Being there for your kids - Your Words Matter

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

How many of your encounters ended badly because of misunderstood words? I bet it's way  too many. It's really true that your words matter. When you have to add, "I'm just messing with you," or," Just kidding, Sheesh!" the damage of your words to your partner has already been done. In the following, I offer insight into how and why your words matter and also how you can be clear and specific to avoid hurt feelings. More is available in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. You can find it on amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know, your words matter. In a minute, I'll be right there. Soon. We'll get together soon. How many times have you said these things today? As you've heard before, the road to crises is paved with good intentions. Your words matter. Be clear. Mean what you say. Follow through. Clarity of communication is the hallmark of good relationships. When you're not clear with others, you're risk triggering anxiety, depression, or at least increased stress. Don't do that. Monique, a recent college graduate who was reluctantly embracing the tating scene after work, eagerly looked at the messages on her phone. Corey seems nice. He said he'd give me a call, she thought as she scrolled down her messages. Nope, nothing from Corey, the jerk. She clicked her phone off, regretting having struck up a conversation with him at work in the first place. A daily experience for some people, trying to get a foothold on their young adult life. Monique set herself up for disappointment by taking Corey's words seriously in the first place. To her, his let's get together, I'll call you later,

was a date. To Corey, it may have just been a pickup line. She's left waiting, not knowing, perhaps missing out on other opportunities because of Corey's nonspecific words of encouragement that he would follow through. When people are on the receiving end of speculative words, often they take them seriously as a commitment or even a verbal contract. He said he would get back to me, so he will. So, Monique is left waiting. The longer she waits, the more likely she will personalize the circumstances. What's wrong with me?

He's so cute, way out of my leg. I'm such a loser. Just alone for life. Maybe he's blowing me off because he doesn't like me. I'm such an idiot. She then likely turns to what I call the Wodeushurikudas, followed by a chorus of... if-only's. Your words matter both to others and the words you apply to yourself. In my 43 years of

clinical practice and now in my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life, I introduce a new treatment strategy, mental intelligence psychotherapy. Here, I interweave the therapy techniques of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions. For Monique, several rational beliefs come to mind. First, when you encounter something off-putting from another, just let it slide. You want to expect the positive and build on what you've got. Remember, though, once is an anomaly, but twice is a pattern. If the off-putting recurs, confront gently. Say your peace to the other, straight up. Setting healthy boundaries puts any relationship on even footing. If the pattern continues, say-in-ara. Go on to develop other better

friendships. Second, about both your self-talk and what others say to you, stop assuming. A cute little memory device I use is to spell out the word assume. When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Rather, consider input to be data for you. Check out any assumptions and move toward facts. Finally, true to cognitive behavioral therapy, avoid extreme words in your descriptions. Always, only, ever, never, routinely generate problems, not solutions. For more, Check out my new book on Amazonbooks.com by typing in the title, Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life, and get your copy. If my comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org for my kids.com, or email me at John Robinson 0.0. at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and now my new book, The Healing, The Healing, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.