Being there for your kids - Tips for Family Stress Management

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

      We all have stress, probably all the time. It's either distress or eustress. It's how our body and mind react to bad stuff and good stuff, respectively. As parents, we need to monitor our children's stress levels by being there to help them talk it out through active listening, and also by modelling how we effectively manage our own stress. The first step is to breathe deeply and meaningfully, to give our bodies immediate relief. The next step is to help our child think through ways to avoid such specific stress in the future. Finally, both model and encourage proactive stress management through good eating, sleeping, and physical conditioning habits. In these ways, stress management can lead to teachable moments.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me tell you something. When stress is too much, just breathe. You or your child is jacked up. It's all just too much. The walls seem like they're closing in. Nobody understands what to do. Well, for starters, just breathe.

Taking one, two, or three meaningful deep breaths. Helps you put what just happened into context, lowers your heart rate, and prompts you to give priority to your stress management. Fourteen-year-old Mandy stomps in the front door after school. She tosses her jacket and book bag on the floor and sighs deeply. Her mom comes down the stairs to greet her, usually perky teen, sensing distress. Hey, sweetheart, mom cautiously greets her. How was your day?

Mandy glares at her, boring a hole right through her. Then she melts into tears. Mom moves toward her daughter to wrap her arms around her. It's just all too much. is darling, mom hugs are tightly. All of it, I don't know, school tests, boys, my so-called friends, I just can't do it all. When will it stop, Mama? Mandy is clearly on stress overload. There are two kinds of stress. Distress gets all the press. It's when you feel weighed down by perceived bad stuff. The other, lesser-known kin to distress, is e-U-Sress. EU is the Greek prefix for good.

So you stress happens when confronted with good things in your life, having a birthday, getting married, having children, getting student of the week, kicking the winning soccer goal. All of these things are good, but stressful in preparation, persistence, and outcome. For children and teens, common distressful events include studying hard for a test and still getting a bad grade, being picked on at recess, being unfriended, the cool kids talking behind your back, being rejected in dating, feeling out of a test, feeling out of a bad grade, being picked on at recess, being unfriended, the cool kids talking behind your back, being rejected in dating, feeling out of, place or not good enough in general. Thankfully, for Mandy, her mom sensed Mandy's distress, checked in with her verbally, gave her space to respond, and then active listened to her feelings without judgment, criticism, or problem solving. All of this gave Mandy the opportunity to clear her head and figure out how to recover.

Mom's reactive stance and support helped Mandy calm down and feel less overwhelmed. Because stress happens all of the time and to all of us, it is equally important. important to be proactive. This is the case of the basics. As parents, both Model 4 and encourage your children to eat well, sleep well, and maintain physical conditioning. In school, elementary recess and middle and high school PE classes form the foundation for physical release and conditioning. Encourage your children in groups, clubs, and sports, also for stress release. Fun, engaging stuff is always stress releasing. Now inclusion and competition bear their own, distresses sometimes, but the stress release function outweighs the potential for distress in these

activities. When you encourage your child to go outside and play, you are promoting their positive stress release. When you say, let's go outside and play, you are both modeling stress management and enhancing relational bonding. Being proactive in your stress management can lead to teachable moments with your children. And remember, just breathe. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Notes. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.