Being there for your kids - Summertime Family Planning

Episode Date: May 6, 2023

Even though the pandemic is mostly behind us, some families are still reeling from its effects. My first letter asks about using family planning meetings to plan for summer activites. I encourage full participation, using active listening and problem solving to create a great, fun summer for all. A mom writes me in the second letter feeling overwhelmed with kid activities and bemoaning no  time for herself. I encourage her to look at the circumstances in both/and terms, not in either/or terms. With supervision and accountability in place, there can be self-caring for mom without kids running wild.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Dear Dr. Robinson, we just had our summer family planning meeting, as you have suggested, and we are at a loss. Where do we go from here? Our boys, ages 8, 12, and 14, loved the brainstorming part. Lots of ideas from them, all very expensive. My husband's company downsized recently. He kept his job, but he kept his job. had to take a pay cut. The recent government shutdown really hit us hard. Now our kids expect the same from us when we really need to cut back. Maybe next year, signed, Now What? Dear Now What, good for you for putting the family meeting in play. Hope you are using this tool weekly along with the dry erase wall calendar to log individual and family events. It's a great way to keep everybody

connected and involved. Sorry for the financial hit you folks are having to deal with. Kids tend to get into expectation mode that sometimes doesn't mess with reality. With your active listening, their feelings, especially the reality check and their disappointment, I think your kids are at the ages to rise to the occasion. I have three ideas for you. First, after addressing their emotional fever and prompting with, I have some thoughts on what we can do. Do you want to hear them?

Remember, asking permission before launching in works wonders for their actually hearing. you. Suggest another summer vacation-themed family meeting. This time, qualify that focusing only on what the family can afford will lower their expectations and get you over the hump. Second, let me introduce you to the concept of a staycation, potentially just as much fun and far less expensive. Stacations start every morning with the question, so what do you want to do today? That will be fun and different. Use a little humor to help them get into the creative spirit and again be conscious of costs. Ideas that are outside the box, creative, innovative, can be great fun and not costly. Try to avoid excessive video gaming and other singular withdrawing activities.

Finally, as time and circumstances permit, consider day trips to tourist sites in your area. I grew up near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and never saw all the neat tourist attractions in town until I became a tourist for a day as a senior in high school. overnights are always more expensive. Hope these ideas are helpful. This summer will be different for all of you, but it can be also exquisite as you get creative. Here's another letter.

Do Dr. Robinson, is it ever okay to just be selfish? You know, do stuff for me. Summertime seems to be just about what the kids want to do and managing the chaos of their not being in school for chunks of each day. Am I a bad parent signed, resigned? Do you resign? Are we having a pity party here? Hey, no disrespect, but don't beat yourself up. It may not be okay to be selfish, but being self-caring will work wonders both for you and your family.

You pose an either-or question, I would like for you to consider the both and of summer fun. Selfish would be, I don't care what you're doing. Take care of yourself. That's what I'm going to do. This is activity without consideration for consequences of your choices. since we are charged with raising our kids in the ways of the Lord so that he will not depart from them when they are old. That's Proverbs 226. This kind of selfish hurts your kids. Self-caring, however, is not activity-based. It's need-based. You most certainly can tend to your needs without letting

your children run wild. You need some me time to read, go to the bathroom privately, hang with a friend for a while, then make room for these things in your days. The key is that your kids are otherwise occupied, but supervision and accountability built into the system. Depending on the ages of your kids, getting self-caring time might include arranging playdates, participating in a babysitting co-op, signing your brood up for camps, classes, hobbies, and other short-term summer activities that don't involve you. When they are around and you need privacy, qualify it with, I need some mommy time here. Give me 20 minutes and I'll be refreshed and more fun to be with.

This is not selfish, it's self-caring. You're not a bad parent, as long as your kids have accountability and supervision. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. Thereformykidst.com or email me at John Robinson Zero Zero at Bellsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian author of Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting. and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting,

is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.