Being there for your kids - What to do When He's Out of Control

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

       No matter how wonderful and angelic your child is, nonetheless it is likely that he will throw a fit at some point. When its in public, how embarrassing! If your power options don't work, go to active listening. He's throwing the fit for some reason, and reflecting his feelings will help him calm down. If he is out of control, to where you fear for safety and property, then consider physical restraint. The Nurturing Holding Procedure (NHP) is a safe, compassionate physical restraint where your child understands that you are helping him stay safe and not be destructive, by controlling him physically only until he can control himself. Tantrums are never fun, even exhausting both for your child and for you. But even tantrums can lead to teachable moments, if you manage them effectively.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me ask you, what do you do when your child is out of control? But I warn it, little three-year-old Andy demanded, stomping his feet for emphasis. Give me right now. That's enough, young man, huffed his mom with hands on hips. What part of no, didn't you understand? Andy darted past his mom in the kitchen, sweeping loose objects off the table as he went. He screamed, running through the house, catching his breath only to declare loudly, you're so mean, you're not my mommy, I don't love you anymore. Andy's behavior is unacceptable, and he's out of control. Mom pulled the power and authority card, but this time to no avail.

What do you do? Even in the most stable, best of homes and environments, tantrum behavior from children is inevitable. Sometimes it's embarrassing, especially when thrown with company around or in a public place like the supermarket. It is challenging when your child is demonstrating out-of-control behavior. When your power and authority falls flat, shift your focus from your authority to his feelings. Active listening is the go-to tool whenever your child demonstrates an emotional fever. Tantrum behavior counts. Sometimes, thankfully rarely, some children up the ante by demonstrating safety or property issues.

If they are in danger of harming themselves, you or others, and if they start randomly throwing and breaking things, you might use what's called a nurturing holding procedure, or NHP. The NHP is a physical restraint of your child against his will, with your assurance that you will only control him until he can control himself. Get ready, kids will resist and attempt to get loose or turn on you by biting, kicking, pinching, and the like. Hold him from behind with your legs wrapped around his and your arms covering his. Keep your head back to avoid his head budding you. As calmly and with as soothing a voice as possible, tell him, sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. Right now you can't control yourself. You know what? I'm going to continue controlling you so that you don't hurt yourself,

me, others, or break things. I love you so much that I'm going to do this for you as long as I need to. As soon as you show me, you've calmed down and regained your control, I'll let you go. When your child realizes that he can't get loose and you mean what you say, he will calm himself down. As you see measures of this acknowledge them with assurances. Also, when this norm is established, all parents need to do subsequently is ask, Now, Andy, do I need to hold you tight again? Their memory kicks in and they calm down. After calming himself down, even a tantrum can become a teacher.

moment. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.