Being there for your kids - Yes, Ya Hafta!

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

Who's the boss in your home? Of course, you are, right? It's not who's the boss that is in question. It's how you boss that tells the tale. If you are authoritative, then it's "My way or the highway." It's power-oriented. Things get done, but at what expense to the family and to your child? If you are permissive, then it's "Yes, dear. Whatever you want." It's still power-oriented, but your child has the power. Things may or may not get done to your liking. If it's authoritarian, then you confront, active listen, encourage, give rationale, set boundaries, and monitor progress. This sounds like a lot, but raising your child is your first 24/7/365 job, and you want to get it right. Authoritarian parenting happens when you are still the boss, but you parent according to the needs and feelings of all involved. It's not power-oriented, but rather relationship-oriented. And still, "Yes. Ya hafta."

Hey, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me tell you a story that I call, Aw, Mama, do I have to? Little five-year-old Jasmine is building a tower with blocks scattered around her bedroom floor. Mama's cleaning up in the kitchen, pauses, and notices the quiet. She puts her dish towel down and makes her way down the hall to Jazz's bedroom. Hey, Pooh Bear, what's you doing? she inquires. Her daughter gently places another block atop her growing tower.

See how big my tower? getting? Jazz gleamed with pride. Uh-huh. Mom demurred. I'm gonna build it to the sky. Mom paused, deciding how to handle the situation. Sweetheart, I thought I told you to get all your stuffed toys and blocks off the floor before getting to bed. We don't want you stumping your toe when you get up tomorrow morning. Yeah, but this is way better, don't you think? I'm taking the blocks from the floor and building a tower. Okay, Mom scooped Jasmine up and gathered her daughter into her arms. to clean up and straighten up and then go to bed. Aw, Mama, do I have to?

As parents, how many times have we heard those soulful words from our kids? Other parents respond with, well, maybe a few more minutes. Finish your tower while I pick up your other toys in the room. This would be a permissive, let's all go along to get along, response. Avoid conflict, or you might scar your child for life. Between authoritative and permissive is the healthier parental response. The authoritarian parenting style focuses on your earned authority with your child

because you make effort to understand her needs and feelings while making decisions that are in her best interests. This is a relationship-building parenting model. First, start with active listening Jasmine's feelings. Wow, look at you. You're so proud of your tower. What you say goes. It's how you say it that determines whether you are feared or loved by your kids. Use active listening, delegation, cooperation, and firm boundaries to build healthy family relationships. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting.

And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMCP-I-N-C.com.