Being there for your kids - Too much is Too Much

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

We all have breaking points. With the pandemic, our buttons are being pushed more frequently. It's all just too much. In my first letter, a mom is frantic  about her son's senior year in high school being all topsy-turvy. He's not handling the changes well. I encourage her to go to him and ask permission to talk with him. When he agrees, she will want to active listen without judging, criticizing, or even coming up with great suggestions. Let him take the lead, while she advises and supports. In the second letter, mom and dad are frantic to tend to their 5 yr old and everything else in their lives all at once. I reinforce what they seem to be doing right, and then suggest some behavior management strategies to help their son be successful. Soon, all of this pandemic will be just a memory.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Dear Dr. Robinson, so my son is crashing. He's a senior in high school this year. His school has been off and on with in-school classes. The virtual stuff isn't working for him. Now he's out for Thanksgiving and just got word because of our, quote, hot spot, end quote, that his school will not open again until after New Year's Day. Usually he is a diligent student, fun guy, Joker in his crowd, but now he's sullen, biting, withdrawn. Wow. Signed, help. Dear help. Sadly, this is not the senior year your son was looking forward to. It sounds like there's not much familiar that he can count on.

It's taken this toll on him. I've got several thoughts. First, get meaningful time with him. Knock on his bedroom door and ask if you can come in. Getting permission from a child increases their interest in what you have to say. If he declines, don't go in right now, but rather find another time to try again. When you do get permission, sit on his bed and just be there. Well-intended lectures, excuses, and suggestions will fall flat and push him away. When he gets uncomfortable with your silence and asks what you want,

just tell him that you notice his struggle and just want to listen. If he doesn't respond to your essay question, then make it multiple choice. that is, comment on ways his life is different now with school and with the pandemic. If he responds, then go all in with active listening, helping him express and expand his feelings. Acknowledge the feelings he shares, help him own them, and if he will let you, hold him tight. Second, after you think you've gotten through to him and he has physically relaxed his tension, offered a brainstorm suggestions as to how he can deal with his current realities. Help him parcel out and plan his days, even using a dry-araced wall calendar.

Don't tell him what to do, even though any parent would want to. Because he's almost grown, your role is secondary and supportive, guiding and advising him with his permission. Finally, if his somber mood persists, despite your best efforts, consider that he might be clinically depressed and need to be in therapy for a while. This might be just the thing to help him feel that he's back in control of his life, and that there is hope. With the pandemic vaccine now available, we can all begin to feel hopeful. Stay in touch. Blessings, Dr. John. Here's another letter. Dear Dr. Robinson, my restaurant work stopped back in April. Our finances took a hit, but I've been able to recoup some with my new delivery job with DoorDash. However, our, quote, new normal, end quote, is driving us crazy. My husband and I are

alternating child care with our five-year-old. His virtual kindergarten class is a non-lawful, and starter. While his teacher tries to keep the Zoom class engaged, five-year-olds can only stare at a computer screen for so long. How do we tend to our handful son, keep our jobs and household income, and keep our sanity? Signed, Frantic. Dear Frantic, five-year-olds are a handful under any circumstances. Good for you for hanging in there with both jobs and family. Hopefully, this collective insanity around the pandemic will end soon with vaccine now available for even your little boy. Let's talk about what you're doing right. You are balancing work and home.

All are sleeping, eating, working, and playing carefully. You and hubby are tag team parenting your little one. One of you is it and the other is not, alternatively. This gives you time to be your best for your child and also for yourself. Generally, keep doing what works for your family. Keep a schedule for work, school, meals, recreation, and sleep. When your five-year-old is done on task, stop what you're doing and tend to him. Use active listening to understand what his young mind is dealing with.

Use time limits, rewards, and consequences to help him finish tasks. Use time out to correct his missteps. Use a lot of modeling and positive reinforcement to highlight what he's doing right and to get back on track. Let both him and hubby know when you need, quote, me time and quote, to recharge. Hang in there. These adverse circumstances will eventually be just a memory. Blessings. Dr. John. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. Thereformykids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting

is available online at Amazon Books.com and and local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.