Being there for your kids - You will Always Be the Parent

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

As our children grow, our parenting needs to change. There are four stages of parenting, depending on your child's age. They will be most receptive and you will be more effective as you parent accordingly. Youngsters require hands-on parenting, as they can't do for themselves. Children require directive parenting, as they test the limits of their abilities. Teens respond best to advice-based parenting, as they find their individual identity. Young adults and our grown children benefit from consultative parenting. As your child struggles, use active listening to settle her down. When you see that emotional fever go down, ask permission before offering help. "I have some thoughts about what's going on, sweetheart. Do you want to hear them?" You will always be their parent.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and this is teachable moments. Parenting, it's never too late. I can't wait until I'm 18. I am gone and never looking back. Ouch, that hurts. After all we've done for our kids, in the heat of the moment, teens will say anything. The fact is, many teens actually live with their parents well into their 20s, even 30s. Developmentally, adolescence comes to an end, and our children are faced with adulthood, with all its freedom, and responsibilities. There are stages to our parenting. When little Johnny is toddling, we use hands-on parenting, literally.

When he goes to school, we change to directive parenting. As he becomes a teenager, advice-based parenting works best as he is working on establishing a personal identity. As he becomes an adult, switch to consultative parenting. In the business world, consultants have a specific role. First, they are experts in their field. They know their stuff. Second, they are asked by the company boss to come in to the company.

and check it out. Third, they thoroughly gather data, explore, ask questions, and check things out. Fourth, they compile a report and give it to the boss, complete with recommendations, and then they leave. As parents of late teens, young adults, you have the expertise to give wise counsel, but you have to be asked for it. As your young adult child is floundering, making bad choices, getting into difficulties, use your active listening skills to help him understand his feelings and to chart his own course. As you see his emotional fever coming down and you think he might be actually ready and able to hear you, then ask permission. I'm really sorry you're going through this, son. I have some thoughts. Do you want to hear them? With his giving you permission, the stage is set for your wise counsel. However, in using consultative parenting, you cannot insist that he follow your will. He can accept or reject your counsel.

Parenting our young adult children involves giving them our wisdom and giving them their freedom to follow or not. Parenting, it's never too late. This has been Teachable Moments with Dr. John Robinson. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.