Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Goes Up The Pole Like A Lil’ Honeybear

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Did you know how many teeth dogs have? We didn’t! But now we all do! This week, Nicole and Sasheer discuss the surprisingly big teeth market, why Sasheer trusts Billy Mays, the murder of crows outside of Sasheer’s house, and the trick to going upside down in pole. We take a quiz where we make a sandwich to see what 2000s rom-com we should watch, and answer listener questions about how to deal with loneliness within friendships, and dealing with a difficult friend-triangle.  Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kbball27/2000s-rom-com-sandwich-order-quiz Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions/ “Is this weird” suggestion at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, Sashir. Hi, Nicole. Oh my God, guess what? What? Have I talked to you about Clyde's teeth? No, you have not. They took 11 of his teeth. That is a lot of teeth.

It's so many teeth. And when they said it was 11, I was like, so does my dog, is he toothless? Does he not have nary a tooth? I don't know, but they took so many. And then he came home and he was loopy because they had to put him under anesthesia. And he kept trying to jump on me, but then like falling down. And I was like, this is cute, but also devastating. Oh my God, they have 42 teeth.

That's more than us. That's so much more than us. How many teeth do we have? 32? I think we have 32. Oh yes, humans have 32 teeth if they keep their wisdom teeth. Interesting. They took my favorite tooth.

He has like little fangs and they took one of his fangs. Why did they take his teeth? Because they were rotting out of his head. Oh, no. I know. And his breath stunk. I'd have to crack the window when we travel together it was so bad so that's why his breath sank because his teeth were bad his teeth were

rotting out of his head and did you know you're supposed to brush a dog's teeth twice a day twice a day like a human like a human. He does not like having his teeth brushed, but it's a new thing we're starting. Oh. But I thought, don't they make like bones? Like, not bones, but like little biscuits they can chew on that is supposed to be like essentially brushing their teeth? Or do you like actually have to get a brush to brush their teeth? I have a actual dog toothbrush.

You put peanut butter flavored toothpaste on it. And then you brush, brush, brush. As he looks at you like, are you going to kill me? He gets so upset. Damn. Are they going to like... They don't have like doggy teeth implants, do they? Is he going to get like fake teeth?

Or like dentures imagine i get dentures for my dog that would really look horrifying it would look so scary especially if i got human dentures for my dog he just has a human smile oh god that would be terrifying he eats so did was, okay, he doesn't like canned wet food. So what I do is I take his dry food and I put it in the Vitamix, the NutriBlend. I don't know. One of those blenders. And I mush it all up until it's powder.

And then I add hot water to it. So it's hot slop. And he gets so excited for his hot slop. Ew. Hot slop. Oh, my God. He loves his hot slop. Ew. Hot slop. Oh, my God. He loves his hot slop. Come and get your hot slop.

That's what I've been saying. Mm-hmm. And I do a little dance, and he does a little dance, and he gets really excited. And it's now our new routine, you know, as two toothless people, because they took my teeth, too. Wow. now our new routine you know as two toothless people because they took my teeth too wow maybe Clyde started rotting his teeth empathetically like well my mom's teeth are coming out of her head so I need to do the same maybe and honestly I like that oh no God. Kimmy found the worst picture in the world.

Oh, God. It's a little dog. It's like a terrier with human dentures in its mouth. And it truly is horrifying. And the website is moderndogmagazine.com. But also, that dog kind of looks like Jim Carreyrey no like like the essence of jim carrey somehow oh my god how funny maybe i have to get some dentures for he'll hate them but maybe i should do it i wonder if they have little sizes

probably probably children's sizes can you just buy dentures on the internet does amazon have dentures i guess i assumed you had to get it fitted to your mouth but maybe you could just buy some you probably have some you just put in your mouth help i need teeth give me teeth oh you know you can go to bones.com or no, B for bones for teeth. Unlimited amounts of teeth. That was terrifying. Yeah, I looked at it again recently to show a friend because I was like, look at this crazy thing. And it's still as horrifying as it was the first time.

Well, I'm just like, who's in the market for teeth? Like, who's just like making teeth lanyards and necklaces i think i think more people than you think honestly you know people are weird i'm gonna buy clyde fake teeth on amazon.com can we found a actually like a large amount of teeth options on Amazon. So many teeth options. Fake teeth. Dental veneers for temporary teeth restoration. Oh, my God.

I'm doing it. I'm going to buy Clyde some $36 dentures. Put them right in his mouth. He'll be so mad about it. I mean, yeah, he'll immediately spit them out. Or maybe he'll be like, this is what I was waiting for. No more hot slop. I can eat my kibbles. I can finally chew again. I can't really chew on one side of my mouth. And I don't know if that's ever going to change. Because of the dental work that you had done because it hurts or because you're not capable of chewing it like kind of

hurts sometimes soft things are fine but if I'm crunching gotta keep it to the left side of the mouth does that like affect your jaw eventually like if you keep if like for years you're only chewing on like your left side would that affect the right side at all oh my god is my left jaw gonna be stronger than my right jaw i don't know oh my god is one side of my face gonna be bigger than the other because it's working out more i mean am i gonna be lopsided in the face? I have no idea. You're going to have like a real, like, like chiseled. I'll have half a Zac Efron and then the other side will be like, what?

Like, uh, uh, I guess I don't want to think of any celebrities that have a weak chin. I don't want to list them. They're listening to the podcast and they're like, I have a weak chin? This is how they find out. I would be really sad if someone brought it to my attention that someone said I had a weak chin. Yeah. I don't think it's a strong chin. I think it's a moderate chin. All right.

Yeah. What do I have? I think you two also have a moderate chin. It's not quite strong. I wouldn't call it strong. But I wouldn't say weak or recessed. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

That would be awful if I did. If I was like, weak. What a weak-ass chin. With the old weak-ass chin. This bitch walking in with her weak-ass chin. I have a question this year. In the last two, three, maybe four days, have you accomplished something

that you didn't think you were going to? Wow. Hey, good question. Not at all. I haven't even accomplished the things that I wanted to accomplish. Oh. The things I've expected to accomplish, I have not accomplished. What were you trying to accomplish?

You went to Home Depot. I did go to Home Depot. I went to Home Depot to get some like spray adhesive because I saw some. What's that guy's name? I want to say Billy Blanks, but that's so wrong. It is wrong. He's the Taibo exercise man and he's not in Home Depot. He's not in Home Depot. He's on a DVD. He's not in Home Depot. He's on a DVD. It's the guy who does like everything.

He does like OxyClean and those stickers that like prevent leaks. He's like, he's always screaming in the commercials. Yes. And he somehow has invented so many products. Or I don't know if he's invented them or, oh, Billy Mays? Billy Mays. Yes. Yeah. I believe it's Billy Mays that's from Kimmy thank you Kimmy yeah Billy Mays that guy yes the beard he's always like do you have a problem with this thing and then and then he like shows you how to fix it and you're like that seems impossible but I will buy it so i saw something where you could spray glue out of a

can i don't know but he sprayed he sprayed a screen door and he put it at the bottom of a boat and then he put that boat on water and he sat in the boat and he's like see the no leaks holes are all plugged up you can even boat on a screen door let's see that screen door i don't know six hours of floating and six hours of boating i don't know i mean he has made an empire on oxyclean and his other inventions so i guess yeah billy mays is on to. I use OxyClean. I trust his products. So I bought that spray stuff because my garage roof is leaking again. And anytime I have the people who patched it up the first time come patch it up, I don't know what they're using, but it's clearly not working. So I was like, I will use Billy Mays spray glue to spray these holes and see if that works a little better.

Have I done that? No, but I did buy the can. Okay. And it's sitting by the door, ready when I am ready. I mean, that's a good achievement. Thank you so much. Yeah. Nothing else?

I did laundry. Ooh, okay. How many loads? Two loads um two two that's good whites and colors that sounds wild i don't separate my clothes they all go in together see now i usually think that i can do that that i can mix the colors and the whites but then when i try that, the whites get stained. And that's what we need to happen, Sashir. The whites need to maybe not be so white. No, I need my whites to stay pure.

And uninfected by the colors. So I need to keep them separate. You heard it here first. Sasheer believes separate by equal when it comes to laundry. I just don't have it in me to separate everything and I wear the dingiest white stuff. Yeah, but it happened recently. I threw a white shirt in with some colors

that I didn't even think were capable of bleeding and also things I had washed before so it's not like they were new and again the white shirt came out with like splotchy stains but then I used my oxyclean and got it right out Billy Mays coming to the rescue I okay I have had my overalls fixed twice now because the buckle keeps breaking when i put it in the dryer and then it didn't break last time so i was like the cycle's broken my overalls are gonna be fine put them in the dryer yesterday and the buckle broke right off so for the third time i'm gonna have to have my overalls fixed can you even they're like ripping off the overalls or so the the little buckle has a thing at the bottom

uh that like hinges onto the button and the little thing at the bottom that hinges onto the button keeps breaking off dang i know and so you like it do you need a new hinge every time yes good lord i know and this will be the third time. It's embarrassing. I have to keep going back. Have you ever seen those laundry bags that you like, like you put clothing in the bag. It's like usually a white mesh bag and you zip it up. Maybe you put that in the bag. Although that's usually for washing, not for drying.

I think what I need to do is just air dry them. But sometimes I've air dried is it is gene material yeah sometimes i've air dried jeans and it's like weird and crunchy after it is weird and crunchy oh this is terrible this is terrible this is the worst thing that's happened in america In America. These are real problems. These are real problems. My God. I have a murder of crows outside my house at all times. Wow. Every sentence you've said today is really wild.

Okay. So you got a murder of crows. That's what they're called? That's what they're called. They're got a murder of crows that's what they're called that's what they're called they're called a murder how many how many consists of a murder that's a good question maybe two if two are together maybe they murder i don't i don't know you only need to murder murderous crows doing things to you they were um taking the stuffing out of my outdoor furniture i have since bought covers to cover my furniture to prevent them from doing that and then they were also ripping up one of my outdoor rugs because i think they were building a nest so they were like taking any fabric or like loose things they could but then

they left a peanut shell on my stair and i looked it up and i think that was a gift i think they were paying for the stuffing i think they were like thanks for all the stuff here's a peanut shell why don't they did that after you covered their access to the things they want. Ooh, or maybe they're paying so they can regain access to it. Yes, I think they are. And I think you need to make a trip to Joanne Fabrics

and get a bunch of scrap fabric, put it in like a basket and be like, here you go, murders. You can have a nice time with the strips, the little scraps. I think it's actually a really good idea. Because I think I can make these crows my friends. You can.

And you give them things. And so I think they would, like, strip some fabric. And I could just give them. And then they'll bring me little trinkets in exchange. I hope they don't bring you, like, a dead animal. I really don't want that. No animal i really don't want that no i do think you have to bring them scraps because they've seen you they know you and crows remember everything they do so also trying to like make sure i don't do anything to them off because if they are mad at you they tell their friends and then wherever i go gross will be are mad at you, they tell their friends. And then wherever I go,

crows will be really mad at me and maybe try to peck at me or at my car. I don't want that. I met a crow at Party City. Shopping? So I went to Wells Fargo and then there's a party city next to Wells Fargo. And I was getting in my car, looking at the receipt and a crow landed on one of those posts.

Maybe it was a garbage can or a post. I don't remember what it was. And it stared at me and I was like, hello, crow. And then I have food in the car. So I set it out and gave it to the crow. And then the crow, okay, I think it smiled and nodded at me. I haven't seen him again, though. But sometimes when I go to that Wells Fargo, I'll just sit in my car and be like, will my crow friend come back?

I have not seen them since. It is a little sad. But but you know, that's okay. That's okay. I just want birds to be my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Well, can I tell you what I mastered in the last four days that I did not anticipate mastering? Oh, yes.

Yes. I didn't realize you set up that question for me because you actually wanted to answer the question. Isn't that how any conversation goes? You ask a question where you're like, this is what I want to talk about and hopefully they'll ping pong it back to me. But you caught the ball and kept it. So here's what I accomplished in the

last couple days I did a hip hold and pulled and pull and it's very it was very hard for me so I could do it lost it after I fell down my stairs and then I've just been like trying to regain just trying to regain strength back and I did it and I did it for like a good long time. And I was really proud of myself. I'm proud of you too. Thank you. And then we figured out how to get me upside down. It's a big old cheat. So you lay on one of them big exercise balls, kick your little legs up. And then Veronica, our pole teacher, has to very violently rip the ball out from under me because it's hard for me to lift my hips. And then after the ball's gone, I'm upside down. It's a real cheat.

But you're upside down. I was. I got upside down three times yesterday. Oh, my gosh. Boy, oh, boy, was it hard because i can't figure out how to hook my knees so my little ankles are up there and then i'm holding my whole body weight with my arms upside down and she was like that's harder than it needs to be and i was like i don't know how to do it any other way so that's what i gotta work on next wait where are your legs when this happens Wait, where are your legs when this happens?

If they're not hooked on the pole? They're just up. They are. So my legs are up the pole, like in a cross, a crucifix or whatever. But I can't figure out how to slide my legs up higher to lock my knees. Got it. So right now my knees are not locked. They're kind of open. And then I'm holding with my arms.

It's hard to explain. Yeah mean it sounds hard the only like me thinking about going upside down my legs are a big part of the equation equation because i can't just hold myself up with my arms yeah i think i'm stronger than i look you're very strong yeah And it's really annoying because I could do some things. But then I also figured out how to climb up the pole again because I lost that. And then I just looked in the mirror and it all made sense. Ooh. I'm so glad. Thank you.

Did you take a video of any of this? Yes. I do have a video of me getting up the pole like a little honey bear. And then I do a video of the hip hold, but I'm holding my bottom hand wrong. And she was like, you just made it harder for yourself. And I was like, oh, dear. It's the commonality in my pole dancing. I just make things harder than they need to be.

Yeah, but then once you figure out how to actually do it, it'll be super easy. That's right. Thank you, Sasheer. Yeah. Let's see. Did I achieve anything else this week? Nope.

That was my big achievement. Those two things. Those were huge. Oh, I achieved another thing. I was supposed to book tickets because I'm going with my family to Barbados and my grandpa's going to come. I bought the plane tickets. I was like, I kept putting it off, kept putting it off. And I was like, they're going to be mad at me if I don't do this and they sell out. But I did it. Good job. It's a long journey to get there because I have to go to Miami first and then Barbados. There's no direct. And I have to take American. Can you even?

I'm so sorry. Delta doesn't go there. So now I have to get a nasty old nasty American. Ugh. I hate American Airlines. Tuh-tuh. Yuck. I don't even know who their CEO is.

That's how little I care about Americans. They're no Ed. They're no Ed Bastian. No, they are not. And I don't want to be anyone sky baby over there get out of here but they do have flatbeds from miami to la and i was like oh that's nice surprising very surprising so random yeah well great Should we take a quiz? Let's take a quiz.

Yeah. Okay. What quiz do you want to do? I kind of want to do, order an ideal sandwich and we'll give you a 2000s rom-com to watch. That is also what i was looking at i just watched hot chick for the first time recently have you seen that movie with rob schneider

and rachel mcadams i feel like i saw it forever ago it's not a rom-com i i guess i don't kind of there's like love in it but it's actually really good. Is it? I had so... My expectations were so low, because I was like... Like, Rob Schneider's funny, but his movie choices have been questionable. Okay. And just by the commercial, I was like, I don't know. Like a gender swap comedy in the early 2000s.

Can't hold up. It was honestly so good and pretty progressive. Like Rachel McAdams' little brother was trying on her clothes and like wearing heels and stuff. And she was mostly annoyed that he was trying on the clothes, not that he was putting on women's clothing. And then at some point, like at the end of the movie, the little boy's like running in heels and the dad is like, come on, kid. If you're going to wear those when you grow up,

you got to practice now. And I was like, oh, this is so sweet. They're just like, everyone's like accepting it. And there was like really nothing, nothing that I could see that was like offensive, like, ew, like girls dressing like boys, boys dressing like girls. It was like pretty surprisingly like accepting. Maybe I'll give this a second watch because I feel like I watched it forever ago. I did just rewatch Deuce Bigelow, Male Gigolo.

There's a lot of questionable things in there, but I had a nice time. Also, for whatever reason, I couldn't figure out what to watch the other night. And I was like, I'm going to watch Sex and the City, but I don't want to start at the beginning. So I started season four and there is an episode where in five minutes, one lady says very offensive things. And I was like, not even very, like, she says two offensive things that I was like, oh my God, I can't believe this passed on television. She was talking about turning her earring, or no, her wedding ring into baguettes. Like, I think that's like a type of a cut or something like an earring or something she was like i turned these my ring into a baguette because my husband was a

what rhymes with baguette and i was like i was like oh my god and then she says uh don't bring your your ring to um a slur for romanian people next door and i was like this lady she had all the bad lines and i was like and they probably made her audition with that so proud of herself it does not hold up well yeah she can't like be like guys i was on six in the city and like be proud of it. I mean, not anymore. Good Lord. But also, I think it was the same episode, the little doctor from Grey's Anatomy, the black one, Shonda, I think her name is.

No, Shonda Rhimes created it. Do you know who I'm talking about? I know who you're talking about. I don't watch the show, so I don't actually know her name. I don't know her name either and I feel really bad, but she was in the episode. And then Charles Purnell, who plays my dad on Grand Cru, was in that episode. Whoa. And I was like, wow, all the stars.

Also, I might be confounding two episodes together. Yeah, it's the lady on the end. Yes. Oh, I was right. It's Chandra. Chandra Wilson. Shout out to Chandra Wilson for being an episode of Sex and the City that I enjoyed. Wait, is she still on Grey's Anatomy?

I feel like they're on season 38. They're like same amount of seasons as Survivor. It's crazy. Yeah, she is still on it. I feel like I saw a headline that she was like, I'm going to be here till the very end. Which I guess. She's i guess i'll never leave it's child it's um job security like it really is why why would you do anything else i wouldn't okay let's make a sandwich oh yes let's make a sandwich what bread would you like wheat White. Ciabatta. Rye. Brioche. Sourdough. These are good breads.

Good breads. I love a brioche. I love a sourdough. And ciabatta, yum, yum, yum. But that might be too hard for a sandwich. I'm going to say brioche. Okay, then i'll go with sourdough great sourdough how about some meat ham turkey chicken roast beef salami and there's none other or none oh i missed that it looks it was okay bland of a square. It really was. It was a nasty little square. I didn't want to look at it. My eyeballs were rejecting it. Yuck. I do want meat. I think I'll have turkey. Turkey. I'm going to have chicken. Nice. I want ham too, but like sometimes I feel bad about eating pigs. You know, I often feel bad about eating pigs you know i often feel bad about eating pigs but i do love bacon same i had some this morning you did i did that's not in your home no i went

out in the world fair where'd you go there's a bakery nearby and they have these um croissant sandwiches and i had an egg cheese bacon croissant oh that's nice i don't think i ate today we gotta fix that i should fix that what greens are you adding lettuce kale arugula spinach bok choy none other no other none whatever um i got food poisoned by lettuce um by iceberg lettuce so i'm gonna do arugula i'm going to do spinach a long time ago um i really needed to integrate vegetables in my life because i wasn't eating them and not and i can still say that about today it's not like i'm doing much better but i uh decided i would make spinach my vegetable i was like i'm gonna try really really hard to like spinach so i like would force myself to eat spinach you do eat a lot of spinach and now i genuinely like it oh that's nice yeah i'm

apathetic to spinach but it's not my favorite you know i just whenever i put it in a pan it sizzles up and it goes away i'm like oh my god You never know how much spinach to add to dishes. I know. It's never enough. No. What cheese do you want? Cheddar. Gouda.

Brie. Ugh, blue. Havarti. None slash other. Okay. Is this melted cheese or just like raw cheese? I guess. Well, it's your sandwich.

You can do whatever you want. Oh, well, then I'm going to go with cheddar and it has to be melted. Actually, no, I don't want cheese. None other. Well, okay. I'm going to say cheddar. I love cheddar. Even though I will probably get gassy.

Even though I will probably get gassy. I'm finding cheese to really, like, fuck me up now. Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry that cheese be fucking you up. Well, I just take lactaid and I still eat it and hope for the best. Okay. So the former owners of Ample Hill, who now have their other ice cream shop the social in brooklyn you should go to it anyway they sell lactate at the counter to go with your ice

cream and i was like this is revelation all right because i snatched up one of those ate it and i didn't blast off on the toilet later. I stayed right here on earth. Where the ice cream is. And I said, maybe I'll get me some more. Yeah. I mean, honestly, so far, so good. I like lactate. Yeah.

These are the things you talk about in your mid-30s. I know. Lactate's a godsend. What else are you adding? Ooh, tomatoes. Onions. Peppers. Olives.

Ew, pickles. Ugh. Avocado. Yum. More than one of these, none slash other. No, other slash none. I don't know why I keep reading that wrong. It's okay thank you well i have to have avocado and i have to have tomato so more than one of these i also think i want some onions wait no raw onion no i don't want onions i just want tomatoes and avocado i don't think i want any of them no avocado i'm not an avocado head wow okay i dislike it i'll eat it but i don't choose

to eat it okay okay are you okay do you not like guacamole i i do like guacamole but for some reason it feels different than okay fair it is different because there's other ingredients than avocado yeah yeah i get that but here i implore you if you do happen to get a sandwich with avocado on it sprinkle some salt and pepper on that bitch and ask for like a lemon wedge and squeeze some lemon on it and then i'll give you a little a little tasty a little dazzle for your fucking buds my dad's with my fucking buds i couldn't remember taste buds that's what they are for my fucking buds what spread slash sauce are you putting on? Mustard.

I would never. Pesto. Mayonnaise. Barbecue sauce. Jam. Other slash none. You know, in my old age, I have come to appreciate mayonnaise. Do you like mayonnaise?

Now, the thing is, I used to really like mayonnaise. And in my older age, have since stopped. Interesting. Too tangy, I think? It is a little tangy. But let's get one thing straight. I'm not going out of my way to get mayonnaise. Okay, sure.

If it happens to be on a sandwich, I'm not going to sniff my nose to get mayonnaise okay sure if it happens to be on a sandwich i'm not gonna sniff my nose at it when i'm not seeking it out i don't have any mayonnaise in my house that's insane i see i see yeah i think i would i think i have had mayonnaise in my house before, but that is not a thing that would happen today. No. In my life today. It wouldn't happen in my life today either. The only condiment I really have is ranch. Mm-hmm. I like mustard now.

Ew. I think I would do mustard on my sandwich. Ugh. Are you doing like gray poupon? Or are you doing like French's yellow mustard? Like gray poupon. Like a brown mustard. Ugh.

I once got a sandwich from Irwin. Irwin? Irwin? Sure. Yeah. That place. And

they tricked me. I didn't realize there was mustard on the sandwich. I chomped into it. And I was like, this is good, but there is something off about this sandwich. And I ate the whole half because I was hungry. And then I looked at the ingredients and it said mustard. And I was like, that's why this was off. Yeah.

It was really upsetting for me and my my fucking buds your fucking buds yeah since this is a sandwich i'm making at home none slash other okay i can't imagine putting pesto on a sandwich why is it ranch here i guess that could be your other. Okay. It is none slash other. Lastly, are you sharing your sandwich with anyone? No. It's just for me. My friends. My family.

My significant other. My roommate. My pet. You can't share anything with your pet. Sure cannot. Won't be able to chew on it. You'd have to nibble it to death. You'd have to gum it.

I'm not sharing my sandwich with anybody. It's for me. I also feel the same way. Just because I'm like, when did you come in in the sandwich process? Like, did you come at the end wanting some? From the start, you didn't say you wanted one? So, like, you gotta, if nobody said anything, it's just for me. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Isn't there, like, a song or a fairy tale? Was it Little Red Hen who was baking bread? And then all these other animals? I think so. And then all these little animals came and they were like because she was asking for help and then she was like will you help me with the flour and then like the lamb would be like nah i don't want to help at all and then and then she'd like go to the duck and be like do you want to help me roll out the dough?

And duck would be like, nah, bitch, I want to swim. And then at the very end, the bread was done. And all these animals were like, can I have a slice of bread? And she was like, oh, oh, now all of a sudden you guys want bread, but you didn't want to work for it. And then I think she didn't give bread. I can't remember how it turned out. I don't know what the lesson was but this is a memory i have i think the lesson is like you better fucking help otherwise uh otherwise uh you're not gonna get nothing yeah i vaguely remember

that story of the little red hen i wonder why nobody wanted to help her like okay but here's the thing is the little red hen is she a bitch is she rude to all the other animals and that's why they're like bitch you're on your own yeah do you know what i mean is she being meaty they're like why can't you seduce it on your own you're the one who wanted the bread why yeah again what's going on so you said no if you if you were making lasagna and i didn't help you uh-huh would you serve me a slice even though i didn't help make it it depends on the the situation like are you coming for lasagna am i making it for you like for you to consume is that the deal you came over for an exchange company time for exchange company time company time for exchange of slice of lasagna or did you drop by unannounced

as i made a lasagna and i'm about to dig in and you're like, can I get me a piece? Did I make it for one? Did I make a whole tray? Maybe I came over unannounced. Okay. While you're making lasagna. But while I was there, you were like, hey, do you mind doing one of these things that helps make lasagna? And I was like, no. And then you finish those lasagna right in front of me. Yeah. And then I was like,

Hey, can I get some of that lasagna? I would be like, absolutely not. So sheer. I asked you to do one thing. Are you kidding? You can't have any lasagna.

You know what you will do? You will sit and watch me eat the lasagna. And then I give you, then I would give you a small corner. Oh, okay. I'll take give you, then I would give you a small corner. Oh, okay. I'll take a small corner. I know. It's a good piece.

Yeah, a corner's great. Yeah. It wouldn't happen in a reverse situation. You've never made anything. Damn. You've never cooked before. You don't know what a kitchen is. Yeah, notice how I said one of the things that makes lasagna happen. I don't know what a kitchen is yeah notice how i said one of the things that makes lasagna i don't know what the steps are i barely know what the steps are i know it's a lot of

layering you gotta make a ricotta fucking mix or whatever i don't know i did it once i'll never do it again the ricotta mix yeah i don't fucking remember what was in it all right what is that what's our results oh this is nicole oh 50 first dates okay adam sandler and drew barrymore reunite for this unforgettable which has asterisks around it rom-com oh because she forgets in the movie. Oh, BuzzFeed thought they were doing something. Yeah. It's this year. Oh, mine is Bridget Jones's Diary. If you like Pride and Prejudice, you'll probably fall in love with Bridget Jones's Diary.

That's it. That's it. That we made a sandwich. We got rom-coms. I don't know if I've seen Bridget Jones' Diary. It's good, but it did sit funny with me the older I get to be like, this woman was overweight. I know. Yeah.

I was like, she was barely. She wasn't even close to being overweight. Yeah. And that's crazy. The 2000s was crazy with women's weight. Yeah. Like, if you were a size six, they were like, fatty.

I mean, also, like, also still kind of recently, in the, like, last five, six years, I feel like when Jennifer Lawrence popped up, people were like, she's so brave to eat a sandwich. But she's, like, a Hollywood actress. So she's still thin. It blows my mind every time she's like a hollywood actress so she's still she's still thin it blows my mind every time she's like oh i just want to go fucking ham on foot i'm like okay i'm sure i'm sure sometimes you do and i'm sure a lot of times you don't not to speculate about what the woman eats

but like she it's weird that like do you know what i mean yeah where it's like she's almost normal i don't want to say normal. That's weird. I don't know how to navigate this conversation without. Let's move on. Let's move on. Should we answer some queries? Yes. Hi, Nicole, Sahir, and the entire gang.

I've been listening to you guys from the beginning, and I love you so much. And I think I'm looking more in the sense of guidance and maybe advice. And for all I know, I just want someone to listen to me. And if Kimmy and Jordan have, have like anything to add, please do. I am kind of like the ride or die friend. I am the friend that you tell me you don't like somebody, we don't fucking like that person. Like I will not give that person the time of day, all because you tell me you don't like them. You know, I am the person that tells me you're having a bad day and I'll drop whatever I have going on to like just show up at your house and be like yeah you're having a bad day and either we can have a bad

day together or we can try and make this better day and I'm like the check-in friend and pretty much like what I'm saying is like I think I'm like a really fucking dope friend because you know like hello and sorry that sounded so fucking conceited. Wow. Okay. But anyways, getting down to it, I started to go through these really extreme depressions and thoughts of all my friends hate me. None of them actually want to be my friend. And they're just my friend because it's just easier as opposed to cutting me off because we've all been friends for so long. And this is like my core group of friends that I feel this about. And we've been friends for over a decade and we've been through so much together.

And I started to kind of hone in why. And I'm realizing that I am projecting a friendship that I want in return. Because when I go through stuff, I kind of like reach out and say, hey, my day sucks. I just looked in the mirror and started crying because I'm fat and ugly and I'm unloved, even though I know that that's not true. And they shoot me the text and they show me the love, but I'm just not getting kind of what I need. And I don't really know what to do with that. And it's making me incredibly lonely. And I really don't want to fucking cry right now because it really sucks.

I feel so lonely in my friendships. And I just want someone to call and check in on me and I don't know how to like reach out to get that in return because it seems like so much it seems like so much to reach out because it makes me feel like I'm too needy and I don't know what to do and I think I I don't know what I need I don't know if I need advice I don't know if I need advice, but I respect all of you guys. And I respect what you have to say. And I respect the friendship that you guys have. And it's just been really bothering me.

So if you have anything to help me make me feel better or to make me feel heard. I'm afraid she got cut off, but I think the gist of what she needs was clear. I know it seems hard, but I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your friends, hey, I'm having a really hard time right now. Would you mind checking in on me on like Mondays or like Tuesdays or something for like a couple weeks until I figure out what's going on with my little head. And I'm sure your friends will be so willing to do that. Like I know when a friend of mine is having a hard time and they're like, hey, I need support. I'm always like, oh, yes, sorry. I didn't realize I was either not being supportive or like just in my

own life not realizing that I wasn't reaching out as often um yeah I also have a hard time reaching out it is a hard thing to be like hello I need some help but I think a good thing to remember is like not everyone is like you and not everyone thinks the way you think so like you might have to remind people to reach out to you yeah yeah i i i was gonna say what you said i think like you think um yeah some people operate in relationships differently. So they might need explicit instructions on how to operate in the relationship they have with you. And there's nothing wrong with saying that you're not being needy. You're not being controlling. You're just letting them know this is what you need. And it would be nice if they can provide that. and then they'll let you know if they can or cannot.

But hopefully they will because they love you. And just because they're not reciprocating the actions that you give as a friend doesn't mean they're not necessarily good friends. They just may not know how to behave in the ways that come naturally to you. Like it does sound like you're not necessarily good friends. They just may not know how to behave in the ways that come naturally to you. Like, it does sound like you're a really good friend, and they are so lucky to have you as a really good friend. But that unfortunately doesn't mean

that they know how to do it as well, or do it the way you know how to do it, or the way that you like to receive love. So yeah, there's nothing nothing wrong with saying this is what i need right now and or this would make me feel good right now can you help yeah i also think it's good to remember that friends can only do so much and therapy might be a good supplement or like in addition to asking people to reach out, I think it's helpful to talk to somebody who has stakes in your life, but not in a way that's like personal. It's like my therapist cares about me, but she's not in my life, you know, all the time and knows the people personally or whatever that I'm talking about. But I do think therapy is really helpful if you're having a hard time. Yeah. Yeah. Because friends aren't professionals. No. They can like help you

a bit, but for some stuff that might be like a little deeper or that involve more like raw emotions. Yeah. You might need to talk to a professional about that. Yeah. Solved. Solved. Can I add one small thing? Yes. Yes. Kimmy. thank you so much uh my one little thing is that sometimes it's really hard to type out like hey guys i need help i need to talk to someone one of my best friends we have like regular phone dates but you know sometimes they get missed and stuff and we established a while ago that like if you say hey i'd love to chat and the other person's busy super fair but sometimes if it's like an emergency and like, I'm having a horrible day and I need to talk, just send a turtle emoji. And I see that turtle emoji. I'm like, it's a bad day. I can move something and make a little room versus like,

I just wanted to chit chat. So it helps us differentiate and understand the level of need without having to say it. It's a little easier, just a little shorthand. So it's worked really well for us. I love that. I like that. That's a little easier, just a little shorthand. So it's worked really well for us. I love that. I like that too. That's a great idea. Judith, do you have anything? Judith, this is Judith. She's a producer who's going to be helping us.

Hello, Judith. Yes. Thank y'all. And yeah, I just wanted to add, definitely thank you to the caller for being so vulnerable and sharing. And I would also add what she said stuck out that I feel lonely in my friendships. So the one thing I would suggest,

along with the great advice that you guys gave, but also expanding your community in terms of not letting go of your friends, but there may be different interests and hobbies that you may create other friends with so that you can diversify your community and get more support along with therapy so you're not feeling so alone whenever i hear that it's like you need community wherever you are in your life so um yeah that's what i suggest yeah yeah that's nice yeah so now it's been solved. Thoroughly solved. Okay. Now we have an email. Hello, Nicole, Sasheer, and the team. Love your podcast. It truly brightens my day. And I have been listening to you guys for years now. I wanted to get your advice on a friend drama that I truly

find petty and stupid and don't know what to do with. In January, I had time off work that I needed to use before the end of the month. So I decided to book a trip to Edinburgh. Edinburgh? Edinburgh? How do you say that? Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Edinburgh.

But it's like not enough letters, you know? For Edinburgh? It truly looks like Edinburgh. All right, Edinburgh. Wow. People are going to come for you. Please don't come for me like Edinburgh. All right, Edinburgh. Wow, people are going to come for you. Please don't come for me, Edinburgh. The city of Edinburgh is coming for you.

They're going to be like, where is Edinburgh? Scotland? They're going to be like, ah, we've got enough letters. I'm going to be so mad. Well, fine. Come find me, along with the rest of the letters that you need. I had mentioned this to a couple friends in November slash December, and only one friend said she would be available, Kim. So when it came time to booking my trip, I texted my friend

Kim telling her I was going on the trip and if she wanted to come, otherwise I was happy to go alone. Context, Kim and I have a friend called Ann, who we typically hang out with. However, we have all been friends separately and our friendships exist outside of this group. Kim and I met up with Ann for a walk and had a lovely day, though that evening Ann sent us a text message into the group chat saying she was hurt and felt excluded from the trip. I immediately apologized and explained that that was never the intention and it was just because Kim was the only person available and that Ann had previously told me January didn't suit her. She has yet to respond to that message, which I sent three months ago and has been ghosting any Snapchat or message I had sent. Kim doesn't like fighting, so met with Anne privately to apologize for going on the trip, etc.

I have a personal issue apologizing for going on a trip, which I was happy to go on alone. And I think the whole argument is ridiculous and somewhat childish. I made peace with the fact that Anne did not want to talk or be friends with me as a result of this. Kim recently told me that Anne now has told her that Anne and Kim cannot have their friendship heal as Anne is still angry with me. Something I find silly as Kim and Anne have been friends longer than either of them have known me. I decided I don't overly want Anne back in my life as a friend, as I disagree with how she handled everything about this argument. However, I know Kim wants everything to go back to how it was

and for us to be friends again. I feel like this whole thing is petty and stupid, and I will not apologize when I didn't do anything wrong in the first place. I'm very confused at how to move forward, as I don't want to damage my friendship with Kim, as we also live together. Oh. Ooh.

That was a twist in an M. Night Shyamalan way. Woo. Didn't see that coming. She was a roommate all along. All along. Kim was in the house. The Kim is coming

from inside the house. The kid is coming from inside the house. I, too, find this to be childish because Anne was invited. And not available. So what does it matter? So Anne is, okay, so Anne, let's just get into the shoes of fucking little Annie. So Anne was invited on a trip, said she couldn't go,

finds out two people are going on this trip, and then all of a sudden gets mad? Anne? You're poorly behaved. And the writer apologized to Anne. Yeah. And Anne is still upset with this person who took the trip. So much so that she can't be friends

with the roommate. Yes. Which is bewildering to me. And I think Anne has some underlying issues with our writer

that she is not saying. But that being said, I think our writer should sit Kim down and be like, hey, Kim, we're roommates. We're friends. I don't understand why we're letting, I guess I would put all my

cards on the table and be like, hey, Kim, I invited Anne. Anne said no. Then Anne got mad that you were coming on a trip with me. So I don't really understand why Anne is so angry with me. I don't really understand why Anne is so angry with me. Also, I don't want our friendship to end because a third party is mad at me. I don't know. Maybe I don't have advice because I think Anne is being ridiculous.

And I'm mad. We're mad at Anne. I'm furious with Anne. I also... And maybe these are all young people. I don't know. But I feel like I would not care about this. Like, I'd be like, okay, you're mad.

But I've had friends who are mad at each other, but I still talk to each of those friends. Like, their thing has nothing to do with me. So Kim should be fine. Like Kim's not in this, whatever this is, unfortunately. But yeah, I think the relationship with Kim and our writer should be unaffected by how Anne's feeling regardless. I agree, but Anne's nosing her way in.

Anne's behaving poorly. Yeah. I mean, I kind of feel like you already apologized. It's been months. I don't know what else you can say. I feel something annie's to work on on her own yeah but I think the problem is kim is like upset that the friendship wasn't repaired and she feels like she's in the middle so maybe maybe you say to kim it's like I love being your roommate I love being your friend I know anna's mad at me but like I don't think I want to be friends with kent or and so like our friendship is our friendship your friendship with anna is yours and we I don't think I want to be friends with Kent or Anne. So, like, our friendship is our friendship. Your friendship with Anne is yours. And I don't have to get involved in that.

I don't know. This is, I just, in my brain, it's a non-starter. It's a non-problem not being, I've been not invited to a lot of things. And I go, okay, oh, well. Yeah, but that's not even what this is. She was invited. No, she was invited. Yeah. I that's not even what this is. She was invited. No, she was invited, yeah. I keep forgetting that.

God, Anne sucks. It does sound like maybe Anne's upset about something else that has nothing to do with the person who wrote in, and how could we possibly know what that is? There's no way. There's no way. Especially because this person already apologized. I say, return Anne to Miss Hannigan and just be rid of her.

If you want advice that's just on par with what I said, you can email Nicole and Sashira at Jamel.com or you can text or call or leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. And we have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show.

Yeah. Send Anne back to Miss Hannigan where she can have a hard-knock life and the sun will come out for her tomorrow. Yeah. I don't know if that's tangible advice, but I hope it helps. I think it...

Fine, Miss Hannigan. Mm-hmm. All fine. Miss Hannigan. All right. Until next time. See you later, dudes.