Being there for your kids - The Passing or Failing in Parenting

Episode Date: March 2, 2024

When the worst thing happens with your child, do you doubt if you are passing or failing in your parenting? The key choices you make in the moment define your success or failure at the most important job we all have in life, the legacy we give our kids.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me ask you, are we failing as parents? What happens in our families when trouble comes our way? How are we there for our kids? What role do rewards and consequences play in writing the ship? Your answers to these questions indicate whether you are succeeding or failing as a parent. Little eight-year-old Amy comes home from school, puts her backpack down on the floor inside the kitchen door, and then turns to go outside and play with her awaiting friends.

Hi, sweetheart. How is you to wait? What? Puzzles her mom. She follows her daughter with her gaze as Abby meets up with her friends outside. She goes to the door and calls after her. Abby, stop. What's your hurry? Come here. Abby sighs and frowns. Mom, she draws out with frustration. Can I just go and play?

After we talk, Mom decides as she holds the door open for her daughter to come back and side. Abby then plops down on a chair at the kitchen table. Jeez, she huffs as she sees her mom reaching for her backpack. So, as she rummages through her daughter's backpack, anything in here that I need to know about? Abby huffs loudly. Okay, I failed a spelling test and my teacher wants you to sign that you saw it. Failed spelling? Wow, that's a big deal. At this juncture, Abby's mom steers a parenting path towards success or failure by her reaction. Parenting success comes if she starts with, gosh, honey, this isn't like you. What else is going on here? This is a subliminal compliment. Mom's really saying that she knows her daughter usually gives her best effort and does well on tested school.

However, if mom chose to belittle, diminish, chastise, or go straight to punishment, she could be adding to Abby's pain and embarrassment, blocking any future trust or emotional intimacy. Dad receives a phone call from the police department in their hometown. He accepts a collect call from the jail. Hey, Dad, I'm in trouble. This is every parent's worst nightmare. What to do? Your choices impact your success or failure as a parent. You could moan and groan about where you and his mom went wrong

that your son turned out this way, and how could he do this to you? You could blame the group of kids he hangs with. You could blame each other as to who coddled him and who was too strict on it. You could refuse to bail him out and just let him sit with his consequences of his actions. All of these options add to the emotional distance

between you and your son, shut down communication, and set up a power differential where winning the moment is more important than loving your child. Parents who succeed at parenting have a mindset of loving their children through any adversity that comes their way

and never giving up on them. When trouble knocks at your family door, invite it in to talk about what happened and in a non-judgmental way. Get all the details. Use your active listening skills to hear how the trouble affects your child. Only when he's talked out and all of his feelings are heard can you ask permission to share your thoughts and ideas. Parents who succeed at parenting embrace their child's trouble as a we problem. Your child needs to know he's not alone and that you've got his back and that we'll get

through this together. With all these things, transparency, accountability, boundaries, and consequences all apply. Being there for your child doesn't mean he gets off scot-free. Ultimately, as a parent, you are successful when your child makes positive changes that keep the trouble from happening again. This happens when you help him turn the trouble into a blessing in disguise. How we all handle trouble defines our character. Trouble will happen, coming both in small and big ways. It's not what happens, but how we handle what happens that promotes healthy stress management and resilience. Here's to your being a success in your parenting.

Blessings, Dr. John. If these comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org, thereformykids.com, or email me at John Robinson,000 at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian Parenting,

and this has been Teachable Methods. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.