Being there for your kids - Uncommon Senior Year, Balancing Act

Episode Date: January 31, 2021

More letters on parenting issues. My first mom is really concerned about her spiralling son whose senior year in high school is crashing because of the pandemic. Some thoughts, but also helping her consider getting him into therapy if things don't improve soon. Another letter is from "Freaked" who frets over balancing the needs and demands of her family, as they all stay-at-home. Encoourage detailed scheduling and balancing me-time with family demands.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Dear Dr. Robinson, so my son is crashing. He's a senior in high school this year. His school has been off and on with in-school classes. Virtual stuff isn't working for him. Now he's out for holiday and just got word because of our hot spot that his school will not open until after the New Year's Day. Usually he is a diligent student, fun guy, joker in his crowd. But now, sullen, biting, withdrawn, signed, help. Dear help, sadly, this is not the senior year your son was looking forward to. It sounds like there's not much familiar that he can count on.

It's taking a toll on him. I've got several thoughts. First, get meaningful time with him. Knock on his bedroom door and ask if you can come in. Getting permission from a child increases their interest. in what you have to say. If he declines, don't go in, but rather find another time and try again. When you do get permission, sit on his bed and just be there. Well-intended lectures, excuses and suggestions will fall flat and push him further away. When he gets uncomfortable

with your silence and asks what you want, just tell him that you notice his struggle and you just want to listen. If he doesn't respond to your essay question, then make it a multiple-choice question. that is, comment on ways his life is different now with school and the pandemic. If he responds, then go all in with active listening, helping him express and expand his feelings. Acknowledge the feelings he shares, help him own them, and then if he will let you, hold him tight. Second, after you think you've gotten through to him and he has physically relaxed his tension, offer to brainstorm suggestions as to how he can deal with his current realities. Help him parcel out and plan his days, even using a dry-arace wall calendar.

Don't tell him what to do, even though any parent would want to. Because he's almost grown, your role is secondary and supportive, guiding and advising with permission. Finally, if his somber mood persists, despite your best efforts, consider that he might be clinically depressed and need to be in therapy for a while. This might be just the thing to help him feel that he's back and in control of his life, and that there is hope. With a pandemic vaccine on the way, we can all begin to feel hopeful. Stay in touch. Here's another letter. Do Dr. Robinson. My restaurant work stopped back in April. Our finances took a hit, but I've been able to recoup some with my new delivery job with DoorDash. However, our new normal is driving us crazy.

My husband and I are alternating child care with our five-year-old. His virtual kindergarten class is a non-starter. while his teacher tries to keep the Zoom class engaged, five-year-olds can only stare at a computer screen for so long. How do we tend to our handful son, keep our jobs and household income, and keep our sanity, signed Frantic. Dear Frantic, five-year-olds are a handful under any circumstances.

Good for you for hanging in there, both with jobs and family. Hopefully, this collective insanity around the pandemic will end soon with vaccine on the way. Let's talk about what you're doing right. You are balancing work and home. All are sleeping, eating, working, and playing daily. You and hubby are tag team parenting your little one. One of you is it and the other is not, alternatively. This gives you time to be your best for your child and also for yourself. Generally, keep doing what works best for your family. Keep a schedule for work, school, meals, recreation, and sleep. When your five-year-old is done on task, stop what you're doing and tend to him. Use active listening to understand what his young mind is dealing with. Use time limits, rewards, and consequences to help him finish tasks. Use time out to correct his missteps. Use a lot of modeling and positive reinforcement to highlight what he's doing right and to get back on track. Let both him and hubby know when you need me time to recharge. Hang in there. These adverse circumstances will

eventually be just a memory. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. Thereformykids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0.0. at Bellsouth. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC. p-in-c.com