Being there for your kids - Up for a Challenge? Say "No."

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Part of effective, healthy parenting is your ability to say "no," mean it, and stick by it. Confronting bad behavior, setting boundaries, and role modeling all require your ability to say "no."  Put your hand up in stop sign fashion and firmly tell her "no." When you get blowback, use your active listening to soothe your child's upset, but maintain the "no." Remind your child to accept your decision to avoid further consequences. This will be hard the first several times, especially if you're "the cool parent." Stick to your guns and both of you will survive. Saying "no" is a big part of healthy parenting.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. How good are you at saying no to your child? As parents, we are charged by God to raise our children up in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old, he will not depart from them. That, of course, is Proverbs 226. That's the signature verse for my book, Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. That verse challenges us to love, honor, respect, guide, teach, and be there for our children in all circumstances.

It also challenges us to set healthy boundaries, confront, restrict, and yes, even say no at times to our children's request. Saying no is a vital part of healthy Christian parenting. But mommy, why not? Huh? Why not? You said yes the last time, Mommy, please!

Eight-year-old Amy was not going to give up on her request that her mom except being her third-grade classroom mom again. Denise had hesitated in answering her daughter just long enough for Amy to hope that her no could be turned into a yes. Reminding her mom that she was her second-grade classroom mom last year was Amy's effort to play the guilt cart. Sweetheart, it's time for another mom to step up. I've got too many things to do as it is. I can't add something else to that list. Amy stuck her lower lip out and pouted, adding, You don't love me anymore. Denise could have given in or fussed her daughter for a accusing her of not loving her. Instead, she saw Amy's emotional fever rise, and she active listened

her daughter's hurt feelings. Ah, baby, I know how disappointed you are. She gathered Amy into her arms for a big hug. Amy pushed her mom away and stomped her feet. Denise began to feel manipulated, and that angered her. Young lady, enough. What part of no, don't you understand? Had Amy persisted, a brief time out would have been in order. In Chapter 3 of my book, I challenged that children will always test the limits. Saying no strategically eases your child's anxious and fearful feelings. They need for you to be in charge. They will just never tell you that. You have needs and feelings too, and you balance yours with theirs. Saying no builds character and resilience and can be another path to a teachable moment. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author,

and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian, and parenting is available online at amazon books.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.