Being there for your kids - Worry Much?

Episode Date: May 4, 2019

Worrying is unavoidable. Productively, it helps us prepare for upcoming events. Worry also comes in two forms, constructive worry and destructive worry. It's about a 20/80 split. Wow! Almost 80% of our worry time is destructive. That's the stuff over which we have no control. Thermonuclear war? Girlfriend liking somebody else? Teacher's mood? Not much we can do about these and other things. When your worry is destructive, give it up. Deep breaths, prayer, distractions. Vocab test tomorrow? Getting everything on your to do list done? Staying in shape? These are matters of constructive worry. Think about each and decide what you can actively do to ease your worry and generate confidence, commitment, and completion. If you worry too much, you are probably putting your worry time on destructive worry. Determine what you have control over and use constructive worry to take care of it.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I want to talk to you about helping your child keep his cool. Many years ago, a delightful woman who was a patient in one of my groups, looked at an anguished man as he was talking and commented, you know, sometimes we have more in our mind than we have a mind for. Wow, how memorable, simple, yet elegantly put. To this day, I still refer to this phrase as my alicism. So how do we help our kids keep their cool when they have more on their mind? Of course, whenever you notice an emotional fever spike, your go-to response is to active listen. When your empathy helps his emotional fever drop, he's ready to listen. And then you ask permission. Son, I have some thoughts about what you're saying.

Do you want to hear them? All kids are impressed by being asked permission and much more receptive to your wise counsel. Also, if you are noticing a pattern over time, bring that to his attention. Son, you've been freaking out about upcoming tests all semester. Is all that worry a problem? rule of thumb, if what you're noticing has occurred for six to eight weeks or less, it's probably a mood. More than six to eight weeks, it might be a symptom. To help your child keep his cool, offer two tips.

First, worry comes in only two forms, constructive worry and destructive worry. The first form of worry is about things over which you have control. If I want to do well on my vocabulary test, then constructive worry will encourage me to study my words until I know the definition's cold. The second form, destructive worry about things over which you have no control. If I'm hearing the news on my iPad and the world is heating up toward a thermonuclear war, I have no control over that. I also have no control over my teacher's mood or whether my girlfriend is thinking of dumping me or not. Research shows that about 80% of our worry is destructive. Only 20% of our worry is constructive. What to do? When you find yourself in the lock of constructive worry,

do something about it. Get busy, calm yourself through productive activity to ease your worry. When you find yourself in the lock of destructive worry, give it up. Take it to the Lord. in prayer and be calmed by his assurance that he has it all in hand. Constructive worry is something they have enough mind for. Helping your child figure out what kind of worry is upsetting him will help him keep his cool. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com

and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC. p-in-c-com