Being there for your kids - What You Focus On Grows

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

If what you focus on grows, then it makes sense to focus on the positive. Our kids, and actually all of us, seek attention. The thing about attention is that it has an absolute quality. That is, negative attention fills the bill just as much as positive attention. The problem is that it is lots easier to get negative attention. So, the the extent possible, focus on the positive. Also, if there are good and bad parts to us, they balance out to 100 parts. That means, if your child has 63 good parts about him, he then has 37 bad parts. The proportion always adds up to 100. So, if you focus on the good parts, remember that what you pay attention to grows, the good parts go up and the bad parts go down. Even when correcting your child, help him think about how he could have done things better, rather than blaming or shaming for what he did wrong. What you focus on grows into a teachable moment.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Let's focus on the positive. Did you know it's true? What you focus on grows. Suppose there are 100 parts to our children and us for that matter. These parts are either good or bad and proportional. So if 9-year-old Jeannie has 63 good parts, she has 37 bad parts. The parts always add up to 100. You know what? What you pay attention to grows. If you pay attention to the 63 good parts, over time they become 6.7. 68, 72, 75 parts. If you pay attention to the 37 bad parts, over time they become 40, 46, 52, and the good parts go down proportionally. Because remember, the total always equals 100. Every harsh comment increase the bad parts and lowers the good parts. Every praise and blessing

increases the good parts and lowers the bad parts. So, what do you focus on? Janie, what's wrong with you? You know better than that. Wow, can't you just feel those bad parts creeping up. Sure, Janie will look downcast and feel shamed into stopping her behavior, but she has learned that she can get your attention by doing bad stuff. Hey, Janie, let's stop just a moment. Are you sure what you're doing is helpful to both you and your brother? Janie may think, wait, what? And be confused at first, but your effort is to join her in figuring out better behavior. She has learned that she can go to you to help her fix things. My family and I went to the zoo recently. As we were walking around, I picked up snippets of what I call yuppie parenting. Thank you, son, for walking

beside me and not running ahead. Wow, look at you, being a good big sister and gently pushing your baby brother's stroller. Let the younger ones get closer to the glass. Sherry is caring, you know. These parents bring attention to the good parts, and you can see their children beam in their praise. We live in a world of negatives. We humans crave attention. Attention has an absolute quality to it so that both negative attention and positive attention fill the bill. Unfortunately, negative attention is usually easier and quicker to get than is positive attention. When you find things about your children to rave about and to heat positive attention on them, you are creating teachable moments. You are giving them a firm foundation of positive self-worth

and attention. They will flourish in this negative world. What you focus on grows, so focus on the positive. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Christian Parenting author. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.