firm boundaries and hold to them. Assign something for each person to do in preparation for the vacation so that all feel included. Always, where there is blowback, start with active listening to help the attention come down. Have consequences for non-participation. Focus on the fun of it.

The kids will take your lead and end up having fun themselves, and all of you will feel closer to each other. Enjoy, have fun, blessings, Dr. John. Here's another letter. Dear Dr. Robinson, you know that I love my kids, but summertime, whew, when school is out, it's exhausting for me. Both my husband and I work full-time, so we share kid duty, but that seems to be 24-7 during the summer.

I just hold my breath and count the days until school starts back up again. Suggestions signed Frantic. Dear Frantic, I'm exhausted just reading your letter, L.O.L. It does seem that everything during the summertime off from school is inside, out, and backwards. You didn't give me a lot to go on, but I'll give it a shot. You said kids, so I assume you have more than one, and that they are all in school with some variation in age and development. The key to survival with children in any family is structure, supervision, and accountability. Structure begins with a family meeting where all parties voice what would be a fantastic summer experience for them.

Brainstorm available activities and allow for those items within your time and financial constraints. If you don't already have one, create a dry erase monthly calendar with big blocks for each day in the month. For kids old enough, they can post events on the calendar as well, as long as they are. are cleared by you. Review calendar events weekly, usually on Sunday afternoons, to keep it current and make corrections and additions. This structure will take a ton of stress off of you. It spreads the load and each family member takes responsibility for their events. It also teaches to ask permission, plan ahead, and post. If it's not on the calendar, it's not going to happen. Next is supervision. Kids 12 and older can be left alone and or in charge of younger siblings

for up to three hours, but that's a last resort. If finances exist, week-long summer day camps are available and usually involve specific interests. My granddaughter is going to a two-week cartooning camp at UGA this summer. Less expensive options include day camps at local schools, churches, or the YMCA. Idle time is the devil's workshop, so keep your kids active and engaged. Computer gaming 24-7 in their rooms is not a viable option. Most studies limit games. gaming time to an hour per day for children. Social media may be engaging, but also has its downside and should be likewise limited. Finally, accountability is critical. Even older teens need to ask permission, check in, and advise where there is a change of plans. I encourage the principle of

responsible freedom. That is, give your teen as much freedom as he demonstrates responsibility for. When he becomes irresponsible, pull back on the freedom. Kids 12 and older should be responsible for a cell phone with limited capability and a GPS app. If your kids are younger than 12 and you both are working with limited time off, you may want to consider hiring a local college student to be a workday nanny for your children. Accountability also means talk about and follow through on the rules with attending reward and consequence. Hopefully, attention to these details will yield less stress, less worry, and more fun for all of you. Hang in there frantic and you might rename yourself, calmer.

Blessings, Dr. John. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org, thereformykid.com, or email me at John Robinson.00 at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian author of Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting.

And this has been Teachable Moments. moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.