Being there for your kids - The Codependent’s Commandment

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

Self-care is equally important to other care. When you balance the two, you and your child are ready for teachable moments.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. The Pharisees in the Bible were trying to discredit Jesus by asking him to pick his favorite of the Ten Commandments. Of course, he knew what they were up to, so he flipped it into a teachable moment. In Matthew 22, 35 to 40, he said, Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. And the second command is like the first, love your neighbor as yourself. I call this the codependence commandment. It's about balancing self-care with other care. When we care about others, our children, to the exclusion of caring about ourselves, we set up conditional love. In essence, I'm going to do this for you, but you owe me. We don't say that, but it's implied. When your child doesn't pick up the message, you both are left with anger, bitterness, and distance in the relationship.

Not a fun time. Throw some self-care into the mix, and you can offer unconditional or agape love. I have tended to my needs, so life is pretty good. I'm doing this for you because I can. Have a nice day. No condition, no anger, no resentment, a win-win. You are then able to love your neighbor as yourself. People confuse self-interest, selfish, and self-care. The first two are activity-based. I have the time and opportunity to do this and it's fun. See you later. That's self-interest. I'm going to do this even if it bothers you. Get out of my way. That's selfish. I'm at low ebb and I need to fill me up so I can be at my best and be there for you. How can we make this happen? That's self-care. lead in your life and in your family by example.

Can you balance self-care with other care? What a teachable moment. Make time for yourself. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.