Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole and Sasheer Consider Kit Kat Currency (w/ Sabrina Jalees)

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer have a very special guest in the studio today - friend/comedian/writer/actor/podcast host/superstar Sabrina Jalees! Our trio gets into Sabrina’s experience starting stand up as a teenager in Canada, finding her voice in comedy while also finding her identity, the current joy of taking a bath in your front yard (it’s LA!), the long-gone joy of making out to a repetitive DVD menu, and the most haunting comment a waitress has ever said to Sabrina. Check out Sabrina’s podcast Good Enough and her newest series Mating Season on Netflix, available now! Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Hello, Nicole. Wow, we're not alone. We have someone here. We have a guest. Well, I was talking in the spiritual sense. I think there's aliens.

Spiritual. Oh, my favorite religion, UFO. Yeah. UFO. It's me. Let's introduce you. Yeah, no, that's a teaser. Oh, okay.

It's a me. It's a me. And I hope you enjoy. Introduce Mario. Brother? I am a brother. What is Mario's last name? Guys?

I don't think it's brother. But I don't know. Yeah, Mario. The famous brothers brothers. I think it's the Mario Brothers is like the title of the brothers. But also, why is Luigi called a Mario brother? I think I'm having flashbacks. I think I've had this conversation before.

But his name is Mario. The other one is Luigi and they're the Mario brothers. It really sucks. You know what? The fact that Mario remains dominant while, short is a great lesson for all of our short king children. If you've got a short king child, just make them watch Mario brothers and be like, does Luigi get any shine?

No, you could be great. You could be great. You just have to jump high. You just got to wear high shoes. Punch up. Wait, I don't know if this is a good message for the little guy to punch up. Oh, yeah, instead of punching down. Before you introduce me, we have to figure out how to raise short kids.

We have Sabrina Lee's. Oh, finally. hilarious actor, comedian, writer, and she hosts the Good Enough podcast alongside Natasha Lagero and has a series on Netflix called Mating Season. It comes out. Oh. How long has that been in your jacket? Six days.

It's so cute. Parks of being on a Netflix cartoon, you get a little flag on your tit for six days. And you're a fox? I am a fox. I actually resemble the pillow that you're next to. That looks exactly like my... character except pair shapes. I like it.

Yeah. I like it. Except pair shapes are not square shaped. Nope. Not square, but a little bit square in the way that she flirts. And if anyone's seen it on Netflix, you know exactly what I'm talking about, Penelope. Penelope flirting with Lena Waith, flirting with Nicole Byer, flirting with Abby Jacobson, flirting with all the cuties, always

fucking it up. Oh. If that's not enticing, I don't know what's going to get you to watch the show. I don't know either. I'm going to watch. I'm going to walk. I'm full naked in it, live action, next to my character. Are you? I am. It's a new thing they're doing.

Don't say things that aren't true. I have to. I've done too many podcasts to stick to grounded truth. Fair. I understand that. Yeah. Subarina. Hey, Nicole, so sure we've known each other too long not to get real.

Let's get real. Let's get real. What's toiling and troubling, you guys? Troubling? Well, I guess the thing weighing on my heart is, do you remember your first best friend? Of course I do Who was it Now it's a cascade of best friends

That I was attracted to Yeah it's like Right now it's like you know that meme with that lady That like European looking lady and it's all the formulas I am that lady And the formulas are here We've got Christina Maharas The ruler of the roost

The kingpin of the girls crew Yeah If she liked you you got her Kit Kat bar If she didn't like you You weren't hanging out Wait no had to bring her a Kit Kat bar? No, you got her Kit Kat bar.

Her parents famously had one of the first memberships to Costco. Back when Costco was like a country club, it was like, she's gone to Costco. She's had the samples. She's had the sample. She's got the big box of Kit Katz. She had so many Kit Katz. And this was also like so interesting to me that she never ate her Kit Kat. She always gave it to her best, whoever she liked the most.

I think it was like a power move? Yes. Yeah, and also just like a thin person's move that I had never understood. At her house, her mom, gorgeous yoga clothes. I liked it to see Linda cooking up a storm. Linda would be baking cookies. So I guess actually we're removing ourselves from the formula. I've chosen.

It's Christina Mayrara's first best friend. And she was also, I was deeply obsessed with the way her hair smelled. Was this a crush or was this a friendship? Now that's the literal That's what she's discovered. Ah. Biggest universal question of being a closeted lesbian. And the answer is always

it's a crush. Okay. I just want to, I don't know. I don't know if it was a thin thing. I think she had so many Kit Katz at home that she was like, it doesn't fucking matter if I eat this one. I just remember even just like

is this a thin thing? Like her whole family, thin people, her mom would bake these cookies. They'd be sitting on the counter all day. all night, all night all day. No one's eating them except me. I'm just circling around, just trying to flirt with Linda,

eating those cookies. No one else is eating the cookies. Again, I don't know if this is a thinness thing or a poverty first wealth issue where it's like if you're wealthy, you want for nothing. So you can just leave that there because you'll always be there. We have to leave it to the audience.

We've got to... We've got to do a poll, under a clip. Mm-hmm. And we got to go. Vote below. Bole. Bo below. Is it a thin thing, poverty thing?

Or is it just a me thing? I wonder how the votes will roll in. I think it, I think that I'm married to a thin person and just the way in which she's like raising our kids. I'm like, oh, that's the formula. I'm like, oh, my God, it's all becoming clear. Like, my mantra, because my parents don't drain. and like really like when we like would go on vacation or go somewhere I'd be like ice cream ice cream ice cream ice it's a bit like dessert forward it's like a dessert is when we party and

she doesn't have that mantra in fact she's very like stingy with the sweets with our kids in a way where I'm like oh this is why our son has like the body of a surfer it's actually in the fact that you've tricked him into thinking that like a portion of gummy bears is like one gummy bear He's like, cool, thank you. And I'm like, aren't you going to go on strike? Aren't you going to throw something? One gummy bear? This is child abuse.

And I'm not even in the, it's not my business, but I'm on the side being like, whoa, this is fucked up what you're doing, Shana. One gummy bear. I mean, that's healthy. You're not wrong because yesterday I had a snack size, like a fun size of Lifesaver gummies and I finished it and I went well that's done I guess I don't have anymore because I was like out and about and couldn't get anymore so maybe we should all be eating fun-sized things they're fun for a reason they're fun for a reason guys but let's get back to Christina

Maharis yes please what else you want to know it's got a great ending this episode of the podcast okay I like that you incredible ending so would you consider yourself like a Fashion forward? A visionary, since you know how the podcast is going to end? I do think I'm a bit of a visionary. I think I'm using that wrong. I think I mean... Sylvia Brown, not from Montel.

Yes. You've got the nails and I've got the brain. I'm Sylvia, yeah. Do you know Sylvia's the show? A little psychic? No, Sylvia. You don't? No.

The land, honey. I mean, her clips are going viral right now. Maybe you send me a clip, I think. She started as a psychic on Montel and ended as just like not giving a shit and breaking people's hearts. Someone would be like, I'm looking for my father and she'd be like,

he's dead and he raped you when you couldn't remember. And then a news article will come out, they'd be like, Daddy's fine, we found him the next town over. Like, she would confirm. She's like, that's not Daddy. That's not Daddy.

She would confirm deaths of like missing people and then they would like find them alive. Oh no. She was wild. She was wild. She made big swings. Good for her.

That's what you got to do if you're going to be a psychic, though. It's a numbers game. Don't make these vanilla be like, No, your dad was the Golden State Killer. Yeah.

The Gilgo Beach Salamander. The Gilgo Beach Salamander. One of the most famous salamanders. I hope I've answered your question. I am a visionary. You did. So I do know the podcast is going to end incredibly.

Like if you think it's starting well, this episode's going to end like fucking, people are going to be like banging, trying to get in the studio. Oh, no. The middle's going to be a little soft, but it's going to, like all soft things, it's going to have a very tender core. Like a sandwich. Yeah, there's going to be some things in the middle of this podcast that are going to make people be like, I should incorporate that into my daily life.

Ooh, I like that. Yeah. Like what? You've got to get to it. We've got to get to it to get to it. We'll get to it organically. Like a sandwich. Like a sandwich.

From Air One. Yeah, from Airwon. The best. the most shockingly priced but also delicious place to be. You've lived in a few places. Why are we segwaying away from the way I feel at Airwain? Oh.

How are you getting at Airwine? Well, I feel like I've lived in Toronto where I grew up. Is there an Airwain there? There was no Airwain there. Then you had to leave. I had to go in search of Airwine. I moved to Brooklyn when I was like 22. And then I've been here for like 11 years,

lived in Brooklyn for like eight years. You do the math. How old am I? Fifty? Forty or 60. Vote below. Do you feel like you have stronger relationships in any of those cities? My strongest relationship is where my wife resides. So wherever you are. Wherever I am. I feel like all of, it is interesting to compare them to relationships because I feel like each of the places that I've lived, I really have loved them. And L.A. is like my, I think L.A. is the wife. I think like, and it doesn't mean that Toronto wasn't an ex-wife that I love and share children with.

Yeah. And in New York, I have an ex-wife. New York is an ex-wife that I love and share children with. But L.A. is the wife that I won't leave, I think. Yeah. The weather's too good. Yeah. The other ones were domestic violence.

in the winter. Mm-hmm. In the winter, I'm like... A little abusive. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to have to brace myself like that anymore. Now that I know what it's like to just walk out into my front yard fully naked, which I just did right before I came here.

Nice. That's nice. I take a bath in my front yard. That's nice. Contractor caught me naked today. And you know what? It feels good to be like, I don't fucking care. I don't care.

This is my property. Yeah, it's my property. He was taking a phone call and kind of sneaking away from... In the back, they're building a deck, and he was like on the phone. And he was sneaking. And I was like, well, now you're double sneaking, honey, because you see my whole body. Is that how you make friends? But I was also on my computer in the clawfoot tub in my front yard.

Are you putting bubbles in this bath? Yeah, of course. And in my eyeball. Oh, no. I remember I was on your podcast, Nicole, sitting right here. And you were sitting over there. Yes. And you had an eye problem.

I did have an eye problem. And right, like literally 20 minutes before I got here, I was rushing, rushing, rushing, weirdly cutting a clip on my laptop while contractors seeing me naked, front yard, taking a bath, and I put soap straight into my eyeball. No, they'll do it. And immediately, like Memento, I was back here in the studio with you having the eye problem, and I'm like, God, life is crazy. It's crazy, it's full circle.

My contact had a tear in it, and then I had to just take it out, and it was the worst one. So vision was blurry. It was tough. It was a day. That's a day. Talk about cross-promotion. Yes. You didn't say the name of the podcast, though.

It's why won't you date me? Thank you so much. Look, I love L.A. I feel like moving from New York to L.A. is like taking your feet out of a blender and putting them straight into a footpath. I did feel that way. Yeah. New York is struggle, struggle, struggle, struggle.

L.A. It's like, oh, my God. It's so nice. Yeah. Fruit. Yeah, I feel like people, when I moved here, people were like, it's going to take you like a couple of years to adjust to from New York to L.A. And I was like, I love it.

Immediately, I was like, this is great. Yeah. It's so much easier. I like having space. Yeah. The weather's great. How about you guys? How about you guys?

How about me guys? How about you guys? It took me a minute to adjust because, like, a lot of my friends were still in New York. So I was doing these, like, long-distance friendships. But I liked the sunshine. I would miss the tall buildings of New York, so I would go downtown and just walk around and cry. It took me a minute to adjust.

Yeah. But that is classic kind of like Stockholm from abuse to walk around downtown L.A. for Salas. It's very sort of like, ooh, that was a bad X that you're chasing. I still love New York. I love New York too. But you go there, you get a hit, and then you come here and you come down. you're going to go back to New York and that's okay.

I might, I don't know. My vision just told me. Oh, okay. All right, Sylvia. The land, honey. You're gonna own on both coasts. Do you have any long distance friendships from any cities? Imagine I didn't.

Cut them off when I leave, of course. I think some people do probably. I mean, things sort of like the volume goes lower because the time zones get harder, but in all the relationships that are worth it. you like could pick up. I saw my friend Nikki Glazer that I met on MySpace when we were teenagers, who's now you drive around, you see Bill of Borence ever.

We had brunch last weekend. It was like, oh my God, it's like yesterday, you know? It's like the relationships that you like truly have this deep chemistry with, it doesn't matter how much time goes by. Yeah. And FaceTime's kind of nice. It's kind of nice. Sometimes I'll do a spooky little FaceTime.

Call someone I haven't seen in years. It'd be like, hello, bitch. It's me. You got three hours to kill? What do you mean by spooky? Isn't that spooky to get a FaceTime? Yeah, because you're like, probably, especially at this age, in your 30s, it's like you're going to get like a FaceTime like I got divorced or something. And in your 40s, the spooky is like, I'm dying.

Sorry to get too real. Yeah, the older you get, the more it's like, oh, I'm sick with this. I have this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, mating season is coming out on May 22nd. And that's something to watch whether you're living, dying, or.

in the in between. You're in Pergatory. We'd that be funny Pergatory had Netflix. Are you still watching? I know. Isn't that such a vibe of like, well, one of the first times I hooked up

with a girl, I was, we were, I think it was Finding Nemo was the DVD and it like it went back to the home screen of the DVD. It's like that kind of like essence of like when you're hooking up for so long and you've like lost track of time. I bet the modern day version is like, are you still watching?

It means that you've been having so crazy sex. I think you're right. Yeah. I think though, are you still watching is the DVD title menu, but I miss the DVD title menu. Yeah. I have a question for you guys. What is it? Are you still watching my friendship with Christina Me Harris?

Do you want to know the flash forward? Oh, please. Yes. Okay. Christina Meharis and I did keep in touch. Okay. I think she was a visionary. I think she knew. So back when we were younger, she was the kingpin. As we got older, she mellowed out. She wasn't this like ruler of your destiny socially. She was just a nice friend who became a teacher who was always so beautiful, but never dating.

You have a friend like this? So beautiful, never dating. Do I have a friend who's so beautiful but never dating? Nah, all my friends are sluts. Yeah, well, that's what you'd expect. But then, you know, it became sort of like I wouldn't even ask what was going on because she just sort of was not. And one day, I'm going back to Toronto. And you know when you go visit the place that you used to live

and you're like, I'm just going to do like a big casting call, everyone who wants to see me be here at my parents' house. So I did that. And on that day, Christina, came, she hung out. She was like, what are you doing later? I'm like, I'm going to my brothers for dinner. Went to my brothers for dinner. She joined. And my brother's friend Graham, who is also his cutey single friend, was there. And he's like telling the story about this like disaster date. She's laughing. I'm like, is it Christina and Graham? And so we leave, Shauna and I are like,

I think it's Christina and Graham. And we put on our Dr. Sylvia Brown nails, metaphor. And we text, that's the sound of nails texting. Mm-hmm. We text my brother and we're like, hey, can we get Graham's number? We tell Christina and we line it up and guess what? Christina and Graham just visited last month with their cute ass baby. Aw. They are such a cute couple.

Oh, that's so great. Christina was just waiting for Graham to step into her life. Graham had just like renovated this house that they live in. They have this beautiful life and it's all because of me. That's so generous of you. I feel like we should break soon. I feel like we should not. We should let the audience.

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That's shopify.com slash best friends. Hello everyone. It's me, Nicole. And it's me, Sashir. And we're best friends and we're celebrating Mental Health Awareness Month in the Month of May. Yes. Sometimes we get listener questions where people ask questions about friendship or relationships. And a lot of the time we recommend therapy.

Yep. and it's really great to have a therapist so that you can bounce your thoughts off of them or get some advice from people who are other than your friends. And Alma is a huge help with that. We've partnered with Alma to do a segment where we listen to listener questions and we give our advice

and what we think a therapist might say. Yeah. Hit it, Allie. Hi, Cishire and Nicole. First of all, I love you guys and think your friendship is so beautiful. I just found the podcast, but I'm catching up on older episodes. Anywho, I have a conundrum that I'm,

need advice for. I have two best friends. One friend starts with S and the other K. Nicole, please name them. I know you'll think of some amazing names. So we've been friends for probably like 10 years currently. So within these 10 years, S finds a man on a dating app and two years, in two years she finds out she's pregnant with his baby. Love that for her. We're all at the baby shower in about 22. Baby daddy's there too. Also, he doesn't speak English and I don't speak as native language, so I haven't actually had a conversation with him, but he knows who I am. Keep that in mind. Two weeks after the baby shower, I get a notification that he has liked my profile on the same dating app that they met on. I didn't know what to do, so I went to a different friend

that's not in our group, but it's still really close to us, and asked him what to do, and he said, don't tell her, so I didn't. Fast forward two years later, and she finds out that he has been cheating on her the whole time. And I feel like the worst friend ever, because I think that feel like if I would have just told her, then she wouldn't have had to go through all that heartbreak. Well, they broke up for a while and talked about their situation and then decided to get back together. Now they are supposed to be getting married in December. I know I should have told her initially, but do you think I should still tell her? Or is it like beating a dead horse?

Honestly, that's all I can think about when I look at him is how much of a piece of shit he is. But if she can forgive him, maybe I can too. It's just hard because I can't have a conversation with him and be like, if you fucking hurt her, L.O.L. I guess just let me know your thoughts on the situation. Thank you. Love Elizabeth. Sorry, P.S., sorry if this is long or hard to read or understand fellow ADHD girly. What are the names you can have with? Ooh, what are the... K and S. K and S. S. Samadaya and K is Kirkland. Easy.

And who's who? It's okay. We don't need to use Samadaya or Kirkland. I do want to use Samadaya. Well, Samadaya's boyfriend cheats. Got it. Kirkland was liked by the boyfriend on a dating app. Okay, great.

My therapist, I know, would say it's not your business. She did forgive that. Batman, you did not tell her when it happened. This seems like it happened years ago. What is the outcome you are hoping is going to happen by letting her know now? Yeah. Because, like, a bigger offense has already happened. Yes.

And your friend was already willing to forgive that. And they're getting married. So it's, like, kind of a moot point. Like, I mean, maybe it's not a moot point. I guess maybe it's also not great because. you're a friend of hers, but also this woman knows he cheats. Yes. And it's like, so you're going to let her know, she knows he cheats.

And then you're going to go, he liked my profile. And it's like, okay, yeah, I'm sure he did. Yeah, it's like out of everything that's happening, it's not a huge thing. Yeah. And it's like your friend is choosing to be with that man. Mm-hmm. That's not your business. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what my therapist would say that, like, what is the outcome you are looking for? Mm-hmm. My therapist wouldn't say this, but I do think you should learn. Shoot him. You should learn his native language and threaten him. Whoa. Whoa.

That's wild, Sashir. This is a segment about getting healthy and mental health awareness month. You said, I'm crazy. Be crazy. I mean, that is a fun option. And you could do that. Google translates. You can just type it right in and show it to him.

Whoa. Do it at the wedding. Does anyone object? Permiso, por favor. And show that iPhone. Just go, babe. No, don't do that. But yeah, I guess it's,

It's like, it's been, what, four years at this point? I think so. Yeah. I don't know if it's necessary. Yeah. Yeah. But therapists would be helpful to... Very helpful.

Bounce this off as well. Because it's juicy. It's juicy. Bounce it off a therapist or Tyler Perry. Mm-hmm. He'll write it up. Mm-hmm. Type it right up.

He's so fast. He only needs one hand. Yes. So, yeah, I think therapy is super, super helpful. in this situation. And a year from today, isn't that far away? Get started now at helloalma.com slash best friends. That's helloalma.com slash B-E-S-T-F-R-I-E-N-D-S. And we're back. We're back. Can I ask you, you said you made a friend through MySpace. Yeah. How did that happen? Did you just message? Okay, so I was doing stand-up as a teenager.

Nikki Glazer also started doing stand-up as a teenager And I saw on the Sarah Silverman Like Myspace fan page There was the picture of a girl holding a microphone And she was a teenager And I was like, who's this other bitch? And I clicked on her And this was before I think like video was even streaming

Because we would mail Like physically mail each other our sets On DVDs And then we were both at the Montreal Festival At the same time And it was like a weird sort of like 90-day fiancé moment where we talked on the phone so much and sent each other so many. And I like opened the door and she was there. Oh, wow.

I really love that. I think that's so, I don't know, it's so sweet that like you connected and then really connected and then really, really connected. Yeah, well, I think that long distance for both like sexual relationships and for like deep friendships is just so romantic. and like built in there's this slow build where you can't like get it all out physically at once so you're just sort of like investing and getting to each other. Were you sending like five minutes set DVDs? No, probably like 20 minutes set TVs.

Wow. Wow. And watching them. That's yeah. She was always really funny. I'm like so proud of her. She's got her new special Good Girl is on Hulu. I do feel like I've got a good, I'm a good picker. Yeah.

You know, I'm thinking about it like Ali Wong beginning, running around doing open mics. Like you guys, I consider you my friends. Yes. That like we stay in each other's orbit somewhat. And like, but like from the beginning of seeing you, I'm like, yeah, these are goods. Yeah. May Martin I've been friends with since we were 15. May was 15.

I was 17. Wow. We get a lot of, we answer questions on the podcast. And a lot of questions are like, how do I make her a friend? And a lot of times I'm like, find something you love. like and then, you know, connect with someone over that. And I feel like that's exactly what you did. You're like, I see somebody who looks like my age doing the same thing as me.

Yes. Let me connect with them. Yeah, because chances are you're going to have like this connection space that no one else has. And it's like, oh my God, yes, you also know what it's like to have a man try to hold your hand while you're driving to a gig in Musko. I was going to ask, what is it like specific? Doing stand-up that young. A man is trying to hold your hand. What man?

Oh, God. Salamander. It was like, you know, pre-Me-2, pre-consciousness that Me Too could even resonate, you know? So there was some of that. But also what it was like was just like truly I kind of felt like it was an extracurricular. I sort of looked at all these grown-ups being like, okay, strange that you guys are still doing this activity. And I had too much confidence. but like kind of that's what it takes.

And it's like almost like perfect to start doing stand-up as a teenager because you don't have bills to pay. Yeah. You know, you live with your parents and that's normal. And it's like great. If it works out, it works out.

If it doesn't, it doesn't. And isn't that the energy that we kind of need to bring to everything that we want to survive? Whether it's like a friendship or relationship or like a creative endeavor. As soon as you start being like, there's stakes and I have to make this work,

it's like you can see. smell that and it's get up the stage. Yeah. I really love your instinct as a teen to be like, why are these adults still? I was. I was. And now when I see... Still making dick jokes.

You're an adult. When I see young comics now, you know how you like kind of hate the thing in other people that you like know that you've suffered from yourself, that you're like delulu about? I sometimes will see young comics and be like, you little piece of shit. I'm like, relax. Let them speak first. But I'm like, that's exactly how everyone...

you know, I got into Second City. I was like the youngest person ever hired into Second City. So when you are on the tourco, you're allowed to go onto Main Stage and do the improv sets. Was I not there? Like, I was there so often. They were like, can you stop coming? Like, they don't tell anyone that. But I was just like had no.

I was like, this is like part of the amenities of being in Turco. And I didn't know how to do improv. I just like aced my audition with like incredible accents at a time where they were like, accents is comedy. And, you know, I was just. Stepping onto Main Stage being like, no, but I can talk like this. And they're like, oh, because why does she have to keep doing? Yeah, why is this fucking girl with braces and a mustache just marching through every scene?

Ending scenes early to do monologues. Pretty funny. Braces and a mustache doing accents. I do like that's the price of it. And I didn't know I was gay when I started doing standout. Like I literally had jokes that was like, girls, you know, when you got a crush in a guy, he likes you. and you're like, gross, not interested. You know.

And like, grownups are watching me, being like, this day. She doesn't know. Like, I was funny, but I didn't know what the joke was. Did you find your sexuality, like, doing jokes? I still think I'm straight. I'm like, I'm constantly asking my wife to free me. I'm a perfectly good woman.

There's all these men waiting that I want. There are good, perfectly good men that would want me. Did I, it was like when did I figure it out? No, did, like, did jokes help you figure out your sexuality? No. Okay. I don't think so. I think jokes help me hide.

Ah. I think jokes, honestly, I think that, like, starting to do stand-up made me more afraid to come out because I had already carved out this sort of path of, like, it was, like, post-9-11. a lot of my material was like about this pent up kind of feeling of like I didn't read as Pakistani. So people were like racist in front of me. And then it was this explosive sort of like where lots of good material comes from where you're like, I've been quiet, quiet, quiet. And now I'm talking about it.

Oh my God, this thing that was embarrassing is all of a sudden empowering. But then this idea of realizing I was gay, even though it follows the same track of like you don't have to be embarrassed. You own it. And all of a sudden it's a connection. point for people that aren't even that same kind of queerness. I had to relearn it with being gay because I felt like, A, it was not an era where it was like, go be yourself, you know? It was like an era of like what's selling and go try and be that.

Whether it came to like my gender, like I remember taking like a commercial acting class and they were like, so if you just, you know, what your problem is you're not reading as like a girl or a boy. So you just need to like be more like a girl. Like I would go to auditions like in full drag Like wearing my girlfriend's clothes wearing like push up whatever bra wearing like shoes that would femify me

Because it was like there was no idea of like cat There was no net being cast for me Sure I was a catfish But then Yeah it took longer I think It took me longer to come out on stage than to come out to my parents and the people around me.

Yeah. So would you, like, just avoid talking about dating on stage or just... My comedy just sort of, like, plateaued. And it's weird that it, like, it's not like all of my comedy is like gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. But, like... That would be very funny. But that was... That isn't Elena Johnson's sign.

Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Um... But I just, in, in, like, holding back that part of me, it just sort of bunged me up. creatively. And I had just moved to New York. I was 22. So I came out when I was 18 and already had like I'd been in these big relationships. And May and I would do these shows in Toronto where I would be out on stage. But then when it came to like packing up and moving to the big city, I was like, what I better put my padded bra on again and better put my, because these are also like the signals that I was getting from like whether it was classes or mentors. Like truly I was told

like don't come out. It's like not a great business decision. And I'd carved out this very like brown comedy path where like Ali Wong actually just the other day was telling me like, you know, if you came out as Indian, I bet you could fucking crush it. And truly my dad is from India, but Pakistani because he's Muslim,

but then that part doesn't reconcile with the gay part. And that was all the math that I was doing where I was like, oh, this just doesn't make sense. It's too much. too many queer things. So I was doing these colleges. I remember that that's what inspired me to come out on stage. When I first moved to the U.S., I was, there's this thing called NACA.

You guys know about it. You, like, perform at 7 in the morning for a bunch of college kids. Then you stand next to your Kate, your college booking agent, and she either loves you or she's like, why the fuck did we come to Peoria, based on, like, how many kids come and, like, sign a form. and so there's this like form that's like equals how many gigs you get. And I would book these college gigs and I'd be flying out to these places and like hiding who I was.

And I remember like looking out and seeing like a few like gay people in the audience and being like this is so fucked up that I'm here. I've flown all this way just to hide this part of me that is like very ever present in my consciousness. Like when I watch a stand-up, all I really care about is like if I talk to this person off-stage, is this, does this match sort of the passion of what they care about? Does it match what they're talking about on stage? Yeah.

And if it's yes, then I'm down. And I'm down for a long-winded, whatever. It doesn't have to be this set-up punch, set-up punch, because I'm interested. Yeah. And it was not lining up for me. I was still telling jokes about, like, you know, doing impressions of my dad, picking me up from, like, elementary school. And I looked out at these gay kids and I was like, I could be, you know, and I'm like doing well.

I could be this example of some gay person that came to their like tumbleweed town and owned who I was. And so I started to do it. And, you know, that's also interesting like that like trepidacious, like tenderfooted, like, so I'm gay, you know. And the response to that versus just. being it and going into it. It's like such an interesting. It's like, and you have to start with that like shitty sort of like seats and gay, you know. And then and like.

Do you guys like that? Yeah. What do you think? Do you hate it? People did leave. People did leave. Yeah. And ultimately that was the story in the beginning of like people left.

And then as I got more confident in it, I was like, who cares if people, you know, doesn't even register if somebody like. If somebody left, then they're the joke, you know? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I think I was probably around 22, 23 when I finally came out on stage. So almost five years after I was out, IRL. Yeah.

How about you guys? Gay or what? Gay or what? I love that those are the two options. Gay or what? Yeah. You gay or what? Gay.

Gay. I guess I'm or what. Or what? No. That's bye. No, I just refused to put a label on it. For me, I don't feel like there's a point. Let me finish.

That's bye-bye to labels. You're you. Let me finish. I'm so sorry I interrupted you. Podcast hosts always interrupting. I know, I know. Oopsie, Daisy. Do you guys ever get that comment on your podcast?

I'm good enough people sometimes comment. Let the guests speak. You're interrupting. Bitch, I'm trying to keep the conversation up in the air. Okay? Actually, we got the opposite. Can you let me finish? Do we?

No, we get people being like, why isn't just Nicole and Tashir's laughing at each other? Why are we wasting our time listening to other people speak? God, this bitch, we get it. You were gay, but you didn't say it on stage. Can I ask a therapy question? Please. Do you think people leaving your college shows

was part of your narrative that they were leaving because you were gay? Or do you think they were leaving because they were like, I'm in college. I don't care about this. Oh, gaslighting me. I mean, no, I do think that those moments were, I did read them as homophobic. And I mean, like, maybe a handful of them were like,

bitch, you just weren't funny. But that's homophobic. I was funny. It is homophobic. One of my first business cards said, if you don't like me, are probably racist. and I stand by it. But now you could also be homophobic.

I didn't ask to negate your experience, but I was truly like, I don't know. No, I mean, yeah, no. It's a hellscape, the college. It really is. No, yeah, but I'm talking about more, like, we're in, like, an auditorium space versus, like, the nooners

where you're, like, someone's, like, microwaving a burrito and, you know, people are like, quiet down, I'm doing my homework. And you're like, I get it. You're like, I am intruding. I'm, yeah. College shows sometimes are, it feels like you're being humiliated to get a check. Because I have done shows where I'm like, so we are in some sort of cafeteria. There is a person with like headphones on trying to study who like every now and again is like, what?

God, my burrito is now cold. Yes. No, it really is like a dare. Yeah. What's that Joe Rogan show? Fear factor? It's like fear factor. And they're like, go into this pond full of.

alligators that fucking hate you and make you feel bad about your craft. And we'll give you money after. Not much. Great time to mention. Chuckie Cheese has this special going on all summer long up until Labor Day, $67 for 40 credits. You know, each of those games cost one credit. Take your kids. Is this how...

Are you a prop comic? What else is in the jacket? Yeah, what else is in there? Well, I take my tits up. These tits could be off if the right surgeon addresses the right... Like, I'm trying to brand for where I want to be. I'm trying to get branding deals. Look, I'm not on this show coming out on May 22nd.

I want to be mating season. No, I just think... Do you go to Chuck Echise often? I'm going to go today. I hear they have really good pizza. They do have really good pizza. Horrible salad bar. Very nostalgic.

My son Rowan, who's two, is incredible at ball sports. So it's sort of like I treat it like it's a training facility. Yeah. They got the football games. They've got the basketball games. They've got bowling. And so he's there. And I feel like I'm like King Richard, and he's my Serena.

Or Venus. Do you talk about that on stage? No. It's really funny. Deeply funny. To be like I put him in like a little uniform. And I'm screaming. I have a whistle.

I'm training him. No, but I got to show you these videos. He's doing so good. And we don't respect any of the signs about whether to stand on the machines or not. He's got to stand on the machines. And they get it too. The people that work there are like, this is a... That's right.

Future pro athlete. Let him stand where it says don't stand. He's two feet tall. He's not going to get the vantage point for the football. Have you seen the movie him? No. Me either, but I think you can reference it. You're ready to have a production company.

It's a sports movie. You're ready to hire your best friend as the development exec. Because it's a sports movie, but also it's like kind of abusive. Not that I think you're abusive. But like the urge to like, make him better. Make him better. Look, he's so passionate about balls, balls, balls, balls.

He wakes up balls, balls, balls. Bitch on him, him, him, him. That's a really good song. It's a very good song. It's called It Boy by Bibi, no dollars. I thought you were doing Megan the Stallion. No, no, no. Oh, wait, no, that's her, her, her, her.

That's the feminist version. Wow, what a time we're living in. Over the chorus of soft, there's pronouns. In the spectrum of transness, whether you associated what I did with BB no money or Meg in the Stallion. Is there somebody who is a chorus that's they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. Bitch on they, they, they, they, they. I think we got to release an album after the break. Is it break coming up?

I thought I felt a break coming up. And we're back. And we're back. God, I missed all these people. I love them. Look at how cute they are. Us? The listeners.

The listeners. Oh, yes. And, of course, you guys are cute to attract such a gorgeous, look at you, little cutie listening. Look how cute you are. I hope there's a woman listening who's like, I haven't showered in eight days. I'm cute.

Honestly, that's your problem. If that's your response, you know what to do. Listen to an episode of Esther Perel. So Esther Perel is a relationship therapist. She was on an episode of Why Won't You date me? Why are you acting like your best friends with her when I'm, you've met her, haven't you? Yes. And I like what she does.

So she takes couples therapy and then puts it on the podcast. Okay, so let me ask you this. When you were talking to her, were you attracted? No. No. Okay. Well, I'm deeply attracted to her voice. But I wonder if we were talking.

She does have a wonderful voice. She does have a very sexy voice. And there's something just intrinsically sexually attractive. about anyone that's like, I'm going to sort out your problems. Yeah. And has an accent? Mm-hmm. Fuck me.

Did she give you any good tips? Huh. His hid bits. She did. This is the problem with therapy you don't remember, do you? No. And this is, my issue with therapy is I'll talk about something for months, months, months, months, months, and then my therapist will say something and I'll go, wait a minute. So what you're saying is, da-da-da-da-da-da.

And I'll be like, I think you said this two months ago. And she's like, I did. Yeah, you got to be ready to hear it. Yes. Yeah. You know the cutest thing happened the other day? Rowan has been domestic violence in our households. That's not cute.

He's two and he's so good at throwing. But now he's throwing like on Mother's Day, he threw a mug into Shana's eye. He has a tennis racket. He smashed her in the face with it. And now what we're starting to do, it's too much. I know. I know. Did he, like, throw a mug?

He thinks it's funny, which arguably, I'm sure. In a cartoon for sure. In a cartoon called Mating Season Out in 22, which is already been released. Sure. But he, so, you know, there's all these reels about parenting, and that's what my podcast, good enough, is about kind of just like roasting this, like, new era of parenting we're in, where it's like, just remember to have no emotions, do not say the word no, and just let your kids do whatever they want. And so we're trying to figure out what the best way to deal with it is.

And the best way we call it Allie McBeal, which is like Shauna or I, we are the litigator. We're the Allie McBeal. Okay. And we bring the suspect to the judge. The other parent plays the judge. So the other day, Shauna gets hit in the face with a tennis racket. She walks up to me with the criminal, Rowan. She goes, Baba, Rowan just hit me in the face with a tennis racket.

then I, as the judge, emote what it is that he should be feeling. I'm like, oh, no. Rowan, that's so bad. What, is Mama okay? And he's like, oh. And she's like, I'm really hurt, but I'll be okay. But Rowan, you cannot hit Mama in the face with a tennis racket. Do you understand?

And he goes, oh. Like he's getting it? That was the exact intonation. Ow! And I'm like, that. Your son is Baby Yoda. Yes. Hit you, I shall not.

It's so loaded. It's just like one noise, but it's like loaded with truly, like, in my gut, it's like the feeling I have in couples therapy when I'm like, when it's like, you know, I've been wrong about something. And it's like, ah, where the line read is like, of course I shouldn't leave my pants lying around for you to pick up. And at the same time, I probably will in the future. But I have compassion and... That's really funny. Yeah, it's a lot in one sound. Yes.

That's all of us in therapy. It's like, do you think that you maybe have the attachment issues? And it's like, oh. I honestly really like that judge litigator. Yes. Like, I think it's really smart. Yeah. Yes, because we have to show him how to feel.

It's like just like because reacting like I've done obviously the like no no no You know like this is bad and he's like this is hilarious Yeah you're obviously a voice actor And then like do you have a cartoon going out? Is it on Netflix? But but but I've also tried putting him in the crib which I'm like I don't he's like such a great sleeper Like first baby, Wolfie, we've got to do spa treatments, thousand stories. And then I creep out, I step on a crick and he's like, get back here, bitch.

And then I'm back in the bed. It's like an hour long process. And the second baby, we're like, we're not doing that again. And the second baby, I put him in the crib. He's just like, bye. That's so nice. Oh. So I don't want to make the crib a jail place.

But anyways, that's... We were hanging out with a mutual friend and their child, and their child got up on a chair. And I was just like, do you think that's a good idea? And she was like, mm. And I was like, well, what's going to happen? It was just a lot of reasoning. And then our friend was like, oh, so I'm a bad mother.

And I was like, no. You're just with your child so much that it's hard to do all that. And I think people are really caught up in like the likeability piece of being a parent. And I think because we're reacting to the way that we were parented, which in like so many ways was like, what? You know, like the lack of like love on its face love and like

the lack of like just unconditional support and all of that. It's like we're course correcting for that but in the process we're losing a lot of like we're throwing the baby out with the bath water on some of the stuff that really did work. Like being

a hard ass does work and especially since we're not hitting our kids that's bad. We also need some sort of currency with them and the currency has to be disappointment, which means you have to show that you're, you know, like I am a big proponent of being like, it's not going to work. And like making intense eye contact, which is like the eye contact isn't like, I'm going to hit you. But the eye contact is like, I'm watching and I'm adjusting the way the day is going to go. Yeah. Like that's sort of my

negotiation tactic is like, I am Santa Claus, bitch. You are Santa Claus. But that's what we use Santa Claus, this like, you know, this imaginary white, old white Christian dude. But like, I'm the one that's watching. I'm seeing who's naughty and nice. And it works. It's like your kids, it's like, isn't that life? Like, isn't it like you have a podcast guest that comes on here? Good energy begets good energy. You know, you guys could just talk to each other if I was an asshole. Here's a question. When you're out with like mutual friends and like your kids are playing or whatever and you see your friend kind of like parent in a funky way, do you address it or no? Definitely behind their back, yeah. For sure. For sure. I try to because that's sort of my style of personality is a little bit like this is something I'm really into.

You should do the same thing, you know? Yeah. I think I probably would frame it that way where it's like, oh, yeah, I've dealt with that, but you're doing it wrong. I think it's helpful. I think we're all trying, you know. I mean, and if you have a real friendship with someone, then you probably can. I mean, you know the areas that people are sensitive about that it's not going to work. But I always try to frame it in a way of like, when I've dealt with this, I found that this really worked.

Yeah. Yeah. I would hope other parents are at least open to suggestions or. The illusion that we all had about our parents having it all figured out, it's like now here we are and it's all fucking, the emperor has no clothes, you know? It's like we all get it. It's like everyone was just trying. And that's really freeing for like the things that you hold over your parents.

But it's also like what it means is everyone's literally like putting the recipe together as we go. And if someone's using sugar as salt, you could be like, hey, yeah, that's. sexually better with salt, babe. You know? I think it's important, not just like helpful, but like actually important to share your perspective on what is working and not working in your friend's lives, including parenting. Yeah. I think that's very healthy.

Yeah. Yeah. You have such long bottom lashes. Hey, if you like the bottom, you got to see the top. I can see the top. And they're all so long. Look. Do you use Lettese or is it hereditary?

Oh, it's both Latice and hereditary. I'm kidding. No, I think Latice is bad because I think it makes, it clogs up your pores, doesn't it? Oh. My friends have gotten like, what's it called? Bumpy lumpies. Oh, a sty. Oh, a sty.

Styes, yeah. Styes, yeah. I just, look, I paid for them. It was a full set. I hit 12 years old, got a full mustache, 15 years old, big-ass beard. And so it was a lot of like electrolysis to pay for the naturally gorgeous lashes. But they're like coming out of the corners of my eyes.

Many times I'm talking to someone that I'm just meeting and they're like, oh, you've got something. And I'm like, no, it's just, I've got just the country of Pakistan coming through my eyeballs is what I've got. They're just so lovely. Yeah. Luffy and pretty. Hey, fluffy everywhere. I used to get me fun of in middle school because I have hair on my arms, on my forearms.

And people were like, ew, gross, you have hair. And I felt self-conscious about it to the point where I neared it off. Like, I would like neared. Of course. Oh, my God. The smell of nears. Yeah. Everyone that's experienced neared, close your eyes, even if you're driving.

Even if you're driving. That nasty, weird, rotten cantaloupe smell of nays. I've never smelled it. And then you take a spoon and you're like, I never knew I'd be using a spoon this way. So wait, you spoon nair on? No, you lather it on and then you wipe it off with a spoon. Like scrape it.

Butter knife, if you nasty. Ooh. Yeah, so many different hair removal products. Yeah. But, you know, electrolysis back in my day was the only way that you could do it. Real. And how fucking me and our children.

I know. They're so mean. We just did an episode of the podcast where Natasha's kid is reciting like these comebacks, which I think is really helpful. And even for adults, just like having comebacks loaded in your mind. Like hours with Wolfie is like kind of queer. It's sort of like if anyone comes for him, we just, we practice being like, okay, honey.

Like saying honey to someone is very like, you're mentally ill. You know? And like thinking of him because he like his fashion. He's wearing these huge hats these days. And whenever he wears the bigger the hat, the more I'm like, remember, okay, honey. Oh, I love that. I do love that. Yeah.

It, I guess my instinct, if I had a kid, would be like, fight him, fight him. But it's like, no. No, it's just like, oh. Just let that kid have their nasty little thought and say, okay, honey. And make them feel what they are for doing it, which is damaged. Yeah. Yeah. Like, so cute, little Natasha's daughter being like, you sound really negative.

You know, like, that's the vibe. Yeah. That's the vibe of people that come for you. Which is also a worse reaction than getting hit. Like having someone being like, I can't even be bothered with whatever this is. Like, this energy doesn't even affect me that much. It's a you problem. Like, that actually hurts more than being like beat up.

You know what I think the worst thing you could say to someone, which is a waitress one said this to me? What? I hope you never meet someone like you. Oh. Damn. Wow. What did you do to that way?

Yeah, we did the witcher. It was fajita night. I feel, okay, so I have never talked about this, and then I just talked about it on the podcast. So now if you listen to my podcast and you listen here, just know that these are the last two times I'm going to talk about this fucking bitch. Okay. She's always telling the fajita story. Okay. So the fires hit L.A.

All of our souls are rattled. Were you here when the fires hit? Yeah. Yeah. Where did you guys go? I stayed. You stayed. I was not in the fire zone.

Oh, my God. But you're still breathing in all that smoke. I smoke cigarettes, so I said it's the damage is done. This is the freshest air I've ever. I went to San Diego and was begging Nicole to go online. Yes, so I was. I was busy watching Spider-Man, the Spider-Man trilogy. You were like, the traffic finally has died down in the city.

I also was like, I'm not in the fire zone. I don't want to clog up the roads. I'll just stay inside. Next time, I think you should either come to Palm Springs where I went or go to San Diego. Okay, just because you smoke doesn't mean you have to, 24-7 breathe ashes. And that's just what I'm going to say to you. Okay.

And maybe if your therapist says it for three months, you'll go, ah. But I went to Palm Springs, went to this hotel, told all my friends to come to this hotel. There's like 14 people. It's like half of them are kids where I'm like, dinner's on me and it's fajita night. And we order the fajitas. My wife loves fajitas. So I'm like, you know what? A rose in our thorn.

Is that what people say? What do you say when there's, like, bad fires and then you get fajitas? It's a fajita and a fire. I'm glad you mentioned it because I was like, L.A. was sizzling and so was your plate. There we go. But no, that's what I thought would happen. I order the fajitas. 45 minutes goes by.

No fajitas. I was like, is it cuth or uncouth? I was like, but then you set it up. If cuda is Latin for very quick and funny. It's coop. It's cooom. It's coooter. What?

Anyways, I order the fajit. Pitas don't come. And you know when everybody can relate to this? Because I'm so relatable. But you order food. You become kind of like the problem table because your food hasn't come. And so the waitress doesn't want to look at you. Yes.

You know, it's like that's kind of how it was with IVF at the bad Mexican clinic that we went to when the embryos stopped working. We would like, in the beginning when we walked in there like, it's the gay couple. And then like after the third embryo didn't work, they're like, these bitches are back trying again. But that's who we were sitting at the fajita table waiting for our babies. The fajitas. Them sizzling babies. They're sizzling babies. And so the fetas aren't coming to the feeders.

And I'm like, you know, when you're like taking people out to dinner, you're like, this is ruining it. And like the fires are burning and I'm hungry. This is really ruining my experience of the fires. This is really a low light of the fires. And so after an hour. I go over her head because she is simply not connecting with it. She's just like kind of like, what's it called brushing me off. Yeah.

I go to the manager and I'm like, hey, we ordered our food before these people, before these people. And look how they're enjoying their food. And look how my kids are hungry. And look how the fires have ravaged my personality and my patience. And I am here pleading with you. I am a Bernie Sanders meme saying I am once again asking for my fajitas. And so he brings them out. out, guess what, guys?

Not sizzling. Get ready. They're fucking cold. Oh, no. So they were being back there. How are they fucking cold? And they come out with none of the wrapping things. So it's carb-free fajitas.

It's not a fajita. It's not a fajita. That is a plate of fucking meat. And so at the end of the dinner, before I get the bill, I go to the manager again. And I go, hey, I just want to let you know that I'm not going to be paying full price. I want to let you know that I'm going to want a deep discount. You know, all of my Pakistani eyelashes are like little drumbeat. They're like doing a drumbeat on my face, being like,

get their discount. And I ask him for the discount. He gives me the discount. By now the waitress that we did have is no longer making eye contact with us, no longer dealing with us. But I, you know, daughter of immigrants, kind soul. I come from Canada. I'm walking back to my room

and I see her in the patio and I'm like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make things right with the waitress. And I go, hey, I know that it wasn't your fault that the food came out. I just want to let you know the reason why I went to the manager

was because it felt as though you didn't really care. And she goes, well, you don't know what I'm going through? And I'm like, oh no, I think I also said, I said, we just came from the fires, you know, were really sort of, we're like anxious, we're hungry, and I just needed to get my people fed.

She goes, oh, the fires, well, you don't know what I've been through? And I'm like, what? She goes, you don't know what happened to me? You don't know if my father died? And I'm like, oh, my God, did your father die? She goes, you don't know. Wait, I love her. I'm so sorry.

No, no, she is. I'm so sorry. That's the wildest response. You don't know? You don't know. been through. You don't know what my father died. And it was that intonation to,

you don't know if my father died? I'm like, oh my God, does your father die? You don't know. I'm like, well, I guess I fucking don't, bitch. She goes, she goes, look, this is her mic drop. She goes, at the end of the day,

I hope you never meet someone like you. And I was just reeling. I was just like, I would like someone like me. I think I would like someone like me. Well, I would probably be something some parts of me that I wouldn't like because it would be natural

with anybody that has a personality that's going to friction because it's too much like the same. I called all my friends and I was like, no, mommy would a narrator said it's like to me? No.

Do you realize someone like me? Oh no. I need to know if her father is gone. If you're listening, she's probably like this bitch is again, yet again talking about me in a podcast.

That is wild. Years later. Fucking burn this bitch down. Which like her her burn did work. Her burn is really cut you deep. Talk about it. L.A. fire burn.

That is a... Sashir, do you have one that, like, kind of cut you? Um... I can't think of one right now. Do you... Well, let me give you one. No, no, no. Really think about this.

If we're in conflict. Okay. You know what, Sashir? Like, let's pretend we're actually in conflict. Okay. Yeah, you just don't... Like, we were friends back in New York, and now here we are in L.A. You don't reach out.

I reached out to you. Is that the... You have to... No, you have to... We have to be for sure. Oh, okay. We have to set up conflict. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you made me feel like you only reached out because I had like cool things going on in my life. Yeah, you did have cool things and I wanted to be a part of them. Is that a crime? No, but it's like you're not there when I have like not cool things going on. You're not there when I have like struggles going on. I would be if you would have answered me with the cool things, then I would have slid into your DMs for the bad things. Well, you also have my number so you can just text me and that DM me.

You know what, so forget it. I just, I hope you never meet someone like you. that would hurt. Yeah. That would suck. Yeah. That one, that sucks. I was having a, like, a fight with a friend, and I said something nasty, and she went,

that make you feel better. I was like, did it make me fucking feel? Yeah. And now I've used it. Yeah. And I've watched the person, like, change. Yeah. Oh, I got to you.

Because it makes you think. Did it make you feel better to be nasty? Okay, honey. I think also, like, I hope you never. me a person like you is way more hurtful when it's someone you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you don't like this. Yeah. You know all of the whole package. And you don't wish me on me. Damn, that sucks. It just what it does is like it forces you to brainstorm the bad parts of yourself.

It doesn't even do the work. No. Because what people are doing when they're dissing each other, it's too much work. Take the work off of you, put it on them. Yeah. Can I have ask a question. That interaction, did it end with you walking away or her walking away? I walked away. Okay. Shot myself. Shut my pants. I would love to know what hotel. I wonder if she's still there. I need to meet her. I don't know. You don't know what I'm going through. I don't think she had the temper to keep working in that field. Because I'm a pretty nice person. Like I was like truly circling back to be like, no harm, no foul. And she was like, oh, there's going to be harms and foul, bitch. It is funny because I've been a server.

I was a terrible server. The thing that works the most is, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Whether it's your fault or not. Oh, my God, sorry. The kitchen. Our fajitas were cold. Well, our line cook hid them. I mean, sounds like it.

Our line cook's father died. Or not. Or not. You don't know. You don't know. Yeah, it sounds like she must have been going through something because it wasn't personal. If I was to guess her father died.

Maybe. I do not think her father died. father died. I think she's really funny. Maybe her father died, but was it fire related? Probably not. It was probably years ago. I brought up my dead parents all the time. I would too.

I think that's another one is like tragedy. You know, like yeah. So cool. Cool to say that to someone who miscarried three years ago. You should have said that to her. Oh my God, I should have gone deeper. I should have been like just have a trauma. You don't know if I miscarried

three years ago? You don't know? You don't know. And I wonder if she would have upped it. She's like, I'm miscarrying right now. You don't know. You don't know. And you don't know if it's my father's baby.

You don't know. I think you need to go back to Palm Springs and seek her out. But, you know, I got my vengeance because then, you know, here's what you do know, and you should know. Here's, from me as your new best friend. to you, my new best friend, when you have a problem with a hotel that's like a legitimate problem, that is fucking gold.

That's when you go to whoever is the boss of that White Lotus and you go, you don't know if I had a problem with one of your servers, you don't know, and they go, did you? And you go, I did. And then you tell them and they go, oh my God, that's awful. And then they give you free tickets to drag brunch. And that's actually a tip. That's a clue for what hotel it was

Because there is drag brunch at this Okay And then it was this incredible Sort of like From the fires We rose like a phoenix All of our kids At this completely inappropriate

Drag Brunch It was like fully like Gyrating and adults It was like It was like sexy Very sexy dancing But You know

You don't know You don't know if it was inappropriate You don't know. It's funny because you were like, it was pretty inappropriate. You don't know. But you don't know. I caught myself because I'm like, whoa, what if somebody right wing listening to this being like, gay people shouldn't raise kids? Then I caught myself and I said it was actually inappropriate.

You don't know. It would be wild if someone took a clip of this and was like, I'm going to petition the courts. Honestly, don't put it past them. I mean, yeah. You know yourself, Randy. You know. Randy. Randy.

I named him. Randy Wood. Oh, no, Randy Wood. Guys, I did have a dream that I held hands with Donald Trump last night, and I don't want to get into it. You don't know. You don't know. Oh.

Well, it's time for me to take the piss I've been dreaming about for 30 minutes. Oh, you have to pee-to-go? Yeah, but I don't want to do it right now. I actually am sad that it's ending. We can end, so you can pee-pee. Wait, is it time for something different? It's time to end. It's time to end.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Let's see how long I can hold it. You don't know. You don't know how long I can hold it. It would be wild if you had an accident on a podcast because you were holding it. Oh. I just stood up and there as like a wet spot. Let's just say she made her mark.

May 22nd is when the animated show came out and good enough is her podcast. I also wish I didn't end that way after such a great showing. But as I predicted, it would end it with a bang. Yes. I think that's what you said. With a piss. It ended with a hot piss to the seat. Hot to the touch.

You ever pee on a cup and you're like, this is too hot? Oh my God. Almost every day. Or like you pee on the cup and the little kiss in your hand and you're like, whoa, I'm hot. Oh. And then it gets so cold, so quick. You've never marveled at this. I'd like for more of your body to get piss on it every time you say.

You get it right in the crook of your elbow. Down your ankles. And you're like, oh, my. Yeah. Ever pissed on a jelly sting? No, but that doesn't work apparently. Wait, great, wait. Oh, what?

I did it. Did you say? I pissed on myself. I got jelly. On a sting. I got a jellyfish sting. I heard, have you ever pissed on a jelly stain? And I'm like, grape, strawberry?

What do you mean? I got to make that. You're just pulling down your pants and peeing on people? We have to make that. I'm like, that's why she was mad at you. I'm talking about her dead dad. You don't know. You don't know.

You don't know. of jelly was there before the piss. Oh, that really, I was like, and you're pissed on a jelly stain? I was like, and Sashir's co-signing this? I was like, this is wild. It's true. That's how you get jelly stains out.

That's how you get jelly stains out. And then for peanut butter, you know what you got to do. Take a dump. Number two, baby. Imagine you smeared shit on peanut peanut butter. You got shit by peanut butter. No, but then imagine one step further, it disappears. That'd be crazy.

I just realized I didn't take my hair down or make it nice. What? You look better than all of us. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Vote who looks better than all of us. Who looks better than all of us?

We'll give you no options. Who looks better than all of us? Yeah, in the comments. Let us know who looks better than all of us. Shakira? Oh, boy. Megan the Stallion. Oh, no.

Salma Hayek. Yeah. I picked a lot of different types of people. But did you? They're just three hot women. They are three hot women. Not traditionally. I would say traditionally.

In a world where it piss takes jelly out? Do you think those are traditional hot women? No. Yeah. I think they transcend hotness in any realm. You don't know. Well. Oh.

Do you want to? Do you want to tell people where to find you? Oh, guys, you know where to find me. Between a rock and a hard place. Chuckie Cheese. Hey, I'm Sabrina Jalise. And if you want to find me, go to Good Enough P-Cast on Instagram. That's right.

Podcast was taken. Good enough is my podcast. Mating Season is my animation show. And this podcast with Nicole and Sashir is my happy place. I'm Sabrina. Thank you so much for being here, Sabrina. Thank you, Sabrina. This is so fun.

I'm scared to, you know when you have to piece so bad that moving position is a risk? Yeah. I'm so sorry. We'll see what happens. Let's see what happens. Keep the cameras rolling. Get up. Get up.

And let us know if a little squirt came out. One memory that, you know, obviously the podcast is over, but for people that are losers still listening in, nosy, we said it was over. This is the tag of the episode. Camping with Rowan. got to put a diaper on him. And then he was sitting on my lap. And that is the hottest piss. Fresh out of the baby's, hot baby's body.

And he pissed. And I thought, oh, my God, I've not only, like, lost control of my... Oh, wait, you caught you pee? Because that's where it landed. It was like right here. It was like, all of a sudden, hot lava piss flowing down my legs. And I'm like, oh, my goodness. I guess things do change at 40.

It's so funny. Like something's wrong. I'm not even aware. I'm not even aware that I've opened my urethra. Which, now that I think of it, are you even aware when you open it? Yes, I just did it. You're like opening the hatch. Like, if you just like kind of press down.

Open the hatch. Yeah. Like there's nothing. Ooh, no. If I, oh. Are you going to pee? Should we all take a test? Let's all pee right now.

Let's do it. Headgum be damned. Okay, goodbye. Bye. Lily, I didn't want to leave. That was a headgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown.

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes.

A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or Watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.