Being there for your kids - The Art of Developing Resilience

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

Life is stressful. Good stress, called eustress, as well as bad stress, which we all know as distress. You can't get away from it. The best way you can deal with stress is to develop resilience. Being resilient gives you the tools to overcome any adversity and to develop healthy stress management. Today I offer the ABCs of mastering resilience. Whether you are among the stressed (aren't we all?) general public or a helping professional looking for the latest tools of innovative psychotherapy, check out this new episode.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I want to share with you today the ABCs of mastering resilience. Resilience is the gold standard for effective stress management. Develop resilient habits, and you can manage any stressful circumstance. The core of mental and psychotherapy is designed to generate resilience, no matter the issue at hand. In my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life, I set the context for starting your healing journey and then introduce a new treatment strategy,

mental and psychotherapy, which is geared toward generating resilience and overcoming adversity in your life. Mandy was referred to me by her primary care physician who wanted her to supplement her use of antidepressant medication with the course of outpatient psychotherapy. During her first session with me, she told me that the meds seemed to stabilize her mood, but she didn't feel better. With my best act of listening, encouraging her to tell her, me how I could help her, Mandy launched into the Cliff Notes version of her life story.

"'Phew!' I jumped in as Mandy seemed to wind down. I'm glad you're here. I can help. Mandy nodded, but looked away. I have some thoughts, I asked. Can I share them with you? I then briefly summed up her story, her frustrations, her stresses, her goals for her therapy. As I concluded, I asked if she thought I could help her get back on track with her life. She gave me a glimmer of a smile and nodded yes. At 22, Mandy was a fourth-year-old. student at the local university. She was also a sorority sister locally and on a partial scholarship as a soccer player. With that brief resume, Mandy felt like everybody expected her to always have it together. Oh, and she was a chemistry major as well. I then challenged Mandy to help me understand what's

right in her life. You have the what's wrong down pat, so I want to help you counterbalance that. Can you give it a try? Mandy lowered her head to her chest and mumbled, I don't understand. I prompted her, and we jointly came up with three tangibles that could be included in her list of what's right. That's a start. Can you give me ten more? Mandy nodded more enthusiastically. With compassion and empathy, I reviewed her stuff and told her that I understand the why she is starting therapy. But I got to be honest with you, Mandy. I'm much less of a why doctor than I am a what doctor.

Mandy wrinkled her brow but leaned forward in her chair. I continued. Let's start with, why am I always in such a funk? But let's embrace, what can I do to help myself get and stay well? Deal? She extended her hand and we shook on it. Over 15 bi-weekly sessions, I helped Mandy understand the concept of mentaligence. She developed strategies for recovery from her downward spirals of stuckness

and find upward spirals of soaring. Mental intelligence psychotherapy, also known as MPT, is a means of doing so. With MPT, I have taken three commonly used treatment strategies and woven them together as steps on the healing journey for my patients. First, help your patients understand and embrace mindfulness as a source of being present in their lives. Stuff can readily get in their way. Being present gives them opportunity to put stuff aside to work on feeling better. I encourage patients to use the mantra, that was then, this is now.

I refuse to let them get in a way of now. Progressive relaxation and five-sensory awareness is a gateway to being in the way. the present and being mindful. Second, MPT uses elements of positive psychology from Seeligman's work to help patients focus on what's right and askew what's wrong. The values in action inventory of strengths is an evaluative tool from Seeligms' University of Pennsylvania Research Center that gives substance to your patient's positive resources. Additionally, through the course of her therapy, Mandy kept a daily healing journal, made a gratitude

list and restructured her schedule to include breaks and time off for recharge. Third, when stress and stuckness come, it frequently intrudes on our lives. MPT uses cognitive behavioral strategies to help patients redirect their energies. Mandy learned to identify extreme words that generate her stuckness. Such words include always, ever, never, only would, could, and should. These and other such words limit our response options and keep other things or people in control of our lives. Finally, Mandy learned to focus on the blessings that come from her specific adversity. With disappointments, frustrations, losses, and misunderstandings, what can you learn from them and

apply that learning to avoid further difficulties? These are the ABCs of mastering resilience, keeping stuckness at bay, and finding ways to spiral upward in your life, soaring in your present, using your positive character strengths, counterbalance, stress, and adversity, and finding and finding the hidden blessings in unexpected difficulties. Blessings, I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, an author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, as well as my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. And this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMCP-I-N-C-com.