Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Nicole and Sasheer are back for an extra special solo episode of Best Friends! Nicole gives the update on her latest apple discoveries and considers the best way to get backstage at Beyoncé.... Sasheer gives a fantastic enactment of sitting in an exit row and important advice to a listener that involves sprinting towards a group of people. Get into it!Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at (323) 238-6554‬ or write in at nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com.Best Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:02:05 Man, I really wish I could hear the song you had in your head, because I was not getting it. I was like, ooh, the rhythm's changing. I don't understand rhythm. That's okay. I don't understand songs. Yeah. What do you want to say? No?
Starting point is 00:02:23 No. I don't know it was just I think it was the like the hardcore sympathy that you had was really funny and a little jarring it felt like you were like really sad I'm holding space for you
Starting point is 00:02:37 oh boy I wonder if we're going to get more they're not doing as much press for Wicked too I guess they're not doing as many interviews but they're doing things I mean something just happened recently where this man
Starting point is 00:02:51 I guess it was a premiere he jumped the He's a serial doer. He is a serial doer. A man jumped over the barricade. The barricade to hug Ariana at some premiere. And then Cynthia pushed him out of the way. She got real defensive, real fast. It was quicker than the security guards.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Yes, because they're each other's keeper. It's true. You know, they might have differences in the movie, but in real life. They're really together. Yeah. that man has like run up on stage with like Katie Perry the weekend soccer games what is what is that mental illness maybe it's just like I he does it because he can it's like I figured out how to find the open spots where security's not looking and gets off on doing that but also like for what yeah for what gain but also why isn't he getting any consequences yeah why is he getting any consequences yeah why is it he banned from events why isn't his picture up yeah don't let him come i know i feel like it's one thing to be like oh what if but like doing it is crazy like my plan to get to biance what's your plan
Starting point is 00:04:05 dress up as one of the backup dancers and then go downstairs where they go and then be like i'm right that's right biance just saying hi hi hi and then you go back to the audience all right now i'm got to see you perform more although i do think it would be really funny to try to do the choreography Yeah, just like, something's up. And they're like, that one's bad. They're like, is that like part of the art? Is there like a message here? Well, it's like that man in the, I think it's thriller or beat it video.
Starting point is 00:04:37 There's a man who can't dance. Oh, I missed that. Mm-hmm. Like he's like in the line with the backup music. He is in the music video and he is just off. Oh, no, what happened? I feel like. I wonder if he was like someone's friend.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Maybe. I feel like there is a story behind it. Allie, do you mind looking up? Bad backup dancer from Michael Jackson. Why, are he there? Why he there? Why he there? We watched someone sneak on stage at Ashley Simpson's show in Vegas.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Do you remember when she was like, she's like, all my boys come up here. And I guess there was like, you know, prearranged people from the audience that knew they were going to go on stage. And then one person was like, I'm just also going to go on stage. And then didn't do the, he didn't participate. and what everybody else was doing. Because I think he was scared that he would be caught or something. Maybe, but he was just kind of like dancing alone. Like a little distant from everybody else.
Starting point is 00:05:29 And like posing by himself. Oh, yes. And then we met him after. He was like, I snuck up there. Oh, yes. We're like, yeah, we saw. I'm not finding anything about this guy in the Michael Jackson video. I swear to God.
Starting point is 00:05:45 It's a thing. There's like a man. I think it's in Beat It. Or thriller. Hmm. No, thrillers. There's too many dancers and thrillers to notice, I think. He's wearing a red jacket.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Bad? Oh, is it bad? No. Maybe he's beat it. But it's like, they're doing that. And he's doing a bad job of it. Hmm. This is crazy that you can't find it.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Now it feels like I've made it up. No, I believe you. It's just, it's. That believe you didn't feel like she believed me. No, no, I believe you. No. Oh, my God. Well, I see what looks like a screenshot of what you're talking about
Starting point is 00:06:26 That's a TikTok saying like this is a bad dancer of Michael Jackson Or like the thing But then when I click on it, it just takes me to TikTok Discover So it's like I'm at a weird How many of they deleted the video? You're trying to cover it up The dancer found that creator I was like, take this off the online
Starting point is 00:06:46 Take it off, take it off, I'm mad! I can't wait to see the movie The Michael Jackson movie I like biopics. Yeah. I like watching someone be somebody else. Be somebody else. Be somebody.
Starting point is 00:07:02 It's like, it's crazy because you're playing a person that was once alive. And he's related to him, right? He is? I thought this was like his, I don't know, like a second cousin removed or something like that. Wow, that's kind of wild. I know. I would love to see my sister try to play me in a bio. pick. That'd be so funny.
Starting point is 00:07:24 She's so quiet. They'd be like action. She'd be like, no thanks. She'd be like, tee-he-he-he. Oh, never mind. Never mind. That didn't, that wasn't good. I think my grandpa could do it. Yeah. Yeah. I think slap away on him, he'll have a great time. When does this episode come out? December 10th.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Christmas is coming. Christmas is coming. It's December 10th. Yes. Can you believe? I can't. What do you want for Christmas this year? Hmm.
Starting point is 00:07:58 What do I want? I don't know if I want items anymore. You know when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I wish I could get this kind of toy or whatever. But as an adult, I'm kind of like, if I want it, I'll just get it. No, you're absolutely right. I wish someone will get this for me. I wish someone would buy me a sweater. You can just go to the gap and buy yourself a sweater.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Exactly. That is crazy to think about. yeah who needs gifts yeah but it's always nice to get one it is because you were thought about yeah I guess I don't really yearn for anything I just want fat nasty laughs and good times yeah that sounds really nice yeah yeah then that's the gift that is a gift maybe a fire and a fireplace that sounds nice I have a fireplace do you do I do yeah I hardly ever fire it have you ever fired it up yeah when john lived with me he would fire it up he does like man things i miss having john sometimes yeah maybe he's not he's not far
Starting point is 00:09:03 he could just invite him over i will remember you do do do do do do when times are bad and i am sad will you remember me it's crazy that I don't know lyrics anything yeah it is I really don't think I know a song front to back hmm what about I'm trying to think of a song
Starting point is 00:09:36 feels like you probably should know it um like any Beyonce song no I don't know any of from front to back. I know a lot of choruses. I do a lot of humming at her shows. I do a lot of singing, but I'm not saying words. Yeah. Is it because you're mostly listening to the music? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I've never really thought about the anatomy of how I listen to music.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Yeah, I think it's like the beats. The beats, I like the way, like how a song sounds is what I like. The lyrics are very Like it truly could be like Pee Poo pooh, Pee Poo Pee Poo Poo Pee Poo Poo. Like Ice Spice's lyrics about like Pee and Poooooo Like they don't affect me I like the beats Like I like her music I think it's fun
Starting point is 00:10:28 Yeah Interesting I like beats She likes the beats And I miss when pop music Used to like Mix other genres in it Like do you remember there was like
Starting point is 00:10:43 An Indian music phase in pop music Yeah Like, I miss that. I miss, like, the, like, thumps. Like, I like Sabrina Carpenter, but her, like, her stuff is always, it's like, Lee. Light? Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Oh, that's good. I went, wee. You said light. It's nice to have someone who understands me. Yeah. Because sometimes it's really hard to explain myself. You do a good job of explaining yourself. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Mm-hmm. Thanks. How does one get like that? Hmm. I mean, it's too late for me. though. No, I don't think it's too late for you. Can't teach old dog stuff.
Starting point is 00:11:21 They won't learn it. That's what they say. They won't learn it. I guess I think I do have a not a fear but like
Starting point is 00:11:35 I don't want to be misunderstood which I do think is a little trauma based but so So sometimes I over-explain, and I'm trying to work on that because I don't need to say everything. But, yeah, I do think I have gotten to a point where I can just, I guess, explain everything and in hopes that I'm not, like, nothing's being misconstrued or misread.
Starting point is 00:12:08 but also what I'm trying to learn is that even if I explain myself some people might still misunderstand me and that's okay it is okay I think I have a default where I'm like
Starting point is 00:12:22 they're not going to understand me anyway just say whatever just say it maybe they'll get it maybe they won't because I don't mind like saying something and someone's like what and I'm like oh okay uh this
Starting point is 00:12:38 You're like, what? I'm like, oh, God, this? And sometimes I just give up and go, never mind, I don't want it. You don't need to know about it. It's okay. Pass. Yeah, pass. It stays inside. Have you ever done that?
Starting point is 00:12:52 Someone's asked you a question. You just go, pass. I have it. I have. That's really funny. Pass. I don't want it. Pass.
Starting point is 00:13:01 I don't like it. I want to talk about it. I should utilize that more. Mm-hmm. I feel like I. try to be like, no, let's figure this out. I will try to answer this question. Pass, don't want it.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Yeah, no, thanks. What holiday stuff should we do? I definitely want, actually, at one point, I don't know why I didn't actually do it, probably because I am still trying to, like, like the holidays. Mm-hmm. But a couple years ago, I had the idea for, like, a holiday drink party, like hot cider, hot cocoa, eggnog.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Um, a lot of their holiday drinks are there. I guess wines. Yeah, mold wines. Mold wine. I don't know what that means. I think it's hot wine. And sometimes there's apples in them, I think. Oh, that's fun.
Starting point is 00:13:54 I think so, yeah. A new apple just dropped. What? It's called like the Lucy Lou. It's not called that. I don't know what it's called. Did Lucy Loom discover this apple? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:05 I saw it on Instagram. It's at Sprouts. Oh. And I ordered them from sprouts, but they were sold out. Wow. Because everyone's got to get this new apple. Yeah, and it's like pink on the inside. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:14:15 And apparently it tastes like, like, strawberry lemonade. What? I got to get it. Do you think it was genetically made, or was it, is it natural of this earth? I think when new apples drop, I think they're being bred. I think they're, like, doing stuff with the seeds. The crossbreeding. Is that what it's called?
Starting point is 00:14:35 That is crossing. And it sounds horrible. It does sound terrible. Terrible. I think that is what they're literally crossing breeds. I think that's what they're doing. Allie, can you look up the Lucy Lou apple? I don't think it's the Lucy Lou apple.
Starting point is 00:14:48 I wish it was. Can you say new apple from sprouts? It's called the hidden rose apple. Girl, where did Lucy Lou come from? So one and of a kind heirloom variety with a bright green exterior and stunning surprise inside. Naturally red pink flesh.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Flesh? They shouldn't use that word. that's wild. I don't know why I thought it was called a Lucy. A Lucy Lou. I don't either. Maybe that's like the actual like science name of it. Yeah, maybe the slang is Lucy. Oh, there's a there's a Lucy Glow. Yes, that's what it's called Lucy Glow. And it's at Sprouts. It's like a Sprouts exclusive because I couldn't find it. No other grocery stores have this? I couldn't find it anywhere else on Instacart. That's crazy. Yeah, a Lucy Glow is a proprietary apple variety known for its unique yellow gold skin and blushing
Starting point is 00:15:41 pinkish red interior. Oh, okay. I might hit up sprouts after this. To get an apple. Because, well, yes, to get an apple. That wasn't a judgmental. The way you said that. You said to get an apple. And it was, oh my God, I cannot believe
Starting point is 00:15:57 I was judged so harshly. That was not a judgmental tone. That's not what I was. Listeners, if you heard judginess in the tone, comment, judge. yes this year to get an apple and I'll pick up something for you if you need something from the grocery store because I'm giving okay I'm kind you want some celery I hate celery nobody likes celery to get an apple I wasn't trying to be yes I got to taste
Starting point is 00:16:33 it I um so I found out about it um internet last night or two nights ago. It was two nights ago. And then I texted that nice man. I said a new apple dropped and I can't wait to taste it. I'll tell you about it in the morning. A real cliphanger. Also, like, what
Starting point is 00:16:53 more information was there to tell? I wanted to report back and tell how good it was. Oh, I see. Or if I was like, oh, no. Apple's not for me. It's really funny. And then he was very kind in the morning. He was like, how is that apple? I didn't get it. They couldn't deliver.
Starting point is 00:17:09 They didn't have any more. And he was like, oh, man. But I'm going to go. I'm going to go today. Let's see if they got restocked in them. Lucy Glows. I hope so. God, I love fruit.
Starting point is 00:17:22 I had two kiwis today. Oh, you did? I do like a kiwi. Me too. They're nice. They have little nature bowls. Yes, I love that. Avocados also have nature bowls.
Starting point is 00:17:32 That's true. Coconuts? Got a nature cup Yeah, it does have a nature cup Maybe we talked about this How I've been stealing persimmons Did we talk about That I've been eating them
Starting point is 00:17:49 Like They're not right Yeah, yeah, you did say that They weren't ready yet And I don't know if they're ready now I think they have to get to like an orangey color Yeah, what color are they? Well, they were green and that's how I was eating them
Starting point is 00:18:05 Oh yeah They really weren't ready No Yeah, they gotta be orange Like light green, light green No, it shouldn't be green at all They had to be like definitely orange I love them green
Starting point is 00:18:23 Really? They're so good Oh, interesting And now they're now they're oranging So now I'm supposed to eat them Yes I'm scared about what they're gonna taste like I hope you like it What is a person been supposed to taste like?
Starting point is 00:18:36 Like, I don't know how to answer that. Is it soft? They're, I guess, soft-ish. It's sweet. It's, yeah, a little, it's, yeah, a little, like, the texture ranges from firm to soft and jelly-like when fully ripe. Jelly-like? When I eat them, they be crunching. They're so hard.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Yeah. And I love them. It shouldn't be hard. They're rock hard. I have offered them to so many people. I've eaten them and been like, that's enough for me. Is it harder than an apple? It's a little harder than an apple.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Yeah. And I love them. Mm-hmm. I guess you can eat a ripe, unripe, unripe apple, but, or persimmon. I guess there's no, there's anything wrong with it. It's just not ready yet. The amount of people who've been like, oh, like disgusted by. the way I like them is really wild.
Starting point is 00:19:40 But maybe, okay, I'm going to try my persimmons because they're orange now. I'm going to try it when I get home, see if I like them. Also, they're all gone from the tree. Other people were picking them. But like even like further, I was in these people. I was like over the fence trying to find them. And maybe they picked their own persimmons.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Oh. Maybe they wanted their own presumpt. Maybe they were, they stayed on the tree because they were waiting for them to get ready. And then they picked them when it was appropriate. time. That explains it. That's why they're gone.
Starting point is 00:20:14 But I was mad. I was like, I want it more. Yeah. I guess I have to wait for next year. Or for my own ones to grow. Because I took the whole thing and put it in dirt. Yeah. And we'll see.
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Starting point is 00:25:00 recently? Every hotel I go to, I bring home toilet paper. Oh, you still do? Yes, this year. I just haven't been aware of you stealing toilet paper as of late. Well, I just don't make a big production of it anymore. Did you steal toilet paper in Vegas? Yes.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Anytime I'm in a hotel, I take that extra roll. Oh. And if I stay at the hotel multiple days and I have room in my bag and I don't go shopping. Every day, I go, I need more toilet paper. Are you, um, do you ever consider the quality of the toilet paper? No. You're never like, this is too thin. No.
Starting point is 00:25:40 You just take it. You just use a little bit more of it. And then when people like cushy, soft, I think it leaves a little residue. Yeah. I don't need those fuzzies. That's true. Give me paper. Give me the roughest tissue paper available.
Starting point is 00:25:57 But yeah, I'm always stealing. And we went out last night Well, this is coming out in December We went out a month ago Hey, maybe in December we go out Yeah, maybe we'll have another Nicole and Sishier Wild Adventure Big Ten Adventure
Starting point is 00:26:12 Big Ten Adventure Maybe we'll have a Big Ten Adventure Maybe we'll have a big Ten adventure Maybe we'll have a big ten adventure But that bar had so much toilet paper And I had to stop myself Because I was like I'm a little too drunk.
Starting point is 00:26:29 I think if I stuff my bag full of toilet paper, somebody might stop me. And then I'll have to say, I'm stealing toilet paper from this bar. No, I would stop you. I don't think so. Well, next time we go back, I'm taking it. Great.
Starting point is 00:26:41 I think, yeah, there's a... That bar also has, like, a West Hollywood location. And Mono once sent me a picture of all the toilet paper and was like, get here. Get here fast. That's fun. People have stopped sending me pictures of, like, loose toilet paper.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Well, because you don't make a production about it. I didn't even know you were still selling toilet paper. Yeah. I'll never stop. I'm not paying for toilet paper. I understand. Ever. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Ever. I think I might start buying bamboo toilet paper or unbleached toilet paper. They bleach toilet paper? They do bleached toilet paper, yeah. Why? To make it white, because, I don't know. racism even the shit
Starting point is 00:27:31 that wipes my booty gotta be white exactly that's crazy but I mean I don't think I've been well I don't know actually but apparently it's not great for us
Starting point is 00:27:43 but put bleach in our nether region yeah that sounds terrible why do they bleach it that's so weird I don't know yeah I don't know why they were like yeah people will buy this more if it's white.
Starting point is 00:27:57 I guess to like, it really shows off the poop. But even like, because I've actually had brown like unbleached toilet paper and it's just like light brown. You can still see shit on it if you needed to.
Starting point is 00:28:10 If you try hard enough, you can still see shit on it. Yeah, maybe, well, I can't switch because I'm not buying it. Exactly. I just have to find it. Yeah, we'll find a place an establishment that has
Starting point is 00:28:22 unbleached toilet paper. And I'll keep going back and they're like, wow, you love it here. like, I do love it here. I'm really blown away that they bleached toilet paper. I know. Allie. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Can you look up? Why do they bleach toilet paper? That's really crazy. Yeah. It seems unnecessary. We're just flushing it down the toilet anyway. Okay. The bleaching process is more than aesthetic.
Starting point is 00:28:47 It removes the substance lignin, which softens the paper. Oh. And the glue that holds the fibers together is naturally brown. So that's what they're bleaching white. Oh. The glue and bleach. Who the fuck comes up with this? Mix up that glue and bleach and we'll tell the people to wipe their butts?
Starting point is 00:29:18 Yeah. Did they wipe their butts in like the Victorian era? Have you ever seen like a Victorian-era toilet? No. It's just a fucking chair in the house. And you lift up the hood and then there's a pot in there. And then you shit in a pot and then you ring a belt and then a slave or like a cleaning person. A servant.
Starting point is 00:29:40 There we go. Oh, my God. A servant comes and takes it. And I guess they throw it in the street. Wait. I don't think they threw it in the street. They throw it in the streets this year. Maybe they like put it in the ground.
Starting point is 00:29:54 There's shit and piss all over the Victorian streets. I really do think they threw it in the street. Really? I think they were filthy back then. I mean, yes. Allie. Okay, yeah. So they had a privy, which was like an outhouse, but they also had chamber pots, like what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:30:14 And after, yeah, the smell was awful. let's see cleaning took place at night because they wanted to not disturb any households who had to be up for work next day and landlords had to pay for communal privies to be cleaned
Starting point is 00:30:34 and so people didn't want to pay so everything was emptied far less than what it should have been oh no but you are right I have heard things before let me find it but like where people were like throwing it
Starting point is 00:30:50 out the window and that's why certain streets were designed certain ways right? Like drainage? Ew! Isn't that nasty? Imagine walking a piece of shit hitting you? That'd be horrible! You have to go home. Definitely. Clean that off. Ew. Yuck.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Yuck. I don't think I could do... I don't think I would do good back then. No. I know that's like the era I was like born into but I think I'd be like, this is nasty. This is funky. No deodorant. Everyone's wearing all these layers. This is stinking so much But you would take, like, cocaine for headaches
Starting point is 00:31:27 And that's pretty cool That sounds like fun Come on, a little cocaine for my head That little headache, pep me up I'd have a nice time Yeah, maybe they couldn't smell anything because they're as high all the time Oh I'm not concerned
Starting point is 00:31:43 Maybe I watch the gilded age and every time I watch it I'm like that everyone was stinking Like everyone looked so beautiful But like they were stinky motherfuckers Oh I was telling you about pleurbis Oh yeah Have you watched it yet?
Starting point is 00:31:59 I haven't I will Well all right I guess you're not cultured I actually need to write that down Because I was like trying to think I was like Oh there's a show I wanted to watch But I forgot about it
Starting point is 00:32:09 And I did forget about it It is so good I'm having a nice time Oh great Yeah Must see TV It's made by the same people Who made Breaking Bad
Starting point is 00:32:17 Yes and better call Sal Did you watch either of this? I watched Breaking Bad. I did not watch Better Call Sal. I didn't watch Better Call Sal. I watched a few seasons of Breaking Bad. I think I watched all a Breaking Bad. Wow.
Starting point is 00:32:30 I really liked Breaking Bad. I liked it too, but I think I was getting really frustrated with Walter White. I mean, he was bad. He actually was bad. He did the knocking. Do you remember that scene? He's like, I am the one who knocks. I don't know that.
Starting point is 00:32:50 I don't know in what content. But he said to Skyler, he's like, I'm the one who knocks. Oh, shit. Do you guys don't? I don't know. I'm the one who not. I can't believe you. It's iconic.
Starting point is 00:33:10 I can pull it up. Please. I'm going to die if it's not even what he says. It's just something totally different. He's like, I ring the doorbell. I wrote you a letter. Oh, boy. Yeah, I think, like, he was just doing so many bad things.
Starting point is 00:33:34 And I was like, no, this is not even for your illness anymore. No, this is, you just enjoy the power of being such a bad man. Yeah. So that was a pretty good impression I did. Yes, it was. I am the one who knocks. That's you. That's him.
Starting point is 00:33:48 He's so mean to Skyler I'm so mean to Skyler And I remember when the show first aired Because I think I saw it like a couple years after And I was like, what does internet think? Yeah And they were like, Skyler's a bitch And I was like, what?
Starting point is 00:34:00 Yeah Her husband's bad He was really bad He was such a bad man And then what's his name? Oh God, that actor Who then is like above him It begins with a G
Starting point is 00:34:14 Jean-Carlalos I love him Yeah He's so good He was good at being bad. I was rooting for him, even though he was evil, too. Holy! Ah, yes, television.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Ah, yes. I love finding things well after people have watched them. Like, I found Nurse Jackie years after everyone watched Nurse Jackie. It was, it's good. I really like Nurse Jackie. Sopranos? Yes. Did you know it's good?
Starting point is 00:34:40 Yeah, it was good. I love James Gandalfeaning. Get big hands. Yeah, definitely. I wish I could have met those hands. Just the hands? Sounds like I want to get slapped. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:51 I wish I could have met those hands. No, they're just so big. I would, like, I would love to have, like, shaking his hands. Yeah. And I guess meet him and, like, talked to him. Nope. Just quick handshake. Had nothing else.
Starting point is 00:35:10 Do you judge people on their handshake? No. No? No. I mean, I don't enjoy a weak handshake or, like, a little. limp one, but I don't only shake hands. I don't. Oh, that's true. You don't shake hands. So you actually don't have the opportunity
Starting point is 00:35:24 to judge anybody about that. I was doing a podcast and the producer reached out to shake my hand and I was like, no, no, thank you. I'm so sorry. I don't, I don't shake hands. I know that's rude. And she was like, that's not rude. And then she was like, why don't you shake hands? Because I was
Starting point is 00:35:40 and then I said, well, I don't know if you were digging in your asshole before we met. And she took it nicely. And I was like, I need to change that answer. Oh, she's like, oh, I was You called it You called it, I'm naster But yeah, you don't know what people will be doing
Starting point is 00:35:56 Digging in their nose, digging in their butts Like, fingering their toes Fingering their toes Yeah, maybe just like Oh, germs, you know, or like Yeah, yeah I don't want other people's germs Yeah, but I will, I also offer hugs
Starting point is 00:36:16 So it's take all their germs on their body. Well, I feel like clothes, they're just in the outside. I don't know. We're touching outside things. There's no hand to hand. It just feels less gross. Also, your hand touches more of yourself than their body touching your body. Like, if you shake someone's hand, then you're going to touch your face.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Yes. Maybe your mouth. Yes. Yeah. a big face toucher so yeah i don't i don't want that yeah but there's been times where like i'll be like at a thing and i'll do my whole thing and then by the 10th time i'm like i'll just shake the hands and then i just make a reminder to don't touch my face go wash my hands but yeah i don't want to live like that just don't touch me there was a um i've done that too sometimes no um um um um
Starting point is 00:37:16 Um, what's this guy's name? Howard Hughes. There's like a, yeah, he's like a, what is it, what is it called? The aviator. The aviator. Did you watch that movie? I watched it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:27 That was during, um, Scorsese's phase where he was like, really doing like 2000s movies. Mm-hmm. It was really interesting. Like, Kings of New York is a very 2000s movie. Yeah. And so was the aviator. What are you trying to say? Um, oh, though, you might turn into Howard Hughes.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Yeah. I okay so like when I woke up today I didn't think I was going to be attacked by my best friend like constantly
Starting point is 00:37:54 first there was the apples now you're saying I'm like be a shut in who pisses in jars I mean and then you can throw out of the window
Starting point is 00:38:02 I don't think you will I hope you don't I'll never see you I would let you come really Yes. You could be the one who knocks. I'm the one who knocks.
Starting point is 00:38:20 I don't think I could ever be like a shut-in. Yeah. Because I got to get out. I got to go out. Community. I love fellowship. Someone on Instagram is like, what is going on with this community and fellowship stuff? I'll never say.
Starting point is 00:38:40 I mean, they should get into it. Yeah, get into it. Get your own community. Fellowship with others. It's true We're social animals We are social animals And okay
Starting point is 00:38:53 This is my like boomer thought I don't think everyone should work from home Definitely I think it should be hybrid I also don't think you should like Be penalized for having a doctor's appointment And like not be able to go to that I think it's like we're adults
Starting point is 00:39:07 Let me go to the doctor I'll come back to work Right Like it's kind of crazy That is really crazy Right You have to like take a day a sick day to like go to the doctor
Starting point is 00:39:17 or a vacation day to go to the doctor that's wonky Wonky Isn't there a state that started trying to do four days a week Work weeks I think that would make people happier Three-day weekend
Starting point is 00:39:31 Like yeah Yeah you get more stuff done Do your doctor's appointments or whatever But like Yeah Allie did you find something? Yeah Utah tried in 2008 And
Starting point is 00:39:41 Oh so long While the initiative was intended to boost morale save energy and increase productivity it was met with public complaints about the loss of Friday services and did not achieve its energy saving goals leading the state to return to its five-day work week.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Interesting. Hmm. What were the people trying to get that they couldn't get? Maybe like the post office was closed or no, probably not. I don't know. I guess dry cleaning. Like if they're not working.
Starting point is 00:40:11 I guess I have to wait until Monday. while that dry cleaning is the first thought you had oh the dry cleaners is closed I have to wait until Monday they're not open Fridays or Saturdays and Sunday I don't know maybe the specific ones only open five days a week who else
Starting point is 00:40:33 yeah what services are you trying to get yeah I don't I don't know would like McDonald's just be closed Like, wait. No. No, but like, isn't it corporate jobs? Those are the ones where you have, like, weekends off? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:48 So. Hmm. Yeah, it's all government offices are closed on Friday. So, yeah, I guess the post office. Oh. Hmm. Isn't it funny that we don't know what jobs are? We just had such a hard time.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Thinking of jobs? I was like McDonald's. You were like dry cleaners? And we were like, and that's it. Yeah, I don't know what people do. Yeah. Hmm Let's take a break and think about it
Starting point is 00:41:18 Thought about it Still don't know what jobs are I still don't know either Also during the shutdown I was flying a bunch And towards the end of the shutdown The government shut down Huh
Starting point is 00:41:31 I was just specifying the government shut down Was there another shutdown that people talk about? The COVID one Oh Oh No, not that long ago This was the recent government Shut down
Starting point is 00:41:44 This person beeped in front of me And then the TSA lady said Just go And I was like, wait What did they have a weapon? I don't know It blew me away I was like these people don't care
Starting point is 00:41:57 Wow I wouldn't care either if I was not getting paid Yeah that's true Do they get back pay? I don't probably not honestly This is crazy We're living in wild fucking times I don't think I would show up to work with, like, not getting my weekly fucking paycheck.
Starting point is 00:42:16 How do you become a TSA agent? I don't know. Probably go to the website. They'll fill out of an application. Yeah, I think that's how you get any job. That was wild that I thought that it was, like, different. I don't know why I thought it was like, maybe you go to the airport and you're like, I would like to become a TSA agent. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:42:36 They probably have an office somewhere. I wonder if I wore one of those uniforms and just. like went to the airport if they would because you can't know all your co-workers and there's new ones all the time I'm new bigger things than I've been that's really funny
Starting point is 00:42:50 but you definitely have to have a badge to get past a certain point yeah but I think you wear a coat and like over your TSA uniform that you've now stolen from somewhere and then I guess you have to buy a plane ticket
Starting point is 00:43:08 so you get through it oh no i think you just wear your tsa stuff and then just like walk on up and be like hey georgia this is me it's me but then also like what's the like what's the goal because you're just like now you're just standing they're telling people like to put their bags in the bin yeah power well there's a woman i think in florida who walked into a hospital and just started doing nurse stuff and then the for I think a year or two and the only reason why they found
Starting point is 00:43:41 out that she wasn't actually a nurse was because she like went for a promotion and then they found out that her like credentials were not real was she getting paid? I don't know Allie, can you look it up? Yeah, of course. I think she might have been getting paid because it'd been
Starting point is 00:43:55 going on for a while. But it's like how does she even start the initial payroll paperwork if I don't know but honestly if you're going to promote someone who has no nursing qualifications but is doing a good job
Starting point is 00:44:11 I didn't let them be a nurse like clearly they want to be here like what should I type lady pretending to be a nurse gets fired after they find once upon a time
Starting point is 00:44:26 okay lady pretending to be nurse fired once upon a time there was a lady she was pretending to be a nurse she got fired because she was trying to get a promotion I just think it's like an interesting world where we can all just pretend things. Okay, yeah. A woman in Florida was arrested after posing as a nurse and treating over 4,000 patients without a license, according to the sheriff's office. She was arrested after pretending to be a registered nurse at a local hospital from July to 2023 until she was fired January 22nd, 2025.
Starting point is 00:45:01 That's like two years. Yeah. Um, this is one of the most disturbing cases of medical fraud we've ever investigated. Um, she was hired as an advanced nurse technician and advanced. Yeah. So she got in as a tech. And then when she applied for the position, she said she was an education first registered nurse, meaning she passed the schooling, but had not passed the national exam yet to get her license. Oh, okay. So she was a nurse. She wasn't just some lady. Yeah. Right. Wait, that's what she's saying. That's what she said. And then she told the hospital. She passed her exams, provided a license number, but that was a fake number that was
Starting point is 00:45:41 with someone who had her same first name, different last name. And she explained the discrepancy by saying she had recently gotten married and had a new last name. And the hospital requested to see her marriage license to confirm her identity, but she never provided it to them. And she was offered a promotion in January and a fellow employee checked her driver's license status or not sorry her driver's license her nurse's license and said she had discovered an expired certified nursing assistant license and then immediately reported the findings wow let her be a nurse also was the co-worker jealous probably was this sabotage probably I deserve that promotion let's look her up Look her ass up because why are you looking?
Starting point is 00:46:32 Right. Why are you in her business? She didn't kill nobody. She's treating people. She's treating people so well that they wanted to promote her. I think you let her be a nurse. Yeah. I think if you can commit fraud so good that they want to propel you upwards, let you have it.
Starting point is 00:46:52 I mean, she definitely has experience now. Yes, she's got so much experience. I bet she would ace those exams to get her nursing license. Yeah, just let her take her test and then... Right? Like, then give it to her. Kind of. But then I guess it's like, well, if you do this bad thing, what else you'd be doing?
Starting point is 00:47:08 Yeah. Oh, but she just wanted to be a nurse. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Crazy. Chime understands that every dollar counts. That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features
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Starting point is 00:52:40 Like, what is something you would love to do but don't want to, like, go to school for? Interesting. I would love to... I feel like I'd love to fly a plane, but I'd definitely have a train for that. So I don't think I could just walk on and fly a plane. You could walk on and be a co-pilot. Yeah. Or say that you're sitting in the jump seat or something.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Yeah. I'm shadowing. Deadheading? I think that's what it's called. I think. I don't know. Sometimes I know things. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:15 It's crazy. Yeah. Sometimes I'll just like know a thing. Yeah. And I don't know how I know it. Yeah. deadheading is completing a trip without paying passengers or freight oh maybe i don't know a thing wait it's like uh oh yeah it's carrying free of charge transport companies own staff on a normal
Starting point is 00:53:37 passenger trip so that they can be in the right place to begin their duties that's like a fly attendant flies on a plane or a pilot like you know how sometimes you see like a pilot and they're wearing their uniform to let you know they're a pilot and they're sitting in the back with you what is what was that why do you not like them why are you in uniform if you're not working he will be change in the bathroom but what are you showing off but what if he when they immediately when he lands he has to go straight to a plane never thought of that never thought of it always thought they were showing off And I was like, we get it. Showing off.
Starting point is 00:54:19 Yep. But that really explains things that they get on a flight to then do their flight. It's just what Allie said. They're getting transported to start their job at a different city. Change of the cockpit. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. Back here with the rest of us, get out of here.
Starting point is 00:54:43 I would like to, I would pretend to be a flight attendant. I think that would be really fun. I think that I could do. Definitely. You know, I can read the little pamphlet and tell you where the exits are. Yeah. And I can tell you that oxygen will come in a yellow mask from the ceiling. And you need to put yours over your face first before you help others.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Ask me if I'm capable of being in the exit row. Hello, ma'am. Thank you for flying with us. Thank you for being a diamond medallion. I just want to say, are you willing and able to help us if there is an emergency with the emergency exit. I need a verbal yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Great. That's so funny. Oh, yes. Wow. That was a great passenger wear. Yeah. Because they always are like, I need to hear you say. I need to hear you say yes.
Starting point is 00:55:36 It's really funny. Yes. Here's the thing. I have said yes. I don't know if I've actually. be capable of helping. Yeah, if it really came down to it? I don't, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:55:51 Seems intimidating. Seems crazy. You want me to what? Open the door? There's so many arrows and levers. I don't know how to do that. And we're not supposed to open the door. We're supposed to be flying. Why are we down here? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Do you ever think about plane crashes? Yeah. Oh, you sound sad. Because it scares me. Oh, it doesn't scare me at all. I know I would survive one. I absolutely know. I would be the like the lone fucking survivor
Starting point is 00:56:18 And then I would have to start like my own society Of like skulls on posts I'm like the dead people Oh my God I'd have to eat everybody Oh my God I'd have to find all the Biscops Yeah I genuinely believe
Starting point is 00:56:36 If I'm in a plane crash I will be the sole survivor And then I'll be changed Definitely Like that sucks That does suck Like I'll come back and like I'll be so sad and haunted
Starting point is 00:56:48 Yeah I'd be like no one has seen what I've seen And everyone's gonna get sick of it after a while I'll be like Nicole You have to stop you're not a fun hang anymore Yeah you suck You keep having this far away look in your eyes Sorry I was thinking about the fiery crash
Starting point is 00:57:03 And how I crawled out of my seat And I had to eat Biscos And there was Then DeSani water? You'd be so thirsty after every sip. It's so salty. It is so salty. And you would think they would have better water just in case.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Yeah, you would think. But I guess DeSani is owned by the Coca-Cola company, and Delta does serve exclusively Coca-Cola products. That is true. I love Delta. I'm coming around to United, though. Oh, interesting. Because to see my family in Chicago, I either have to fly American or United, and I refuse to fly American. American fucking sucks.
Starting point is 00:57:53 But United? New planes. Oh. TV screens. Can you believe? I like that. I'd be having a nice time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:03 And I didn't like United for a while because I got on a couple planes where I was like, are we going to Fred Flintstone? Like the floor, this doesn't seem sturdy. That's really funny. but they got new planes, so. I like that. Are they Boeing? Do we know? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Not either. I think, Arnold, no. Not all of them are. There's also air buses. Is that a company? I think so. That's so dumb. Air bus.
Starting point is 00:58:27 We're making planes. We should call them air buses. Get out of here. It's like I came up with it. That's dumb as hell. But yeah, the bobbings are the ones where, like, the doors are flying off, right? Yeah. That's not happening anymore.
Starting point is 00:58:42 It hasn't happened lately, I don't think. Or at least we haven't heard about it. Crazy. I would be so mad of mid-flight, the door flew off. Because we have to turn around and guess who's delayed? Me. That would be very annoying, yes. It would be so annoying.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Are you kidding? Mm-hmm. Are you kidding? I don't want to be an airplane with a convertible. Also, like, some of the videos I've seen were a door flew off, they just had to, like, land with like that. And people are just, like, sitting there next to it. like I guess uh so sure there's nothing else you can do if you get up you get sucked out i know but it's just like weird to be like huh i'm so close have you seen the video of i don't i think it
Starting point is 00:59:24 might have been a delta flight i don't know but it like landed upside down yes and like someone is doing a video and they're like put your phone away if a plane lands upside down you don't get to tell me what to do yeah yeah you don't i'm gonna record this the only thing you get to say is weave your bags behind. That's the only thing you can tell me. If I want to videotape it, I'm gonna. That's crazy. That's crazy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:59:46 Should we answer questions and queries? Let's do it. Do you remember that video I sent you where I was wearing a turtleneck and moving my head? I watched that video so many times, and it makes me laugh so hard. It's really funny. I guess to describe it to our listeners, I got a turtleneck, it's a sweater, and it's a
Starting point is 01:00:07 big thick turtleneck and when I move my head from side to side it looks like my head is floating it was 2 a.m. and I was just in the mirror laughing. That was funny. I send it to you, that nice man in my life. I sent it to Christy and I was like, look. Okay, this is called Mental Moutures. Oh. Hi, Sashir and Nicole. Huge fan here. I recently helped a friend move from L.A. to New Orleans and we listened to you two for at least 20 hours straight. It truly got us through the trip. Anyway, so my
Starting point is 01:00:45 best friend, let's call her Bertha moved from New Orleans. That's really funny. Why are we calling her Bertha? Let's call her Bertha. I did have an Aunt Bertha. Oh, nice. So Bertha moved from New Orleans to New York in 2019. I still live in New Orleans, but I
Starting point is 01:01:01 visit her any chance I can until I can move up there myself. In the meantime, she's made some friends through work, let's call them Alice and Renee. Since Bertha works from home, Alice and Renee have been become a big part of her social circle. Here's the problem. Bertha's energetic, adventurous, and always down to do something fun, but Alice and Renee are energy vampires. They've grown used to Bertha planning everything. I mean everything, making reservations, booking flights, researching where to go, what to do, how to get there. They rely on her completely and it's become the default. It frustrates
Starting point is 01:01:37 Bertha to no end, but aside from them, she doesn't have much of a circle up there yet. Now Renee is getting married overseas later this year, and we already know it's going to be Bertha doing all the logistical heavy lifting. How can Bertha set boundaries and communicate her needs without totally nuking
Starting point is 01:01:53 the friendships? She'd like to keep them around and least until I move up there. Hmm. That's tough. That's tough. Because it is on behalf of a friend. I always think it's hard to, like, get advice for a friend because it's not happening to you so we don't actually know
Starting point is 01:02:10 if Bertha is actually super super burn and or just venting a little do you know what I mean? Yeah I yeah I guess I would guess that maybe Bertha was
Starting point is 01:02:22 yeah venting to this friend who wrote in and maybe this friend wants to relay the advice to Bertha but it is burdensome being the planner
Starting point is 01:02:34 yes it is like Like, yeah, it's like fine sometimes because you're like, well, if no one else is going to do it, someone should, I can do that. But yeah, after a while it's like, well, everyone's an adult here. And you're able to like get to work and do things. So why can't you just plan one thing or do, like, you have some details? Yeah. I think Bertha could, you know, next time she hangs out with Alice and Renee, be like, in the group chat, be like, hey, do you guys want to do something this weekend? You choose. Yeah. You decide. Like, every now and again, volley to them. Yeah. Because I think sometimes people get used to people planning. Like, I'm a participator. I'm not. I'll come up with the idea. Yeah. But the logistics of it, that's tough for me. Yeah. And if you would like me to do the, logistics. We may not get there on time. We're on the day we're supposed to be there.
Starting point is 01:03:35 But I think it's like you could just ask. Yeah. Ask for what you need. Yeah. And maybe like for this big trip that's about to happen for Renee's wedding, maybe you, maybe the friend, maybe Bertha can delegate some stuff. Like, okay, I'll look at flights for us. Alice, can you look at a hotel in the area, like, you know, like, section things off, so it's not Bertha planning everything. Bertha shouldn't have to do anything for that wedding that's not hers. Well, I don't know if she's doing anything. Well, I don't know what the actual question was, but I don't know if she's doing anything for the wedding, but she is traveling there to the wedding.
Starting point is 01:04:16 She does her travel. That's true, yeah. You don't have to fly with the group. You can meet the group there. That's true. That's a good point. well for any trip maybe there's a different trip no no you're right yes it is it is i think helpful to delegate i'll do the flights you do the hotel yeah what i do with people sometimes is i go we have
Starting point is 01:04:40 to actually like be together and do this if we want to get it done we have to do it like in person together that's smart too yeah let's like before we go get dinner let's all sit down for an hour Yep. And like, book our flights, book our hotels, book the car. Yeah. Yeah. I think Bertha just needs to ask them to participate. Because otherwise they don't think they have to. Maybe they think this dynamic is good. Yeah. And who they don't realize, it just feels easy to them.
Starting point is 01:05:07 They don't realize the labor that Bertha's putting in. That poor Bertha's burdened. Bertha's burden. Birth is such a good name. Yeah. I wonder if that's a name that's, like, died out. Like, are there any baby bertha? I've never met a young bertha.
Starting point is 01:05:24 If I have a baby, I'm naming it Bertha. You should. Bertha and Deuteronomy. That's the other name that I... Oh, I remember. I'll never forget. Little Bertha and Deuteronomy. It's a good thing I'm not having kids. Those are wild names.
Starting point is 01:05:39 It was tough. You're setting them up for a lot of learning in their life. Solved. Did you do one more? Yeah. Okay, perfect. This is from Sophia. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. Love you both. Love the Pod. My question is about personal space and lack of awareness, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I oftentimes find myself walking down, let's say, the sidewalk, and we'll see a group of people coming toward me. Sometimes it's a couple, sometimes there are three, four, even five people approaching me. For so many reasons that I'm sure you can imagine, I find myself moving out of the way, sometimes into the street. I guess this is a way of being polite to appease this group taking up the entire sidewalk.
Starting point is 01:06:19 on the rare occasion people will fall into single file but those are few and far between and it leaves me feeling irritated my questions are why do i as a single woman taking up a small portion of the sidewalk need to move out of the way for these people and how can i assert myself as so to say i'm not moving out of the way without standing in the middle of the sidewalk like a wild west standoff p s this also goes for assholes who take up the entire road the entire aisle in the grocery store etc all the love in the world you've both had such a positive impact on my life love you that's nice i don't get out of people's way yeah i will have a standoff i think i told you i was at the airport and this lady was walking with another lady so they were like two two by two i don't know there was the two of them one of me and she didn't like fall at like behind or in front so we just rolled up to one another and i went and now what and she went what and i went oh And then she moved out of my way. That's really funny.
Starting point is 01:07:24 Well, because I was like, you guys are two by two. You don't have to be. Yeah. We could all, you want me to like pause to let you by or go around you? No, get real. You don't have to be next to your friend. Yeah. I will walk into people and I steady the arm because you're not going to knock me down.
Starting point is 01:07:42 You can't get up. Why? Yeah. If you are like three people deep, you have to move. Yeah. Or I was on my flight back here. There was a man who was so close to me and I turned around and I said, I would like to put my backpack on. But you are so close to me that I can't do that.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Would you like to back up? And he went, oh. And I went, mm-hmm. Why are you on me like this? Are you my backpack? He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. I don't think I heard you say that.
Starting point is 01:08:12 He didn't like that. Are you my backpack? He was on my back. He was so close to me. when I tell you this man like scowled in a way that I was and I was like don't laugh don't laugh
Starting point is 01:08:24 it's pretty funny I just turned around and put my back on and I was like yeah I also now that I'm older will not move I'll just like keep staying on my lane and if people run into me then we run
Starting point is 01:08:40 into each other but yeah you don't have to go around them no you can just go straight and then they got to figure it Maybe if you see a group of people, like, taking you a whole sidewalk, you should start sprinting towards them. Just see what they do. That's really funny. They'll move.
Starting point is 01:09:01 They'll move. They might run away. That's so funny, Sashir. I hope you remember this. I would really like to see you do that. That's so funny. You're like, there's a group. You just start sprinting at them.
Starting point is 01:09:17 Or you just like zigzag? Yeah. And then they just like either part or you're just chasing them. Either way. I really can't stop thinking about sprinting at them. That's really funny. I think that's the answer. Sprint at them.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Solved. Well, that's it. That's it. We did it. Another episode has come to a close. Yes. We'll probably have more. more after this one.
Starting point is 01:09:48 I believe we will. Yes. Well, if you will have any questions or queries, you can email us at nicole and sashir. Dot com. At gmail. We don't have a nicole and sashir.com. We probably should get one.
Starting point is 01:10:04 I thought I heard gmail, and I was like trying to say dot com with you. It didn't come out yet. Then we have a number 323-917. 3-2-3-23-8-65-4. I at least got the first three, right? You did get the first three. Three, two, three.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Well, bye. Oh, I get a handshake. I know where your hands have been this whole episode. Do you? Ew.
Starting point is 01:10:37 No, they've just been out here. Goodbye. Goodbye. Best Friends is a production of HeadGum Studios. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our executive producers, Anya Khan of Skaia. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Rochelle Chen.
Starting point is 01:10:57 Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:14 We talk. And then we have a segment where we are. answer questions and queries. So audience can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:11:35 New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You are. I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive.
Starting point is 01:11:50 Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

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