Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole And Sasheer Regale You With The Final Chapter Of Their Bahamas Trip

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

In part 2 of Nicole and Sasheer’s trip to the Bahamas, they discover that everyone, including the staff, runs on island time. On several restaurant outings, Sasheer and Nicole met a founding father, Sasheer was almost murdered by a prawn, and they both had a truly lovely time at a restaurant they were advised not to go to. And yes, Nicole finally got to play with pigs in the ocean! Every day weird things happened, and it was the least relaxing trip they’ve ever taken. Lastly, Nicole shares her harrowing experience heading home at the airport! You don’t want to miss how this saga ends. Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

okay part two of bahamas um because we had to break it up because so much happened this is a this has been two and a half days. A six-day trip. So if you didn't listen to the episode before, I would go back and listen to that to get the full scope of this trip. But we could jump in here. So after I was thrown from a jet ski, we go back to the hotel and I was like, I need to be in the ocean.

I just need to be somewhere serene and you were like okay and we get to the beach I throw my stuff down and immediately just walk into the ocean I wish I had gotten my phone out fast enough to record you because you were swimming so hard like you were in a triathlon or something I was like is she swimming

away from the island she's like i gotta get out of here i was like i have to go home i will just swim to florida and get on a fucking plane it was truly wild so this is new year's eve and we a friend of ours had gotten us a reservation at a restaurant that was like fancy prefix. And we were excited for fancy dinner. Because also there was fireworks after. Yes. We were told we were going to get dinner, a champagne toast, fireworks watching on the beach.

And we were like, this is going to be great. And yes, we pull up and it's like beautiful lush beautiful garden it's like very pretty on the outside yes i'll say this about bahamas the prettiest beaches i have ever fucking seen in my whole life the prettiest venues i have seen in my whole life and then just chaos just pure chaos after you see this beautiful stuff. So we go to the restaurant. We're greeted by two beautiful women. And we're like, ooh, women run business.

We love that. We're trying to support. This is great. We get seated. And there's a piano playing in the middle of the restaurant. And he's playing all the hits all the Celine Dion you could want yeah he played Unbreak My Heart at a one time I was just like it was nice Mariah Carey that's another thing about the Bahamas where the music was on point

everywhere everywhere it was great and then we get our menus and we have like And then we get our menus and we have like options. Like there's like three, two or three options for like the appetizers, the main course, whatever. And then. The appetizer for, yeah. Yeah. But then there was like some veggie options or vegan options, it seemed like.

So our waiter came over and I was like, oh, there's like a, there's like a turnip soup or some sort of soup cheeseless soup one with cheese one without cheese and I was like I'll do the one without cheese and he was like ooh I might have to talk to the kitchen about that and I was like but it says it on your menu and he said yes but you just choose the entree and you were like but why

are there choices on this menu if I'm only choosing the entree and you were like but why are there choices on this menu if i'm only choosing the entree and he he truly responded to you with choose the entree and i was like but also i don't want this one i want this instead and he was like okay and truly was like beside himself that we were trying to order things off a menu we were handed. Yeah, I was like, if you don't actually want to serve it to us, don't put it on the menu. Don't. So you get soup and I get something else,

which is like the second course. Yeah, you got whatever the next course was. Yeah. Yes. And eat that. The soup was very garlicky. Yeah, I didn't even finish it. I was like, this is too much and then

he took our plates away and then gave me the second course and gave you nothing because you already had the second course and i said oh i didn't get the soup and he said that's okay and i was like oh okay so like he's like trying to pull some like Star Wars, like Jedi move. Like, that's OK. This is not the same thing before. It's fine. You don't need it. And I was like, oh, OK.

I guess it's OK. And then you said, hey, where does the fireworks happen? And he said, fireworks. Watch this. And then he bent down and candy fell out of his pant leg. Now, every time I have said this to somebody, they're like, what do you mean? And I'm like, what do you mean? What do I mean? I don't know. He bent down and candy fell out of his pant, not a pocket, out of the bottom of his pant leg. Because I think he was trying to do a magic trick, but that was like a failed

attempt at a different trick because that wasn't even what he was trying to do a magic trick, but that was like a failed attempt at a different trick because that wasn't even what he was trying to do. He was like, I don't know where the fireworks are, but watch this. And then candy fell out. And then he's like, oh, whoops. And he like scooped it up real fast and put it in his pocket. Crambled.

Yeah, and then took out a lighter and like lit the lighter and was like, fireworks. And we were like, oh oh and then he's like and if you want the noise that goes with fireworks he stomps stomps with his feet and we just stared at him we were like okay and then he walked away and then sashir you looked at me and you said i hate him and it made me laugh i really hated him was like, so are there fireworks or not? I just wanted, I needed him to be something. He either had to be informative,

tell me where the fireworks are, or charming, give me a cool magic trick, or funny, a good conversationalist. He was none of those things. Neither. He was not, he wasn't good at his job. He wasn't good at entertaining us. He wasn't someone who had

information he was he meant nothing to me i was i hated him i really wanted him to go away and we were there for such a long time because everyone's on island time baby no one's in a hurry which is like whatever i didn't really mind um but we saw a founding father. There was this man who had long white hair that was tied up in a ribbon and like a handlebar mustache that curled up. I was like, Sasheer, one of the founding fathers is here. And then you went to the bathroom. And what did he say to you? He said, greetings. And I was like, greetings.

Well, well, well. Greetings, greetings. And I was like, greetings. Well, well, well. Greetings indeed. He just kind of like marched around the restaurant like he owned it. He did it. He was a patron. Yes. He was a patron, but he really did look like he time traveled. He was in like an old timey suit too.

It was truly wild. And then we saw the biggest lady uh ever in this big pink dress and so she was like she's she's so big the men next to her so small and then i was like oh a big lady let me find out where that pink dress is from because it was so cute and so she was like go over there and ask and i went over there i and I was like, oh, I love your dress. Where is it from? And she wasn't American and she wasn't from Bahamas, but she pointed up and said, I don't know exactly what she said, but it sounded like gibberish. And I was like, she got her dress from the sky. And then I just stood there and I was like, uh-huh. And then I was like, thank you. And then I walked away because I didn't know what else to do.

It was so strange. Also, I want to clarify, just so people don't think I'm like, I was like, she's fat. She was large. She was a giant woman, like tall. She was like 6'4". Yeah, this was a very large woman. She was also wearing heels. Yeah, her presence was seen.

And then she had these big poofy shoulders that look, she looked a linebacker she was very very she was just big um it was it was wonderful and then our meals come you asked for prawns oh my god on yes because i have a shellfish allergy so i got like the lamb chop and it comes with prawns and i made a big deal about being like make sure there's no prawns on there i have a shellfish allergy and he's like got it and then i got my meal with a big ass prawn right on top of the lamb chop and i was like i can't have this because i have a shellfish allergy and he goes huh okay then he takes it away and when he walked away nicole was like we should have asked him to keep that plate here yeah so they don't just shove the prawn off of it and give it back to you and i was like oh damn that's a good point and i did say i was like she needs it to have never

have touched i was like it needs to be a whole new plate with no prawn ever touching the plate and they just kind of nodded and then yeah afterwards i was like we should have just kept it yeah just but also it's like what what do i say we're gonna keep this while you bring the other one like i don't know it was truly wild so then we truly don't know where the fireworks are because no one will tell us so they go maybe it's at the bar in the front of the property and we said okay and then we got lost trying to go there we went to a bridge that led nowhere there was a scary duck boat there was a cat that scared us because it's pitch black and i said so sure there's an animal here and then you

heard we're hustling and you're like oh and you're like oh no it's just a cat and i was like phew um because who the fuck knows what could have been there um and then we find this uh this bar and nobody at the bar knows about the fireworks either also when we left the property we looked back at the sign that leads into it and it on the sign it said fireworks show so they're advertising to everybody that fireworks are happening but they did not tell the staff there at all not a single person knew about it the fireworks were supposed to happen to the point when the fireworks started one of the servers was carrying a tray of drinks and she got so scared that she fell to the floor and dropped all the drinks and they crashed

and broke on the ground. Because it sounded like gunshots. She was tucked under the bar. She thought gunshots were... She truly dropped the tray and tucked under the bar and everyone was laughing at her. I was like, well, nobody told her there was going to be fireworks. But also, friend, it's New Year's Eve.

Also, these fireworks happened nowhere close to the beach. It was on the property behind us. Like behind trees. So we all had to like turn. Yeah. Yes, it was behind trees. Truly wild. And then the owner of the bar came over to our table and he loved Nicole.

He like looked at her, rubbed your arm up and down. And it was like, and it was like winking at her. Like, what do you want? What do you want? And we're like drinks, I guess. He went away to get us drinks and came back. And then, uh, I give us heavy pours too. He's like, I wish I could remember the name of that bar.

I have no idea. Ah, shit. What was the name of the restaurant? I'm sure I can find it. Sarsaparilla? I think I can find it in my phone. I don't remember. Okay.

I think it was, yeah, but I would like to shout out that bar because he didn't make us pay for any of those drinks. That is true. He was really, really nice and I was following him around the bar trying to pay for our of those drinks he was really really nice and he i was following him around the bar trying to pay for our drinks because mr marley was coming back to

get us and he was like no just uh uh post about it or you know tell people about it and here i am and i'm like trying to i can't i really can't remember the name of the bar here's the thing i can find the name but i feel like we did shit on the staff. So, like, do I actually want to call them out? You know? Well, not of the bar. The bar was great. But they're connected. You just said that lady who got scared.

They are connected. Ooh. That's the problem. Yeah. We can't shit on the wait staff and be like, go to their establishment. Well, the bar was really nice. So then we decide to leave because you went to the bathroom and you made a wrong turn. And the manager said, don't go down there.

You'll get raped. That was literally what he said. You don't want to go that way. You'll get raped. And he said it with a smile. It wasn't like a warning. It was a warning to go that way. You'll get raped. And he said it with a smile. It wasn't like a warning. It was a warning, but it wasn't like, watch out, okay?

Because it's dangerous down there. It was like, that's rape alley over there. And I was like. Which is like, how many times has this happened that this man is so lackadaisical about it? And I was like, I also don't want to get raped. And he's like, yeah. So Mr. Marley comes to get us. And Mr. Marley was like, so y'all are getting drunk.

And we're like, uh-huh. And he seemed really like worse for wear. What did he say to you? Yeah, he said he had picked up some other really, really drunk people. And I guess they were kind of terrorizing him or terrorizing the car. I don't know. But it seemed like he was like ready to be done with the night yeah he had been going through it yeah um also the day he took us on the tour he was like I am all yours I'm not gonna pick up another person and we got back in the car to see through it and there was a ton of sand in the car

and I was like we didn't go to the beach and then I was like why why did you say he wasn't gonna pick up anybody else definitely we know you're driving a taxi we know this and so she was like he didn't pick up anybody else the rain got in his car and I was like and the sand I wanted to believe I was like he said he's ours for the whole week and then I was like oh I guess this doesn't make sense no you gotta make money so then we went to the party on the 10th floor of our hotel of Margaritaville and it is hopping it was hopping yeah it was like

the music was great yeah so then we were like we need to get money because it's easier to pay cash than you know a card or whatever we go downstairs we get money we go back up the party's over now it's over to pay cash than, you know, a card or whatever. We go downstairs, we get money, we go back up, the party's over. Now it's over. Everyone's leaving. And then this man at the front door was like, you want a junkanoo? Here's a video. And then he couldn't find the video. And we were like trying to leave. And then this woman was leaving

and he was like, you can't take glasses. Oh, God. Do you remember this? Barely. Oh, I really wish I could remember what she said. She was like, I can't take a glass. What if I leave it down to the lobby? And he's like, you can't take glasses. She's like, come on, shit.

I can't remember what exactly she said, but she was very funny and I laughed super hard. Anyway, we go in the hot tub again and no movies are happening. It's not. it's just the two of us we at least have this romantic hot tub to ourself it was really nice yes and i tried to teach you how to float and i will teach you how to it is like i have to do this i have to teach you because i believe everyone can float and I understand you've taken swimming lessons and you've worked on it and it's not for you, but it will be. Don't worry.

We're going to get there. And we were in a hot tub. Toes touched the ground in a hot tub. We're sitting. It was hard. so then the next day is this is where we found out we missed junkanoo yeah oh wait no yes it is no is it or is it when we went to four seasons we missed junkanoo i don't remember i don't remember either but anyway we missed this cultural festival that hadn't happened in years because we got confused. Because no one could completely explain it to us.

And also that first lady at the Airbnb was like, it's an all day event. So we were like, oh, we'll go like in the afternoon or something when it's safe and people aren't stabbing people. We won't get stabbed. And they were like, oh, no, it was only from like midnight till 10 a.m. And I was like, why wouldn't anyone tell us those details? Why would why? Why? Seems like the most pertinent part of the event is the timing.

Why not just tell us those are the hours. And I had done the research like that lady told us to. And I was like genuinely excited about it yeah so it's like five families families in quotes teams who do like carnival-ish performances and then at the end of the night everyone votes on who wins i found out later there was a black panther inspired dance and they won and i was, I would have loved to have seen that. So at Margaritaville, we were just going to have a day at Margaritaville. Why not? We've been through a lot. And then Sashir made the mistake of asking someone at the front desk who was really eyeing

me up again. These men love me. I can't remember what day it was, but we were walking somewhere and this man, like a cartoon, looked at me and then there was like a beam and he went around the beam to look at me some more and i was like oh my god everyone fucking loves me here mr sheer made the mistake of talking this cutie at the front desk and he was like you gotta go to this place a brunch place and the only like he says it's down by the second arcade. And we're like, okay. And then I found them on Instagram.

And there is no address. It's literally a video on how to get there. So we were, like, matching what we saw in the video to things that we were seeing in real life. It was a real scavenger hunt. It really was. In the sun. And we were hot. And hungry.

And we walk in. It made no sense. And there's no signage either even when we got to the door i was like is this the place there's no one meeting us no one was like welcome like they feel like meandering and then people were paying at the front and i was like is this how we order i'm confused and eventually i had to pull someone aside be like can we get a seat and they're like oh you want to eat here? And I was like, that should have been our first time. Like, oh, okay. They don't want to serve us.

Uh-huh. And then she like cleared a table. It was like, you can sit here. And we're like, okay. And then we ordered. And like simple stuff. Like you got steak and eggs. Yeah.

I got a croissant, like an egg croissant like an egg croissant a croissant and then we waited for like 45 minutes and we're like this is kind of crazy there's only one other family here and us and they have their food they're getting it one by one so i don't know what's happening and i'm fucking mean mugging the lady in the front I'm like staring at her just daggers and then she comes over and she's like your food is on its way and then like 15 more minutes fucking pass by then the manager walks over

to our table and he's like it looks like you ladies are waiting for something and we were like we were waiting for the food we ordered and he goes oh and he's like you caught us at the wrong time we're closing and we're like sure but we came here an hour ago and ordered food when you were very open and he's like no that can't be right he's like let me go check in the kitchen and we're like okay and they goes back and then our food comes immediately which what was happening and we get

our food my croissant wasn't toasted or anything it came straight out of the bag onto my plate and then i asked for my eggs uh over easy they were hard they were fully cooked my eggs had the amount of sodium used to kill somebody i there it was so fucking salty my piece of steak was the worst cut of steak i've ever had in my whole life and it was medium well i'd asked for it medium um and the the manager came back over and was like you didn't wait an hour for your food it was actually 40 minutes and i was like okay i was like are you telling us that as if that's a good amount of time to wait for this food and he was like no just like if it was an hour i'd be i'd be mad but 40 minutes and we were like yeah again we didn't order anything

that would take that much time and he's like everything is cooked to order and i was like yes but you prep restaurants prep food that's how they cook it and there's no one else here there's no other competing meals that you need to cook and it was really weird because we also weren't complaining it's not like we were like can you bring us your manager we need to talk to somebody about this we were minding our own business trying to eat so we can get the fuck out of there and the manager meandered to our table to gaslight us and make us think that we didn't wait for a long time and then he asked nicole like is your steak prepared the way you liked and you were like it's not no i was like no but it's fine and

he was like oh you want it more pink and i said yeah that's usually how it's cooked medium he's like no it's cooked medium the chefs in my kitchen said that that's cooked medium and i was like then why did you ask he's like i'll give you a discount and i was like i don't okay so we go up to pay after i was like so sure i can't eat this i truly i ate like six bites i was hardly inedible yeah so then we're paying and he's like i'm gonna give you a discount also he had left lady had to go get him he comes back and he's like i'm gonna give you a discount also he had left the lady had to go get him he comes back and he's like i'm thinking about putting something in my menu about how uh food and i was like i don't care i don't give a shit about what you do at your establishment i don't want to be here anymore and he's like well i'm gonna give you a discount for the for the steak which is also like you should have given us a discount for waiting that long yes and the steak and just

the shitty service all around everything was so shitty we shouldn't have been paying at all but we just wanted to leave and we're like why are you trying to convince us that we didn't experience what we experienced we leave us alone it was bad and i hated it so then we went back to our haven margaritaville we went to the beach so she had her second hot dog of the trip um I was like I know what made me feel good I need to get a hot dog and then we got yummy drinks mine had a whole watermelon in it um and then we tried to see a movie because there was a movie theater in the hotel and it's like a tap it's not even attached we had to walk a little bit and we get we like walk around there's a bowling alley

there's like a little arcade and we get to the movie theater we're like what movie is being shown and the man said it's for people staying at the hotel and we were like we're staying at the hotel he said oh okay it happened at 7 30 we were like wait what oh and we're like so there's only one showing and like what's the movie and he's like whatever you want or like whatever you choose and we're like but how does that work like what if other guests show up that are not us and now we all what take a vote we don't even know what the choices are what movies do you have here all of the latest are you gonna pull netflix up and then we're gonna watch something on a larger screen how does this work and we didn't get an answer and we're like

okay no movie for us thank you yeah i was like should we just go back to the room so nothing else bad happens today yes but we did get dinner where did we get dinner at the at the hotel at the jw or j oh whatever yes yes jwb or something i can't yeah i can't remember what it's called but like that guy at the front desk who like at this point i was like oh we should never ask anyone for suggestions because they're all bad and wrong and because he was like i don't eat any food on the property it's all bad and we're like where should we go and then he was just that awful brunch place and then we were like well let's get dinner at this restaurant and we got dinner there and it was great delightful it was seasoned well it was great service was fast yeah it was nice it was very nice but then we were like let's not go back to the room let's go up to the 10th floor again that

was fun so we went back up there and they were training a girl to dj and it was bad it was like it was like she was like learning the controls she was slowing the music down speeding it up it was weird and we're like okay well we don't want to be here on her training day we gotta get out of here so we went to and we found out later. Oh, this is when Junkanoo was happening. We found out later, like everything was dead because Junkanoo, people were preparing for Junkanoo. But then we went to our room and the TV didn't work. We're like, at least we'll have TV. We hyped it up, too.

We're like, if nothing else, we have TV. TV will always entertain us. TV entertains. We love TV. You can depend on TV. And then TV entertain us. We got TV. TV entertains. We love TV. You can depend on TV. And then TV failed us. TV failed us. It did not work.

It turned on. Yes. And then that was it. That's it. But we couldn't get any channels, nothing streaming. But you could order a taxi. Which is a lie. Like, they had a taxi button, which I was like, there's no way.

There's no way. There's no way. That this place is technologically savvy enough to be able to order a taxi from the TV. Because the way we have seen it so far. We can't do anything else. It's been really hard. So we just watched TV on your computer. Uh-huh. We watched Glass Onion. Very good.

It was very good. Also, we found out one of the daily activities at this place is, can you find the salt shaker? There's just a salt shaker hidden around Margaritaville. But I'm 100% sure if you found it, no one would know what you were talking about. Because when we came back from jet skiing, my shoes were wet and I didn't want to walk in the hotel shoeless

because I'm not that girl. I don't see it for myself. That's disgusting for me. No judgment to anybody else who's a footless, shoeless person. But around the property are little signs that say, if your flip-flop broke, text 222 or go to the front desk and we'll replace that flip-flop. So I sent Sashirin to get me a flip-flop. Nobody knew what she was talking about. These people were standing next to a sign that says, we will give you a flip--flop and they looked her dead in the eye and said you can go buy some

at the store i don't know what you're talking about it was really wild oh so i bought her boy oh boy some bahamas flip-flops so she can never forget her experience i left them there i didn't want anything from bahamas but because bahamas didn't want to give me anything so i was like i'm not taking nothing back i didn't know you left them there. Left them there. I get it. Left. So the next day we found out we fully just missed Junkanoo because we're like, Mr. Marley,

we think we want to go to Junkanoo at like 10 or no, at like one. And he was like, one. Junkanoo is done. You missed it. We're like, okay, great. Fully insane. So we go to the four seasons we have lunch reservations there at this restaurant called dune it was great we had a great beach it was like peaceful and we were like yes let's never leave yes and i was, maybe we should have stayed at the Four Seasons. And then I looked it up.

It was $2,000 a room. And I was like, what? The disparity. Like, there's no middle ground. It's Margaritaville or Four Seasons. What happened to a La Quinta? Like, why is there nothing in the middle? Not even a Hilton.

I think there was a Hilton there. Oh, but I think that was expensive too. There was a courtyard. I think there was a Hilton there. But I think that was expensive too. There was a courtyard. I think there was a courtyard Marriott. Maybe. Like across the street from Junkin' New Beach. Oh, okay. That was not for me. But boy, oh boy.

Oh yeah, that was sold out. Let's get massages. So I looked up massages. The website was super confusing because it made it seem like we had to go back to Atlantis to get massages. So I looked up massages. The website was super confusing because it made it seem like we had to go back to Atlantis to get massages. And we were like, we're never stepping foot on Atlantis again. And the massage I saw at Atlantis was on the beach. Oh, yeah. There was this very red, heavyset man with the smallest towel covering his butt. And I was like, this seems like humiliation. This does not seem kind. And I was like, this seems like humiliation. This does not seem kind.

And I was like, Sashira, I will not let you do that. We can't. But then I just walked to the front desk. They answered my question. I found the spa and they were like, oh yeah, we have openings today

and it's here. You don't have to go to Atlantis. And I was like, oh, thank God. Signed us up for massages. We finished our meal. We had a long meal too because we were like, we are not leaving. And they kept being like, oh, thank God. Signed us up for massages. We finished our meal. We had a long meal too, because we were like, we are not leaving.

And they kept being like, are you done? And we were like, no. And they're like, are you okay? Fine. Do you want to leave? No. We shared now. And then there's a beach that you can go to,

but you had to be a guest to get a chair. And the people who work there explained that to us. And we were like, well, can we at least get a towel to sit on? And they were like, no, we can't give you towels. And then Nicole looked at one of the staff members. He was like, come on. Come on, my brother. Come on.

Come on. Give my sister a towel. Come on, my brother. You better please give me a towel. And then he laughed really hard and was like, you're going to get me in trouble. But then he gave us a towel and then was like, all right, walk a way we had to walk so far away just don't be seen we're like don't be seen by anybody and then i was so upset because i thought i was nary not gonna get nary have a drop of water near me otherwise i would have brought my bathing suit yeah and hopped right into the ocean because

i will the the beaches in bahamas are so fucking beautiful yeah so it kind of was like enough to just sit there but and then we like put our little toesies in we took pictures it was like a nice serene time just truly a treat yeah and then my massage oh it was a really good massage it was so good it was so good yeah she got knots out of my shoulders. It was great. And I felt so just aligned. And my robe didn't fit because the world is not made for people over a certain size, which is fine. But I was like kind of trying to hold it closed. And then she was trying to explain something to me.

And I was like, oh, can I just like lay down and take this off? And she was like, but you're boobies. And I was like, you're massaging me. Who cares? I was like, I don't care. And she's like, okay, I will try to look at just your face. And I was like, oh,obies and I was like you're massaging me who cares I was like I don't care and she's like okay I will try to look at just your face and I was like oh but I'm gonna wait and then I was like okay I'll just wait till you want me to lay down um and then when I stood up she was like your robe what if someone sees you and I did look and I was like oh there is a

chance someone could see me and I just said they would be so lucky and then she laughed too hard to the point where I was like are you laughing at my body or the joke i don't know but i feel serene which was the opposite of my experience because she was like rubbing my back but then like also the side of my boob like it was like the side of my body which happened to be the side of my boob and i was like well that's not necessary i just i didn't feel bad i wasn't gonna stop her but i was like all right and then her her own breasts were like resting on top of my head which again i was like it doesn't feel bad but i don't know why this is happening i feel like i was different begging for some titty action and nobody would give it to me from myself or from her i I was getting like too much to the action.

I was like, surely there's a different place you could stand where you could reach that area. But that's fine. And then when we signed the bill, the lady laughed at my signature. Oh yeah. Cause it was so big.

Well, they gave me so much space, but she openly laughed. She went, wow. And then laughed at me. And then we got back to Margaritaville and we asked for someone. No, wait.

We stayed longer at the Four Seasons. Oh, I forgot. We had dinner. We went because we went back to the bar and we were like, well, maybe let's get a drink and look at the sunset. And then we were like, oh, we can order food at the bar. We'll just stay here. So he ordered a meal.

We're like, we are not leaving this property. We love the Four Seasons. And it was great. It was delightful. I had snapper, I think. I'm now a fish girl. It was very, very good. I tasted your salmon.

I liked it, but I think I'm more like a white fish person. And then Mr. Marley came and picked us up, took us back to Margaritaville. We asked for our TV to get fixed and they said, surely nobody from tech support is here, but we'll send maintenance. And guess who they didn't send? Maintenance! Nobody came.

Nobody came. And we just watched more TV on our computer. and then this is like our last day i signed us up for a pig swimming adventure um i lost my fucking mind those pigs were so cute i was glad i brought my my water shoes my aquatic adventure shoes she was ready for adventure because those pigs just shit in the water they just one was like following someone and they don't swim with you and they don't say this what happens is you just have like sausage or like chicken sausage and you give it to them. And then they come into the water, they don't actually swim with you. And I was happy we went to this place because these were like pigs that were captive, like they're like in a farming thing or whatever. And if you go to Exuma,

those are literally wild pigs that will actually bite you. These ones are like domesticated a little bit. And they seemed happy. I think I hope the little one i picked up was delighted to be picked up and have his belly scratched so i think they're happy i hope they're happy i mean you're surrounded by all your favorite animals there's ducks there there are roosters chicken the most pretty ducks oh my god everything i could possibly want was at this island if i ever go back to bahamas that's where i'm gonna spend the whole whole time. And guess what? I'm never going back. So then we went in. Also, this, I don't want to put him on blast,

but the name of this tour is called Born Free. And our captain was a white man. And I was like, what in, and it's family owned. He said it was family owned. And I don't know if it's his family, but I was like curious what? And it's family owned. He said it was family owned. And I don't know if it's his family, but I was like, curious that a white tour company would call themselves born free in a black island. But hey, you know, whatever. So then we go and see turtles. And this little kid, he asked the captain, he's like, are we going to see sea turtles? And the captain he's like are we gonna see sea turtles and the captain was like

yeah and he was like he just couldn't be bothered this little boy name hudson hudson i'll never forget hudson hudson is very funny people keep yelling at us well Well, okay. Then we go to Harbor Island and the sand is pink. It is stunning. It's really pretty. Harbor Island was so breathtaking. And we were like the only ones there. Yeah. The sand was like compacted into the ground.

It was like so peaceful and beautiful. And the water was warm and oh God, it was just really incredible. I made a sandman. And then we went to Spanish Wells, which is a wild place. Spanish Wells is a white supremacist island in the Bahamas. And we get there. There's a Trump flag flying. And I was like, I took it.

I had a passport to get here. And I have to see a Trump flag of flying. And I was like, I took it. I had a passport to get here and I have to see a Trump flag. How wild. And then there's only white people there. And, uh, the captain was like, this is a huge, um, port for fishing. So like the fish you get in America is from here. The fish you get in Europe is from here. Bohemians buy their fish here. This is like a huge and i was like i was like putting things together i was like oh white people saw a huge market to make money and took it over and it was weird and then i asked mr marley later and he was like yeah

that's exactly what it is and i was like oh okay and then i went online and found out it was a sundown island i don't know if it's still a sundown island i don't think it's what it was for a while should have been yeah and if you don't know what a sundown anything is we have sundown towns here historically appleton wisconsin is one the city i hate the most in the united states um it means at like 5 p.m everybody black has to leave that area you can't live there you can work there but you have to leave otherwise it's like the purge and they can do whatever otherwise your safety is not promised yeah so that's what spanish wells is and i was pretty upset that uh this tour brought us to a white supremacist island and then this trip advisor review this woman and her family stayed there

and she was like the only reason my family was welcomed here and it was reiterated almost every day is because we were white and they would go blacks are over there and I was like oh my god I can't believe and then we it takes like an hour and a half also we're on a speedboat I thought this was like a normal boat it's a speed boat it is bumpy it is choppy my friend sashira was lulled to sleep on the way out and then on the way back was was worried that we were gonna die yeah and then because in the morning there wasn't like a bunch of boats on so it was like a peaceful ride and then on the way back all the boats were on the water. So it was like, we were like airborne at parts. Oh,

and he had his girlfriend. He brought his girlfriend on board to come back with us. And maybe his dad. Maybe his dad. It was like a random old man. And then a young woman who we, who were not there when we originally took this trip. No.

And then we see Atlantis. We have never been happier to see this monstrosity we're like we're almost home and then he turns off the engine and is like who wants to go snorkeling and i was like no one no one here wants to go snorkeling it didn't make sense because it was like the sun was setting it was dark like it was cold choppy as fuck like why are we snorkeling now the woman in the back's like i I'm going snorkeling. And then this dad and Hudson get in. And Hudson's like, um, excuse me.

Um, I don't, I'm not sure what to do. And they're like, just put your face in the water, Hudson. Just blow out of the thing, Hudson. Yeah, I just, I don't know if this fits me super well. Um, I just, I think it's broken. And they're like, Hudson, put your head under the water and look at the coral i'm sorry where's the coral so we're all listening to poor hudson be humiliated by his family and then they throw a life preserver out for hudson which i don't think was necessary i think they were like, wrap it up, Hudson. And they just threw

a life preserve at him. And I don't think he needed it. It was so embarrassing. And he's like, um, I don't know if I saw anything. And they're like, Hudson, put your head in the water. Um, I don't really, he didn't even want to do it. And they're like, Hudson, get in there.

Hudson, get in the water. I was like, I really feel for Hudson. So funny to listen to his whole family scream at him. And Hudson's mom earlier was like, so much for a dry January. And then so she was like, should I have told her I'm not drinking? Yeah, like you don't have to be drinking. There was a cooler full of booze because there always is somewhere. She's like cracking them open. Like, huh? Guess I guess I'm gonna be drinking there was a cooler full of booze because there always is somewhere and she's like cracking them open like huh guess i guess i'm gonna be drinking it's like you don't have to it's not part of the trip you don't it's not like a requirement and then hudson and his

dad get back on and he's like i saw a big crab and hudson's like I didn't really see anything he's like yeah I don't look Hudson and I just felt so bad for Hudson um and then we're exhausted this tour went from 8 a.m to 5 p.m long and I it was fun but the like the last three things I didn't need I was like I didn't know we yeah still had more trip why are we doing this yeah I didn't need. I was like, I didn't know we still had more trip. Why are we doing this? Yeah, I didn't need to take a golf cart around an island where the people who lived there were sunburned white people who were truly giving us dirty looks like they were mad that we were there. So then we like get back. We're tired. We shower. We're like, let's go to this Italian place in the in the hotel. And we walk in and it's pitch black. And I just shower. We're like, let's go to this Italian place in the hotel. And we walk in and it's pitch black.

And I just laughed because I was like, how are we allowed in here if it's closed? And then Sashir's like, can we order things? And she goes, no, you got to go downstairs. And Sashir's like, where downstairs? And she's like, you see an elevator? Hit the down button. Go downstairs. I was like, I understand how to go downstairs.

But where do we order the food? I've literally never seen an area to order the food. I was like, so sure, we just have to go down. I know where it is. And you were like, okay. And I was like, I don't know where it is, but that lady was not going to help us. Yeah, we just needed to leave that place. So we went to a different restaurant there in Margaritaville. Because we couldn't figure it out. Yeah. But it was great. The food there was great. It was delicious. We should have never listened to that man at the front desk.

No, never. So then we're leaving Bahamas the next day. We're so excited. And our flight is delayed. So she's got global entry. So she zips on by. So she's got global entry. So she zips on by. I do not have global entry. I think I spent an hour in that line.

Maybe more. I don't know. But I did sign up for global entry while I was in that line because I was like, never again. And there was a baby online screaming so hard that the officials took the family out of the line and expedited them because the babies weren't going to stop crying and they were like and the parents were tired because they probably had a vacation like us and they were like i don't know what to do and they scooped them out of line and then this other this grown adult was like what if i cry and i was like don't you dare they're not going to come get you so i walk through the line and i see TCBY the country's best yogurt I am like the

Bahamas wants me to leave because this is a treat so I get me so I asked this year first I was like is our flight boarding she's like no I was like great I'm gonna get me some yogurt I get me some yogurt oh it slides down it good. I am elated. And then we finally take off, land in Atlanta, and then you had to go to war. There was a bunch of Marines there. The whole army was there. All the U.S. military was just in the Atlanta airport. I was like, what?

Am I going to get recruited? Is this how it happens? Just get off a plane and become part of the army what's happening I don't know how I thought people in the military got like transported places but I thought they had their own plane but I guess they just fly commercial and fly through the Atlantic yeah it's like the army doesn't have it private like they have to go through the biggest hub that we all have to go through. Yeah. They're all diamond divas for Delta.

But I was, so she so kindly was like, oh, my next flight is also delayed. So I'm supposed to leave at six. It's delayed to 945. So she was like, do you want to come to my place in Atlanta and fly out in the morning? And I was like, honestly, yes, but I have to go home. I can no longer pull these bags around with me. They're heavy and I'm tired. And I was

like, thank you for the offer, but I have to forge ahead. So I forge ahead. And I was like, and when I landed, I was like, okay, let me switch to the 745 or no 750. Um, so I get to the, to the airport lounge. I'm there for like three hours. This man comes up to me and he's like traveling alone. And I said, no, I just left my friend. She's staying in Atlanta and I'm going home. And he's like, where'd you go? And I said, Bahamas. He said, did you get on a cruise? And I was like, you couldn't pay me to get on a fucking cruise. Okay. Everyone who's ever been on a cruise is a fucking lunatic. And then he's like, but all the food. And I was like, I can get all the food I want anywhere I want. I'm just not getting on a cruise. I'm not getting straight in the middle of the ocean.

I've been there. I've done it. It doesn't seem ideal. So then I get to the gate. We board at 7.15, a nice time. Get on board. Everyone's seated or sitting. And then the guy who ends up sitting next to me was sitting across the aisle, but this couple wanted to sit next to each other. So they switch. And I was like, oh, our monitors don't work. You should switch back. And he was like, nah, it's fine.

It's fine. And I didn't know how to say, if you switch back, they'll ask me to switch. And then in turn, I get a monitor that works and I can watch movies. But alas, that didn't happen. And then he was like, I got to charge my phone. And then the plugs didn't work. And the flight attendant said, do you want me to take your phone? And I can charge.

And I was like, can you take mine? So she takes mine. But the guy next to me is like, no, I can charge it through my laptop. So then he opens the overhead bin to get his laptop and takes out a pizza box. And I was like, this man is storing a pizza box? He doesn't take nary a bite, gets his computer out, puts the pizza box back up top. And I was like, that was weird. And then he's charging his laptop.

And then the pilot puts on a backpack and leaves the plane. And I was like, what? And then the flight attendant gets on the loudspeaker and goes, we need to get a new flight crew. And we were like, okay. So we wait two full hours at the gate before the flight attendant says, I don't know why, but all of you need to deplane. So we all get off the plane and we get back up to the gate. The gate agent goes, some of these passengers had some choice words for me. They were not nice choice words. So I made all y'all get off the plane. And it made me laugh. I was the only person

laughing. I was like, yeah, don't be mean to the gate agent. They have the power. Flight attendants have the power. Pilots have the, if we want to go, we all have to be nice. So then the, there's another announcement that's like, we don't have a pilot. Um, also there was a pilot that was supposed to land at 830 that was going to come fly the plane, but then he refused it and decided to go to Orange County because they have a curfew. So if you accept a flight to Orange County, you have to leave. Like there just won't be any more delays. Like you have to make it. So after all the Orange County flights were filled by pilots, then the LA flights were filled by other pilots, I guess. I don't know. So then I said to the gate agent, I was like, I know you're not a mind reader, but there's another flight that leaves at 11. Do they have a pilot? She's like, you could try. And I said, okay said okay and she's like also they're boarding at b42 and we were at like a29 and I

was like is their first class available she's like no and I was like uh then I'm not going anywhere because guess what you guys I'd rather sleep in an airport than fly economy I'm too fat so then I go to the other gate to try to get on the other plane. And then there's this man who, he didn't announce it, but he said it loud enough for the people standing there. He was like, the other flight has a pilot. So I run back over and there's a huge line and I never cut lines, but I was like, I have to go home. So I just like went up to her and I was like, hi, I'm so sorry.

And then this man was like, I've been waiting here since 4 p.m. And I was like, we've all been here since 4 p.m. And then the gate agent was like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then she told the man to stand over there. I don't know if he got on this plane, but he was being rude to her. So he had to go stand over there. She puts me back on the plane. We all get back on the plane. The boarding door closes. The flight attendant is like, I couldn't say this before, but I'll say it now. The boarding door is closed. And everyone starts clapping. And almost immediately the pilot gets on the last we actually have to refuel because the plane has been sitting here for two hours. So we just wasted two hours of fuel. And then everyone was like, oh no. And then we sit there for like another 15,

20 minutes. And then we pull back or whatever. The pilot's like, we are number. And I was like, number what for departure? Like, what do you mean? We just, we just have to go. And then he ends up being like, we are number one for departure. And then we take off and I was supposed to land at 8 p.m. I did not land until 1.30 in the fucking morning. And all I wanted to do was go home and I had no TV. So I slept for most of the time. I tried to read, but it's hard to read in pitch black with just the light on you. It was, it was a whole mess, but I did make home and that was that was our trip to bahamas that was our trip to the bahamas two hours of content i mean it was truly every single day something weird happened yes yeah and i can't say it was relaxing. It was the least relaxing trip I've ever had in my whole life.

Because when we did relax, I'd be like, but what else is going to happen? I know. Oh, yeah. Before we left, you were like, hey, Nicole, should we make a list of nice things that happened? And I said, yeah, we should, because we did this. We did a trip. And then it was really hard to come up with nice things that had happened.

But we were like, this shows that you and I can handle anything. Yes, because we never yelled at each other. Oh, my God. Yeah, we never got in a fight. We never got so frustrated that we, like, lost it. We just laughed at everything. We're kind of like, like okay that's what this is

that's what this trip is and we just have to ride it out yeah it was truly wild and honestly you could pay me zero i would never go back there like you'd have to pay me a lot of money i mean i don't know if i yeah you just pay me a lot of money or i just i don't know if i i don't even know how much money it would take for me to go back i would never go back i don't know how much money either but i know i would go back if someone had like a private house on an island and a yacht yes and there was like a private plane that took me there like it would just have to be like everything was like thought out beforehand because yeah boy oh boy we also

realized this i think this will be our last airbnb experience because yeah what the fuck because what are we paying for if people are asking us to clean our own shit buy our own supplies like for if people are asking us to clean our own shit buy our own supplies like i'd rather be in a hotel why same the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction airbnbs do not benefit me in any capacity now i'd rather be in a hotel people actually take care of the room except for margaritaville where they'll clean your room but at 9 a.m or 6 p p.m. And there was no in-between. But at least it got cleaned, you know? At least it got cleaned, yes. Well, okay, guys, I have a question for you. Last episode, you dropped this lovely little tangent

and it never got picked up, which is that your dear friend Gerard ended up in the hospital. Oh my God! I would love to hear the rest of that story. I'm sure the listeners are wondering as well. Yes, Gerard, the one person who seemed like helpful I would love to hear the rest of that story. That's all right. I'm sure the listeners are wondering as well. Yes. Gerard, the one person who seemed like helpful and nice and supportive and wanted us to have a great time, linked us with a driver, gave us restaurant suggestions.

Okay. So I don't remember what day it was, but he had texted me. It was like two days after we met him. Yes. He texted me and he's like, I hope you're having a great trip. Something happened to my shoulder. And now I'm in the hospital. So I won't be able to, like, see you or hang out with you anymore.

But good luck. And I was like, what? Our one friend. Our one friend. And you told me. And I truly screamed. And I was like, but he was our only friend here. Also, how old do you guys think Mr. Marley was?

It sounded like I would have guessed like late. He had like dad vibes. So it sounded like late 50s, early 60s. 31 years old. This man was younger than us. And made us call him Mr. And every time we came back from an activity, we'd be like, Mr. Marley, it was so fun.

We felt like children. It felt like our dad picking us up from soccer practice. We're like, Mr. Marley. And he's like, did you have a great day? We're like, yeah, we went swimming. Yeah, we did. We saw turtles. Oh, man.

Yeah, so. I would give it a seven. i give the whole trip a seven honestly i i would too would give it like a seven it was very funny beautiful beaches we swam together that was nice and peaceful the last two days were really really great yes we did have six days there, but the last two were really great. Yeah. I had a really lovely time. Yeah. I mean, it was stressful, but like adventures are sometimes stressful.

Yeah. You know, there's danger at every turn. Will I be thrown from another water vehicle? And really, it's like, maybe if we start, if wherever we were supposed to stay worked out, maybe we would have had a different experience because that really set us on a domino effect of like, what the fuck is happening here? Sure did.

And that wasn't our fault. I'm glad that we didn't stay at the Airbnb because it wasn't near anything and it was not easy to leave it because cabs would not come to us. And then we never wanted to talk to the Airbnb host to figure out anything. No. She was not helpful.

She'd be sitting there. She because she never answered her phone. Like and then when she did answer it, she'd be like, well, yeah, when I called her, I was like, we're at the airport. He's like, she was like, are you at the house? And I was like, what? We just texted about being at the airport. It was all very confusing. And then they didn't

want to give me back my deposit. So I messaged them three times a day until they gave me my then I started a dispute with my credit card company and then they gave me my money back. It was a whole long drawn out process. But my review is finally posted on airbnb should i read it oh please yes i checked today because i was like is it up okay wow this place was very very expensive and covered in stains the headboard to the couch to the toilet because there's on the toilet to the duvet all of it was absolutely disgusting the woman checking us in was intrusive and not helpful she lost our keys for a while which was fun the refrigerator was broken and leaking even the empty garbage can stunk the outside of the place is rusty and nasty the host was kind of quick to

respond to us when we were at the airport but we still waited a solid 30 to be transported in the wildest van i've ever been in luggage thrownuggage thrown in with no cares. Honestly, I wouldn't wish this place on my least favorite friend nor enemy. It's just too mean. LOL, LOL, how could I forget the staircase wasn't even finished? I thought I would die with every trip up and down. Also, no extra toilet paper, no paper towels, no soap.

Just an old two-in-one conditioner slash shampoo that had been refilled. Truly wildly comical how bad this place was. XOXO, this place sucks. In Nassau, New Providence, Bahamas. Terrible. That's our show. That's all the time we have.

And that's it! Which also, this is another example of why we need a travel agent. And... We learned our lesson. We will get a travel agent next time who will help us. If you have any suggestions for us, you can email us at NicoleInstashare at gmail.com or call or text us at 424-645-7003. Listen, we also have merch at

podswag.com slash bestfriends. And we have transcripts for you to read of all our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show.

Also, what's another good place to visit? Yeah, tell us good places to go. We would like to know good places where you've had a good time and a good experience. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye-bye.