Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Asks "What’s the Goss?"

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer remember favorite rompers, commiserate over hardened clothing armpits, chat about neighborhood gossip and take a quiz to find out what chicken they are! QUIZ: https://www.buzzfeed.com/diadean/daily-routine-chicken-personality-quizWatch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash best friends. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash best friends. Hi, this year. Hi, Nicole. Did you just cut your hair? I just cut my hair. It looks fresh as hell. Thank you so much.

She looks nice. Thank you all. Ooh. I went a little lower than usual because my usual, I feel like I'm now cutting my hair more often. And so I'm all like, go lower so I don't have to cut it sooner than later. Sooner than later. Than later. That makes sense.

Yeah. Why not just go bald, shiny bald? I guess I could. I've never tried. Hmm. Or can you not go shiny bald if you're not. bald. Wait, wait. Like, is Patrick Stewart growing hair sometimes? Or is he just a shiny baldy? Well, he's been bald for a really long time. And so I feel like when he was first bald, he probably

was growing hair. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. My dad's shiny bald, but had different variations of hair, like, you know, the horseshoe. Mm-hmm. And I think, I don't know if he's still shaves now or not. But yeah, he would still shave completely, like with a razor. Uh-huh. But I'm trying to figure out if you could be shiny bald. I mean, I could be. I just need to use a razor. Oh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't know why that was so confusing to me.

Yeah. I don't either. Because that feels super short. Yeah, but it could be shorter. That's crazy to me. Have I ever been shiny a ball? No. Have you even this short?

Yeah. I used, I wonder if they're still a company. I think it was called Manscaped. Oh. Is Manscapes still a company? Still a company. Ah, I guess they've really moved on to greener pastures. I haven't done an ad for them in years.

Oh. But they sent me this, like, razor for your balls. And I said, a head is like a ball. And I shaved my head with it. Were they tiny? A tiny razor? Yeah. Yeah.

It was like an electric razor. Okay. It was like, like maybe it's this big. I still have it. Oh. Mm-hmm. Did that take a long time to do your head? No, because I didn't really understand the guard.

I didn't really understand levels. I just said it and forget it, like the Showtime Artissary Grill, and I shaved my damn head. Nice. Set it and forget it. One of my favorite infomercials. Mm-hmm. Mateo and I were hanging out, and he showed me his. favorite infomercial. Have you seen it? It's for the Nutra Bullet.

And it's a couple. It's definitely like after an orgy or something. It's the morning after. Everyone's gathered in the kitchen for breakfast to like debrief who is the best. How many people are in the kitchen? It's the couple who are showing off their Nutra Bullet. And then I believe there's four more people. And I think it's two women and two men. I'm like 99% sure. And they make an omelet. They make a smoothie.

But they say it's like a, like it chops things up finally. It does, it blends. It's a blender. Mm-hmm. I can't believe you've never seen it. I can't wait. I haven't either. It's really fun.

Well, I'll watch it one day. Yeah. Now you have something to do later today. I had no plans. And now I'm going to do that. So, sure. It's so hot in L.A. right now. It's quite hot.

I don't know what to do. Get in your pool. Yeah. Well, I'm having a problem. Okay. My neighbor. Mm-hmm. You know her.

You love her. She loves going through my trash. Mm-hmm. But she has stopped taking her trash bin to the curb. Mm-hmm. So I don't know if she's hoarding her trash, and now there's, little cockroaches, like in front of her house, and now they're, like, coming over to mine

to be like, what do you have? And I have nothing for them. Yeah. So I've ordered your trash out. I throw my trash away. And then I don't go down the block and go through trash. Because she asked for something from my trash. And then I said, well, there's also, like, food trash in there. I don't think you want it. And then she was like, can I? And I said, can you at least wait till it gets to the curb, and she said, yes. I had to tell an adult woman... Before you go in my trash. Before you go...

Before you hop the fence, wait till it's... Just wait one more day, and you could go through my trash when it's on the street because it belongs to the streets. It's no longer mine. I've released it. Do you feel comfortable enough to bring up the roaches? And be like, hey, I've noticed a lot of roach activity. Have you?

Do you think maybe it's coming from your trash can? I don't know. I once gave her an Advil and for several weeks after she said, what was it you gave me? And I was like, Advil. And she was like, what is it? And I was like, Advil. So I don't, maybe the roaches are her friends.

I don't know. One time I, she scared me. She came from around a bush from complete darkness. She said, Nicole, and I screamed. And she said, I don't want to scare you. And she was taking her dog on a walk, but she was carrying her dog and it didn't move once. Oh, no. And I was like, are you walking a taxidermy?

I don't know. She raises a lot of questions. Sure. And I don't know if I could bring it up because those might be her friends. They're taking strolls at night. I don't know. Or maybe you could be like, do you want to take your trash out? Because when I put my trash out, I can take yours too.

Like if she doesn't remember what day, trash day is? No, she remembers because she'll put out the plant bin. Oh, okay. It's really funny. She says, I don't want the leaves. You have to take that. But my trash belongs with me. That's mine.

Yeah, she knows. Yeah. Because she cleans the street as exercise. She said a doctor told her to do that. And I said, I, okay. I just say okay a lot. One of our last interactions, I think I told you this, she said, I love you. And I said, okay.

And she goes, people think I'm crazy for saying I love you. But I am not crazy. I only say I love you because that's what my mom said to me. And I said, okay. The reason doesn't make it make sense. No. No. But she was all dressed up yesterday.

She was like she looked fresh and clean. She was wearing jewelry. And I said, ooh, wait, where are you? had it. And she said to the telephone store, they cut off my telephone. It's not funny. But I was like, why are you dressing up for this? You got to impress. I guess. She's got an impress at the AT&T store. And then she said, she was like, I pay my bill on time. And sometimes I give them a little extra. And I was like, you don't have to do that at a store. Here's a little tips. Don't spin it all in one place. I want extra phone.

Phone? I don't know. I mean, she's a very interesting woman. She's very nice. The nice man in my life, she thinks is the dog walker. She sees him almost every day. And yesterday she told me that she thought a tall man was stealing my dog. And I was like, was he like a little taller than me with glasses?

And she was like, yes. And I said, that's my boyfriend. And she went, so not a dog walker? And I said, no. It's been a really long... She knows him. Yeah. My neighbor across the street is very nice.

He just talks a lot. But our friend, Tessa, was staying at my place to watch my cat. And I guess had her car parked, like on the other side of my... I usually park on the right side of my house. And it's just on the street. And his driveway is directly. across from my door. And so when he backs up, he just likes having the street clear.

He, I told you this, he painted a red, no parking zone right in front of my door before I moved there. So no one would park there so he could have room to back up. It's not an official like fire zone at all. It's not the correct color either. He just got red and just painted the curb. And he painted a long strip of curve. Really long strip.

Yep. And I was like, sure. And so Tessa parked on the other side of the house. And I guess she did it a few too many times. Uh-huh. Because he texted me and was like, hey, there was a car here last week and it's here again. And they're parked on this side of the street. And it's not a huge deal.

But when the trash trucks come in, it's really hard for them to get through. But also, like, I wasn't going to say anything. But I just noticed that's happening again. And I was like, oh, I'll tell them to move. And he's like, I mean, only if they want to. It's like not a big deal. It's just like, I just want to let them know. Also, it was not a trash day.

It was not an issue that day. And I was like, Tesla, can you move your car? You just have to for the sake of this man's sanity. Yeah. And she was like, oh my God, that man is like, he's doing too much. Because I guess she also got dropped off by a lift and he was yelling at the lift driver, which I've never seen before. But also sometimes people will reverse in his driveway to leave the street.

Uh-huh. And he does not like that. So I guess he was like. you know, get off my driveway. And so I was like, yeah, I guess when it comes to the street and his driveway, he's really triggered. But other than that, he's really sweet. I wonder what happened in his driveway. What happened in his car?

What's going on? I think people were just really like, it's my property. You can't even touch it. If you don't have any permission, don't be here. So, yeah. I once asked a car to move. from in front of my house because they were smoking crack

and I was like if they die in front of my house I have to deal with it and that sounds deeply rude and inhumane but I said to them I was like hey no judgment

but do you mind moving down to the cul-de-sac can you smoke your crack a little further down the street and they looked at me wide-eyed and just nodded their head. They were literally like tin foil, like free basing in front of my. I was like, I just, I'm not going to call anybody because I, like, I don't know that you needed

to be well, like, who am I to stop the train, you know? Who am I? Certainly not the conductor, but I'm not putting the brakes on it. If you want to do that. I was like, wow, we're still on the train. Spin of four kept going. You're chug, chugging along. I'm not going to stop the smoke coming out of the stack.

I've got to shovel the call. But I did, like, keep my eye on them to make sure that, like, the car wasn't there for a super long time in case I needed to call somebody. But, yeah, that's the most, like, get off my lawn thing I've done. That's pretty reasonable, I would say. I also wouldn't want some smoking crack anywhere near my house. Yeah. It was pretty wild. I was like, oh, no.

That is wild. Yeah. I've never seen that before. I hadn't either. Yeah. But now I know how I reacted in those. I just go, hey, not here. Not here.

No judgment. No judgment, but just not in front of my house, please. The cul-de-sacs right there. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yeah, people would be acting wild. Yeah, I got crack smokers. I got a neighbor who goes through my trash.

She wanted pool noodles from my trash. Do I tell you about this? I don't think so. She won at pool noodles. I had thrown away pool noodles because they were a dollar and disintegrating because they were out in the sun. And I just had them sticking up in the trash. And then I had a Fourth of July party. And I was throwing away things.

And I was like, the way these, the stuff was thrown away was bad. So I put it in contractor bags because the animals were getting to it. Swept up beans. I was like, I didn't serve beans. There were so many beans to sweep up. I don't know. Sometimes people leave things at your house after parties that are like, I don't understand how, like someone left shoes? Two years in a row, someone with little feet has left their little new balances.

And nobody ever claims them. And now someone left beans? Maybe it was magic beans. And I, maybe they shrank. Or became a giant. Maybe. Maybe they shrank. That makes more sense than becoming, I would have noticed a giant.

in my backyard. Yeah, yeah. FIFO fuming around. They shrank, and then they couldn't fit in their shoes anymore. So they just had to leave them at my house. Like, oh, I got to go figure out how to reverse this. I got to figure this out before next year. But yeah, she wanted these disintegrating pool noodles.

And yeah, that's when I was like, please wait, please wait till tomorrow to go through my trash. Yeah. And then Fourth of July, she knocked on my door at 1030. I was, I had faded away. I was just, I was on a train to sleep. But I had taken a shower and the nice man was like, that's the doorbell. And I was like, I know. I think it's my next door neighbor.

And I said, I'm going to go down in a towel. So she knows that like, I'm. You're disturbing me. Yes. But I went down in a towel. She had an old pill bottle and she goes, is this the ad bill? I was like, no. It would say ad bill on it.

What did it say? I don't remember. but it was just an old dirty little pill bottle. And I was like, that's from your trash. That's not. I gave her a brand new, from Costco size thing of Advil. And I left it at her front door. I've never seen a visitor at her house.

She has it in there. I know she does. I also got her arthritis cream because she says her body hurts all the time. I thought so. But now she's like bringing me junk and going, is this it? Is this what you bought me? No, ma'am. It's old and dirty.

And then she, like, backed away, and I was like, good night. And she went, you look nice. In your towel? Yes. And I said, I'm wearing a towel. And she went, mm-hmm. And I said, okay, she's living her best life. And somehow I'm involved.

I don't think she is. This does not sound like her best life at all. That sounds like the end. That sounds like. She cuts her grass with scissors. First time I met her, she was sitting in a tree. She was not K-I-S-S-I-N-G. She was just sawing off a branch.

If this is a TV show, it'd be hilarious. Yeah. She'd be like the cucky neighbor. I feel like in a writer's room, they'd be like, you gotta tone her down. Yeah, that's not realistic at all. She's a little too crazy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. What else is going on, Seishir? What else is going on? You arrested me for my shoes when I walked in. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't. I wasn't like...

It didn't hurt my feelings. Okay. It's just what happened. I feel like you were bringing it up because maybe you feel so much of the way. You asked what else is going on. That's literally what happened when I walked in the door. It is.

Well, I just want the best for you. I just... You were like, they just need a little bit of glue. They do just need a little bit of glue. The Velcro's coming off. Yes. For sure. Yes.

On for one of the straps. It straps me in. And I'll get to it. And then there's a little peelage happening on the back of one of the shoes. Oh, yeah, for sure. But not an important part of the shoe. I just feel like you can treat yourself. I don't.

I just, this must be what it feels like to be on the opposite side of me sometimes. Yeah. Where I'm like, no, I'm going to keep wearing this thing with holes in it. No, I don't think I'll spend money on that. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel good. I just don't understand why you're still selling them. I found them on multiple sites.

They're pretty reasonably priced. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. This leads you to believe that you're not going to get a new pair. I think I am. What if I send them to you? Sure. What? That's crazy. Maybe they'll send them to you. Yeah. They're Kirk Geiger's.

Kirk Geiger, you want to give me some new shins. They did last a long time. How long? I don't know, years. Oh. Can you walk me through why you won't get? Is it because they like fit comfortably to your feet? Yeah, I guess so. They fit comfortably. And you don't have to break, you don't want to break in a new one? No, you know, that's not it. I don't think I had that thought process. I think I just, because I'm like, they're still good.

They still have life in them. And I don't want to waste. I don't want to be like, toss these out, get new ones, because they're still doing the thing, you know? Yeah. Which is just being on my feet. Which is being on my feet? Yeah, they're still doing the thing.

They're still doing the thing. Their only purpose is to be on my feet and separate the floor from my actual. foot, and they're doing that. You know? Yeah. You're raising a very solid point. Thank you. We should take a break.

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Now it's time to throw it away. I fully used up. I mean, my neighbor's just on my mind. I used up a sweatshirt. There was holes in it. There was stains. I threw it away because I was like, I cannot donate this. I don't think a goodwill would like resell it or take it.

The next day, I see her. She went, you threw this away. And I said, I sure did. Mm-hmm. She also told me she had a picture of me. Did I not tell you this? No. She said, I have a picture of you.

And she had been teasing this picture for a solid, like six months that she had a picture of me that apparently I had thrown away of myself. And I was like, okay. And she was like, and you look so beautiful in this picture. And I have it right on my dresser. I was like, okay. And then she goes, do you want it back? And I said, yes, I do. And then she goes, okay, stay right here.

So I stayed right in front of her place. And then she went inside, came out. It was my work ID. Oh. Okay. You're not exactly a picture. It sure isn't. It is not a, it's a work ID with my,

my picture just happens to be on it. And then she goes, you have to keep it. And I was like, I do. Because she will find it again in the trash and be like, why did you throw away this beautiful picture? It's not even a beautiful. look fine in it. That's really funny.

I don't know why I want you to shred that kind of stuff. My work ID? Yeah. Well, I guess now I will. Mm-hmm. I guess I didn't shred it because it was like, it's a badge. Like one of those paper ones? No.

It was like a plastic, a small plastic badge. Uh-huh. That you would like scan to get on the lot? Yeah. Do you shred this? I don't know what I've done. I guess I think I also have kept, if it's like a, I don't know, a show I worked on for a while, then I would keep it. But I think I've shredded them.

Because also I don't want someone to like dig in the trash and then get on a lot and with my ID. I think they deactivate after a while. No. They're going to get on a lot and they'll be like, I guess you're Sashir. And then they're starring in a show? I would hate that. Oh my God. Now I get it. I would hate that too.

Like, that's my idea. Imagine turning on the TV and it was like... Sorry, Nicole buyer. And it's like, not you at all. And you're like, wait, what? She would be so happy. She would be so happy. It's my neighbor.

It's me, Nicole. Like, oh my God. She's wearing your clothes. Like, I guess she is Nicole. I guess she is. She's got enough of Nicole's clothes. My neighbor across the street told her that she was not welcomed on that side of the street.

And I've seen her cross the street and go, oh, yes, and come back over to ours. Oh, that's right, the rule. The rule I've given. And I don't be outside like that. Like, to be a part of this drama. Like, I know too much. I know a lot about my across-the-street neighbor. Their relationship is interesting.

But according to my next door neighbor, she has tea on like everybody because she just stands outside and we'll stop you and be like, and she'll talk to you. Yeah. That's fun, though. Get the neighborhood goss. I don't know any goss for my neighborhood or otherwise. Yeah. I never do. Why?

I wonder why. I don't know. Because like you're out and about and people talk to you. They do talk to me. Yeah. They do talk to me. And yet I know nothing Well, I have

Some, I mean, they're not Exclusively gossip friends But like, when I hang out with them, I'm always like, so What's the Goss? And then I get the Goss, and then we like start our hang. Oh, I guess I never asked what's the goss? And then I think I did discover that I don't ask Follow-up questions because I've told you things where I'm like,

Oh my gosh, this happened. And you're like, and then what? And I'm like, oh, I guess I didn't ask and then why? Keep you more information. Yeah, you got to ask follow-ups. You got to be like, and get all the juice, get all the details. Yeah. I like that you get information.

You go, thank you. Thank you. Anyway, moving on. Wait, why do you think you don't ask follow-ups? Well, I will in certain situations. Like, if I'm getting to know someone, I'll ask follow-ups about, like, their life. But if it's like, I guess an unrelated, gossipy thing, I don't know. Maybe I'm like, that's not my business.

Terion. I love knowing people's business. Yeah. One of my favorite things is knowing something about someone before they've told me. That's your favorite thing? It's one of my favorite things. And then when they tell me finally going, what? Oh, my.

Really? And going, and then what? Knowing exactly what and then what is? I feel like that would stress me out because then like, now I have to perform. Now I have to be like, wait. I didn't know that and I did. I don't want to lie. Well, as somebody once said, the world is a stage. And that's my time.

That's my, that's my impromptu performance. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. Really? Wow. And then what? I didn't know.

And then what? Convincing. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Sometimes I'll let someone tell me a whole story and I'll go, I know. And that too is just as fun. That's funny.

I just got to keep little fun secrets to yourself. You know? Just like, y'nach. Should we do a quiz or something? Sure. Yeah. Let's do it.

I have nine chickens, but only one of them is your personality, a twin. Plan a chill day to reveal your match. Wow. That's pretty funny to me. A lot that went into this. So many things.

So it's a chicken. A chicken twin. A chicken twin. I made to plan a day. Yes. To get there. Firstly, what time do you usually wake up? 10.30 a.m.

7.50 a.m. 9.30 a.m. 8 a.m. 11 a.m. 530 a.m. 6.30 a.m. 12 a.m. Why aren't these in order? And there's so many of them. 10.50 a.m.

Gosh. That's so far. to have 10.50 and 11 a.m. Yeah, and 7.50 and 8 a.m. I would say 8 a.m. I'm going to say, wait, 11.45 p.m. Oh, wait. Sorry, this scroll to the bottom. Oh, there's a little bit other time question later. Thank God. I'm going to say 11 a.m. I love sleeping in. I love nothing more than opening my eyes seeing the sun and going back to sleep. Wow.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nothing could hurt. me when I'm sleeping. Nothing can hurt me. But when you're awake, things can hurt you. Oh my God. Did you hear there's a sinkhole in West Hollywood? No. A big fucking sinkhole. Oh my God. Like swallowed up sinkhole. What got swallowed up? I think just the road. I think it's like a big deal. I realized after I said that and your question was like what got swallowed up? I was like, oh, well, not like a business or anything. It sounds like a whole neighborhood got swallowed up. Did you hear about this? No, it's crazy.

It's like on that right on top of that big hill on sunset and WeHo. Yeah. It's like closed indefinitely or something. Damn. Can you find a picture of it? Are sinkholes like the Earth doing this? Or is like an infrastructure thing? It was like the asphalt was not like old or?

I think it's an infrastructure thing. I think. But that's a really good question, actually. I don't know. I answered and I actually don't know. Sorry about it. Look at that. Oh my gosh.

It's a pool. Yeah, it's huge. Wait, what's that billboard for? Ewe. Anola Holmes. Not seeing that. Do you think it's Anola Holmes marketing? I just think we'll end the show.

And they're like, you've got to watch, figure out how they're going to get out of this one. Ew, what's all the water, though? Yeah. Whoa. Oh, pipes and ship burst. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.

That's bad. That's bad. Are those buses? Those are buses. They're not boats. They don't belong in the water. Wow. That's nuts.

That's not. That's big. That's really big. Was anyone driving on it? Probably. No injuries reported. Oh, good. And did it happen immediately or was like a slow thing?

It must have been immediate. A century-old water pipe burst. Ah, below. Oh, my God, that's a lot. Water's so powerful. Below a bustling Boulevard in a Los Angeles County City. Burst early Thursday, sending a shock of water spewing onto the street and snarling traffic as several major roads shut down. Who wrote this?

Someone who... Like, I'm working on my novel. Stephen King. wrote this. The 36-inch riveted steel pipes rupture left a protruding sinkhole and cracked pavement in West Hollywood. Wow. That's nuts.

That's nuts. Wow. Speaking of century-old pipes, I had to get a new toilet. It's really annoying. You have to get a new toilet? So they replaced the pipe because I had a leak from my toilet. Uh-huh. And there was a pipe that was going all the way down through my house.

And the more the plumbers looked into it, the more they were like, this whole damn thing I go. So they replaced the pipe. But now the water pressure going through the pipe will be too much for the toilet. So not get a new toilet. But I don't want to because it's a cute toilet. It's American Standard. It's a vintage toilet, isn't it? And you can't get another vintage toilet?

I can't get another vintage toilet. I can't be that old, but I do have to get a new toilet. Um, Pasadena Salvage is a great resource for vintage toilets. Okay. And then you can also maybe see if you can sell them. Yeah, I don't know if they take donations or they do buys or something. That'd be nice. But yeah.

It is. Well, yeah, it worked. It was working, but it just won't work on my pipes anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. God bless. I know. Yeah, go to Pasadena Salvage.

They have a ton of like American Standard and old toilets. That's how I got colorful toilets. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay, I'll check that up. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

We're chickens. Oh, yes. What do you usually eat for breakfast? Eggs. Oh, is a chicken? Oh, no. Not your babies. Oatmeal.

Sandwich. For breakfast? Waffles. Uh, ramen. Cossance. Toast. Cereal. I am.

Oh, and then no. No breakfast for me, but thank you for asking. That's me. I don't really eat breakfast. Hmm. Hmm. I would usually say, I guess eggs, yeah. I have eggs to something.

I do like an egg. And those look like good eggs. Those look like good eggs. They're a little orangy. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. What time do you think brunch ends? Ends? 2 p.m.

Oh, okay, cool. I said three to somebody, and they were like, 3 p.m. brunch? And I was like, yeah. Some probably do go. I think all time goes all the way to 3. Yeah. I don't think I, this person admonished me. They made me feel like a freak. I'm so sorry. But I was like lunch and breakfast. That's what brunch is. So we're going through lunchtime. Yeah. I think it applies.

Thank you. I appreciate that. You're my queen. You're my brunch queen. What do you usually drink for breakfast? Milk. Coffee. Ice coffee. Hot cocoa. Water.

Tea. Orange juice. Grape juice. Grape juice with a lime. Also, those are like blueberries on the side. Yeah. That's not grape juice. They got confused.

Yeah. I'm going to say coffee. And I'm going to say, honestly, I just drink water. Mm-hmm. You love water. I love water. I was so thirsty the other night, and instead of getting a glass of water, I just went to sleep.

I woke up so part. I'm going to say you probably dry as a husband when you woke up. It was tough. I just don't like water. Yeah. What do you usually wear on a normal day? A romper. A prairie dress. A floral dress.

Jeans and a white shirt. Button up shirt and a white skirt. Black long sleeve shirt and jeans. Scarps, a scarf, striped shirt and cargo pants. The person looks like they're like cosplaying a Parisian. Yes, they do. They just cut off the head where there's a beret. Nitted sweater and comfy pants.

Shorts and a t-shirt. Or, and a shirt. I feel like I have to pick the striped shirt one. You, yeah, that is. But I'm, I don't really wear, you wear, you wear scarves, though. I don't wear scarves and I don't wear cargo pants. Yeah, that's a very specific look. You're wearing a scarf, which is kind of making your outfit fancy.

Yes. But then cargo pants. Ready for anything. Bringing it back down. Interesting. Yeah, that's interesting. I would say romper. Yeah.

I went through a bunch of old photos. I was seeing all these great rompers I used to have. And I was like, why did I get rid of these? They were probably like, I was tired of them. Mm-hmm. Do you remember any of the ones that you saw that you got rid of? One was black And had white polka dots on it

And like orangy flowers Oh that sounds cute Right Did you have you ever Okay I don't know if you remember this picture But it was at a DCM Years and Years and Years ago

And you're twerking upside down I was actually I was actually looking for that picture Because of I was I still actually have that romper Oh thank God Pleased That's one of the best rompers

I still have it Thank God And I was talking to Julie about it. And I was, and I wanted to show for that picture. Like, look how many lives this romper has gone through. God, that's so funny. But I couldn't find the picture, but I still had the romper, thank God. I'll try to see if I can find it. Yeah. But that is, I, you got it in Canada. Yeah. It's, I, I would be so sad if you ever got rid of it. And I don't know why I am so attached to something I've never worn.

Because it was just so good. It was good and I think there's a lot of memories in that romper. I can't believe I've attached memories to an article of your clothing. I do think there's rompers that I've had where it's like I can no longer wear this anymore. I had one that, hmm, I don't think I got it in Canada, but I've definitely worn into like many improv festivals that we've gone to. And it was like kind of like, it looked like splattered paint like going all over a place. and I remember the armpits were like hardened. I have sweat so much in it that it was like, no matter how many times I washed it,

they were just like crisp. And I was like, I can't wear this anymore. This is done. You know, what a blessing you said that out loud. Because that's happened to me. And I was like, am I the only one who's ever gotten crispy armpits? No, I've definitely done that. Yeah, I have like a couple of dresses where I was like,

I don't know if these can go out anymore. They like kind of hurt to put on. I have some stuff that I've worn the shit out of. Yeah. Oh my God. I have one shirt that is holy and just a mess. And I wore it to, it was from Forever 21. I think it was $15.

Yeah. I got my $15 worth and I will not give it away. The hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger. There's stains all over it. I love it. What's the first activity you do, during the day. Draw.

Bike around. I wish I boaked around. Oh my God. Oh, my God. I wish you boaked, too. That was really hard for me. I felt sick. I wish I poked around.

I don't know. There's a past sense for bike. I don't think there is, and I really just felt like I was having an aneurism. I wish I boaked around. I wish I, like, woke up and rode a bike around. Mm-hmm. Relax in a pool

Take a nap Go to them all with friends Play Roblox Garden Eat a snack Who's life is that? Yeah, I love that life. Yeah

Oh Oh, is there more? Did we not to do all of them? No, that's it In the morning Or the first activity you do in the day I You, yours is probably

Take a nap actually Ooh You just said it just a while ago She clocked me You wake up and you go right back to sleep. I really do. John and I used to have a joke where I bother him for like an hour and a half. I'd be like, I'm going to take a nap.

He'd be like, you deserve one. You did so much today. That's funny. I can do shit. But yeah, I think I'm going to say take a nap. Sometimes I'll garden. Hmm. Yeah.

I've done that before. For whatever reason, I always wait until the sun is at its peak to try to garden. And I don't know why. And I'm always like, oh, God, it's so hot. Yeah, I want, like, morning's good because the sun's not so hot. Yeah. And then also the bugs aren't out as much. Because if I wait in the afternoon when the sun is going down, the mosquitoes are out and about.

Yes, they come out. Mm-hmm. What do you usually have for lunch? Rice. Donuts. Oranges. Steak. Oatmeal.

Salad. Chocolots. Caramels? Pizza. Omi, I just have six caramels. That's my lunch. What? Do? I mean... I'm not really eating lunch either.

I'm gonna say pizza. Nice. I'm gonna say... Oh my God. That microphone get in your face? It attacked me. What the hell? Get on my face. Um, maybe... I mean, rice feels right, but I don't eat rice by itself.

I usually use something else. May I'll say steak. Oh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah. I know we're in the middle of a quiz. But we got to take a break. Let's take a friggin' break.

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And we're back. We're back. What game on Roblox? I don't know what Roblox is. Do you usually play if you don't play Roblox? Select I don't play Roblox. Okay. Mimi City?

Free draw. Adopt me. Hide and seek extreme. Work out of pizza place. Bed wars. Blocks. Break in. And I don't play Roblox.

Wait. I'm blown away. Adopt me. I don't know. This sounds sad. That sounds sad. Hide and seek extreme. Bed wars? What's Bed Wars?

Maybe you're like trying to take the sheet from your other person in the bed. Maybe. I don't know what Roblox is. I don't understand it. My knowledge of Roblox is one clip of keeping up with the Kardashians where Kim is talking about how one of her kids saw her sex tape on Roblox. And I was like, I truly don't understand what Roblox is because they have sex tapes and children's games. What is this?

Seems we got to get some regulations up in there. Absolutely. I don't want to go from Meep City to a sex tape. Shouldn't be able to. Shouldn't be that easy. What is Roblox? Do you know what it is? Like, kind of.

Here, talk on the mic. Well, it's like a lot. A lot of people, you can, like, create your own kind of game. So there's, like, so many different games you can do. You have, like, a character outside of it that, like, you can take yourself to different, like, mini-games, basically. And I don't know any of these specific ones, but... And are you your character in all these games? Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Oh. So is it, like, Animal Crossing, but each island is a game? Basically, but there's, like, millions of games. And anyone can create their own game for other people to play. Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm good. I don't play it.

I'm not gonna. No. Someone asked me recently if I play any games on my phone, and I don't know why, like, part of me want to be like, I'm an adult. Don't play games in my phone. But a lot of people play games on their phone. But I don't play any games. A lot of people, like, do candy crush and stuff. Yeah.

And for a hot second, I did candy crush, and then I was like, I don't want to crush candy anymore. I was like, this isn't for me. Mm-mm. Yeah, I don't really... Oh, and I used to have a salon where I'd cut hair and grow hair. That's funny. And then I had a burger game

where I'd make burgers. Yeah, and I just, like, stop. I was like, I don't need to play on my phone. Yeah. On my phone too much anyway. Yeah. I don't need to. I need to put it down.

When I used to play Temple Run. Okay, I don't know. I don't know. I was like Indiana Jones and he had to hop over stuff and slide and stuff. All right. I would play it a lot, like, on the subway.

if I didn't feel like reading. Mm-hmm. Now I'm driving. It's really hard to, you know, play and drive. Shouldn't be doing that at all. Mm-hmm. Lastly, when do you usually go to bed? 8.30 p.m. 10.30 p.m.

7.30 p.m. 12 a.m. 11.45 p.m. 1.30 a.m. 2 a.m. 11 p.m. 9 p.m. It feels like the order of these times is trying to trick me. But it's a quiz. Yeah.

I don't know what the trick would be. Me either. I'm going to say like 2 a.m. I'm up. Oh, not just a random chicken. I am someone, we are someone specific. I'm Clemmy. I got Clemmy.

If you got this result, you're a very wholesome and lovable person. You're a natural beauty and are known for your excellent tasting clothes and accessories. You know, my stripes and cargo pants and scars. You love to go outside and take in the glory of nature. Also, Clemmy looks like a ghost. It's like a blurry picture of a black, fuzzy chicken. Yeah, Clemmy looks like the Babadook. And I do, yeah, I don't know where the face starts or ends.

That's me, Clemmy. It's almost like personal, like collection of chickens, like their chickens on their bar. Yeah. I'm going to say I go to bed at probably 11. Dang. I want to sleep early. I mean, it's still pretty late. Spooly.

They don't even tell you what kind of chicken it is. They're just like, that's the name of the chicken. This is a white, very fluffy chicken. With a long neck. A really long neck. And really furry feet. Okay, I got Spooley. If you get this result, you are a very calm and reserved person.

When something bad happens and everyone is panicking, you're the one calming everyone down. Oh, no. I'm pretty calm. Remember when we were lost at sea and you thought we were to die? Well, that was a dangerous situation. Your reaction was unusual. Remember when we thought a plane turned left midair, but we didn't really?

Well, the plane was tricking us. I don't know why. I don't know why no one else is freaking out. Do we get COVID at that point? Oh, maybe. It still doesn't make sense why we didn't feel the landing, though. We're just like, I guess I've never known a plane to do that, but even if it did that, what's the risk? Like, it's just turning left.

I don't know. I guess it's because usually in a plane you feel it like veer, but like this was a hard left turn and we were like, in the air! Everyone else was just looking ahead. Oh. The people listening to be like, what are they talking about? I mean, it's really, that's it. There's nothing else to describe. We thought a plane was turning left.

But it had landed already. Okay, We're known to be protective of the ones you love. And you're very wise. Yes. You always know what's best and seem to make good decisions. Seem, seem shady. You seem to make good decisions. Who am I to say?

I don't know. You're a chicken. Are these chickens making good decisions? making good decisions? Yeah, they're laying their eggs when they should be. Mm-hmm. Going outside when they shouldn't be. Oh, my God.

Speaking of chickens, I watched a video yesterday where a rooster, like, stopped in front of traffic and then a bunch of, like... Oh, I saw that, too. Was that AI? He's probably AI. It's probably AI. As soon as I said, I saw that too, I was like, fuck.

It's probably AI. I was like, wow, that wholesome chicken content. And then I was like, I should tell us to shoot. And I was like, it's probably AI. Probably fake. Oh, how annoying. I know. Can't enjoy anything.

I know. Let's answer questions. Am I okay? Let's answer questions. Let's answer questions. Did you boke too much today? Did I what? Shut up.

A boked was a little too hard today. Just boken out in the sun. Oh, my God. Do you have a boke, a bike? Um, there is one in my home, but I'm going to get rid of it. Yes. Okay, this is called toxic friends. Oh, no.

Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Thank you so much for answering my question about attracting toxic friends. Your answer about casting a wide net was really helpful, and I appreciate you telling me that it wasn't my fault, and toxic people can be very charming and manipulative. I have another incident of attracting a toxic friend, and I need your advice. I met this woman, let's call her Jenna. We met through a woman's empowerment club, and she was constantly reaching out to her. me first and asking to meet up for plans. This is the first time in my life someone was including me and texting me first. I've always been the planner and initiator, so I genuinely appreciated

this. We clicked, and I noticed she could be a little bit blunt and critical at first, but I overlooked this because I was just happy to have a new friend. I confided in her about my relationship struggles, and she was very supportive. She opened up to me about her divorce, and I really trusted her. She encouraged me to leave my apartment, or sorry, she encouraged me to leave my partner, and I told her, and told her I could do better. Wait, she encouraged me to leave my partner and told me I could do better. She said she actually had an opening at her house for a roommate, and she would love to have me and get me back on my feet. I said, no, thank you, because her house is very far away from my work, and I don't enjoy having roommates. Anyways, I didn't

think much about it, but a mutual friend, Anna, came to me and told me that Jenna had texted her telling her to encourage me to leave my partner because she needed the money badly to pay her mortgage. She told her that she needed me to dump my partner fast and to keep pushing for me to leave and become roommates. Anna said absolutely not and immediately told me. I'm shocked and baffled by this. She was using me and manipulating me the whole time. It's really a huge betrayal. Wow. I actually plan to confront Jenna about this, but I don't want to throw Anna under the bus and make it known to Jenna that Anna told me.

How do I do this tactfully? Anna is a good friend and Jenna is not. I want to tell Anna, she was disrespectful, rude and manipulative, and it's not okay to treat me like that. Would that be overkill? I'm genuinely done with the toxic friends who poses trustworthy, and I feel I need to put her in her place. Love the pod.

Thank you both. That's psychotic. That's wild as hell. That's wild as hell. I will say this person's partner was bad, right? I think they were bad, yeah. So that's a nice thing. Yeah.

I think it's good the instinct to not go live with this lady to like do it on your own is a great instinct. I think there's a world where you confront her and you say it doesn't matter how I heard. I don't want you to ask me that. I'm not going to tell you, but I know that you were telling people I should break up, that you wanted me to move in because you wanted money. and I don't think that's right. I think it's really gross

and I don't want my business being talked about. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Honestly, when things are like this dire, I don't care about

keeping anyone's privacy. I'm like, whatever. Anna told me. Anna told me this. Mm-hmm. Because you were doing bad. It doesn't matter what Anna was doing. Yes.

You were moving really weird and I heard this and that's crazy. And by, I like. Yeah, because if I was Anna and that lady came back to me, was like, you told her, I'd be like, yeah. Yeah, because you're being crazy. You're being wild as hell.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you might be right. I'm like, I don't know. I don't care about good graces here. Like, this is a very strange situation. And I honestly wouldn't feel like safe enough to trust this person in the future. No.

With anything. Uh-uh. With any of my personal business at all. Yeah, I would tell her absolutely nothing. That person's dead to you. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like that either.

To be wheeling and dealing. Wheelan and dealing? Just for just for their mortgage? Bitch, refinance. Put out a Craigslist. Oh my God, yes. You have to have your friend get out of a relationship

to move in with you for your financial benefit. That's wild. That's wild. I wonder how much the rent was. But also, it made it seem like she was like to get her on her feet, but it would be free.

Mm. You know, get her on her feet and charge her rent. No, she just wants a roommate. That's wild. I don't like this. I don't like that at all. She's like, get her to quit her job because it's too far from the house. Get her to just stay in her room so I can cuddle with her.

We can do bed wars. Be-ha-ha-ha-ha. Solved? Solved? Yuck. Mm-mm. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. First, you guys bring me so much joy with this podcast. It's a must listen as soon as a new episode drops on Wednesdays. Please keep it going for eternity. Never been one who can write succinctly, so feel free to summarize if you do read this. My name is Greg, he, him, a 30-something gay man living in Indianapolis. My problem is that I'm the type of person who's always had smaller groups of really close friends rather than large numbers of acquaintances. But being in the Midwest has meant that those friends typically have all been straight people.

My closest friend group. Oh, I thought street people. I was like, what? In the Aladdin? But straight people. Okay. My closest. What in the Aladdin?

That's really funny. All these street rats. These street rats. My closest friend group is made up of me and two married straight couples. I work with two of them, and that's how we all became friends. But I've noticed as they settle down more and more, it seems like we spend less time together, which really sucks. I used to be roommates with one of the couples before they got married and now live alone, so I went from seeing them every day to hardly at all.

I video chat every workday morning for a bit with the two I work with, so I think it might feel like we spend more time together than we actually do. I've gotten to the point of feeling lonely when it comes to friendships and relationships, that I'm now in the process of moving to Chicago for a fresh start and also to get the hell out of Indiana. My friends are super excited and are even helping, which feels like they're just, which almost feels like they're just, ready to get rid of me, but I know that that's anxiety talking. We've all had a busy couple of months with one of the couples moving and the other one helping with a family wedding and me dealing with my own share of issues, but I would still make time for them, even though it doesn't always

feel reciprocated. I've expressed to them earlier in the year that I've been lonely and isolated, and we did spend more time together for a while, but it feels like that lasted for a month or two. Should I talk to them about this again or accept that we're in different places in our lives and start fresh in Chicago. Do I have unreasonable expectations for my friends, or is this distance I'm feeling from them just something that comes with being friends as couples settle down? Thanks so much for your help. Any advice is appreciated. And Nicole, I'll be at one of your Indianapolis shows later this summer, and I'm so fucking excited. Listening to your various podcasts has helped me gain a better sense of my own self, and I even got diagnosed with ADHD this year,

partially after realizing I had similar behaviors that you've talked about being tied to your ADHD on your podcasts. That has been a tough journey itself this year. Again, thank you so, so much for all that you do. Oh, that's great. Helping people. Yeah. I was about to say, you might get a surprise in Indianapolis.

I guess we're already there. We're already there and back. I was there too. She was there. Did you like it? Hmm. It is tough being the single person in a friend group of couples because the relationship is the priority and it might be an unreasonable expectation to be like, oh, we're going to hang out all the time.

And, you know, I'm not saying that like a friendship shouldn't be like 50-50, but it's like they already have a built-in friend at home if they live together or whatever. But I think instead of having a conversation, I think just plan things. Yeah. Just like, you know, plan things. Let's hang. Let's do this.

And it might suck to be the planner. But like maybe they'll start planning stuff. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think when you're in a couple, especially like a long-term couple and you're living together and settling. And I can't remember if they said that they have kids or anything like that. But like, it's just so easy to be home. Yeah.

And be like, my friend's right there. We're hanging out, watching TV, doing things we like to do, and not think, like, we should reach out to our friends outside of this house. And, like, we should make plans out in the world. So I don't think it's you. I think it's like they're just comfortable. Yeah. And probably aren't thinking, let's make plans with our friends because that might take work. Yeah.

And it's definitely the anxiety speaking when you're with your idea that they're excited for you to move. to get rid of you. They're probably excited for you because you're excited. You're excited. They want you to have a community and like, I don't know, this is a life shift. So they're probably like happy for you, but not like, get this kid out of here. Tired of getting all these texts about hanging out. Yeah.

And if they're like being helpful, that's what friends do. Yeah. But I'm excited for you to go to Chicago because there probably are more people who are down to hang out and be out and about. There's more of like a like... A queer scene? Queer scene. Yeah, that'll be nice. There's a whole town for the boys. Just for the boys.

Boys town. Yes. Let's hear it for the boys. Solved. One more or should we be done? Maybe we should be done. All right. Or we're going to do one more.

No, we're done. Well, that's it. If you have a question or a query, we have an email address. Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. We also have a phone number. It's... 323-23-23-8-6554. Well, see you next time, everybody. Goodbye.

That was a hate-gum podcast. I don't know. There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season. Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season. Oh, yes. I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin's...

Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington. And then everyone gathers around Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season

is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago. I broke a toilet fair. I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th? sixth show at City Winery in Philadelphia. Love that. And of course there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, the season ends on November 8th at the Gramercy Theater in New York.

Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is the most magical time of the year. People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah! Yeah!