Being there for your kids - What You Pay Attention to Grows

Episode Date: March 28, 2020

That old parenting adage is true. What you pay attention to grows. If you focus only on the bad behavior, it will grow. If you reinforce the good behavior, it will grow. When helping your child get over the rough spots, use their strengths to help them overcome their weaknesses. Use your active listening to understand their feelings. Join with them where you can. Supervise their efforts. Some how make the tough stuff fun. Who knows, you might find a teachable moment in there somewhere.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know what? When healthy parents work with their children on difficulties, first they talk about what's right, then what's wrong. Recently, I posted my top 10 tips for parenting success. Now I am elaborating on each item on the list. Parenting tip number eight is this. Start with your children's strengths and then help them use what works to impact their weaknesses. At age five, little Elena loved helping mommy. in the kitchen. She listened carefully to mommy's instructions and followed them as best she could. She especially loved it when they baked cookies together. Maria helped her daughter follow the recipe, getting the ingredients from the pantry, and she even learned to help clean up

while cooking rather than making a big mess and then spend lots of time cleaning up when they could be eating those yummy cookies. Now, when it came to Elena helping her mommy clean her room, not so much. She'd busy herself playing with her dolls or gaming on the computer. When asked to help, Elena barely responded and only said, not now in a minute, but a minute never came.

Maria tried punishing Elena for disobeying, but it only seemed to get worse. One night, after reading her a bedtime story, Maria snuggled with her daughter and they talked. Sweetheart, you know how much fun we have baking cookies? She opened. Yay! Alina sat up straight and smiled broadly. That's the bestest time ever. Can we make some more tomorrow? Maria tickled Elena's belly, and they both giggled. course we can. I love being with you, having fun, and being productive also. Maria paused, but, you know, it's not so much fun when we try cleaning your room together. Yuck!

Elena chimed in. That's no fun at all. But, Maria persisted. It could be, you know. Let's make a plan and see if we can make it more fun tomorrow. The next day, Maria and her daughter talked about what needed to go into making three dozen sugar cookies for her Sunday school class. They then talked about how to get her room straightened and clean. Mom suggested they divided the cleaning into smaller tasks and areas of concern. Maria agreed to pick up and put up all of her stuffed toys from the floor while her mom straightened her countertops and took dirty clothes to be washed. She then showed Elena how to dust. They turned on some music and danced while cleaning. After a job well done, they took a short break and then rolled into the kitchen to start the cookies. In helping Elena

grow and be more responsible, Maria took a fun activity where Elena was all in and applied those lessons to a chore which needed to be done, but was at the bottom of Elena's fun list. She applied the family rule, chores first, fun later, and she joined in the task, supervising her daughter's portion and adding lots of positive reinforcement for a job well done. In what seemed like no time at all, Elena had her bedroom cleaned and sugar cookies for class tomorrow. When you start with fun stuff with what your child can do well and then address her other not-so-fun stuff where your child stalls or rebels, the chores seem to be less onerous. Kids learn that I can use what I'm good at to also address what's not so fun. Overseeing or even sharing in the task completion with lots

of positive reinforcement can help it also become a teachable moment. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments Building Box of Christian Parenting, And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.