Being there for your kids - Transitions are Always Tough.

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

While kids usually accept that they have to go to school, they don't always want to. Even natural transitions can make going to school tough. In the first letter, a mom asks questions about whether and how to get her twins off to preschool. Following that letter, a desperate mom is frantic about her middle schooler's meltdown. Navigating these tough times with our kids is what being there for them is all about.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Dear Dr. Robinson, my twins are now three years old. I'm getting heat from my family and well-intentioned friends to get them into preschool, even though I'm a stay-at-home mom and running after these rascals is my full-time job. So, from a developmental perspective, when do children start learning? When are they ready to start school? Will I do more harm than good if I keep them home until the law requires them? them to be in school, the first grade, signed Just Curious. Dear Curious, good for you for not just bowing to friend and family pressure. How and when you get your lovelies into school is a big decision and one that you don't have to make a loan, although you do have veto power.

First things first, children start learning in utero. Yep, even before they are born. Neurologically, as soon as brain cells form and grow, they work. They are taking in information and spitting out actions. It's true that classical music soothes a restless tummy baby, and your pre-born child does hear his daddy talking to your belly. From pre-birth through their entire lives, your twins will continue to learn. Second, your twins will tell you when they are ready for more formalized schooling.

If you have educational toys and games they love, and they are glued to Sesame Street for the entire show, their actions show that they are ready for school. If they mostly play nicely with their peers, listen to grown-ups, and follow direction they are ready for school. These are the goals of preschool anyway. Finally, you will not cause your kids irreparable harm by keeping them home until they are ready or until first grade. If you have a high school diploma yourself, you can even homeschool them.

In Georgia, about 25% of school-aged children are homeschooled. Between you and me, though, I'm not trying to teach my teen high school physics and chemistry. L.O.L. However, if your kids are really, routinely rowdy, listen only to you after you yell at them, and if your me time is in short supply, then send them to school. School will likely both settle them down and give you daily R&R. Being the mother of preschoolers, you are one of my heroes. Blessings, Dr. John. Here's another letter. Dear Dr. Robinson, my middle school daughter says she hates school.

She comes home crying at least twice a week. She refuses to do her homework. Her grades are dropping. was so sweet, engaging, and full of life, and a great student in elementary school, what happened? What can we do to help her? Signed Desperate. Dear Desperate, your daughter has hit the proverbial wall of middle school. Many kids fly through elementary school, but get overwhelmed with the changes and challenges of middle school. Multiple teachers, each class requiring homework, pre-adolescent attitude and heartbreak. Yep, that's the wall. Both you and your daughter will get through this stage. Help her take a deep breath. You too. Calm down and make a plan.

It starts with your decoding her despair. She's giving you conclusions. I hate school and solutions. It will matter if I don't care and blow off homework. You will start a meaningful conversation with your middle schooler by sidestepping the words and zooming in on her feelings. This is called active listening. It will both help her calm down and engage her in her problem solving

with your encouragement and support. Also, if this behavior, behavior and attitude has gone on for more than six to eight weeks, it might be more than a mood. It might be a symptom. To be sure, take her to her physician, hopefully a female. A thorough physical will rule out anything medical. Also, check the hormone box. She's at that age where she might be starting her period, which just compounds everything. Finally, if, after your best efforts and ruling out medical issues, the attitude and behaviors continue or intensify, consider psychotherapy. There are online lists of capable child and adolescent clinicians who can come alongside both of you

to help you make sense of and good choices about the circumstances. Hang in there, I'm praying for you and your family. Blessings, Dr. John. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. thereformykids.com or email me at John Robinson.00 at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.