Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole and Sasheer: The Musical

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

We’re back with another extra special solo ep of Best Friends! Nicole and Sasheer chat about romanticizing the New York subway experience, wonder about the moral of Forrest Gump, and each share what the musical of their life story would look like.Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Hello, this year. Hello, Nicole. How are you? I'm good. How are you? You know, this sun is out.

Yes. It's shining. There's nothing bad in my house. Okay. Nothing bad in the life. I love that. I'm doing good. I'm doing great.

I don't know. I was trying to figure out like a different, you know, like, I'm good. That's great. But I want to say more things. and I'm good. I feel like there used to be a lot of really fun, old-timey sayings that people would use. It's like, can't complain about the rain that's not here or, you know. My two feet still tapping on the ground.

My camel's got two humps. I'm doing good. Sneakers don't have holes. Feet are dry. No trench foot here. I'm good. Gas in the car. I can go far.

That's good. Gas in the car? I can go far. Yeah. Why don't we have those sayings anymore? I don't know. It's just like, good. I'm fine.

Whatever. I also saw a video that was like kind of a guide for people from other countries visiting America on phrases that, like what phrases actually mean. So like saying like, I'm good means fine and saying I'm fine is bad. And how are you doing is not actually a question. It's just a greeting. Like, how are you doing? Like you don't actually answer it like things like that that Americans do.

It is weird that we go, so how are you? And I've done this where I'm like, oh, hey, how are you? And they're like, good. I. And I'm like, I don't want to answer. No. I don't want to talk to you. I was just...

But now when I see people and I actually don't care about how they're doing, I'm like, hi, good to see you. So if you ever hear me say, hi, good to see you, it means I'll give a shit about you. Oh, no. Don't reveal that. Don't reveal your truth. Now I'm going to start saying how you're doing to everybody.

Just in case they saw this. Sometimes I really don't care how you're new. It's like not the moment. No. Yeah, probably like in depth. Like we have, like we're having dinner or something. Yes. Do tell me how you're doing.

But this is like a passing. I just walked in. If we're having cocktails, past hors d'oeuvres, that's not the time. Not the time. Not the time. I'm trying to figure out what's coming out that door next. I can't even focus on what you're saying. No.

Are there sliders here? Yeah, I'm mostly looking at the door. Oh, we were at a screening recently. and like kept getting closer and closer to the kitchen door to get to the hors that were coming out. And then there was a woman who was all up in your business. She was so wild in a way that I was like, okay, we have to go. We just actually can't be here anymore.

Because once I think it's just because I have like a round friendly face and even like my resting face is kind of just like, sure, please talk to me. So, like, once those people start talking, it's like, well, that's when I know I need to leave. Yeah, because then more will come. Yes. They'll all find me.

Like, she wants to hear how I'm doing it. And I'm like, I can assure you, I don't. But at one point, I can't remember what she says, but I was like, they're French fries. And she's like, no, I'm asking you if they're good. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I was like, oh, my God. Yes, she was like, what's this?

And she, like, pointed her finger in your cup, Like inside, I was like, whoa. She was so familiar with you. I was like, I knew she didn't know you. But she was so familiar that I was like, you guys must have met at some point. Never before in my whole life. I don't know that woman, Maury. I do not know her.

It was, yeah, people do that to me all the time. That's really good. I'm like, I think I've been in conversations with someone being incredibly familiar. And then I'm like, I must have met them at some point. And then they'll be really close touching me being like, it's so nice to meet you. And I'm like, okay, I don't know you. Yeah.

Why are you on me like this? Yeah. I was out of show. And this girl was like talking to other people I knew. So I thought maybe we had met or maybe common friends. And so she was like, hi. And I was like, hi. And I gave her a hug.

And we were like chatting. And then at some point I was like, I do not know this person. at all. And she acknowledged that too. She was like, she was like, it's so great to meet you. And I was like, oh, yeah. Okay.

I don't know you. And then I couldn't figure out how to get out of the conversation. And then someone else came. And I was like, I'm just going to go over here. And I left them with that person. She was nice, but I was like, I can't, I don't want to be here anymore.

Yeah. Sometimes I don't have the bandwidth to like get to know somebody. And then sometimes I will lock in and be like, it's now getting to know you time. Let's do this. It really varies. Sometimes I am like, hey, stranger, tell me your whole life.

We're going to be best friends for this hour. For this hour, we're besties. And then sometimes I'm like, hmm, there's so many people over there that I know. Yeah, I'd rather be over there. That if I want to go on autopilot, they'll he-he-ha-ha-ha, and I can nod my head for a little bit. Yeah. That's what, because when you're talking to somebody you don't know, you have to lock it and you have to listen. Listen.

Yeah. Friends. The attention's gone. Yeah. You can leave and come when you want. I've been in many of a conversation and been like, I'm so sorry. I was out. What were you saying again?

And everyone's like, yeah, girl, whatever. Or the stranger, you can't say, I wasn't listening to you. I wasn't listening to you. You're the only one talking and I wasn't even here. The lights were off. Nobody was home. I definitely had more energy for that. New York and in my 20s.

Yeah. There's so many strangers I met in bars or they know my whole life story. We were just like, we're in this world together. We are out. We are out. You're my best friend. And I never saw them again. They just like have all this information about me.

Yeah. Or probably not because I don't remember anything that they said. But I will say when I go to New York, it is easier for me to get in that mode. Yes. I will just talk to people. people in New York. Because that's how New York adventures happen. Yeah.

And I think, like, people are like New Yorkers aren't friendly. Yes, they are. Yeah. They are. They just don't want your bullshit. Like, if you're in a bar, read the room. Like, you'll know pretty quickly who's down to clown and who's not down to clown. Yeah.

Here, I feel like nobody's really down to clown. And I get it. We're all going to get back in our cars and go home. And I like that. In L.A., I want to go home. In New York, adventure. Yes. Get on the subway?

Mm-hmm. I am so impressed that you're a subway girl now. Like for such a long time, you're like, I'll never get on the subway. Disgusting, pu, p, puh. And now you're like, I can't wait to get back on the subway. I love the subway. I love the subway so much. It is such a wonderful way to people watch.

It is a wonderful way to get like 20 minutes in of like reading a book. Yeah, that is nice. listening to some tunes, some jams. Well, the reason why I became an un-subway girl. An un-subway girl? You got de-subwayed? I got de-subwayed. I had this revelation when I was like, I love the train.

I just got too fat to enjoy going up and down the stairs. And then walking to the subway and then walking back from the subway, I was like, oh, huffin and puffin'n. It is a workout. going up and downstairs, and then the temperature change is crazy. Like, if it's, like, cold outside and boiling inside, everyone else is sweaty, you're taking off your coats, there's no room for your coats. It's like, it can be uncomfortable.

Yes. And now, in a smaller body, the temperature change is, so, like, I'm not getting as hot walking, so then the temperature change isn't as drastic. Yeah. Because you heard me in the summer. I was, I think I called you from the subway station. Like, you'll never guess where I am. So funny.

In hindsight, I was not alone, and I probably sounded crazy. And then soon, I'll be on a train. I mean, hopefully they're just like, oh, she's having a great day on the train. I was leaving my friends who they had just had a baby, and I went to go see that baby before it got too old for me, which sounds insane. But I just love holding babies. And I was like, where is the train? Where is it close to your apartment?

And they were like, oh, it's a walk. You should just take a car. And I was like, I won't. And I loved that walk. And then I loved that 45-minute train ride. I had such a wonderful time. Oh, good. I love, give me a subway.

Or give me death. I do like a subway. I loved going from Brooklyn to Manhattan on the train, because then you go over the bridge. and you can see the other bridges. And then, I don't, I mean, I'm not particularly patriotic, but there's also like an American flag

on top of the bridge. And it'd be blowing in the wind. I'm like, Ah, New York City. So, sure, that's so funny. But I feel like that's what New York brings out in you. Yeah.

Because it's such a magical place. Like, the skyline from any point looks incredible. At night, it is so beautiful. I lived at 1.25th for a long time, so it goes above ground then. And every time I was going home and the train would emerge, I'd be like, it's like we're being bathed. And we're going to Harlem.

Yeah. It happens now when I do it because sometimes I'll just go up there just to like walk around and reminisce. Yeah. I wish more cities in America were like New York. Yeah. There's none. No. And D.C. is like a decent, you know, metro train system.

But it's not like New York. Where in New York. Almost anywhere you live in Manhattan, you are walking distance to a train. Not almost. Anywhere you live in Manhattan, you are walking distance to a train. Even in Brooklyn, even far out. It's like, okay, maybe it's a 15-minute. walk, but it's 15 minutes or a bus.

Yeah. Like, here, my friend visited L.A., and she said she took a train to my house, and I said, you did? It took her two hours. I think she was coming from L.A.X. Wow. It took her two hours, but she was like, I just wanted to see what the subway or the train system was like.

Interesting. But she had to take, I think she took a flyaway bus to a bus, to a train, to a train, to a, like, it was a lot of fucking transfers. I would have gave up an hour in. Exactly. I'm getting an Uber from this stop. This year, I would have given up before I began. Yeah.

I would have looked at my phone and said, I got to do what? And I would have said, two hours. Like, I don't know. I mean, I guess if you don't want to spend all that money. Well, so I'm like, time is money. Time is money. Well, she was also like on a vacation. Yeah.

And then I was working. Yeah. So it was like, what, am I going to sit at Nicole's without her? No, I'll figure out the transit. I'm from New York City. I can get anywhere. And then she was like, what? Yeah, it's very different here.

Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. I should be able to go to Houston and get around Houston. Yeah. I should be able to get around Dallas. You would think. Yeah, but it's not that kind of culture down there. No, it's not that kind of culture like in any city, except for New York.

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Big lights will inspire you. I cannot believe that's how the Alicia Keys musical ends. You can't believe how else would it end? Of course it ends like that. I don't know. I guess you're right. It's a show about New York on Broadway in New York.

Of course they're going to end on that song. All right. All right. You're right. If you were to do a musical about your life, Mm-hmm. What parts of your life would you want included? Hmm.

That's a good question. Okay, this has to be something for my childhood, which would be maybe, maybe there'd be like a montage of me moving from different places. Ooh, okay. And it's like, got to go to Kentucky. Gotta go to Virginia. Now we're in Texas.

Yee-ha! Okay. It's just me bouncing around to difference. States and the country. Okay, okay. Let's design this. Okay. So there's boxes on stage and every time you're in a new place, there's a kid in a box.

Yeah. Dress like that location. Yes. And then lights out, get in a new box. Yes. Okay, okay, okay. It's also funny because, like, I can't think of all the distinct things of each state. Like, Texas is pretty easy.

Yaha. Then there's Kentucky. Yeeha. Oh, yeah. Maybe there's horses? No. Okay. Virginia.

The Declaration of Independence. Great. Yeah, you're wearing a white wig. Sure. Sure. And scrolls. Absolutely. California.

Serfs up, dude. And is that where I went? I was in Kentucky, Texas, Virginia, California. I guess it was it. Oh, then Indiana. Corn? Hoosiers. Basketball?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It would be a basketball dance. Everyone's like, because that's where you end up. Exactly. So then she pops out of the box with the basketballs and then there's a basketball dance.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then someone throws me into a hoop. And then the show shut down. Like, too many stunts. You can't throw a child into a hoop. I'm like, that's the vision of the show. She has to be thrown through a hoop. So that's how to start.

Okay. As always the beginning. And then when she's older, let's see, what's a formative memory from my teen years? Maybe when I first do a musical, when I start performing and discover like, wait, I really like this. Could this be my life? I don't have to be an athlete. I can be a singer and a star. And then the girl playing basketball gets shot.

Oh, my God. Well, because you don't have to be that. You don't have to be her. Well, she just be, go away. Oh, okay. She doesn't get shot. Oh, okay. She can fade away.

I guess so it creates some sort of turmoil. Yeah, we need, what is the turmoil? What is the turmoil? Mm. I was actually talking about the story the other day about when I wanted to go to Tokyo Disney after college. And then I didn't get it. And then I was like, what am I doing with my life? So maybe she's like, I don't know what's going on.

Mm. And then she moves to New York and it's like, I figured it out. Improv! I would love to see a scripted improv scene in a Broadway show. I wouldn't. I would really like to see that. I think that would be very, very funny. It's really unfortunate because improv, when it's good, can be so magical and so amazing to watch and to do.

But any time it's replicated in film or TV is horrendous. And they make it look embarrassing, which sucks. Like that's the joke. It's like someone's, someone's roommate's like, cut in my improv show. And they're all like, oh, welcome to Burger King where we serve poop. And everyone's like, where we serve. This is what you did. Welcome to Burger King where we serve poop.

I'm wearing a Burger King crown. Oh, okay. Okay, let's take a break and work on your crown word. I haven't done improv in a while. Have you ever had a thought so out of nowhere, so embarrassing, so completely wrong that you couldn't even tell your best friend? What if I said something that seriously hurt someone and didn't even realize it? What if I'm secretly a terrible person and everyone can see it except me? And no matter what you do to try to feel better, it just keeps coming back.

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Oh my goodness. Birthdays are happening all the time. Everywhere you look, left, right, up and down, people are having birthday. and you don't want to just get them a gift card or just a card or you don't want to get something just like right off the shelf. You want to get them something personal, something really,

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Right now, save 15% on your first order at zazzle.com. That's 25% savings on your first. order at zazzle.com. Go make something's amazing.zazzle.com. No, but you're absolutely right. I have seen so many magical shows and I've been a part of magical shows. I've also been a part of like magical shows and then seen the footage from the show and I'm like, it is funny, but it was not as funny as it was in the moment. Because in the moment, because in the moment, it's like, we're making this up. Yeah. But when you watch it on film, it's like, well, we could have punched that up.

But it's also like, yeah, in the moment. But also like, yeah, something about watching it in the room feels electric, even for the audience, because they know what's happening. Yeah. But when you watch it recorded and played back to you, you're like, I guess it was funny. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. There is, I've been served on. I've been served. You've been served. On Instagram, it's like, so there's a back line.

I guess this is a short form game. I don't know. We do long form improv. Oh yeah, that's us. The artsy version. The artsy version, the one that is good. Short form's a lot of games. And I think this is a short form troupe where there's a backline and somebody will call

out what they need to do. It'll be like, world. worst doctor. And then, have I sent this to you? I don't know. And then one at a time people will step out and say like, align as the world's worst doctor. It'll be like, oh no, nurse, I lost my scalpel in the patient. Wait, that one was funny. There aren't as good. I don't want to say that. I don't and shit on them. But it keeps getting served to be, I guess the algorithm's like, you love improv, you fucking nerd. Well, if you keep watching, it's going to be like, you must love it.

Yeah, I really like them. Yeah. And I think they're doing a show coming up. And I was like, should I fly to where they are and go and go see this improv troupe that I saw on the internet? That'll be just as good. Also something that was served to me today. I had a big old shit, and I was just on my phone. This woman was like, I'm at Ross.

Ross is having a clearance sale. She got sneakers for $0.49. Whoa. She got, like, kids sneakers, but then adult sneakers for, like, $2.99. Huh. And then I was like... Is Ross going on a business? I don't know, but I was like, how much is any...

anything. Yeah, like, yeah, why, the numbers seem arbitrary. Like, if you can sell it for 49 cents, why are you sell, why, why did it start at like 200 or something? Yes. Yeah. That's weird. And then I was like, if you can get new stuff for 49 cents, the thrift stores are very overpriced. Oh, absolutely.

But then everything we already need is already made. Mm-hmm. I really got into a spiral of, like. So you could get sneakers for 49. Same sense. You can go to a thrift store, get the same sneakers probably for like $25. Everything we need is already made, but then companies are just going to keep making new things. We will become Wally.

We're going to live on trash. And then we're going to have little roller coaster zooming us around. I got to rewatch Wally. Is that what happens in it? Kind of, yeah. It's like a trash planet. And then everyone gets on a cruise ship and flies to space. And they do that so that the rolloquester.

robots that they made can clean up Earth. But then I forget, for some reason, there's an issue why that stopped happening. And so now humans are just like orbiting the Earth on this cruise ship in their little wheelchairs. Wow. Oh, because I think Wally has to look for evidence of life being able to be lived on Earth. Oh. And then when he finds a little plant, he's like, humans can come back now. I gotta rewatch Wally.

It's a really good movie. I remember being like boo-hoo-hoo-hooing. Oh, yeah. They'll do that to you. Wait, what's your musical? Tell me. Sing it. Say it. Say it loud.

Say it proud. Say it loud, say it proud. Okay. I guess we can start off at me as a little kid in little underwear and a little white tank top with a little karaoke machine where I'm singing Tina Turner. Because my parents used to call me Tina because I would just scream,

and then they got me a karaoke machine to scream into. Which in hindsight, I was like, that's a crazy thing that they did. But fun, that they supported my loudness and said, be louder. Yeah, that is nice. So I guess we could start there. And then, let's see, what song, what Tina's song? Simply the best. Yeah, definitely.

And then we'll go to school where all the teachers are, to me. Oh, no. And then I'll go, it's a hard not life for me. It's a hard not life for me. This is why you can use a song because it's, because I changed it enough.

It's called an adaptation. Get on board, sister. I see. And then we'll go to high school where I cycle through shot put and then the plays and then tragically, Mommy dies.

Tragic. End of Act 1. Damn. Beginning of Act 2. She's an acting skue. Nice. Daddy dies. Oh, more tragedy hits. Pretty quick. Yeah. And then

the rest of Act 2 is how I triumph even though my parents are dead. Okay. It's a pretty good musical. It's a pretty good musical. Okay. It's got wins. Highs, lows, losses. It's got it all. All of it. Mean teachers. I got my own

Mr. Trunch Bulls. Boo. Yeah, I hate somebody. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sometimes I wonder what happened to Raldol. Did something happen to him? As a child or something, I don't know. He wrote Matilda.

Oh, I see. With Ms. Trunchball. Yeah. Willy Wonka, children are being murdered. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Apparently, the sequel to Willy Wonka, I believe it's called The Glass Elevator, and I think it's, like, so racist or misogynist or something

that, like, that's why it hasn't been adapted. and it's not that good. Oh, no. Then you have the twits where there's like an evil family. I think they're trying to like do something to kids, kill him or something. Oh, God. Right? Roll Doll's books are dark.

The witches. Yeah. I wonder what happened. Like, do we think it's like he dislikes kids or something happened to him as a kid? Or maybe he thought people didn't like him when he was a kid. I don't know. I'm like, maybe he's writing from experience. Maybe he had a teacher who was so mean to him and he wanted to escape her by using his mind.

That's why he wrote Matilda. Yeah. Maybe there was children who wouldn't let him have sweets. So he killed them off in Willy Wonka. Maybe there was three aunts that he had that felt like witches. So he wrote the witches. Maybe. Maybe his dad was so large that he wrote the bee.

Did you find anything about his childhood or his life? Yeah, so he's been, he's had some public anti-Semitic remarks. Oh, shit. General portrayal of women is either nurturing or evil. And you're right about the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory sequel. There was a lot of racist. I remember, I think it was fourth grade because that's when I read all lot of raw doll.

And I remember starting the glass elevator and being like, whoa, this is not for me. But I simply couldn't remember what it was about. Yeah. I just remember starting it and going, no, no, no. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Do you think it was like racism against the oompa's?

No, Sishir. I don't like. No, but they, why not? They're already slaves. Fair, but I think it was like global racism. Not racism within the world he created. It was a good question. What were you going to say hi?

Oh, that there was controversy about how the umpalumpas are portrayed. Because they were originally cast as African pygmies. And that was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then as far as like the why, I don't think that one thing happened to him. He just grew up like pre-World War II Britain. Oh.

Okay. Those are dark times. Yeah. Another sequel that's two bonkers to be produced is the sequel to Forrest Gump. Oh, I didn't know there was one. Mm-hmm. And just like how he's at like major events throughout history. I believe he was at 9-11.

And I can't remember the other stuff that he was involved with. But yeah, it was like too whack-a-do. Do you mind looking that up? Yeah. Yeah, we're not so removed from that. Yeah, we won't be doing that. Wait, what should I start? The sequel to Forrest Gump.

I mean, the Forrest Gump, the first one was... It couldn't get made today. No. People would be like, what are you talking about? Okay. Forest Gump, too, was never made because the creators felt the original story had a complete conclusion. Although a script was developed in 2001, it became irrelevant after 9-11 because the intended plot felt too dark. And Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis lost interest.

But is there a book that's a sequel to Forrest Gump? Yes. Gump and Co. It came out in 1995, and it continues for its life through the 1980s, featuring his struggles with poverty, raising his son, and navigating events like the Exxon Valdez spill, the fall of the Berlin Wall and meeting Saddam Hussein. Okay, so it wasn't 9-11. He meets Saddam Hussein. I might actually have to read it. That was wilder than I could ever. Why does he meet Saddam Hussein?

It sounds like a dream. He's like, so I was at the Berlin Wall and then Saddam was there. Well, I mean, the first movie is like a fever dream. He taught Elvis how to dance. He just survived hurricanes and became the king of shrimp. There was no other boat. Yeah, it's really wild. Uh-huh.

What's the, like, moral of forest... Or, like, was there, like, a thing we're supposed to get from it? Or just like, whoa, crazy that this guy lived through all this stuff. I think maybe the moral is if somebody talks to you on a bench, talk back. Or life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. But, like, what does that even mean? You, it's not even like, it's not like seize the day.

Life is like a box of chocolate. Make sure you eat them before the box clothes. It's just, you just, you never know what you're going to. Sure. Do we even even even say that? You never know where you're going to get. You do if you lift the box up. Usually it tells you underneath exactly what you're going to get.

It actually is quite possible to know what you're going to get. Most, yeah, most of them tell you what it is. What a weird say? Simple is, a simple does. So what's a nonsense. What are other quotes from Forrest Gump? Jenny. Jedi.

Yeah, I don't think there was, I think it was just, for lack of a better word, the story of a simple man and how you don't have to be smart to go on adventures. I mean, that's nice, yeah. Because people do call him stupid and an idiot a lot in the movie. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, maybe it is that. This man is just living extraordinary things. And can you believe it? I mean, he started a cult because he was like,

I just went running. That's right. Everyone's like, why are you running? He's like, I just felt like run. And then he created the smiley face t-shirt. Insane. Did Tom Hanks win an award for this movie? Probably.

I don't remember. I don't know. This is the school bus. Yes, he won the Academy Award for Best Actor. Who is he up against? Tom Hanks, Forskump. He was up against Morgan Freeman and Shawshank Redemption. Nigel Hawthorne in the Madness of King George.

Paul Newman in Nobody's Fool and John Travolta in Pulp Fiction. Oh, wow. All right. Morgan Freeman was robbed. He's so... I love Shawshank Redemption. Yeah.

He was really great. Does Morgan Freeman... He has an Oscar, right? I don't think so. I can't think of what he would have won for. That, for that, but... Maybe he saw it for Now You See Me. He won...

He's won one Oscar. He won the award for Best Supporting Actor. for his role as Eddie Scrapiron Dupree in Million Dollar Baby 2004. Whoa. Okay. I would have thought he would have won like way earlier in his career.

Wow. Yeah. Well, you know, they're not really giving a method. Sure. Sure. We don't even have to get into that, sister. I'm hearing you. I'm picking up what I'm putting down

and it's heavy. Mm-hmm. Heavy. Heavy. Oh, boy. I was going to say something. I actually had a dream that I was in, did I hear I remember what I told me. That I was in the next Now You See Me movie.

But playing myself, there was the scene where they were in the movie, like running through SNL or like visiting SNL. So I was playing myself as a cast member on SNL and I was in full prosthetics so you couldn't even recognize me. So it was kind of like, I was like, oh man, I'm in one of my favorite movies, but you can't even tell it's me.

Oh, no. I'm sorry. It was like, at what cost? I'm in this movie, but at Waukos. Will I be in my favorite movie? No one will know. All right. Let's get our agents on the horn to pitch us as a Sigmund and Freud.

Sigmund and Freud? Sigmund and Freud duo. The magicians? Yes. Oh, yes. And working into the script. Please. That would be amazing.

Yeah, let's get our agents on the horn to figure out who's right in the next movie. Or if I did see that it was in development. I saw that too. So which means they're developing. developing it and they need ideas. Maybe we're Morgan's long-lost daughters. We've been touring as a duo.

Yes. But we like cut him off because we hated that he was exposing magic. Yes. Because we hold magic close and true to who we are. Yes. Yes.

And they need us to figure out something. Just. Something at all. I had a dream. And after I woke up, I was like, I remember all of this. This is a recurring dream that I've had. And I don't know how many times I've had it.

It's wild, okay? So I have this apartment in New York. It came fully furnished. The entrance is through what seems to be, like a hotelish lobby. But then I have to go through a kitchen to get to the elevator to get to my apartment, which is fully furnished, not the way I wanted to be furnished. And it's on like 26th and like 5th Avenue, which is like out of the way of where I'm

normally going. And it costs $2.6 million. How do you find this information out? I don't know. But I don't go there because it's out of it. of my way. Whoa. And instead, I stay at my old apartment on 125th.

That's caving in on itself. Whoa. And I don't know why I have two residents. Yeah. And I don't know why I stay at the old place. Oh. And do you like being at the old place even though it's caving in? Um, there is no like like like.

I'm just like, oh, I can't go to that place. It's too far. Interesting. Yeah. Huh. And it's recurring? I've had this dream at least two or three times. Wow.

Huh. I wonder what it means. I wonder what it means, too. And the apartment is super, like, vivid and visceral. And each time I've had it, I'm like, oh, yeah, this is the apartment I never come to. And then last time I had it, I was like, do I have an apartment in New York? That you like, I forgot about that? out. I was like, am I a

Kardashian? Like, I just have properties. I don't remember. That's funny. I'm not. I'm not a Kardashian. Are you sure? I don't know. This is sure. Let's check. Let's check my blood. During the break.

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Hi, Nicole and Sashir. I have a friendship query that I was hoping you might have some insight into. It's a long and pretty messy, story, but I will try to summarize as best as I can. Over two years ago, I became friends with a new girl at work. We got closer and closer, and I learned quite a bit into this that she had a boyfriend the whole time. Eventually, we did have a talk about how we had feelings for each other, but how nothing could happen. She has mad attachment issues and is very aware of these things to psychotherapy, but is still very messy with relationships, romantic and platonic. In our friendship,

she would push boundaries a lot and set rules she couldn't keep, e.g. us talking less. We continued to get closer emotionally, something which was a bit of a battle, as I've always been very closed off, from other people and my own emotions. Eventually, we got together a while after she and her boyfriend broke up, but she made it clear that she couldn't commit to a relationship. She knows herself very well and knew that she would end up pushing me away. We also live in different cities, and she's very busy. Nevertheless, my shocking lack of self-esteem meant that I went along with things just to make her happy and for myself to feel loved for once. Obviously, after a few months, she pushed me away more and more over time, and I ended up very hurt. I broke things off when she

said that we should probably end things soon. It was always the plan to be friends afterwards, and what hurt me even more is how much of a weirdo she was acting. She stopped acting interested in me and my life, stopped knowing how to talk to me essentially, but still calling me multiple times a day and was just talking about everything in her life. One thing we were always good at was communicating, but she stopped talking to me about how she thought we should be now that we were just good friends and her guilt about how things went was affecting how she treated me. She would deny these things for a while and eventually agree, saying she can't handle, saying she can't handle how much she's hurt me, et cetera.

Anyway, despite the fact that this is her pattern and the exact same thing has happened with one of her other friends and the same boyfriend, naturally I internalized everything and my brain decided it was all my fault and I'm unlovable, blah, blah. She then messaged me saying she's back together with that ex-boyfriend. Something clicked and I finally did the healthy thing and asked for space. We haven't talked for three weeks now and it's given me a chance to properly process and go through the emotions. and I've started to feel a little like the whole thing is not affecting my mental health so much. The thing I'm unsure about is how to go forward. I feel like she pushed and pushed me until I opened up and trusted her only for her to leave.

And even though I knew that that was going to happen, it's just messed me up quite a bit. And I'm waiting for therapy to start. I do see her in a different light now for all of her amazing qualities. She can be selfish and high maintenance. And at the moment, I don't really trust her. If I do decide to start talking to her again and be friends, how do I chill the fuck out and be casual without having to force it? Do you think it will get easier over time? Please let me know if you have any advice.

We have mutual friends and things booked later this year. Thank you for making me laugh in public every week and bringing me some levity while my brain has been so jumbled. Hmm. I think more space could be taken. It's only been three weeks. Yeah, three weeks is nothing. Three weeks is just enough time to feel strong and then fall into old patterns. Yeah, truly. And my therapist told me, like, if a hurt happens, like a sever or something in a relationship, it kind of takes a year for it to, like, feel normal again. Like, not like, there's no science behind that, but, but like, you know, you kind of need time for yourself to get back to you.

Mm-hmm. And then you also need time for the relationship to repair. So it's not going to be like, it won't be instant, basically. Yeah. And, and it's not, you know, it's not like, in a year you'll be good. But it's just like, time, it's be like, it's not going to happen soon. Yeah. So, and these things that are upcoming, like, hopefully you guys can be chill.

Mm-hmm. But also, you might not be. Yeah, I think it's take it one day at a time. Also, what do you want from this relationship? Because from listening, seems like this person's just drama. Does it seem like they're asking a lot and they have always been pushing boundaries. Yes. And they, like, what are they doing for?

you. Seems like you're giving and giving and giving. This person's not giving you anything. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really good question. Like, yeah, what do you want from this friendship? Yeah. Because this friend, if you're like, I don't want to cut this person off completely. And we do have common friends and we do have upcoming things. They can be a group friend. Yeah. But they don't have to be, especially this person was calling you like multiple times a day. Yeah. It's so draining and exhausting. And if they're not even checking in on you and like your needs and they're just like dumping all their stuff onto you, you don't need that.

No. Yeah, I think it's okay to like reposition them in your brain as like a lower tier friend. Yes. And if you feel guilty not taking their phone calls, set a timer for a half hour and then literally have the alarm. go off and be like, oh, I'm so sorry, I set a timer because I have to do X, Y, and Z. I don't, yeah, I don't know. I guess what I need to know is, like, what are you getting from this person? Yeah.

This person feels like an energy vampire who's just like sucking. Mm-hmm. A succubus. A succubus. Mm-hmm. What is, what does she bust into you? I think some people feel, like, kind of guilty or, like, or sad if they had such a strong connection with someone and then it ends.

But it's also okay for it to end. That's not a bad thing. It's like... But also somebody who's sucking your energy will be fine because they'll find somebody else to suck the energy out. They're doing it to their boyfriend right now. They don't need you. Yeah.

I dated someone who's an energy sucker and I would worry about him all the time. Then I was like, wait, if he did it to me, he's doing it to somebody else. I don't have to work. He's an adult. Yeah. He can take care of it. He will find him. somebody else and ruin their life.

I don't have to worry about him ruining others' lives and his own. He's doing it. He's doing it. It's not your business. Yeah. Solved. This one is called, ah. Oh, no. Uh-oh, are they on a roller coaster? I'm typing this on a roller coaster.

Hello, Queens. First time emailer here. I have a situation on my hands. So my friend My friend group has always been very and I mean very limited. It used to only be me and my sole bestie, Dylan. Then my other soul bestie, we call him orange because he's a redhead, joined the main friend group and I kind of clinged on to him. He helps me with emotional and other stuff and vice versa. The real issue is my acquaintance slash friend, I guess, Jacob.

He is the most stubborn and stupid person I have ever known. Keep in mind, all four of us are 16 to 17. I'm 16. For example, he has never, and I mean never, listens to instructions and just goofs off at random-ass times, especially when we're playing a cozy game. Another thing that pisses me off is that he makes suicide jokes while he knows that me and Orange and possibly Dylan as well, IDK, have a history of suicidal thoughts. Also, he may or may not have texted in our group chat the strangest things in German.

Don't ask. So I want to ask, should I, as the leader of the group, talk with the others and have a three-on-one with Jacob or keep it inside my head? Help me for the love of God. Thanks, Nicole and Sashir. Oh. What's a cozy game? I don't know what a cozy game is. Cozy game is like one that's not scary and not high action, but you can kind of play for a long time and it's just soothing.

Like, like, farm management games, those are like cozy games. Oh. Okay. Or like there's a little town and you have to go get seashell. Like stuff like that. Oh. Okay. That's nice.

This is really funny. It's not funny. I don't want to laugh at them, but it's like, you're 16 and you guys attracted a weirdo. And now you're like, I don't know, this one made a mistake. I just listen to instructions. He's mean. It's stubborn. Yeah.

And as a kid, I do think it's tough to be the kid who's like, hey, get it together. Listen up. Did you not hear the instruction? Me. But I do think with, like, the suicide stuff, I do think it's well within your means to go, hey, we have like a, we just don't joke about that. That's just, like, not okay.

And I don't, like, it's on you to, like, remember that, but it's really not okay. Yeah. We just, no. Yeah. I think also, oh, well, on that note, I mean, hopefully Jacob's not making those jokes

because he knows you guys have had those thoughts. It's possible he, like in that moment he forgot. Yes. Like, and I know that seems like, why would he forget? But like sometimes people just like are joking and they're in a mode and they're not even thinking about like the people in front of them.

So it's possible he's not doing it at you. He's just saying, maybe he would say that to other people too. But it's forgetting, oh, I should be sensitive. about this in this group. And I think you should talk to him. And I think a one-on-one would be better than, like, the three of you talking to him because you don't want him to feel attacked. And I think in a group setting, it's easier for someone to be defensive.

Yes. And it's easy for three people to pile on one person. And then that one person feels like, shit. Yeah. And then they can't listen anymore. And they're like, I guess I suck. But if you're having a one-on-one, it's like, hey, I'm bringing this up. because I want us all, like, have a good time when we're hanging out together.

And, you know, the joke, the inappropriate jokes are really, like, harmful to us. And if you care about us, I would hope that you wouldn't do that. Also, we really need to listen to instructions when we're playing these cozy games. You're not making it cozy dude. You're not making it. We're playing cozy games on purpose. You're making them real stressful. And then him sending German texts.

I honestly think you can just respond with, hey, are you trying to tell us something? Like, maybe I don't know. Maybe he's not trying to be weird for weird's sake. Like, maybe he's trying to share something with you. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But, like, you can't be like, hey, man, suicide jokes, not listening to instructions. And you're just, like, weird texting.

Like, I think you've got to just, like, let that one roll off your back. Yeah. Some things can be like brought up in a joking mirror that doesn't have to be like a serious like I don't, like these weird things are strange to us and you just be like, what is that?

You know we don't read German. What is that? Yeah. Do you want to translate it? Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah, I think responding in the moment, joking is best for that.

It's really funny. But I want to know what German he's sending. And why? He sounds funny. He sounds very funny. I'll be his friend. We won't listen during cozy games. We'll talk about walking into traffic every day.

Solved. Another? Hi, Nicole and Sashir, maybe even the Creamy Sisters, if that's how you're dressed today. Never again. I, she, her, love the pod, and have been a faithful listener since, day one. It's such a bright spot in my week to hear other black women's joy. I hope that you may be

able to help with my situation. A few friends and I have had a group chat since 2015. We met in college and all live in different places now, but we text every single day. Check-ins, complaints about work, memes, advice, everything. We try to get together in person about once a year and it's always a blast. One of the friends recently had a baby boy. I figured she would not be texting quite as much for obvious reasons, but she made a point to check in every couple of days and share the baby's development and catch up on what we'd said. A few weeks ago, she texted me private, congratulating me on some things I mentioned in the group chat and said she would be checking in on it less. I asked if everything was all right or if there was anything we could do. She said having a baby that learns

all of his emotions from her has made her think about what she reads and reacts to, and the complaining in the chat gets to be too much. She also mentioned specific groups. She also mentioned specific grievances with a couple of the members of the group chat and how negative they are. So she said she would be stepping back, which is a totally healthy and respectable boundary. The issue is, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows this part of why she isn't texting anymore. It's not my place to mention her reasons to the others, but the group chat winding down without her is such a hard thing for me to cope with. It's one of my main support systems and sources of joy. I have friends here in my city, but none as close as the people in the group chat. It's also hard because no one is wrong here.

We aren't wrong for complaining to one another like we have been for over a decade, and she isn't wrong for not wanting to hear it anymore. A smaller group chat without her seems weird because she was such an integral part of keeping it alive. Her personality is very similar to mine, so I relate to her a lot, and I don't want to make it seem like you don't like us anymore, so we're taking our toys and leaving. I do still text her privately sometimes, but I liked the safety of a group chat more since she's a very busy parent now. When I text her directly, I think she feels she has to respond. But in the group chat, she could either respond or not since the conversation is for everyone, if that makes any sense. I really, really miss this aspect of our friendship.

Any advice on how to either repair my group chat or move on with the new normal? I think you can encourage your friend to start a new group chat with the title. Like you can name group chat. So maybe it's like positive thread where everybody only shares like their wins or something. And yeah, I think encourage her to explain that. It's like I'm navigating a little human. And I'm when I take in negative things, I'm feeling pretty woo-woo. When I take in negative things, I feel like I'm rating a negative things.

I feel like I'm rating negative things to the baby. So I do like, and ask group, maybe this is something that she doesn't want to do. I don't know. But like maybe there's a world where it's like we only share positive things in this thread. So like when she does check it, you know, daily, it's like, oh, she can then read something great that a friend said and then go take care of her baby during the day. And then maybe she can like once a month check in with the normal group chat and catch up on like some of the complaining things. that might be a way for her to stay keyed into the group chat,

but also on her terms, but also she might not want to, but like it's a thing you can suggest. Yeah. Yeah, because also if the other girls knew that, like, oh, I guess this has been a really complainy space, maybe they'd be like, wait, yeah, that sounds like you're like a really good idea.

We should have more positivity in our conversation. and did she leave the group chat or she just like sticking it oh okay um because maybe even gonna be like on Sundays it's positive day like every Sunday it's like say a win from this week or like what are you looking forward to for the next week or whatever Sunday's all about positivity and then if you want to complain about other stuff you have six other days to do that And maybe she's only checking it on Sunday and being like, hey, love hearing this, love that this happened at work. See you next week. See you next Sunday.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I also like, yeah, like letting the group know, like, because complaining is fun, but I do think celebrating wins is important. Like, we are on a group chat where I love that like people will share fun things that happen during, like, really nice. things, but also there are complaints in it, and I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We, like, there should be a safe space for all of it. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder, I wonder if the friend would feel comfortable being like, because it doesn't have to be like a damning of what's already been happening. It just to be like, I also really want to know about your wins. Or like, I really want to know

the positive things that are happening. And you can include the thing about the baby, too, of like, I want to reflect my energy to reflect positive things to my baby. So I'm going to try to do that too. Yeah. And who knows? Maybe the group chat itself could shift to more positive because people are like, it's like rubbing off on other people. And they're like, actually, this feels a lot better than just like stewing in the mud of like what we're complaining about. Yeah.

Yeah. And also like, I would say that. I float that suggestion, see if their friend's even open to doing that. And also, it is okay for this to be the new normal too. Like, you can keep having conversations individually with a friend and have conversations in the group chat. Because maybe your friend also wants to have one-on-one chats as opposed to in the group. And our listener was like, and then I feel like she has to respond since I'm texting. Don't worry about that.

That's up to her. Don't worry about if somebody feels beholden to you. That's how they feel. Yeah. You're just texting what's on your mind. Hopefully they'll respond. If they don't, they have a baby. So I think it's just like, yeah, continue.

Continue life. Continue life. Yeah. Dancing through life. Dancing through... What's that from? Wicked. It is.

solved. If you have any questions or queries, or musical pitches. Yes. Pitches at full-blown musical. Send the score to Nicole Ansashir at gmail.com. Or if you're brazen enough to text it or send in a voicemail about it, we got a number. 323-23-8-65-4. Well, I'm steamed.

I'm so hot. Goodbye. Goodbye. That was a Hidgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast,

That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive. Yeah. From our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and writers and casting directors.

Yeah. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man.

Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to F***. Coming to F***.

That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast. A new show now on Head to... gum. I've learned a jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to roll. Apparently there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions.

All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The Jackass Podcast. I guess. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-o. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute.

Chris Panias. That shot of your butt just cruising up. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me. Wee man.

Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw it. a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush.

Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on. on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.