Being there for your kids - Use Behavior Management to Create Teachable Moments

Episode Date: March 9, 2019

When you notice your child not "getting it," it may be time to help him out. One way is to help him manage his behavior effectively. The Good Kid Chart is a tool I've developed to help parents involve their kids in managing behavior. Putting together your child's Good Kid Chart becomes a joint effort, with ample effort from him in identifying target behaviors and coming up with multiple options for short term reward, longer term reward, and consequences. Children go from fighting with each other to getting along better because they see it as in their best interests to do so, not just because it's in the house rules. When your child needs correction, use The Good Kid Chart to gain his cooperation and it becomes a teachable moment as well.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. A lot of parents use behavior management. The question is, can that behavior management become a teachable moment? Why do I have to use behavior management when I could just whip him and he'll do what I want to avoid another whipping? Said one dad to me. Aren't you just bribing your child to do good with all that fancy psycho-babel? Said another mom. Oh, the things I put up with as a practicing child psychologist.

Don't get me wrong. I know that you folks are well-intentioned and that you have your child's best interest at heart. Nonetheless, when you notice concerning behavior from your child, whipping it out of him may lead to compliance, but out of fear and at the cost of any meaningful, emotionally intimate relationship with that child. One form of behavior management is simply defining reward and consequence for your child. Andy, play nice with your sister and you'll get a treat. Be mean to her and you will spend the rest of the day in your room. This may encourage compliance and it reinforces your absolute authority but does not bring you closer together. When Little Janie is involved in the process, then behavior management becomes a teachable moment.

Your authority is secure and you are working on the Good Kid Chart project together. In chapter two of my book, Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, where I answer the question who's in charge, I lay out use of the good kid chart. This is your go-to for using behavior management as a teachable moment. First, you define target behaviors in positive terms. No hitting your sister becomes play nicely together. These target behaviors are tracked daily through the week with both daily and weekly reward for your child showing the behavior. Reviewing her progress as a part of her bedtime routine encourages joint effort. In addition to the Good Kid chart, put together three brightly colored posters.

With her help and participation, list daily rewards, weekly rewards, and consequences on one poster each. Be creative in what goes on each list. Encourage her involvement, but only include items that are within your time and expense restriction. Once all is in place, try it for a week and see how it goes. If she succeeds at certain items, celebrate, talk about what else she might work on. Remove and add items as she progresses. The beauty is that this is a fluid and continual chart that gives you opportunity to be an involved parent, to work together and to grow together, and to create teachable moments in your Christian parenting.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.