Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Nicole and Sasheer are back for an extra special solo episode of Best Friends! Nicole gives the update on her latest apple discoveries and considers the best way to get backstage at Beyoncé. Sasheer gives a fantastic enactment of sitting in an exit row and important advice to a listener that involves sprinting towards a group of people. Get into it!Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Man, I really wish I could hear the song you had in your head, because I was not getting it. I was like, ooh, the rhythm's changing. I don't understand rhythm. That's okay. I don't understand songs. Yeah. What do you want to say? No?

No. I don't know it was just I think it was the like the hardcore sympathy that you had was really funny and a little jarring it felt like you were like really sad I'm holding space for you

oh boy I wonder if we're going to get more they're not doing as much press for Wicked too I guess they're not doing as many interviews but they're doing things I mean something just happened recently where this man

I guess it was a premiere he jumped the He's a serial doer. He is a serial doer. A man jumped over the barricade. The barricade to hug Ariana at some premiere. And then Cynthia pushed him out of the way. She got real defensive, real fast. It was quicker than the security guards.

Yes, because they're each other's keeper. It's true. You know, they might have differences in the movie, but in real life. They're really together. Yeah. that man has like run up on stage with like Katie Perry the weekend soccer games what is what is that mental illness maybe it's just like I he does it because he can it's like I figured out how to find the open spots where security's not looking and gets off on doing that but also like for what yeah for what gain but also why isn't he getting any consequences yeah why is he getting any consequences yeah why is it he banned from events why isn't his picture up yeah don't let him come i know i feel like it's one thing to be like oh what if but like doing it is crazy like my plan to get to biance what's your plan

dress up as one of the backup dancers and then go downstairs where they go and then be like i'm right that's right biance just saying hi hi hi and then you go back to the audience all right now i'm got to see you perform more although i do think it would be really funny to try to do the choreography Yeah, just like, something's up. And they're like, that one's bad. They're like, is that like part of the art? Is there like a message here? Well, it's like that man in the, I think it's thriller or beat it video.

There's a man who can't dance. Oh, I missed that. Mm-hmm. Like he's like in the line with the backup music. He is in the music video and he is just off. Oh, no, what happened? I feel like. I wonder if he was like someone's friend.

Maybe. I feel like there is a story behind it. Allie, do you mind looking up? Bad backup dancer from Michael Jackson. Why, are he there? Why he there? Why he there? We watched someone sneak on stage at Ashley Simpson's show in Vegas.

Do you remember when she was like, she's like, all my boys come up here. And I guess there was like, you know, prearranged people from the audience that knew they were going to go on stage. And then one person was like, I'm just also going to go on stage. And then didn't do the, he didn't participate. and what everybody else was doing. Because I think he was scared that he would be caught or something. Maybe, but he was just kind of like dancing alone. Like a little distant from everybody else.

And like posing by himself. Oh, yes. And then we met him after. He was like, I snuck up there. Oh, yes. We're like, yeah, we saw. I'm not finding anything about this guy in the Michael Jackson video. I swear to God.

It's a thing. There's like a man. I think it's in Beat It. Or thriller. Hmm. No, thrillers. There's too many dancers and thrillers to notice, I think. He's wearing a red jacket.

Bad? Oh, is it bad? No. Maybe he's beat it. But it's like, they're doing that. And he's doing a bad job of it. Hmm. This is crazy that you can't find it.

Now it feels like I've made it up. No, I believe you. It's just, it's. That believe you didn't feel like she believed me. No, no, I believe you. No. Oh, my God. Well, I see what looks like a screenshot of what you're talking about

That's a TikTok saying like this is a bad dancer of Michael Jackson Or like the thing But then when I click on it, it just takes me to TikTok Discover So it's like I'm at a weird How many of they deleted the video? You're trying to cover it up The dancer found that creator I was like, take this off the online

Take it off, take it off, I'm mad! I can't wait to see the movie The Michael Jackson movie I like biopics. Yeah. I like watching someone be somebody else. Be somebody else. Be somebody.

It's like, it's crazy because you're playing a person that was once alive. And he's related to him, right? He is? I thought this was like his, I don't know, like a second cousin removed or something like that. Wow, that's kind of wild. I know. I would love to see my sister try to play me in a bio. pick. That'd be so funny.

She's so quiet. They'd be like action. She'd be like, no thanks. She'd be like, tee-he-he-he. Oh, never mind. Never mind. That didn't, that wasn't good. I think my grandpa could do it. Yeah. Yeah. I think slap away on him, he'll have a great time. When does this episode come out? December 10th.

Christmas is coming. Christmas is coming. It's December 10th. Yes. Can you believe? I can't. What do you want for Christmas this year? Hmm.

What do I want? I don't know if I want items anymore. You know when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I wish I could get this kind of toy or whatever. But as an adult, I'm kind of like, if I want it, I'll just get it. No, you're absolutely right. I wish someone will get this for me. I wish someone would buy me a sweater. You can just go to the gap and buy yourself a sweater.

Exactly. That is crazy to think about. yeah who needs gifts yeah but it's always nice to get one it is because you were thought about yeah I guess I don't really yearn for anything I just want fat nasty laughs and good times yeah that sounds really nice yeah yeah then that's the gift that is a gift maybe a fire and a fireplace that sounds nice I have a fireplace do you do I do yeah I hardly ever fire it have you ever fired it up yeah when john lived with me he would fire it up he does like man things i miss having john sometimes yeah maybe he's not he's not far

he could just invite him over i will remember you do do do do do do when times are bad and i am sad will you remember me it's crazy that I don't know lyrics anything yeah it is I really don't think I know a song front to back hmm what about I'm trying to think of a song

feels like you probably should know it um like any Beyonce song no I don't know any of from front to back. I know a lot of choruses. I do a lot of humming at her shows. I do a lot of singing, but I'm not saying words. Yeah. Is it because you're mostly listening to the music? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I've never really thought about the anatomy of how I listen to music.

Yeah, I think it's like the beats. The beats, I like the way, like how a song sounds is what I like. The lyrics are very Like it truly could be like Pee Poo pooh, Pee Poo Pee Poo Poo Pee Poo Poo. Like Ice Spice's lyrics about like Pee and Poooooo Like they don't affect me I like the beats Like I like her music I think it's fun

Yeah Interesting I like beats She likes the beats And I miss when pop music Used to like Mix other genres in it Like do you remember there was like

An Indian music phase in pop music Yeah Like, I miss that. I miss, like, the, like, thumps. Like, I like Sabrina Carpenter, but her, like, her stuff is always, it's like, Lee. Light? Yes.

Oh, that's good. I went, wee. You said light. It's nice to have someone who understands me. Yeah. Because sometimes it's really hard to explain myself. You do a good job of explaining yourself. Oh, thank you.

Mm-hmm. Thanks. How does one get like that? Hmm. I mean, it's too late for me. though. No, I don't think it's too late for you. Can't teach old dog stuff.

They won't learn it. That's what they say. They won't learn it. I guess I think I do have a not a fear but like

I don't want to be misunderstood which I do think is a little trauma based but so So sometimes I over-explain, and I'm trying to work on that because I don't need to say everything. But, yeah, I do think I have gotten to a point where I can just, I guess, explain everything and in hopes that I'm not, like, nothing's being misconstrued or misread.

but also what I'm trying to learn is that even if I explain myself some people might still misunderstand me and that's okay it is okay I think I have a default where I'm like

they're not going to understand me anyway just say whatever just say it maybe they'll get it maybe they won't because I don't mind like saying something and someone's like what and I'm like oh okay uh this

You're like, what? I'm like, oh, God, this? And sometimes I just give up and go, never mind, I don't want it. You don't need to know about it. It's okay. Pass. Yeah, pass. It stays inside. Have you ever done that?

Someone's asked you a question. You just go, pass. I have it. I have. That's really funny. Pass. I don't want it. Pass.

I don't like it. I want to talk about it. I should utilize that more. Mm-hmm. I feel like I. try to be like, no, let's figure this out. I will try to answer this question. Pass, don't want it.

Yeah, no, thanks. What holiday stuff should we do? I definitely want, actually, at one point, I don't know why I didn't actually do it, probably because I am still trying to, like, like the holidays. Mm-hmm. But a couple years ago, I had the idea for, like, a holiday drink party, like hot cider, hot cocoa, eggnog.

Um, a lot of their holiday drinks are there. I guess wines. Yeah, mold wines. Mold wine. I don't know what that means. I think it's hot wine. And sometimes there's apples in them, I think. Oh, that's fun.

I think so, yeah. A new apple just dropped. What? It's called like the Lucy Lou. It's not called that. I don't know what it's called. Did Lucy Loom discover this apple? I don't know.

I saw it on Instagram. It's at Sprouts. Oh. And I ordered them from sprouts, but they were sold out. Wow. Because everyone's got to get this new apple. Yeah, and it's like pink on the inside. Whoa.

And apparently it tastes like, like, strawberry lemonade. What? I got to get it. Do you think it was genetically made, or was it, is it natural of this earth? I think when new apples drop, I think they're being bred. I think they're, like, doing stuff with the seeds. The crossbreeding. Is that what it's called?

That is crossing. And it sounds horrible. It does sound terrible. Terrible. I think that is what they're literally crossing breeds. I think that's what they're doing. Allie, can you look up the Lucy Lou apple? I don't think it's the Lucy Lou apple.

I wish it was. Can you say new apple from sprouts? It's called the hidden rose apple. Girl, where did Lucy Lou come from? So one and of a kind heirloom variety with a bright green exterior and stunning surprise inside. Naturally red pink flesh.

Flesh? They shouldn't use that word. that's wild. I don't know why I thought it was called a Lucy. A Lucy Lou. I don't either. Maybe that's like the actual like science name of it. Yeah, maybe the slang is Lucy. Oh, there's a there's a Lucy Glow. Yes, that's what it's called Lucy Glow. And it's at Sprouts. It's like a Sprouts exclusive because I couldn't find it. No other grocery stores have this? I couldn't find it anywhere else on Instacart. That's crazy. Yeah, a Lucy Glow is a proprietary apple variety known for its unique yellow gold skin and blushing

pinkish red interior. Oh, okay. I might hit up sprouts after this. To get an apple. Because, well, yes, to get an apple. That wasn't a judgmental. The way you said that. You said to get an apple. And it was, oh my God, I cannot believe

I was judged so harshly. That was not a judgmental tone. That's not what I was. Listeners, if you heard judginess in the tone, comment, judge. yes this year to get an apple and I'll pick up something for you if you need something from the grocery store because I'm giving okay I'm kind you want some celery I hate celery nobody likes celery to get an apple I wasn't trying to be yes I got to taste

it I um so I found out about it um internet last night or two nights ago. It was two nights ago. And then I texted that nice man. I said a new apple dropped and I can't wait to taste it. I'll tell you about it in the morning. A real cliphanger. Also, like, what

more information was there to tell? I wanted to report back and tell how good it was. Oh, I see. Or if I was like, oh, no. Apple's not for me. It's really funny. And then he was very kind in the morning. He was like, how is that apple? I didn't get it. They couldn't deliver.

They didn't have any more. And he was like, oh, man. But I'm going to go. I'm going to go today. Let's see if they got restocked in them. Lucy Glows. I hope so. God, I love fruit.

I had two kiwis today. Oh, you did? I do like a kiwi. Me too. They're nice. They have little nature bowls. Yes, I love that. Avocados also have nature bowls.

That's true. Coconuts? Got a nature cup Yeah, it does have a nature cup Maybe we talked about this How I've been stealing persimmons Did we talk about That I've been eating them

Like They're not right Yeah, yeah, you did say that They weren't ready yet And I don't know if they're ready now I think they have to get to like an orangey color Yeah, what color are they? Well, they were green and that's how I was eating them

Oh yeah They really weren't ready No Yeah, they gotta be orange Like light green, light green No, it shouldn't be green at all They had to be like definitely orange I love them green

Really? They're so good Oh, interesting And now they're now they're oranging So now I'm supposed to eat them Yes I'm scared about what they're gonna taste like I hope you like it What is a person been supposed to taste like?

Like, I don't know how to answer that. Is it soft? They're, I guess, soft-ish. It's sweet. It's, yeah, a little, it's, yeah, a little, like, the texture ranges from firm to soft and jelly-like when fully ripe. Jelly-like? When I eat them, they be crunching. They're so hard.

Yeah. And I love them. It shouldn't be hard. They're rock hard. I have offered them to so many people. I've eaten them and been like, that's enough for me. Is it harder than an apple? It's a little harder than an apple.

Yeah. And I love them. Mm-hmm. I guess you can eat a ripe, unripe, unripe apple, but, or persimmon. I guess there's no, there's anything wrong with it. It's just not ready yet. The amount of people who've been like, oh, like disgusted by. the way I like them is really wild.

But maybe, okay, I'm going to try my persimmons because they're orange now. I'm going to try it when I get home, see if I like them. Also, they're all gone from the tree. Other people were picking them. But like even like further, I was in these people. I was like over the fence trying to find them. And maybe they picked their own persimmons.

Oh. Maybe they wanted their own presumpt. Maybe they were, they stayed on the tree because they were waiting for them to get ready. And then they picked them when it was appropriate. time. That explains it. That's why they're gone.

But I was mad. I was like, I want it more. Yeah. I guess I have to wait for next year. Or for my own ones to grow. Because I took the whole thing and put it in dirt. Yeah. And we'll see.

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recently? Every hotel I go to, I bring home toilet paper. Oh, you still do? Yes, this year. I just haven't been aware of you stealing toilet paper as of late. Well, I just don't make a big production of it anymore. Did you steal toilet paper in Vegas? Yes.

Anytime I'm in a hotel, I take that extra roll. Oh. And if I stay at the hotel multiple days and I have room in my bag and I don't go shopping. Every day, I go, I need more toilet paper. Are you, um, do you ever consider the quality of the toilet paper? No. You're never like, this is too thin. No.

You just take it. You just use a little bit more of it. And then when people like cushy, soft, I think it leaves a little residue. Yeah. I don't need those fuzzies. That's true. Give me paper. Give me the roughest tissue paper available.

But yeah, I'm always stealing. And we went out last night Well, this is coming out in December We went out a month ago Hey, maybe in December we go out Yeah, maybe we'll have another Nicole and Sishier Wild Adventure Big Ten Adventure

Big Ten Adventure Maybe we'll have a Big Ten Adventure Maybe we'll have a big Ten adventure Maybe we'll have a big ten adventure But that bar had so much toilet paper And I had to stop myself Because I was like I'm a little too drunk.

I think if I stuff my bag full of toilet paper, somebody might stop me. And then I'll have to say, I'm stealing toilet paper from this bar. No, I would stop you. I don't think so. Well, next time we go back, I'm taking it. Great.

I think, yeah, there's a... That bar also has, like, a West Hollywood location. And Mono once sent me a picture of all the toilet paper and was like, get here. Get here fast. That's fun. People have stopped sending me pictures of, like, loose toilet paper.

Well, because you don't make a production about it. I didn't even know you were still selling toilet paper. Yeah. I'll never stop. I'm not paying for toilet paper. I understand. Ever. Yeah.

Ever. I think I might start buying bamboo toilet paper or unbleached toilet paper. They bleach toilet paper? They do bleached toilet paper, yeah. Why? To make it white, because, I don't know. racism even the shit

that wipes my booty gotta be white exactly that's crazy but I mean I don't think I've been well I don't know actually but apparently it's not great for us

but put bleach in our nether region yeah that sounds terrible why do they bleach it that's so weird I don't know yeah I don't know why they were like yeah people will buy this more if it's white.

I guess to like, it really shows off the poop. But even like, because I've actually had brown like unbleached toilet paper and it's just like light brown. You can still see shit on it if you needed to.

If you try hard enough, you can still see shit on it. Yeah, maybe, well, I can't switch because I'm not buying it. Exactly. I just have to find it. Yeah, we'll find a place an establishment that has

unbleached toilet paper. And I'll keep going back and they're like, wow, you love it here. like, I do love it here. I'm really blown away that they bleached toilet paper. I know. Allie. Sorry.

Can you look up? Why do they bleach toilet paper? That's really crazy. Yeah. It seems unnecessary. We're just flushing it down the toilet anyway. Okay. The bleaching process is more than aesthetic.

It removes the substance lignin, which softens the paper. Oh. And the glue that holds the fibers together is naturally brown. So that's what they're bleaching white. Oh. The glue and bleach. Who the fuck comes up with this? Mix up that glue and bleach and we'll tell the people to wipe their butts?

Yeah. Did they wipe their butts in like the Victorian era? Have you ever seen like a Victorian-era toilet? No. It's just a fucking chair in the house. And you lift up the hood and then there's a pot in there. And then you shit in a pot and then you ring a belt and then a slave or like a cleaning person. A servant.

There we go. Oh, my God. A servant comes and takes it. And I guess they throw it in the street. Wait. I don't think they threw it in the street. They throw it in the streets this year. Maybe they like put it in the ground.

There's shit and piss all over the Victorian streets. I really do think they threw it in the street. Really? I think they were filthy back then. I mean, yes. Allie. Okay, yeah. So they had a privy, which was like an outhouse, but they also had chamber pots, like what you're saying.

And after, yeah, the smell was awful. let's see cleaning took place at night because they wanted to not disturb any households who had to be up for work next day and landlords had to pay for communal privies to be cleaned

and so people didn't want to pay so everything was emptied far less than what it should have been oh no but you are right I have heard things before let me find it but like where people were like throwing it

out the window and that's why certain streets were designed certain ways right? Like drainage? Ew! Isn't that nasty? Imagine walking a piece of shit hitting you? That'd be horrible! You have to go home. Definitely. Clean that off. Ew. Yuck.

Yuck. I don't think I could do... I don't think I would do good back then. No. I know that's like the era I was like born into but I think I'd be like, this is nasty. This is funky. No deodorant. Everyone's wearing all these layers. This is stinking so much But you would take, like, cocaine for headaches

And that's pretty cool That sounds like fun Come on, a little cocaine for my head That little headache, pep me up I'd have a nice time Yeah, maybe they couldn't smell anything because they're as high all the time Oh I'm not concerned

Maybe I watch the gilded age and every time I watch it I'm like that everyone was stinking Like everyone looked so beautiful But like they were stinky motherfuckers Oh I was telling you about pleurbis Oh yeah Have you watched it yet?

I haven't I will Well all right I guess you're not cultured I actually need to write that down Because I was like trying to think I was like Oh there's a show I wanted to watch But I forgot about it

And I did forget about it It is so good I'm having a nice time Oh great Yeah Must see TV It's made by the same people Who made Breaking Bad

Yes and better call Sal Did you watch either of this? I watched Breaking Bad. I did not watch Better Call Sal. I didn't watch Better Call Sal. I watched a few seasons of Breaking Bad. I think I watched all a Breaking Bad. Wow.

I really liked Breaking Bad. I liked it too, but I think I was getting really frustrated with Walter White. I mean, he was bad. He actually was bad. He did the knocking. Do you remember that scene? He's like, I am the one who knocks. I don't know that.

I don't know in what content. But he said to Skyler, he's like, I'm the one who knocks. Oh, shit. Do you guys don't? I don't know. I'm the one who not. I can't believe you. It's iconic.

I can pull it up. Please. I'm going to die if it's not even what he says. It's just something totally different. He's like, I ring the doorbell. I wrote you a letter. Oh, boy. Yeah, I think, like, he was just doing so many bad things.

And I was like, no, this is not even for your illness anymore. No, this is, you just enjoy the power of being such a bad man. Yeah. So that was a pretty good impression I did. Yes, it was. I am the one who knocks. That's you. That's him.

He's so mean to Skyler I'm so mean to Skyler And I remember when the show first aired Because I think I saw it like a couple years after And I was like, what does internet think? Yeah And they were like, Skyler's a bitch And I was like, what?

Yeah Her husband's bad He was really bad He was such a bad man And then what's his name? Oh God, that actor Who then is like above him It begins with a G

Jean-Carlalos I love him Yeah He's so good He was good at being bad. I was rooting for him, even though he was evil, too. Holy! Ah, yes, television.

Ah, yes. I love finding things well after people have watched them. Like, I found Nurse Jackie years after everyone watched Nurse Jackie. It was, it's good. I really like Nurse Jackie. Sopranos? Yes. Did you know it's good?

Yeah, it was good. I love James Gandalfeaning. Get big hands. Yeah, definitely. I wish I could have met those hands. Just the hands? Sounds like I want to get slapped. Yeah.

I wish I could have met those hands. No, they're just so big. I would, like, I would love to have, like, shaking his hands. Yeah. And I guess meet him and, like, talked to him. Nope. Just quick handshake. Had nothing else.

Do you judge people on their handshake? No. No? No. I mean, I don't enjoy a weak handshake or, like, a little. limp one, but I don't only shake hands. I don't. Oh, that's true. You don't shake hands. So you actually don't have the opportunity

to judge anybody about that. I was doing a podcast and the producer reached out to shake my hand and I was like, no, no, thank you. I'm so sorry. I don't, I don't shake hands. I know that's rude. And she was like, that's not rude. And then she was like, why don't you shake hands? Because I was

and then I said, well, I don't know if you were digging in your asshole before we met. And she took it nicely. And I was like, I need to change that answer. Oh, she's like, oh, I was You called it You called it, I'm naster But yeah, you don't know what people will be doing

Digging in their nose, digging in their butts Like, fingering their toes Fingering their toes Yeah, maybe just like Oh, germs, you know, or like Yeah, yeah I don't want other people's germs Yeah, but I will, I also offer hugs

So it's take all their germs on their body. Well, I feel like clothes, they're just in the outside. I don't know. We're touching outside things. There's no hand to hand. It just feels less gross. Also, your hand touches more of yourself than their body touching your body. Like, if you shake someone's hand, then you're going to touch your face.

Yes. Maybe your mouth. Yes. Yeah. a big face toucher so yeah i don't i don't want that yeah but there's been times where like i'll be like at a thing and i'll do my whole thing and then by the 10th time i'm like i'll just shake the hands and then i just make a reminder to don't touch my face go wash my hands but yeah i don't want to live like that just don't touch me there was a um i've done that too sometimes no um um um um

Um, what's this guy's name? Howard Hughes. There's like a, yeah, he's like a, what is it, what is it called? The aviator. The aviator. Did you watch that movie? I watched it. Yeah.

That was during, um, Scorsese's phase where he was like, really doing like 2000s movies. Mm-hmm. It was really interesting. Like, Kings of New York is a very 2000s movie. Yeah. And so was the aviator. What are you trying to say? Um, oh, though, you might turn into Howard Hughes.

Yeah. I okay so like when I woke up today I didn't think I was going to be attacked by my best friend like constantly

first there was the apples now you're saying I'm like be a shut in who pisses in jars I mean and then you can throw out of the window

I don't think you will I hope you don't I'll never see you I would let you come really Yes. You could be the one who knocks. I'm the one who knocks.

I don't think I could ever be like a shut-in. Yeah. Because I got to get out. I got to go out. Community. I love fellowship. Someone on Instagram is like, what is going on with this community and fellowship stuff? I'll never say.

I mean, they should get into it. Yeah, get into it. Get your own community. Fellowship with others. It's true We're social animals We are social animals And okay

This is my like boomer thought I don't think everyone should work from home Definitely I think it should be hybrid I also don't think you should like Be penalized for having a doctor's appointment And like not be able to go to that I think it's like we're adults

Let me go to the doctor I'll come back to work Right Like it's kind of crazy That is really crazy Right You have to like take a day a sick day to like go to the doctor

or a vacation day to go to the doctor that's wonky Wonky Isn't there a state that started trying to do four days a week Work weeks I think that would make people happier Three-day weekend

Like yeah Yeah you get more stuff done Do your doctor's appointments or whatever But like Yeah Allie did you find something? Yeah Utah tried in 2008 And

Oh so long While the initiative was intended to boost morale save energy and increase productivity it was met with public complaints about the loss of Friday services and did not achieve its energy saving goals leading the state to return to its five-day work week.

Interesting. Hmm. What were the people trying to get that they couldn't get? Maybe like the post office was closed or no, probably not. I don't know. I guess dry cleaning. Like if they're not working.

I guess I have to wait until Monday. while that dry cleaning is the first thought you had oh the dry cleaners is closed I have to wait until Monday they're not open Fridays or Saturdays and Sunday I don't know maybe the specific ones only open five days a week who else

yeah what services are you trying to get yeah I don't I don't know would like McDonald's just be closed Like, wait. No. No, but like, isn't it corporate jobs? Those are the ones where you have, like, weekends off? Yeah.

So. Hmm. Yeah, it's all government offices are closed on Friday. So, yeah, I guess the post office. Oh. Hmm. Isn't it funny that we don't know what jobs are? We just had such a hard time.

Thinking of jobs? I was like McDonald's. You were like dry cleaners? And we were like, and that's it. Yeah, I don't know what people do. Yeah. Hmm Let's take a break and think about it

Thought about it Still don't know what jobs are I still don't know either Also during the shutdown I was flying a bunch And towards the end of the shutdown The government shut down Huh

I was just specifying the government shut down Was there another shutdown that people talk about? The COVID one Oh Oh No, not that long ago This was the recent government Shut down

This person beeped in front of me And then the TSA lady said Just go And I was like, wait What did they have a weapon? I don't know It blew me away I was like these people don't care

Wow I wouldn't care either if I was not getting paid Yeah that's true Do they get back pay? I don't probably not honestly This is crazy We're living in wild fucking times I don't think I would show up to work with, like, not getting my weekly fucking paycheck.

How do you become a TSA agent? I don't know. Probably go to the website. They'll fill out of an application. Yeah, I think that's how you get any job. That was wild that I thought that it was, like, different. I don't know why I thought it was like, maybe you go to the airport and you're like, I would like to become a TSA agent. Maybe.

They probably have an office somewhere. I wonder if I wore one of those uniforms and just. like went to the airport if they would because you can't know all your co-workers and there's new ones all the time I'm new bigger things than I've been that's really funny

but you definitely have to have a badge to get past a certain point yeah but I think you wear a coat and like over your TSA uniform that you've now stolen from somewhere and then I guess you have to buy a plane ticket

so you get through it oh no i think you just wear your tsa stuff and then just like walk on up and be like hey georgia this is me it's me but then also like what's the like what's the goal because you're just like now you're just standing they're telling people like to put their bags in the bin yeah power well there's a woman i think in florida who walked into a hospital and just started doing nurse stuff and then the for I think a year or two and the only reason why they found

out that she wasn't actually a nurse was because she like went for a promotion and then they found out that her like credentials were not real was she getting paid? I don't know Allie, can you look it up? Yeah, of course. I think she might have been getting paid because it'd been

going on for a while. But it's like how does she even start the initial payroll paperwork if I don't know but honestly if you're going to promote someone who has no nursing qualifications but is doing a good job

I didn't let them be a nurse like clearly they want to be here like what should I type lady pretending to be a nurse gets fired after they find once upon a time

okay lady pretending to be nurse fired once upon a time there was a lady she was pretending to be a nurse she got fired because she was trying to get a promotion I just think it's like an interesting world where we can all just pretend things. Okay, yeah. A woman in Florida was arrested after posing as a nurse and treating over 4,000 patients without a license, according to the sheriff's office. She was arrested after pretending to be a registered nurse at a local hospital from July to 2023 until she was fired January 22nd, 2025.

That's like two years. Yeah. Um, this is one of the most disturbing cases of medical fraud we've ever investigated. Um, she was hired as an advanced nurse technician and advanced. Yeah. So she got in as a tech. And then when she applied for the position, she said she was an education first registered nurse, meaning she passed the schooling, but had not passed the national exam yet to get her license. Oh, okay. So she was a nurse. She wasn't just some lady. Yeah. Right. Wait, that's what she's saying. That's what she said. And then she told the hospital. She passed her exams, provided a license number, but that was a fake number that was

with someone who had her same first name, different last name. And she explained the discrepancy by saying she had recently gotten married and had a new last name. And the hospital requested to see her marriage license to confirm her identity, but she never provided it to them. And she was offered a promotion in January and a fellow employee checked her driver's license status or not sorry her driver's license her nurse's license and said she had discovered an expired certified nursing assistant license and then immediately reported the findings wow let her be a nurse also was the co-worker jealous probably was this sabotage probably I deserve that promotion let's look her up Look her ass up because why are you looking?

Right. Why are you in her business? She didn't kill nobody. She's treating people. She's treating people so well that they wanted to promote her. I think you let her be a nurse. Yeah. I think if you can commit fraud so good that they want to propel you upwards, let you have it.

I mean, she definitely has experience now. Yes, she's got so much experience. I bet she would ace those exams to get her nursing license. Yeah, just let her take her test and then... Right? Like, then give it to her. Kind of. But then I guess it's like, well, if you do this bad thing, what else you'd be doing?

Yeah. Oh, but she just wanted to be a nurse. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Crazy. Chime understands that every dollar counts. That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features

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Like, what is something you would love to do but don't want to, like, go to school for? Interesting. I would love to... I feel like I'd love to fly a plane, but I'd definitely have a train for that. So I don't think I could just walk on and fly a plane. You could walk on and be a co-pilot. Yeah. Or say that you're sitting in the jump seat or something.

Yeah. I'm shadowing. Deadheading? I think that's what it's called. I think. I don't know. Sometimes I know things. Yeah.

It's crazy. Yeah. Sometimes I'll just like know a thing. Yeah. And I don't know how I know it. Yeah. deadheading is completing a trip without paying passengers or freight oh maybe i don't know a thing wait it's like uh oh yeah it's carrying free of charge transport companies own staff on a normal

passenger trip so that they can be in the right place to begin their duties that's like a fly attendant flies on a plane or a pilot like you know how sometimes you see like a pilot and they're wearing their uniform to let you know they're a pilot and they're sitting in the back with you what is what was that why do you not like them why are you in uniform if you're not working he will be change in the bathroom but what are you showing off but what if he when they immediately when he lands he has to go straight to a plane never thought of that never thought of it always thought they were showing off And I was like, we get it. Showing off.

Yep. But that really explains things that they get on a flight to then do their flight. It's just what Allie said. They're getting transported to start their job at a different city. Change of the cockpit. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. Back here with the rest of us, get out of here.

I would like to, I would pretend to be a flight attendant. I think that would be really fun. I think that I could do. Definitely. You know, I can read the little pamphlet and tell you where the exits are. Yeah. And I can tell you that oxygen will come in a yellow mask from the ceiling. And you need to put yours over your face first before you help others.

Ask me if I'm capable of being in the exit row. Hello, ma'am. Thank you for flying with us. Thank you for being a diamond medallion. I just want to say, are you willing and able to help us if there is an emergency with the emergency exit. I need a verbal yes. Yes.

Great. That's so funny. Oh, yes. Wow. That was a great passenger wear. Yeah. Because they always are like, I need to hear you say. I need to hear you say yes.

It's really funny. Yes. Here's the thing. I have said yes. I don't know if I've actually. be capable of helping. Yeah, if it really came down to it? I don't, I don't know.

Seems intimidating. Seems crazy. You want me to what? Open the door? There's so many arrows and levers. I don't know how to do that. And we're not supposed to open the door. We're supposed to be flying. Why are we down here? Oh my God.

Do you ever think about plane crashes? Yeah. Oh, you sound sad. Because it scares me. Oh, it doesn't scare me at all. I know I would survive one. I absolutely know. I would be the like the lone fucking survivor

And then I would have to start like my own society Of like skulls on posts I'm like the dead people Oh my God I'd have to eat everybody Oh my God I'd have to find all the Biscops Yeah I genuinely believe

If I'm in a plane crash I will be the sole survivor And then I'll be changed Definitely Like that sucks That does suck Like I'll come back and like I'll be so sad and haunted

Yeah I'd be like no one has seen what I've seen And everyone's gonna get sick of it after a while I'll be like Nicole You have to stop you're not a fun hang anymore Yeah you suck You keep having this far away look in your eyes Sorry I was thinking about the fiery crash

And how I crawled out of my seat And I had to eat Biscos And there was Then DeSani water? You'd be so thirsty after every sip. It's so salty. It is so salty. And you would think they would have better water just in case.

Yeah, you would think. But I guess DeSani is owned by the Coca-Cola company, and Delta does serve exclusively Coca-Cola products. That is true. I love Delta. I'm coming around to United, though. Oh, interesting. Because to see my family in Chicago, I either have to fly American or United, and I refuse to fly American. American fucking sucks.

But United? New planes. Oh. TV screens. Can you believe? I like that. I'd be having a nice time. Yeah.

And I didn't like United for a while because I got on a couple planes where I was like, are we going to Fred Flintstone? Like the floor, this doesn't seem sturdy. That's really funny. but they got new planes, so. I like that. Are they Boeing? Do we know? I don't know.

Not either. I think, Arnold, no. Not all of them are. There's also air buses. Is that a company? I think so. That's so dumb. Air bus.

We're making planes. We should call them air buses. Get out of here. It's like I came up with it. That's dumb as hell. But yeah, the bobbings are the ones where, like, the doors are flying off, right? Yeah. That's not happening anymore.

It hasn't happened lately, I don't think. Or at least we haven't heard about it. Crazy. I would be so mad of mid-flight, the door flew off. Because we have to turn around and guess who's delayed? Me. That would be very annoying, yes. It would be so annoying.

Are you kidding? Mm-hmm. Are you kidding? I don't want to be an airplane with a convertible. Also, like, some of the videos I've seen were a door flew off, they just had to, like, land with like that. And people are just, like, sitting there next to it. like I guess uh so sure there's nothing else you can do if you get up you get sucked out i know but it's just like weird to be like huh i'm so close have you seen the video of i don't i think it

might have been a delta flight i don't know but it like landed upside down yes and like someone is doing a video and they're like put your phone away if a plane lands upside down you don't get to tell me what to do yeah yeah you don't i'm gonna record this the only thing you get to say is weave your bags behind. That's the only thing you can tell me. If I want to videotape it, I'm gonna. That's crazy. That's crazy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Should we answer questions and queries? Let's do it. Do you remember that video I sent you where I was wearing a turtleneck and moving my head? I watched that video so many times, and it makes me laugh so hard. It's really funny. I guess to describe it to our listeners, I got a turtleneck, it's a sweater, and it's a

big thick turtleneck and when I move my head from side to side it looks like my head is floating it was 2 a.m. and I was just in the mirror laughing. That was funny. I send it to you, that nice man in my life. I sent it to Christy and I was like, look. Okay, this is called Mental Moutures. Oh. Hi, Sashir and Nicole. Huge fan here. I recently helped a friend move from L.A. to New Orleans and we listened to you two for at least 20 hours straight. It truly got us through the trip. Anyway, so my

best friend, let's call her Bertha moved from New Orleans. That's really funny. Why are we calling her Bertha? Let's call her Bertha. I did have an Aunt Bertha. Oh, nice. So Bertha moved from New Orleans to New York in 2019. I still live in New Orleans, but I

visit her any chance I can until I can move up there myself. In the meantime, she's made some friends through work, let's call them Alice and Renee. Since Bertha works from home, Alice and Renee have been become a big part of her social circle. Here's the problem. Bertha's energetic, adventurous, and always down to do something fun, but Alice and Renee are energy vampires. They've grown used to Bertha planning everything. I mean everything, making reservations, booking flights, researching where to go, what to do, how to get there. They rely on her completely and it's become the default. It frustrates

Bertha to no end, but aside from them, she doesn't have much of a circle up there yet. Now Renee is getting married overseas later this year, and we already know it's going to be Bertha doing all the logistical heavy lifting. How can Bertha set boundaries and communicate her needs without totally nuking

the friendships? She'd like to keep them around and least until I move up there. Hmm. That's tough. That's tough. Because it is on behalf of a friend. I always think it's hard to, like, get advice for a friend because it's not happening to you so we don't actually know

if Bertha is actually super super burn and or just venting a little do you know what I mean? Yeah I yeah I guess I would guess that maybe Bertha was

yeah venting to this friend who wrote in and maybe this friend wants to relay the advice to Bertha but it is burdensome being the planner

yes it is like Like, yeah, it's like fine sometimes because you're like, well, if no one else is going to do it, someone should, I can do that. But yeah, after a while it's like, well, everyone's an adult here. And you're able to like get to work and do things. So why can't you just plan one thing or do, like, you have some details? Yeah. I think Bertha could, you know, next time she hangs out with Alice and Renee, be like, in the group chat, be like, hey, do you guys want to do something this weekend? You choose. Yeah. You decide. Like, every now and again, volley to them. Yeah. Because I think sometimes people get used to people planning. Like, I'm a participator. I'm not. I'll come up with the idea. Yeah. But the logistics of it, that's tough for me. Yeah. And if you would like me to do the, logistics. We may not get there on time. We're on the day we're supposed to be there.

But I think it's like you could just ask. Yeah. Ask for what you need. Yeah. And maybe like for this big trip that's about to happen for Renee's wedding, maybe you, maybe the friend, maybe Bertha can delegate some stuff. Like, okay, I'll look at flights for us. Alice, can you look at a hotel in the area, like, you know, like, section things off, so it's not Bertha planning everything. Bertha shouldn't have to do anything for that wedding that's not hers. Well, I don't know if she's doing anything. Well, I don't know what the actual question was, but I don't know if she's doing anything for the wedding, but she is traveling there to the wedding.

She does her travel. That's true, yeah. You don't have to fly with the group. You can meet the group there. That's true. That's a good point. well for any trip maybe there's a different trip no no you're right yes it is it is i think helpful to delegate i'll do the flights you do the hotel yeah what i do with people sometimes is i go we have

to actually like be together and do this if we want to get it done we have to do it like in person together that's smart too yeah let's like before we go get dinner let's all sit down for an hour Yep. And like, book our flights, book our hotels, book the car. Yeah. Yeah. I think Bertha just needs to ask them to participate. Because otherwise they don't think they have to. Maybe they think this dynamic is good. Yeah. And who they don't realize, it just feels easy to them.

They don't realize the labor that Bertha's putting in. That poor Bertha's burdened. Bertha's burden. Birth is such a good name. Yeah. I wonder if that's a name that's, like, died out. Like, are there any baby bertha? I've never met a young bertha.

If I have a baby, I'm naming it Bertha. You should. Bertha and Deuteronomy. That's the other name that I... Oh, I remember. I'll never forget. Little Bertha and Deuteronomy. It's a good thing I'm not having kids. Those are wild names.

It was tough. You're setting them up for a lot of learning in their life. Solved. Did you do one more? Yeah. Okay, perfect. This is from Sophia. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Love you both. Love the Pod. My question is about personal space and lack of awareness, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I oftentimes find myself walking down, let's say, the sidewalk, and we'll see a group of people coming toward me. Sometimes it's a couple, sometimes there are three, four, even five people approaching me. For so many reasons that I'm sure you can imagine, I find myself moving out of the way, sometimes into the street. I guess this is a way of being polite to appease this group taking up the entire sidewalk.

on the rare occasion people will fall into single file but those are few and far between and it leaves me feeling irritated my questions are why do i as a single woman taking up a small portion of the sidewalk need to move out of the way for these people and how can i assert myself as so to say i'm not moving out of the way without standing in the middle of the sidewalk like a wild west standoff p s this also goes for assholes who take up the entire road the entire aisle in the grocery store etc all the love in the world you've both had such a positive impact on my life love you that's nice i don't get out of people's way yeah i will have a standoff i think i told you i was at the airport and this lady was walking with another lady so they were like two two by two i don't know there was the two of them one of me and she didn't like fall at like behind or in front so we just rolled up to one another and i went and now what and she went what and i went oh And then she moved out of my way. That's really funny.

Well, because I was like, you guys are two by two. You don't have to be. Yeah. We could all, you want me to like pause to let you by or go around you? No, get real. You don't have to be next to your friend. Yeah. I will walk into people and I steady the arm because you're not going to knock me down.

You can't get up. Why? Yeah. If you are like three people deep, you have to move. Yeah. Or I was on my flight back here. There was a man who was so close to me and I turned around and I said, I would like to put my backpack on. But you are so close to me that I can't do that.

Would you like to back up? And he went, oh. And I went, mm-hmm. Why are you on me like this? Are you my backpack? He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. I don't think I heard you say that.

He didn't like that. Are you my backpack? He was on my back. He was so close to me. when I tell you this man like scowled in a way that I was and I was like don't laugh don't laugh

it's pretty funny I just turned around and put my back on and I was like yeah I also now that I'm older will not move I'll just like keep staying on my lane and if people run into me then we run

into each other but yeah you don't have to go around them no you can just go straight and then they got to figure it Maybe if you see a group of people, like, taking you a whole sidewalk, you should start sprinting towards them. Just see what they do. That's really funny. They'll move.

They'll move. They might run away. That's so funny, Sashir. I hope you remember this. I would really like to see you do that. That's so funny. You're like, there's a group. You just start sprinting at them.

Or you just like zigzag? Yeah. And then they just like either part or you're just chasing them. Either way. I really can't stop thinking about sprinting at them. That's really funny. I think that's the answer. Sprint at them.

Solved. Well, that's it. That's it. We did it. Another episode has come to a close. Yes. We'll probably have more. more after this one.

I believe we will. Yes. Well, if you will have any questions or queries, you can email us at nicole and sashir. Dot com. At gmail. We don't have a nicole and sashir.com. We probably should get one.

I thought I heard gmail, and I was like trying to say dot com with you. It didn't come out yet. Then we have a number 323-917. 3-2-3-23-8-65-4. I at least got the first three, right? You did get the first three. Three, two, three.

Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Well, bye. Oh, I get a handshake. I know where your hands have been this whole episode. Do you? Ew.

No, they've just been out here. Goodbye. Goodbye. Best Friends is a production of HeadGum Studios. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our executive producers, Anya Khan of Skaia. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Rochelle Chen.

Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah.

We talk. And then we have a segment where we are. answer questions and queries. So audience can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube.

New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You are. I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive.

Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.