Being there for your kids - Turning Have To's to Want To's

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

I can't think of any child who dives into chores gleefully. Yet, we all have to do things that we don't want to do. For children, that's magnified because, by definition, children will always test the limits. Using communication strategies identified in my book, Teachable Moments: Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, you can help your child turn those onerous have-to's into want-to's.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know, a lot of what we do as parents is helping our children turn half-toes into want-toes. Oh, mama, do I have to? As parents, how many times a day do we hear that plea or one like it from our children? Give most children a direction or a task that takes away from what they're doing in that moment and expect the fuss and resistance. In my book, Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, I devote an entire chapter to this fact.

children will always test the limits. Children want to be helpful and cooperative, but their direction is oftentimes elsewhere. By setting healthy boundaries with expectations, we can help our children turn those half-toes into want-toes. Sweetheart, it's almost time to go to bed. You need to put all your toys and stuffed animals back into the toy box, and then I'll help you get ready for bed.

Megan's mama was well-intentioned with this direction, but she left Megan with some wiggle room and frustrated with one more have-to task that she'd rather not do. So what are the possible outcomes here? If Megan wants to stay up longer, she can stall by not getting down to the cleanup. Mom did qualify that she would put her to bed after the cleanup. Megan could also ignore her mom's direction, drag her feet, or do the task poorly. Any of these options could lead to Mommy Getting Mad and Megan having upset right before bedtime. This could lead to restless sleep, nightmares, or other disruption to her health. How can Mom encourage Megan to

turn what she sees as a have-to, unfun chore, into a want-to. There are several options. Young children typically respond positively to challenges. I bet you can't pick all this stuff up before I count to 50. They also appreciate help. Come on, sweetie. You take that side and I'll take this side of your playroom and we'll get it done together. Reward works well as well. Megan, if you get this chore finished before your bedtime, we can spend more time together and I'll read you a second story. any of these options help your child turn a half-to into a want-to. Always active, listen to, their feelings, frustrations, and reluctance. Remind them of the benefits of doing things they might not want to do at first.

Turning half-toes into want-toes have a way of becoming teachable moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazon Books. and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.