Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Hates to Lose Things Too! with Punkie Johnson and Dicey

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Guess what time it is? It’s time for Besting Each Other with Punkie Johnson and Dicey. Dicey shares that when she first met Punkie, she was appalled by Punkie’s behavior. Punkie loves Dicey’s ability to pull her away when it’s time to go but hates that Dicey loses everything.  Dicey loves Punkie’s fearlessness but can’t stand that she eats so many onions!  Dicey and Punkie believe they would do better on the show Survivor than the other person. In 20 years, Dicey wants them to live like the Golden Girls, travel with their kids and continue to cuss each other out. Punkie agrees and believes their love language is verbal abuse. Together, they host the podcast Love Thang with Punkie Johnson on Kevin Hart's SiriusXM LOL Channel. Also, check out their show Love Thang with Punkie Johnson wherever you get your podcasts!  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi friends, this is Sashir. Do you ever say to yourself, I love hearing Nicole and Sashir talk to each other each week, but I'm dying for more content. Well, you're in luck. I'm coming out with a new standup special where I'll be talking uninterrupted for an hour. This is the first special I produced

and I'm so excited for you to see it. If you want to contribute, it'll be available on the 800 pound gorilla gorilla website and a pay-what-you-can model starting August 15th, and then it'll be free on YouTube starting August 29th. Thanks again for supporting me, Nicole, and our show, but mostly me. Thank you so much. Hello, Sashir. Hi,

Nicole. Guess what time it is? 4.30. No. Well, for me, it's 3.26, but it's time to play best to each other. Oh, that's what you're talking about.30. No. Well, for me, it's 3.26. But it's time to play besting each other.

Oh, that's what you're talking about. Yes. It's time to play besting each other. Yes. And do you want to know who I found personally today? Who did you find personally? I found personally best friends Punky Johnson and Dicey Douglas to be on the show. Oh. I know Punky from SNL and all the stand-up that she does.

And I know Dicey personally from stand-up and writing, and she's a celebrity nail artist. They have a podcast called Love Bang, and together they give their best and highly unqualified relationship advice. They also are doing stand-up, so catch them in a city near you. And the Childish and Petty Tour. And new episodes of Love Thing, they premiere exclusively on Sirius XM

on Kevin Hart's Laugh Out Loud Radio, Channel 96. It airs Monday nights at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We're going to start with Dicey. Okay, so we have split up the friends. And we have Dicey here to talk about her friendship with Punky and to see if you two really are best friends.

Yeah. If you get anything wrong, you got to end your friendship. Sorry, we don't make up the rules. Yeah, it's high stakes on this show. Very high stakes. First question. How did you two meet? So we met, me and Punky met at the comedy store probably like 12 years ago.

I don't think this particular time that I noticed her, I don't think she knew who I was, but I was completely appalled by her behavior. She, she used to be a server and she, she, everybody knows she's going to cuss you out, but she's going to give you like a nice ass pour on your drink. We call it,

they call it punky pour still to this day of the comedy store. Cause she would pour like half of a bottle into, into cup but anyway she was coming through um it was an open mic it's called potluck and she was walking through with a tray and she had really long locks then snl made her cut them shorter but they were like all the way down to her butt and she swung her locks into somebody's drink. And the woman was like, oh, excuse me, your hair was in my drink. And she turned around and she said, I don't give a fuck. She said, I don't give a fuck. And then the woman was like, oh, yeah, sure, sure. Okay, I'm just going to drink this drink that your hair just, you know.

And I was appalled. And I was like, i'm just gonna steer clear of this bitch as long as possible like who is she she is the rudest person so then fast forward to maybe like six months later we we were both hosting at this open mic called marty's and shout out to marty's like it was it was basically a joke gym you just go work stuff out there and um and then we became we we just instantly clicked and I just had to have her in my life like it was just the strangest obsession I had with her after that so that's kind of how we met I love that I like it too I like that you're like I'm gonna stay away from this person and And then you were like, I got to be near this person. Yes. Fear into love. I like that.

Mm hmm. Next question is, what's your favorite memory of traveling together? Oh, my gosh. You know what? I've traveled with her more than anybody in life. And what's my favorite? I just think my favorite is all the time because we just act so stupid and we mess with, we love to mess with hotel staff everywhere. I think that's probably just my favorite thing that we do together is just like come in after our shows. Cause we, we do both do standupup obviously so after our shows she has the speaker on and we walk through the hotel like at two in the morning super loud and drunk and that's probably my favorite memory that's my favorite thing we do together traveling do you have a favorite location that you've been to together? Maybe Milwaukee or Phoenix.

Really? Yeah. We loved Milwaukee. So it was... Because of the crowds or the actual city? The city, the cheese curds, the food, the beer, the everything. It was just great.

It was so fun. So in Phoenix, we just had had really really good shows in phoenix um and chicago chicago was another place where we okay so chicago this was way before she was famous and she she was like bitch i found us a airbnb it was like six six comics she was like i found us airbnb's only going to be $50 a piece per night. And we got there and it was caught and she kept falling out of her cot all night long. She was falling out of this cot and like waking me up. And, um, we were in Candyman's neighborhood. I don't know if y'all know Candyman, but one of my, one of my friends, a friend of I have in Chicago, he was like, he was like, send me the address where y'all are. I'm gonna come pick y'all up.

And I sent him the address. He was like, no, send me the address to where y'all really are. I was like, no, this is where we really are. Because he couldn't believe the hood that this bitch booked our Airbnb in. But we had so much fun in Chicago. So those are, those are the three places. Chicago is probably the funnest, honestly. I do love Chicago.

The Windy City! Also, the ice-cold city and the hottest city in the summer. Damn. What is your favorite thing about Punky? My favorite thing about Punky is her fearlessness, I think.

Just growing up gay and not being accepted by parts of her family and just, and also how she, um, how she handles her business and how, how seriously she takes her career. And she's just so like on it. She's that's that's what I admire the most about her. I can't I don't like a lot of things about her, but that's that's one of the things that I love about her. I don't really like her, but here's one thing. Yeah. I like that. OK, so if you had to guess, what do you think Punky's favorite thing is about you?

What do you think Punky's favorite thing is about you? I would say that I'm maybe that I'm loyal and that we don't I don't take anything personally like we can. One reason. So I don't really hang out that much with my really good friends are always gay for some reason, like because and I'm super straight. But gay women don't they're not competitive. Um, they're not, they don't, it's just, and I'm very raw and I just say whatever I want to say. And we both do that to each other. And I just think the, just the way we can talk to each other freely and just cuss each other out all day. That's, that's, I think that's probably what she would say. She likes the most about me. And i'm just a loyal person too like if i don't fuck with somebody she don't fuck with them and that's just how it is and but and vice versa you know so okay

that's important it is important you gotta hate the same people you absolutely do if you can't hate on the same people what is a friendship If you can't talk shit about people together, what are we all doing? Exactly. What is something that you do that drives Punky crazy? I'm very, I lose stuff a lot. And I'm kind of irresponsible and dumb. I'm so smart, but I'm so stupid at the same time um and give us an example of that uh even irresponsible i lose something in every city

i lose my phone i lose my purse i just i i lock myself out of hotel rooms a lot um i just any lit i'm very clumsy i'm always falling i'm always running into trees or just you know trees yes trees those are big you just going places not looking for the trees just zoom zooming tree not seeing the forest through the trees yes okay um what is something that punky does that drives you crazy she eats onions on everything and her breath always smells like onions no matter what she will light a whole car up because this bitch she she, you know, she's from New Orleans. So it's onions and garlic.

And she orders all her seasonings from New Orleans. You know, one time she was like, I was at her when she stayed in Manhattan. She was like, bitch, it's going to be a package that comes. So go down there and get the package. And it was like a long like a super long box because she had ordered french bread from new orleans like when i'm telling you like the length of a couch okay um but she she just eats i can't stand that she puts onions in every single thing raw cooked it doesn't matter like it's gonna be a whole onion and whatever it is so

that's so funny just onions just onions everywhere yeah give me an onion yes have you told her that you didn't like have you told her i mean she knows she knows how i feel my mom is actually a master gardener so she she grows, she, we probably in her garden this year, she probably had like five or 600 onions. And so I brought Punky, um, I'll let, I'll bring her every year, every onion harvest, I bring her a bunch of onions and, you know, and they're so fresh and so good. And, you know, but, um, i have definitely told her how i feel about yeah she knows how i feel do you ever feel like you bring her hundreds of messages yeah yes her onions and you don't like that she smells like onions after a while this is i know i know but i just know she

loves them you know what i mean and so i bring this is so I wasn't supposed to be staying with her all summer. I had another place here that kind of whatever. That's that's a whole nother story. But usually I'm just giving her the onions to have and then I'm going about my business. You know what I mean? So I don't have to smell them on her. Oh, I see. Now you're now you're in there. Yeah. Yeah. Living with her, seeing it 24 seven. living with her, seeing it 24-7. Exactly. Which one of you would do better on the

television show Survivor? Definitely me. She is such a, like, she's so prissy. Y'all have no idea how she really is. She's OCD. She's super she's super like I mean the other day she had we had some wine um and it was in her backpack and so since she had already taken a shower and been on the train or been off the train basically she doesn't touch anything that

has already been on the train with her after she takes a shower so she's so ocd that she made me go all the way to her backpack i had to dig through there to get the stuff out that i wanted and i don't see how she would survive in the wilderness like i'm a country girl i grew up with horses and cows on farms like ranches and all kinds of stuff. I could definitely survive. She would not. No. Okay. Unless there's trees out there, then the trees will probably get you.

What do you hope you're both doing in 20 years? In 20 years, I hope we're like the golden girls. I hope we have like wicker furniture, you know what I mean? Like with flowers on it and like, just, I hope we're vacationing together with our kids. I don't know.

That's kind of what I hope in 20 years that we're still cussing each other out. That's, and I hope we're both still here in 20 years. I think you will be. 20 years is going to come real quick. Because I'm telling you, 20 years goes by just, I can't believe how fast 20 years goes by. It's crazy. Yeah, I can't believe how old I am.

Me either. How old I am. It's wild. I don't know where this time has gone. But this rock star lifestyle we live, you know, hopefully we'll be here in 20 years. And, you know, that's why I'm drinking wine instead of tequila today. That's why. I love it. Just a light wine instead of some tequila.

Just an easy breezy summer day. I love that. Okay, great. So now we are going to bring Punky in, ask some questions about your friendship and see how close you are to each other. Yeah. And we're going to compare and contrast later. And we're really going to see. Is this friendship good?

We're going to peel back the layers of the friendship. Yes. And see how deep the onion goes. Cannot wait. Okay, Punky. We're going to begin. okay punky we're gonna begin we're gonna find out how well you know dicey okay first question simple one how did you two meet well we met twice because the first time we met didn't know we was meeting she just saw me interact with somebody at the comedy store and she was like i don't like her and then the second time where we

actually knew we was meeting was at marty's uh uh open mic comedy a little spot do you remember why she didn't want to to be near you or be your friend at first because she said i was mean to a customer because my dread tag got in somebody's hair and I was like, I don't care. But that's not the case. That's not the case. What's your side of the story, Funky? My side of the story is,

you see how long my hair is, move your drink out the way when I'm coming. And you wanted a dirty martini and that's what you got it's like extra flavoring in here okay this is a little earthy um and then the second time you guys met who approached who or like how did you actually meet each other oh lord i don't remember i think somebody was on stage either i was on stage or

she was on stage and then i don't remember that was too long ago it was 12 years ago yeah fair 12 years is a very long time this is true that's my dog what is your favorite memory of traveling together i don't have a favorite memory of traveling with dyson dyson loses everything that dyson loses everything she's losing her purse she's losing her phone she's losing her bag every single time we her bag. Every single time we go anywhere, we got to stop what we're doing and we got to help her find it. I think the most memorable loss

was Chicago when she left her bag or her purse in the produce section of the grocery store. She didn't conveniently, she didn't know until a check came out at the restaurant we was at she was like oh can't find my oh no okay i'm almost i almost think she left it under that melon on purpose so we could take care of the tab had us looking everywhere we looked under

the benches we looked in the bathrooms we walked around around the whole pizza joint. We went to CVS. I mean, we literally backtracked to every place we went. And then, ooh, and now how you knew to go under that melon to find a purse? So wait, how long had it been since it was missing? Like hours?

It was missing for hours. And it was still under that melon? It was missing for hours. And it was still under that melon? It was missing literally at least for three hours. Wow. That is very funny. And annoying. It is funny. What would you say your favorite thing is about Dicey?

Oh, God. I don't know. Dicey has she she she knows when to pull me away because i'll be getting in trouble so she she knows she knows how to be the adult when it's time for me to stop yes when because when we go when we go on the road, I start getting in trouble. I start drinking. I start mixing up with the people. You know, I start,

I be giving fans my number, email, telling them I'm going to hang out. Just really bonding with the people. And she'd be like, no, no, no, we're done. We're done. No, no, no, no, no. Let's go. We're done.

So she's really really really good at facilitating the way i do business because i don't do business very well okay that's important that's very important i want i want to be everybody's friend yeah yeah you need someone to say this is this is not our friend we don't know this person we can go home we don't know yes yes um if you had to guess what do you think dicey's favorite thing is about you fun all right i don't care what nobody say i'm fun i try every time we go out i take care of everybody i treat everybody i'm i am fun I make sure I'm, you know what? Maybe not these words, but I am very hospitable. I make sure my people are taken care of. I make

sure the food is right. Everybody's comfortable. I make sure things get done. You know what I'm saying? So she's going to always become, Oh, oh I'm the leader so she knows how to facilitate my business and I'm the leader like she's dumb in the airport so I'm like no no no we're gonna go this way she's dumb when when she's with me she knows she doesn't have to think because I'm going to navigate us through everything and when and when I start drinking and being all in a crowd with the people she knows when to pull me away so it's a really great give and take relationship one time I got a little toe down and she said all right well you look all right I'm gonna um I'm gonna go ahead and go and the next day I called I said you can never leave me again you can never leave me again because

I got I got in so much trouble that night because I didn't have nobody to pull me away. Yeah. So I said, I don't care, Dicey. You can't. I don't care how fine I look. I'm not fine. So don't do that. I mean, that's good to have a friend who can pull you back from the ledge and say, hey, we got to go home.

I can probably guess. But what is it? Oh, wait, no. What's something that you do that drives dicey crazy oh um i have an anger problem i'm i always got something to say always and i always got i'm always talking mad shit so i guess I I don't know when to keep my mouth closed I know that I know for a fact that gets on him you know what I think it might be my OCD I have an OCD issue like the other day we had just got off the train I went inside I took a shower and he said can you get me that water out of your bag and I said I just took a shower that that bag was in the train I'm not touching the bag if you want the back the water out the bag you go get it yourself i'm like all late i'm very very like everything got to be faced a certain way in the house

she you know what she did the other day that pissed me off she left i'll use the pink himalayan salt where you gotta she left like three pebbles in it and i was like if you ever do this again i'm going to break your fingers do not ever ever leave this much of seasoning in my cabinet ever again yeah just over salt whatever you're salting just like finish it off or put it in your in the room i put it under the bathroom cabinet i don't care where you put it just out my sight yeah because you can't season nothing with three little pebbles of salt no what are you doing do you ever lice all your bag when you come back from the train no i just keep it on the floor but i lice all my

immediately when i get inside i wash my my hands and lights on my phone. Oh, OK. But what if you're a wallet or something inside your bag? I'll I'm never I'm never going to need it. I'm just never going to need it. You just live in a way that you're never ever ever gonna leave it everything auto fills on the computer everything auto fills on the phone you just don't need it and i carry you know and i got pockets you know i don't care

you know pockets all day now i get you the outside is. The outside is dirty. The outside is dirty. Yeah, I don't like... If you rode on the train, you can't sit on the couch. I'm going to give you a pair of shorts or I'm going to put a little sheet over the couch. No train ass can go on my sofa. I put my face in that sofa, you know?

That's a good point. That is a good point. That's like when people take a flight and then want to sleep immediately after the flight and not take a shower. And I'm like, planes are dirty. You were with all those people. Get in the shower. Whenever I get off,

nine times out of ten, I wash my hair. You know what I'm saying? Now, when I'm on a train, nine times out of ten, I got a hat on and my hair is tucked in my shirt so it don't touch the train but if I get off a plane or uh or Amtrak where I'm kind of like chilling and sleeping I wash my hair no I get it it's dirty out there well because our beds are dirty like a lot of people don't know but our beds are dirty. Like a lot of people don't know, but our beds are one of the dirtiest places that we sleep, that we are in. Because, number one, we shed when we sleep. And number two, our hair is all over the place throughout the day.

So we don't wash our hair when we get in. And whatever our hair has pulled from the wind, from any area, it's going into our pillowcase. And that's why I wear a bonnet. It has nothing to do with protecting my hair. I said, keep the outside away. It's for all the pollutants. Just trap it inside the bonnet. Yeah.

I kind of really, really, does anything annoy you about yourself? Because that honestly annoys me about myself. I'm very annoyed that I'm like that. It really, really gets on my nerves. I'm like dicey. I lose a lot of stuff and I'm late to things. And I get so disappointed in myself when I lose something.

And I'm like, but it was just in my... Or like I'll have sunglasses on my head or my glasses on my head and I will look around my house for my glasses that are on my person. And when I finally figure it out, I'm almost near tears because I'm like, you idiot. Are you going to look in the mirror? Are you going to look in the mirror and be like. Yeah, or I'm looking for my phone and it's in my hand or I'm on the phone being like, I lost my phone. And then the person will wait a while before they're like, you're on your phone. And I'm like, oh, no.

I hate when I lose stuff. Yeah. Oh, you overthink. I overthink. Yeah. I'll like, I don't know, analyze something I said five years ago and just like mull it over and be like I should apologize or like just like things that no one else is thinking about and then when I like like ask a question or realize what actually happened then I'm like oh that was wasted energy

I didn't have to be stressed about that at all that sucks I just could have been like living my life just fine like that other person was yeah I tend to do that if I had just a little bit too much to drink at a party the next day I'm over analyzing and overthinking everything I'll be like oh god what did I say and why did I say that so but I've been slowing down with that because I don't I hate feeling like that me too yeah same I remember when I saw you uh nicole at the at the after party i was the next day i was like oh god i was just like i was it was something girl one of these i think maybe jack hola was there that time uh-huh i think so i was talking mad shit to you and you was talking mad shit to me and i was just like, I hope I didn't say that too crazy.

The next day I was like, maybe I shouldn't have said that to Punky. But honestly, I stand by what I said to you if you remember. What? I want to know. Tell me after. Trust me, I'm pretty sure you know. I'm pretty sure y'all have had this conversation.

So when we off the record, we'll definitely talk about it okay good um okay what is oh you yeah it's your turn to ask oh okay um what is something that dicey does that drives you crazy you've got probably answered it yeah i think i i think i said that one right because she's always uh she's always losing oh she oh you know what got another one for you she's vegetarian hate it hate it the other day she was fixing a sandwich and i got so mad because i cursed her out. I cursed her out. I was like, I'm so sick of you damn vegan people using our meat eaters words to describe your freaking food. Tomatoes, cucumber and avocado between bread ain't no damn sandwich.

Sandwiches require meat. So don't call it a sandwich. You had some toast and some veggies. Yeah. That's appropriation, really. You're appropriating our culture. Thank you. I don't like that one bit.

I was so angry. She was like, I'm going to fix me a good old sandwich. I turned around, ain't nothing on that shit but rabbit food. Okay. which I turned around, ain't nothing on that shit but rabbit food. Okay, which one of you would do better on the CBS television series Survivor? Me. You can't survive if you keep losing stuff and you don't have no sense of direction. She's sitting up there. She's sitting up there. She's sitting up there.

We got to climb a mountain. Let me. Put a swan. Now we dead. I know I had the. Now the last place I. I'm telling you, I had it on me the whole time.

No, you didn't. It's under the melons. Listen had it on me the whole time. No, you didn't. It's under the melons. Listen, she's under the melons. She just lost her cell phone the other day right before she went off. They called her name to the stage. Look at her. My phone in one of the bathrooms.

I put it on the shelf somewhere. So we found her phone. Then she get off the stage and said, you know, as soon as I put that phone down, I knew I was leave it but i told myself i wasn't gonna do it this time and i ended up doing it i was just like get out of my just shut up and get out of my face it's good that you guys have each other yes truly yes i identify with dicey so much i have put things down being like this time i'm gonna remember to pick it up and then 20 minutes later i'm like oh boy it's gone forever i lost a whole wig the other day i don't know where i put it it was on my head and then it wasn't and then it went into the universe i have no idea where I put it. Whoa. Lord. It's just out there. Your wig out there somewhere wigging.

Waiting for you to find it. And then when you find it, you're going to be like, you know where I put it? How? Where you put your wig. Exactly where I left it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Exactly where I put them when I take them off.

One time, Nicole put her phone on top of the car and then got in the car. And then we were driving down the street and she saw the phone fly behind us. And she goes, oh, there goes my phone. And I was like, pull over. Let's go get it. The thought never occurred to me. I saw it and I said, well, I guess I don't have a phone anymore. That's that. That's the end of that. I don't have a phone anymore. That's that.

That's the end of that. I don't have a phone. I'm a phone-less person. What are you going to do after that? What can you do? We did get it back. We did get it back. If I was alone, I would have continued home.

Yeah. Well, I mean, the reason why I know I have to go back and get my phone, even though I know it's crushed, is because they got some stuff in this phone. Okay? Like, nothing illegal. I have to go back and get my phone, even though I know it's crushed, is because they got some stuff in this phone, okay? Like, nothing illegal. Just, they just got stuff. Just personal stuff. Very, very, very, very spicy. Okay, last question.

What do you hope you're both doing 20 years from now? Well, two things, honestly. Number one, I hope we still get this month. You know, I hope to be on the road with her for as long as we got breath in our bodies. It's about to be a long answer. We're trying to start our charity check-in, so I hope we're still doing that,

where we take care of comedians and especially if they have mental health issues, give them a place to live for a couple of months. We're going to facilitate them. So you come in here, you get your life together. We do as much as we can for them for four to six months, move them out,

get the next comedians in. So hopefully we'll still be, we'll be our charity and be active and be on the road, but both of us be doing ours instead of she featuring, we'll be, our charity will be active and be on the road. But both of us be doing ours instead of she featuring. We'll be on equal platforms. And honestly, vacationing has gone all over this world. I love that. I like that.

That's nice. That's my dog. That's my dog. That's beautiful. That is beautiful. I like your relationship. It's fun. is beautiful i like your relationship it's fun it's definitely oh it's definitely one of those relationships where the love comes from verbal abuse you know it's just like

it's just like and and and to make each other mad is when we start being nice like if i won't if i text her and be like, morning queen. She'd be like, if you ever talk to me like that again, I'm watching your face. She rather, hey, you dumb bitch. You know, like that is more of our...

So we have a really... And I think that's good too, because I don't know how to really explain it, but we, you know, like i have a girlfriend and she have guys and i don't we don't want the guy to think i'm coming on to her and i don't want my old lady to think it because we are strictly just friends we have a different a very different type of relationship that can it can make any partner that you went jealous because we she's just like you know we just know each other like books you know what i'm saying i think and out the way we converse is very even like damn

y'all seem like sisters or twins it's like i could finish her sentences she could finish mine so it could definitely make your partner think like y'all so i'm definitely that's why i'm also happy that we had that type of relationship where we just look like we're fighting all the time. But we don't be fighting. That's just how we talk to each other. Yeah. I like it. It's more like siblings.

Yeah, you go. Romantic or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's my thought. Well, now I need to compare your answers to see if you're actually friends. Yes. So we're going to bring Dicey back in. How close you got?

Y'all better stop. Listen, I'm telling you right now, she better have every answer right on the slap. But not me. Yeah, it's her fault. Yeah, it's her fault. Yeah, it's her fault. You're fine. We're in the arena with Punky and Dicey.

And we're going to figure out if they're actually friends we asked how did you two meet dicey said they met at the comedy store 12 years ago and she was appalled by her behavior as a server punky would give people the punky pour which was like half a bottle and one drink and she accidentally swung her locks into someone's drink and the person let her know and punky said i don't give a fuck and dicey was appalled she said uh-uh fast forward to six months later they hosted an open mic and they instantly clicked punky said well we met twice first time she saw me interact with someone at the comedy store she said i was mean to someone because my dreads hit her drink and punky said if you see me

come and move your drink out the way you see these locks um second time was at marty's open mic and someone was on stage but she doesn't remember who exactly so ding ding check mark friend yeah that one's good okay then we, what's your favorite memory of traveling together? Dicey said, I travel with her more than anyone in life. And she loves acting stupid and messing with the hotel staff with each other. And after the show, they walk through the hotel with a mic and they talk loudly. Dicey's favorite location was Milwaukee and Phoenix. And she loved the cheese curds and the shows.

And oh, and then in Chicago, they found an Airbnb. They were sleeping on cots and Punky kept falling out of the cots. And they were staying in Candyman's neighborhood, which is scary. Candyman's neighborhood, which is scary. And then Punky said, I don't have a favorite memory of traveling with Dicey. She loses everything. Her purse, her bag. And then she said, well, my most memorable moment was Chicago.

She left her purse at the grocery store in the produce department and it was conveniently gone when we had to pay the bill when we were eating. It was missing for hours and they went back and found it underneath a melon. Dicey's just nodding her head. Uh-huh. Yes, that was me. So you both did mention chicago that matches up yeah so friends um we asked what's your favorite thing about your friend

dicey said dicey's favorite thing about punky is her fearlessness fearlessness fearlessness she fearless just growing up gay and not being accepted by her family. Also, her savvy business views. She handles her business. Punky said, I don't know. She knows when to pull Punky away. Punky gets in trouble a lot. And Dicey knows when to be an adult when they're on the road.

Dicey's good at facilitating how she does her business. And Punky wants to be everyone's friend and dicey's like no this can't be that's true dicey takes care of things on the road she takes care of everything like i i'll get you where you need to go i'll make sure you don't lose your stuff but as far as like the business dicey takes she takes care of all of it it's a symbiotic relationship a ying and a yang if you will we ask what's your friend's favorite thing about you dicey said that i'm loyal and she doesn't take anything personally um likes that they can cuss at each other all day and they don't give a fuck

and they don't fuck with the same people. And then Punky said that she is fun. She treats everyone very hospitable. She makes sure that her people are taken care of and they're comfortable. Punky is the leader, so she helps navigate Dicey. Dicey is dumb and she gets lost in the airport.

So she helps her navigate. But it is a great give and take because Dicey knows when to pull Punky away. Dicey is very good at pulling Punky away from the ledge. We asked, what's something you do that drives your friend crazy dicey said she loses things a lot and that she's very smart but very stupid all at the same time very irresponsible loses things in every city they go to she's clumsy she runs into trees punky said she has an anger problem um always talking mad shit never knows when to keep her mouth closed also she is ocd um and was mad that dicey once left three pebbles of pink salt pink himalayan salt uh and when punky comes to her house she washes her hands she lies all her phone if you

ride on the train you can't sit on the couch. No train ass on her couch. Did you take that salt out the cabinet or is it still there? It's on the counter now. That's it. That's it. That's it. If I come back up in there on Sunday and they got salt with a salt bottle because there ain't no more salt up in there. That's it. Throw it away.

Just throw it away. Get it away get it out of there it's something left in there this she gonna tell me because i told her that i had it for a year this she gonna tell me it was if you had it for a year it was almost gone anyway. I'm like, no. No, no. I had a good month. That lets you know how much I barely use soap if it's been in there for a year. And now all of a sudden it's on three pebbles. Whatever. All right.

We asked, what's something your friend does that drives you crazy? Dicey says, Punky eating onions. She eats onions on everything. And her breath will smell like onions all the time. Punky is from New Orleans. So garlic and onion is all in the food. She puts onions in everything. And every onion harvest, Dicey's mom will bring onions from the garden

and she brings onions to Punky. And we asked, did you tell Punky how you felt? And she said, she knows. And then Punky said, she's always losing things. Also, she is vegetarian and she hates that. The other day she was fixing a quote unquote sandwich and

she cussed her out. She said, don't use words that meat eaters use for vegetarian. Don't call it a sandwich if it's not meat. You should have saw her up in the kitchen, girl. These cucumbers on this bread about to be good. When the hell

cucumbers and bread was a good combination? Hell no. We asked, which of you would do better on Survivor? Dicey said, definitely me. I would do better on this show. Punky's so prissy and OCD

and touch things from outside. When she enters the house she's got a shower and uh dicey grew up in the country so she could handle it and punky was like me you can't survive if you lose things and have no sense of direction she lost her phone when she was about to get on stage the other day she left today. And then she lost it anyway. I still did. Oh, wait. Oh, wait.

Not to mention when she lost her phone in Vegas and told a man, the man stole her phone. I know you stole my phone. You stole my phone. I know I left it right here. I left it right here. He looked guilty. He looked guilty. Girl, you need to go sing Woman in the Mirror because it was all you.

Wait, I do want to backtrack for a minute. I do want to ask, Punky, how many onions do you eat in a week? Oh, Lord, I probably eat an onion a day. Oh. An onion a day probably eat an onion a day oh an onion a day one whole onion a day well it depends it could be two because sometimes i'll put a i'll put i'll put a whole onion once i read that onion was good for your heart i don't know i just was like oh you know so i cut up there's also vitamins well also you know you pee i don't know listen read something and i just ran with it all right so so i i chopped my onion up and i put it in my food my spaghetti sauce my shrimp pasta jambalaya whatever i'm cooking always use a whole onion and then sometimes as a midnight snack i'll throw some onions in the pot and saute them and eat them

um uh as sauteed onion rings with some ketchup whoa so it just depends on yeah oh yeah i love them and the taste of them are really really good too i mean my breath oh but i'd be cool and i. But that heart is that heart is strong. Lion heart. Lion heart. All of that. Dicey, I am you just told me the other day, Punky, you're so cool. You're so

hospitable. When people tell you they don't like you, I just don't understand how people just gotta get to know you, Punky, because you're so dope. You are a liar. Dicey. And then the other day I told you how smart, because I had my suit and I didn't have my suit bag

and you had went and got this crazy bag and I put my suit in it. And I was like, Dicey, I knew you was good for something. Yeah. That's because I'm. One thing about Dicey, she might not have her navigation system on at all times. And she might lose things. But I'm telling you, she come through in a clutch.

And that's like a basketball player. You could miss every shot in the game, man. You hit that final three at that buzzer. And you take the championship. That's coming through in the clutch. Let's go. That's nice. I like that. That's very sweet.

I'm through in the clutch. Sometimes. Sometimes. Alright, last question. We asked both of you who would do better on the TV show. Wait, did we already do this or no? Yeah, y'all did that one.

We did survive. Oh, sorry. I had to scroll down. The last actual question is what do you hope you're both doing in 20 years? Dicey said I hope we're like the Golden Girls. I hope we have wicker furniture and we're vacationing with their kids.

I hope that we are still cussing each other out. And that will even be here 20 years from now. I hope this rock star lifestyle of ours doesn't wear us down. And then Punky said two things. One, I hope we are still getting this money. And I hope that we are still on the road as long as we both have breath in our body. I hope that our charity supporting other comics road as long as we both have breath in our body I hope that our charity supporting other comics is

up and running and still going I hope that we're both doing our own shows we're both headlining and we're both vacationing together and it's a beautiful relationship where the love comes from verbal abuse oh we both on a vacation together forever look at that

yeah yeah I don't mind Oh we both on a vacation together Forever look at that Yeah Yeah I don't mind I don't mind Well because I feel like it should Come to a point where we both run it out Or you know I think I think two hours is a long time for audience to sit down But if we both could start running like

40 minutes 35 minutes a piece And like really really do our Child and petty tour on it on equally. I think that'll be, you know what I'm saying? I think I think eventually we should get into that and start doing it. I love it. I like it, too. Honestly, you guys are friends. Your friendship can continue.

Yes, you passed the test. Yes. Our answers was different, but it was the same like it was yes same energy yeah it's all some weird stuff it's all some weird yeah i love your dynamic together and can you tell me about your podcast love thing so the the way the podcast came about is my managers they like you talk you could talk i love to talk obviously i'll talk your head off i'll go past time you're like okay let's we're done um so they're like you know you should do a podcast i'm like all right i'm gonna talk about love since i was married in a relationship for 20 years i did it all wrong so of course i

could tell somebody how to do it right so they say say, type something up. So Dice is very good at translating how I feel. You know, like, if I go on a meeting, I need Dicey to come too because I'm going to say something and then the people are going to be looking at me like,

and then Dicey's going to say, well, what she mean is, so, I sent her the document and I was like, bitch, I need you to fix this.

Make it make sense to the people. And she did it. She put together a whole deck, sent it in, and it just got started like that. So we on that. We talk about love and dicey also. What, 15, 20 years of relationship.

So we both did it the wrong way. So we feel like we could tell people a lot. We might not be able to tell you what to do right, but we could tell you a whole lot of what you could do wrong and which way not to go. Yeah. So sometimes you ain't got to know what you want. Sometimes you just got to know what you don't want to get to what you do want. And it could work like that. It could work either way.

And I will say that on this podcast, people thought that Punky was going to be like the most ignorant bitch. But it turns out that I am. People are like, dang, wait. Punky's the most ignorant bitch. But it turns out that I am. People are like, dang, wait. Parker's the more reasonable one. That's what Dyson's talking about.

I've been telling you, Dyson. I've been telling you. It's all going to come out. It's all going to come out. I'm the one that makes the most sense. It's all going to come out. It's the one that makes the most sense. It's all going to come out. It's only because you're in a happy relationship right now. That's the only reason why I seem like the one that's not that sensible.

Because if this was a couple of years ago, she would definitely be the ignorant one on this shit. You know what? I'm about to go ruin my relationship so I can be an ignorant bitch. I don't think it's worth it. No, not worth it don't do it don't do it time to be a dog i also heard that you guys married somebody at one of your shows um yeah that was super super fun um we went out to Vegas for Hot Feet Weekend and Dicey just was like, if we go on to Vegas,

why don't we make the podcast Unificient? So why don't you marry somebody? She's like, let's just do it. So we pitched it to the producers and it was like, we love it. We love it. It's freaking Vegas.

Let's go. We'll hook it up. So we found two people to marry. They came out. They were actually two of our great comedic friends um who actually uh coincidentally got engaged like two or three days before the house yeah a couple weeks before a couple weeks before so um and they was like can y'all marry and they came out and we just man it was just so fun it was so fun it was fun i love that so much so the producers are like punky needs to marry a couple once a

month that's a lot of pressure no but we like to do it dicey you need to get certified we need to so we could both do it i do because i think your dumbass could pass the test. I for sure can pass it. Now that... Now Dyson... Dyson, that was very, very mean now. Come on. Queen. Queen.

Don't do that, Queen. Don't start. Do not start. Don't start with that shit I'm gonna text you grand rising tomorrow ruin your whole day when we're nice to each other it ruins our entire day

like if I call her queen she's so mad she's like oh my god grand rising my ass, bitch. Whatever. Well, thank you so much for doing this. No, man. Like, seriously, thank y'all.

You know what I'm saying? Because we, you know, everybody that's, like, opening their podcast, doing stuff, we really appreciate it. You know what I'm saying? Because we just getting started. We're listening to y'all and we're learning from y'all. We appreciate the format. Everybody's just so chill on podcast.

It's been helping me to relax a little bit more and take the attention off your back. You're just really sitting up here. You're just being yourself. People that love you are going to love you. Just let it flow. I've been fans of both of y'all for a long time. You just being yourself and people that love you, don't love you. You know what I'm saying? So just let it flow. Yeah. I've been fans of both of y'all for a long time.

I appreciate y'all having us on here. And I just love, you know, I love to see us doing our own things and I can't wait to see what both of y'all have, you know, in the future. I love both of y'all so much.

Been following y'all for years though. Oh, thank you. that's very sweet thank you well you two are hilarious yeah you two are so funny together yeah and when you come to la i'm gonna come to one of your shows i this sounds like fun and i want to have dicey run into a tree good thing we caught it on tape. It's on, you filmed her running into a tree? So we actually are starting a documentary.

So the documentary is going to be like, you know how people do their comedy specials and they might have like, specifically more especially like Kevin Hart, he'll do like a 20 minute movie or like a 20 minute documentary meeting his family. Well, we want to do like four to five episodes of leading to the special but it's going to be all raw real material nothing is scripted everything is everything is you get it how it happens there ain't gonna be no setups no nothing so and it's all a bumpy part of the road too it's not gonna

always be the good stuff like they got a they got a part on there where we are both just, like, crying. They got parts on there where we bombing. They got parts on there where we dealing with hecklers. We want to put all the filthy, dirty, raw stuff on there just as much as the good. Just so people can truly see it all. One of my friends, Audrey, who's now, like, one of our best friends, she's, like, in our friend group now. friends audrey who's now like one of our best friends she's like in our friend group now um she's an amazing tv producer and she's been following us around for uh almost two years now at all of our shows and she comes to every city with us she she starts taping us from when we wake

up in the morning until we go to bed at night like she has literally three iphones and two cameras and she's like taping us the entire time, everywhere we go. So yeah, just to make sure. Yeah. So for the past, so for the past almost two years,

everything we do is, is documented. So, you know, of course we don't have to go through that. Cause I know they got some shit on. Yeah. Yeah. I'm naked all the time i mean yeah don't compromise yourself

but i'm not worried about that i get naked in front of people for a living and you know that already but it's just i don't get naked in front of people we're not we're not anymore you know what i'm saying hey quick changes oh Oh, I see. I see. But she's like, you don't know my life. I was like, I don't do that. I don't get naked.

I don't tell people that. Come on, you're not swinging your titties for a living? People are my only fans now. I was like, I don't have that. Oh, you know what? Well, this has been

very, very fun. Everybody listen to Love Fang with Punky and Dicey and their tour, Childish and Petty. Go see them. Thank you so much for doing this. This was a blast.

Thank you guys so much, and we appreciate y'all. And just thank you. It was a pleasure. Sorry about it. We did not answer questions today. But if you want questions answered at a later date, you can email Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com or call,

text, send a voice note, whatever you want, a voicemail 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash bestfriends. If you're into literature, we have transcripts for our new episodes.

Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. Well, bye-bye. Bye-bye.