Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Is Back From Hawaii

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

F- R- I- E- N- D- S! Best Friends! Nicole decides to start off the show spelling Sasheer’s name. Sasheer joins in. Nicole shares the highlights of her recent trip to Hawaii which includes almost seeing an octopus. Sasheer tries to figure out how to get Nicole out of long random conversations with strangers. Nicole thinks she has a round welcoming face. Sasheer exits conversations physically and/or emotionally. Nicole thinks it's wild the airlines serve people who sit in the emergency exit seat alcohol. Sasheer thinks they should definitely agree to be sober. Nicole wants to take a scuba diving course and meet a manatee. Plus, they answer questions about good party hosting ideas and weigh in on an Am I The Asshole (AITA) question from a listener that gets weirdly sexual. This was recorded on Jan. 25th, 2024  No BuzzFeed quiz this week.   Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

s-a-h no s-a-s-h-e-e-r wait how did i spell it before i I said S, what did I say? You said S-A-H. Is that here? That's not your name. N-I-H-O-L-E. That's not it. But it could be.

I think some Nichols do spell it with an H, which I think is like, what? Yeah, like C-H, right? N-I-C-H-o-l-e and to me no offense if that's how you spell it why it's sick i've seen people misspell your name that way but i've never met anyone who actually has that name me either and it feels like maybe it's not a thing. Maybe people think that that's a spelling, but it actually isn't. Yeah. If you spell your name with an H, drop us a line.

Tell us why. And expose yourself. How's your life been? Are you okay? How's it feel to be an H Nicole? A C H Nicole. H Nicole is very funny. how's it feel to be a h nicole a ch nicole h nicole is your life different i wonder is there like a study that's like the the better lives of nicole's oh my goodness judith found different

variations of nicole which are n-o-c-o-l-l-e n-i-c-o-l-n-i-c-h-o-l-n-i-c-h-o-l-e n-i-c-h-o-C-O-L. N-I-C-H-O-L. N-I-C-H-O-L-E. N-I-C-H-O-L-L-E. My God. Okay, yeah. And it just goes on and on. N-I-K. N-I-K-O-L.

I don't like it. N-I-K-O-L-E. N-I-K-H-O-L. Nick Hole. Nicole. Nicole. That's a lot. Nicole out here. That's a lot. Who's so Nicole out here?

That's a lot. Too many. I just like a simple N-I-C-O-L-E. I actually really don't like my name. I think it's pretty fucking boring. Really? Yeah, it's a boring name, Nicole. Ugh.

Hmm. Nicole. But I do think people who have the name nicole are pretty fun i don't think i know another nicole that's why in africa when we arrived at the hotel in kenya and the lady checking us in his name was nicole i almost cried i was like my name's nicole too because once at that point you were also tired at the end of the trip. I'm Nicole, too. She was like, okay. But yeah, I don't meet too many other Nicoles. Have you ever met another Sashir?

No. You can't be the only person in this universe named Sashir. No, you're right. There are other Sashirs. When I first joined Facebook in 1902, I was the only S sashir for a while because that was when it was only college students who were allowed to sign up for facebook and then they opened it up to anyone and then it was me and a bunch of indian men with the name

oh interesting and i think usually it's spelled S A S H I R. And then, then there's also the variation of S A S H E E R. But yeah, that's, I remember I also never met anyone in person with the name. We got to get you to a Sashir convention. We got to gather all the Sashirs.

I remember when Facebook was only open to college students, and I was like, oh, my God, this is so rude. How come I can't be on the Facebook? Your school wasn't a part of it? No. I think it was, like, real accredited institutions, and ours was simply not real or accredited, nor an institution.

And they were like, get out of here. This is fake. We also didn't have like email addresses for, for like for the school. Oh. And I didn't know that. Yeah. So it really wasn't real.

They're like, you're not going to stay here. You're not staying. It's two years. And a lot of people, they're not going to stay there two years. Yeah. How are you? You just got back from Hawaii. I did get back from Hawaii. Which is why it feels like we also just got back from hawaii i did get back which is why it feels like we

also just got back from africa listen i'm like i'm vacation is my job and that is what i do now because we got back from africa and then got covid and then like truly the next week it was like gotta go to Honolulu um it was so fun Mateo and I did a show um also Hawaii is just so fucking pretty I love it and then today I had to do voiceover stuff and then on the way back I was like oh the mainland sucks because there was a bunch of cops doing I think they were chasing somebody and i was like why is my life impacted because you people can't catch this person like what the fuck i was so mad yeah do better be better police officers do better and then i guess they caught the person because then we all got to go it was just so annoying you know yeah no i'm sorry that's annoying it's okay i also almost

saw an octopus when i was snorkeling but i wasn't fast enough to get there um my friend who was there was like there's an octopus and i was like i'm coming and i was like and then i missed it and then also this was humiliating i love fish and I love snorkeling and there was and I I just bought like cheap goggles I need to invest in nice ones but I was trying to wash my goggles out in the in the water and there was this man by me and he was just like laughing to himself and I was like oh my god what is this freak laughing at and then he goes hey you see any you see anything fun and I was like yeah he's like you having a nice time out there and I was like, oh my God, what is this freak laughing at? And then he goes, hey, you see anything fun? And I was like, yeah. He's like, you having a nice time out there?

And I was like, yes. And he goes, oh, okay, cool. Because I could hear you while you were snorkeling. I just heard you go, oh my God. Oh. No way. So he was laughing at me. Oh, why was he making this so mean?

You have fun out there? Really sounding like... Why is a stranger roasting you? I don't know. But I also didn't know you could hear. But I guess it makes sense because you're breathing through the little tube. But I had no idea you could hear noises. So the tube's just propelling your sound

out amplifying you to the other patrons yeah and i was like oh my god i was saying embarrassing things like i would be like my friends to the fish yes because i like them and i'd be like i won't touch you i'm just looking i oh and i thought only the fish could hear me but it turns out everyone up there could hear is i was deeply embarrassed i'm so sorry it's okay i also scraped my my um my knee on a rock i was having a tough time dang did you see any turtles I didn't see any turtles. I just saw a lot of fish. And I didn't see any coral.

So then I Googled coral on my flight back. And I was like, hmm, coral is pretty. That's about the same. Seeing it on your phone. Right? Seeing it on your phone, just being like, ooh, that's nice. And then there was a lady on my flight who she was like she put her stuff in the overhead bin and then someone else had put their stuff

directly over her and she was like whose bag is this whose bag is this i need to move this because my purse needs to go up there and he was like oh uh sorry that's my bag the guy across from her and then she was like just put it over your head. Put your stuff over your head. And he's like, oh, it was closed, so I think it's full. Then she opened it. She's like, it's not full. Put your stuff over here.

And he's like, I'll just put it here. And then he put it in another overhead bin. And then she went up to the front to ask the flight attendant if she could have her purse next to her. And then they were like, sure. So then she moved it, so then she didn't need anything in the overhead bin. And I was laughing because I was like, wow,

this lady is very particular, a weirdo, or something's going on. And then I was like, oh, I should give her a little grace. Maybe something's, I don't know. And then I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have laughed. Oh, oh, well. And then the man next to me was like, we got a Karen over here.

And I was like, or maybe she's on the spectrum and she needs her things in a way that's particular to her and he goes nah she's a karen and also he had a balding mullet and i was like oh okay and then he started talking to me and i was like oh no i don't want to bond with you over this lady and then he just it was one of those conversations where he didn't need me there he was gonna just talk and like at one point he was like i spent i spent the whole day in my hotel room and i was like why didn't you go to the beach and he was like i don't go to the beach it was 1992 i was with my friends in north carolina and i went into the water. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. It was New Year's Day and I was recovering

because I almost died. And I was like, oh yeah, I guess I wouldn't go to the beach either. That's really funny. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. And then he was like, I told him how many miles. I was like, I almost have 2 million miles. And he's like, that's a lot how many miles i was like i almost have two million miles

and he's like that's a lot i got two million miles probably on my truck if you put three over two and divide it by eight and i was like wait what now i have to do a math problem i don't know i think he was trying to say like years but he drove it and then truly i talked to this man for too long and then uh he was like i I said, oh, I drive a Jeep. And he's like, is LA home? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, Newsome wants you to drive an electric car. But if you drive an electric car, there's rolling blackouts in Los Angeles.

And you can only charge your car at certain times. And I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, no, i have friends with electric cars and i had a friend who charged his car at my house and we never had to charge it at a certain time and he's like really and i was like yeah i don't i'm not sure where you're getting your information from and then he was like huh okay and i was like yeah and then he stopped talking to me because i guess he was like she likes gavin newsom and i'm like i don't know stopped talking to me because i guess he was like she likes gavin newsom and i'm like i don't know i don't think he's great i don't what

what's happening he was a very strange man with a balding mullet which is a sight to behold he also told me that he was going to snore for most of the flight and as soon as we took off that man made good on his promise he was laying on his back with his mouth wide open snoring for everybody oh well at least you weren't allowed to snore yes that made me very very happy we were dueling snores just sitting next to each other being like we gotta figure out how we gotta give you some tactics on how to exit conversations because you will get caught in these conversations where i'm like but how why is it still going how did it keep going there's more like when you talked about we had to go to passport health to get our

vaccinations for our south africa trip and you were, it took me a whole hour and I got 16 shots. This lady kept talking to me and upselling me. And then I went and it was truly 10 minutes. They only gave me one vaccine. She gave me so many vaccines. It made me sick.

I was like loopy and I couldn't speak anymore and I had to go to sleep. It was terrible. And then I forgot my speak anymore and I had to go to sleep. It was terrible. And then I forgot my malaria medicine at home. That was really funny. Which is like really the only thing we needed. But she also gave me a malaria drink.

Yeah, which I still don't understand. I was not offered a drink. I was never offered a malaria drink. She made this potion, this cocktail. And she was like, don't watch me make it. And I was like, okay. But like, I did watch her. This lady put a spell on you.

She probably did. She talked so much and she was so inappropriate. And she said a bunch of stuff to me that I was like, I don't think you should be saying this to me. It was pretty wild. Yeah, I don't know. I just get caught in conversations and i think what happens is i have a round friendly face and people are like oh she wants to listen to me

i feel safe with her yeah or maybe it's because like i'm a black lady i don't know because everybody forrest gump talks to on that bench is like a a round faced person who's open to conversation and then that black lady who's like my feet hurt yeah maybe hmm that that doesn't happen to me because i shut it down or my face is like i'm done you don't have a round face also you'll fall asleep on people so it's hard to talk to someone if they're sleeping this is true i know or you walk away from people yeah i'll exit in some way physically mentally yeah on a plane if they're next to me they don't have a chance to talk to me because I'm already asleep. I sat down and I immediately fell asleep. Well, I just, I don't know.

I guess I look happy. On the way to Dublin, that man talked to me forever, too. Well, first he was like, can you switch seats with my wife? And I was like, oh, no, I really like the window. And then he was like, I'll make you suffer. And then he just kept talking. I'll make you regret that choice. Yeah, and I did instantly regret it.

But I was like, I don't like being on the aisle because they hit you. They hit you. The flight attendants punch you. They hit you. Are you sure? You've never sat in the aisle

and been hit by them? I guess I'm mostly in the window. I didn't realize all that activity was happening in the aisle. Yeah, they hit you. Well, when they used to roll the carts. Yeah, the carts would hit you sometimes. And then sometimes when people get on the plane, their bags will swing in your face.

And then you're like, excuse you. And they're like, get over it, bitch. And you're like, what? And then they hit you. They say all that? Oh my, that's a lot a lot see i miss all of this because i go to sleep immediately i guess i should just start going to sleep immediately yeah it's better that way i guess then you surprise me land surprise surprise

there was once i fell asleep immediately getting on the plane. And then when I woke up, I was like, oh, my God, we landed. And then the man next to me went, no, we haven't taken off yet. And I was like, that's depressing. It was terrible. I was asleep for like a full hour. And we hadn't taken off. We were just sitting on the jetway. Wait, but did they say why?

You know I was sleeping. This is true. They probably did say say why you know i was sleeping this is true they probably did say why and you missed it i i was like well i guess i'll go back to sleep and then there was one time where i was flying to austin and we had an emergency land in i think dallas and i woke up and they're like we're landing in dallas and i was like wait what and i was like no one else is freaking out did i just get on the wrong flight? And I was like, oh, okay. And I was like, I guess I shouldn't ask a single question. And then I guess I shouldn't make sure I'm in the right place. I'll just go with the flow. But then when we landed, the pilot was like, this flight will go austin as soon as we're cleared and i was like ah okay

you wait for information and you get it um and i can't remember how i actually made it to austin i know i didn't rent a car i think i just waited and then got on the flight on that same plane no i think we had to get on a different plane i don't know what was wrong with that plane i wasn't awake for that yeah yeah was it you who was telling me that airlines are hiring less qualified people to like manage planes or something like that or like the higher up level yeah that's what i read that like higher level people are not like airplane people that they're just like college graduates who fit like the criteria and they don't have very much uh experience with planes i could be lying i skimmed

the article sure i'm gonna believe it i'm not gonna fact check it at all yeah don't fact check it well that's because that fucking door blew off the airplane and then took a kid's shirt. Wait, did everyone take a kid's shirt? Yeah, a kid's shirt blew right off him. Yes. Yes. And the people who are supposed to be sitting there, I think, missed the flight.

Wow, thank God. Yeah. My God. I, you know, I don't think I ever want to sit near an emergency exit. Whenever I sit in an emergency exit row, I haven't in years,

but whenever I did, they were like, are you willing and able? And I was like, hmm. I could barely pack this morning and I'm drunk. So, like, if that's what you want to give me, I'll be enthusiastic. I don't know how helpful I'll be. Yeah, I'll get out of the way.

Right? I'll be like, this is the door. Someone help. Someone. But isn't it wild that they serve people alcohol in the emergency exit row wow i've never thought about that that's a really good point i have been hammered in the emergency exit row and i'm like if we're in trouble like i'm not helping i mean honestly yeah they should take that job like seriously don you had to check a little box when you check in of like,

I'm willing to save the plane if I'm in an emergency row, you should also be like, I'm also willing to be sober. I'm not going to drink on this flight. I'm going to take one for the team. I'm going to be the designated door opener and make sure we're safe if we need that. Also, they don't go over how you open the door. The only thing they do is, are you willing and able to help in an emergency? And you go, uh-huh.

And you can't just say, uh-huh. You have to look at them and go, uh-huh. Which I was like, just because you asked me to look at you doesn't mean I'm coherent. It's just one demand. And I can do that for you and then go right back to being shit faced they should do pinky promises do you pinky promise that you will be responsible enough to open the store i mean honestly i take pinky promises pretty seriously so i think they should get into that I think there is a instruction manual in the pocket in front of the seat.

But then I don't think they even tell you you should read that. No, I think they're like, it's a light suggestion. But also, I'm not reading it. It's dirty. I don't know how many people's hands have been on it. I don't know if someone puked in a puke bag and then put it in the seat back pocket right up next to that thing. Planes are sick. They're dirty. They're nasty. They're nasty. They're so gross. You know, I I clean most of the planes I get on and then I look at the little rag and I'm like,

this rag is dirty. You said this flight was delayed because y'all were cleaning it. How? How? How were you cleaning? I guess they do something, but they need more time to clean a plane in between deplaning a whole plane and boarding it. Like, you going in there for 10 minutes is not going to clean the whole plane. I'm sure they vacuumed something or maybe picked up trash,

but, like, you can't disinfect everything. No, but I guess it's like a bus when do buses get disinfected at night when they go to sleep i think when they go to sleep yeah you can't do it in between shifts they're working all day i think planes are the same thing yeah that's true which is crazy because you're sitting there for like five fucking hours. Here's the craziest thing about Hawaii. It took six hours to get there. Truly the worst turbulence I've ever felt. But also it rocked me to sleep.

So I kind of liked it. I like turbulence because it does put me to sleep. Everyone's like, oh, and I'm like. But then the flight back was a red eye and it was four and a half hours. And I was like, you can't. No. The red eye and it was four and a half hours and i was like you can't you this no the red eye should be six hours and the flight during the day should be four and a half hours because it fucked me up like is it like the wind or something yes because when you fly east the

wind i think is going with you because whenever i fly to new york it's shorter than when you fly back to la and i think it's i was flying you fly back to LA. And I think it's, I was flying West, West, West to Hawaii and then flying East back, but I couldn't believe it. I was like, I barely had time to sleep. Make this, do another lap. Yeah, for me. Make it longer. Just around the block so I can fall asleep. The rotation of the earth helps too.

What? Oh yeah, the earth does spin that's crazy like we're like propelling off the inertia of the earth no the earth is spinning so like that slow spin helps the plane move a little faster because it's spinning with it. So, okay, if a plane is like hovering in the air, maybe a drone. Do planes hover? Can they just stay in one spot? Maybe not.

Okay, a drone. They can stay stationary in one spot. How long do you think it has to stay there before the Earth rotates enough that it's in a different place? Think about the sun. So like as slowly as the sun would move that would move right well i guess the sun's not moving or but yeah as we visibly see it you mean like that because the sun doesn't move

the earth is moving yeah so it would move if it could stay stationary at one spot uh i don't know wait i'm not a fucking scientist oh okay great i am a scientist you're a scientist this is science and we we're very correct we're so correct and we're never gonna look up the real answer yeah dr byer in the house some some person reviewed our podcast and said you don't learn anything from this podcast they're wrong we yeah we are teachers we're instructors we are scientists unfortunately when i had covid i got so bored of just being on my couch i was like i'm gonna read reviews and there was a ton of feel worse there was a ton of lovely wonderful reviews and then one person was like they give borderline bad uh hurtful advice or harmful advice and it really just it's not educational and it really

just shows off how uneducated they are mostly nicole and i was like and i was like okay but i am like smart but like i guess i just don't the way i'm explaining this i sound like an idiot um i think i just don't think my brain moves at a different speed than my mouth and it's hard yeah i would like to say neither of you are dumb or idiotic and you guys ask questions that i know a lot of people ask and yeah it might come out weird but we do research it and we figure it out yeah this is this is called best friends this isn't best friends who teach you how the universe works we've never been we've never lied about that. We've never, no, never ever tried to advertise this as a educational podcast. No, I'm never trying to educate anybody.

I just want to make people tee hee hee and giggle. And that person, I don't think came here wanting to giggle. Yeah. And I hope they find the show that that's, that's for them. I hope they learn somewhere, somewhere else.

Me too. Yeah. Go fucking find Bill Nye. He's the science guy. He's the science guy. I hope they learn somewhere. Somewhere else. Me too. Yeah. Go fucking find Bill Nye. He's the science guy. He's the science guy. It's in his name. You will definitely learn something on his podcast. You'll learn something from him.

I think I want to learn how to dive. Dive? Into the water? Yeah, I think I want to find more ocean stuff. And that didn't come out very smart. But I want to see more of the ocean. Oh, scuba dive. Yes. What kind of diving did you think? Like mining off a diving board like olympic diving like like for sport i guess competitive no olympic diving worries

me because you're not as buoyant in a pool as you are in the ocean so like you can jump off a boat and you'll come right back up but if you go into a pool you can hit the bottom and then look up and go i have so much to go i have i have i don't know if i have the lung capacity has it ever happened to you in a pool where you're like oh no deeper than i thought i guess maybe when i was a kid yeah definitely jumping in there and being like well it's gonna take a while yeah yeah it's happened to me too many times that i'm like i don't think i could dive off a dive like a diving board into a very deep pool um but yeah i think i want to like scuba dive but here's the thing do they make

wetsuits in plus size because i tried finding a ski suit in plus size and i couldn't really find one but also i was looking for a vintage one one well that's very specific it was a very specific find purple one and I couldn't find one but I think I want to like wait are you going to ski no just in case just in case someone invites me skiing I'll have a ski yeah you gotta dress for the for the activities you want yes and hopefully i'll i'll like oh okay they do make wet wet suits judith found some some wet suits okay timu has one for 14 i will probably get so cold and it won't do anything for me oh scuba.com that sounds

official it does sound official I think this summer I'm gonna try to figure out how to take like some sort of diving course nice I think it would be really cool cause like I wanna befriend some ocean animals

and then no one can hear you talking to them no there's always so much conversation between you and the fish yes i want to meet a manatee apparently um i think it's manatees um you are not supposed to touch them but they can touch you um and they can give you hugs and stuff but but you just can't, like, reciprocate the hug. And I was like, oh, my God, to be hugged by a manatee? Wow. Wow. I would never, you know, be sad about being single again.

I'd be like, I was hugged by a manatee, so. Yeah. A real manatee. A real manatee. More than a man. A manatee. A manatee so yeah a real manatee a real manatee more than a man a manatee i think i would also feel like the queen of the ocean like i've been chosen right yeah oh do you remember when we were in hawaii uh and the guy on the boat was like oh if you make noises the dolphins will come and then yeah the boat was like, oh, if you make noises, the dolphins will come. And then I immediately was like, and then I think everyone else was just clapping.

They were just like, well, they didn't start clapping until the dolphins came. And then I was like, these are my dolphins. I brought them here. You felt stupid about doing it. I immediately was like, and they're like, oh, we've been called. The queen of the ocean wants us.

Hark, I hear her calling. Yeah, I keep being like, okay, do I move to Zimbabwe? Should I take a diving class? I just want to be in the ocean. I mean, we got to get you closer to the water. I just love it so in the ocean. I mean, we got to get you closer to the water. Oh, I just love it so much. Yeah. Yeah.

That sounds very cool. I'm sure there's a course that you can take or something nearby. I wonder how cold the water. I guess. Yeah. That's why I'm going to wait till summer because the water is so cold over here. Yeah. But yeah.

Imagine meeting a seal. R, R, R. yeah um but yeah imagine meeting a seal yeah i think it'd be like that i just want to meet animals i the older i i don't think so when i was little i was super into animals and i drew a lot and i had these like aquatic animal books that i would like draw things from. And I love drawing seahorses. And then I got older and I was like, I don't care. Whatever.

It wasn't like an active thing where I was like, I don't care about the ocean or animals anymore. But the older I get, the more I'm like, I love animals. Yeah. Maybe it's like some like inner child stuff happening or like some healing stuff. You're like, I think that does happen to adults. After a while, you're like, oh, I should just revisit the thing that made me really happy when I was younger

as opposed to all this other stuff that bogged me down as an adult or like got in the way. I could just actually enjoy the things that make me feel good. Yeah. I guess it's the same with decorating. It wasn't like my creativity was stifled with decorating because I was like, mommy, I like purple. So I had everything in my

house, like everything in my room was purple because I loved it so much. So I felt very creatively like seen. And then I think when I got older, I was like, oh, it doesn't matter if your space is like reflective of what you like and who you are. It was like the rent is cheap and we're not spending any more money on decorating because we got to get drunk. And I think now the older I get, the more I'm like, no, no, we can get drunk any old time. But I will hang this wallpaper. I will buy another weird painting. I bought a weird painting of a weird dog and I'm so excited for it to come.

It was, I think, $8. I found it on Cherish. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm excited to see it. A weird painting of a weird dog. Uh-huh. And I found animal bookends. found a uh toucan bookend

a horse bookend and pig bookends and flamingo ones oh i was like am i a bookend lady now and i was like yes i am she's a bookend lady i like like that. I love it. Yeah. You hung curtains recently. I did. Yes. I've been doing a lot of tedious housework, like stuff that I've been putting off for so long. And I had this curtain. I had actually, I must say all the curtain rods in my home were left over from the previous owner which I can't tell if she was like I don't feel like removing the curtain rods or if she was like I'm going to

be generous because these are curtain rods that fit the size of this window and that'll be easier to leave up for her than to like have her find new curtain rods I don't know what the thought process was but I was grateful because I was like thank thank God, one less thing I have to do. I'll just put my curtains on those curtain rods. But there was one that was like just thicker than the normal curtain rod. And the curtains I had didn't glide the way that I wanted them to. They just kind of like, they were like a little sticky. And then I had these gold velvet curtains that are great on their own, but I just needed like a little bit more.

So I put some blue velvet curtains in between the two gold panels and it looks so pretty and I'm so happy. And I changed that whole curtain rod to a thinner curtain rod so now it glides with so much ease. Oh, that's stunning beautiful i love it the next thing i have to do is i bought a bunch of speakers and i put them in

different rooms so i could have ambiance and music in all of the rooms that you go into you're like oh the music's following me but i don't know how to fucking do it and Sonos made it really really hard and I can't figure it out I want to do the exact same thing well I think what I need to do is not plug them all in at once and do it one at a time ooh yes probably yeah

probably have to program them individually or something yes and I don't want to I wanted to plug them all in and be like alright work and that's not it all of you connect to my phone oh maybe i'll do that tomorrow yeah i don't want to yeah i know i think i have things to do tomorrow and i don't want to i just want to sit which is funny because I sat with COVID and I was like I just want to do things but that's a different kind of sick because it's not at least I wasn't productive at all

I think we talked about this we would do one thing and be like gotta lay down that was a hard day we wiped out wiped out i put dishes in the dishwasher didn't didn't wash them but i put some in and now i'm exhausted oh boy oh that's something i need to do i need to put my dishes in the dishwasher yeah there we go because i got pancakes yesterday um from a restaurant i will not name because I used to really like them. They've gone a little downhill, but I don't want to affect their business. And I ordered pancakes. I know. Risky to order pancakes to leave a restaurant to come to your home.

They don't travel well. No. But they looked like they traveled well. The taste was just off. They were like slightly funky. And then they didn't give me enough syrup. And I was just really upset and Clyde was staring at me

and I was like, I know, usually I get food and I eat it, but like, I don't want this. And he was like, well, can I have it? And I was like, no, I don't think you can eat pancakes. So then no one ate the pancakes. Dang, what a waste.

Yeah, it was a real waste and I felt just like a nasty little wasteful bitch. Do you ever make pancakes at home? You better believe I bought pancake mix and syrup because I said, why don't you just make them at home? And then I was like, can't do that.

I better order them. But I have the ingredients to make them in my, in-house. You can make in-house pancakes? Yeah, I can make them in-house. You can make in-house pancakes? Yeah, I can make them in-house. Yeah. Can I tell you what, next to pancakes, what my new favorite meal is? Okay.

It's a bagel with cream cheese, scrampy eggs, and bacon. Oh. Wow. I've never put them all together before. It's really good. That sounds very good. I've had bacon and egg on a bagel, but not the cream cheese part. Not with cream cheese.

No. No, but I don't want it like closed as a sandwich. I like it open faced because otherwise the cream cheese gets a little too runny. And then like, oh, no. But you have to like make it as you go. And it's, oh, I had a nice time. Wow. Okay.

What a combo. I'm into it. My favorite combo for bagels is cinnamon raisin bagels with bacon, egg,

and cheddar. Oh. It's like breakfast in a bite. It's so good. Sweet, savory, and cheddar. Oh. It's like breakfast in a bite. It's so good. Sweet, savory, cheesy. That sounds delicious. I used to only eat cinnamon raisin bagels

because that's the only bagel my dad liked. And I guess my mother was like, well, I simply won't get a different kind. It wasn't until I moved out that I was like, plain bagels exist? That's really funny. You never experienced a plain bagel. You immediately went to the

cinnamon raisin, which I feel like is a rare thing that even people like. I don't even know of many people who like cinnamon raisin. Grew up on cinnamon raisin bagels. Isn't that wild? I love them. They're so good. Although whenever I have them it just reminds me of my dead papa.

That can be nice sometimes. Sometimes it is. And other times I go, I just want to be normal and have living parents. I just want to have a breakfast thing and not be reminded that I'm different. I just want to be normal. I just want to be a normal girl with two healthy parents.

Maybe there's a divorce. I just want to be a boring bagel. But now I have to think about my dad. Now I have to think about my daddy and what he's taught me. Yeah, every bagel is a lesson. Oh, boy. Should we answer my uncle's yeah let's answer questions oh but i would love to hear about your uncle yeah my uncle has a snowblower and it was snowing in chicago the other week and instead of going out to help my grandpa he just took a picture of him and said shoveling snow and i was like what

look at him go why believe this old man's doing this all by himself why are we doing this oh boy i just wanted to tell you that it really made me laugh do you think maybe he thought he was showing the family like he's still got it or like he's doing he's doing so well look at him i'm a hundred percent that's what he thought he was doing but i very much was like uh can you go outside and help him can you help him please yeah that is very funny oh okay now we can help people. Yes. Hello there.

I have a question about hosting friends. So I'm 25 and I have finally for the first time enough space and friends to host a dinner party or event of some kind. I don't want it to be like a stand-around drink alcohol and vibe party, you know. I want it to be like a little more structured, a little more fun, a little more mature, grown up. But I don't know how to make that enjoyable for people. I would probably invite like probably six to ten people. None of them really know each other that well. There's like one or two that know each other, but it's not like a group friend group, you know. I'm wondering what kind of parties, dinner parties, weekend hangs, have you guys been to that you really enjoyed and remember?

What makes for a good group hangout session? How do I bridge the gap between new people? Do I need like activities? I would definitely have snacks. I have plenty of chairs. She says, here, don't worry about that. There's plenty to sit. What else do people do?

You know? How do I make sure everyone has, like, a nice time? So, yeah. Posting tips would be lovely. Thank you so very much. I'm so glad she has enough chairs. I was really worried. I was like, six to ten people.

I hope they can all sit somewhere. Thankfully, they can all sit somewhere thankfully they can i actually just one of my friends went to a the host called it questions and dinner party so it was dinner and then i think they had esther perel's question pack i guess she she has a card pack maybe of questions to ask. People, I haven't looked into it, but there's many things like this. And you just kind of use the prompts and like answer questions individually. And I think it was kind of the same thing

where like not everyone was a close friend or maybe some people knew each other, but you get to know each other very quickly. One that I have done is called we're not really strangers where it's like uh questions like uh do you have any goals you haven't reached or any regrets or what's a secret you haven't told anyone or like you know whatever very kind of invasive questions which i guess you could also make a rule most in your life do you like these mashed potatoes what's the sadness you've ever been um do you miss your dad i have bagels yeah i have cinnamon rice and bagels do they remind you of

your father um and maybe you could be like you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't want to but um yeah i think those that's a good like easy icebreaker that's like no one has to think of these questions because they already exist oh and jordan sent one what is this this is the high game or hygiene it's uh scandinavian so it's hoga oh oh we're global or haiku sorry but um similar to what you said this year it's a it's a cozy conversation and pleasant company game where you just pull a card and it just says like describe like one moment in your life that you were like really scared or like you're really happy it's a ton of different cards and it's a conversation game and it's really um i actually did it with

my family and it was actually really enlightening oh that sounds great yeah yeah i like that way i think those are fun nice things i think we get older and we're like we can't play games anymore but like you can also just like have a game like a dinner and a game night where it's like if everyone wants to play monopoly or like whatever games that you have um i do love the conversation thing you can also have like a themed party where it's like problem party. If you have a problem that you want solved, bring your problem and we'll all brainstorm on how to fix it for you. I love that.

I just came up with it. That's really good. I love it. Yeah, because you probably like already exhausted your friends on whatever is plaguing you at the moment so why not get some strangers to put their input on it too and then in the invite you could be like it doesn't have to be like a deep problem it could be like my neighbor's annoying me or i want to start wearing more colorful shoes i'm like i don't know like what brands are there out there for colorful shoes?

Or like, I don't really know how to go to Subway and order a sandwich. Help. I don't know. How do I talk to the fish without people listening to my conversation? I mean, I would really like to know. I really would. Because those were private ooh and ahs to me and the fish and other people were listening. Yeah. Invasive. But yeah, i think that's like a fun one um yeah i think you get really creative also uh so shira and i we do

themed dinners with a couple of girlfriends where last time we did leopard print and we were the bell of the fucking ball at the restaurant people loved it and they were like what are you celebrating we're like friendship but also if you're not loud like that and you don't know if your friends have leopard print also that you're not the first group i've made wear leopard print and it's i i made a bunch of boys wear leopard print and it was very fun for me sorry about it sorry about it excuse me i'm not the first group he's sorry what sorry yeah i made a bunch of boys find uh figure out how to wear leopard print it was like my improv team years ago um oh my god so she's throwing things now i'm really upset my god i didn't know this would rock you so bad

but you could throw like a theme party where everyone has to show up head to toe in a color and be like it. Or it's like, yeah, or like red shirts, green pants. I don't know. Like you can make it silly and fun. Or like they wear their own favorite color and have to explain why it's their favorite. Yes, yeah. Or their favorite animal and have to explain why it's their favorite animal. Yeah.

There's like a bunch of fun. and I think people feel silly doing it, but people love fun. Yeah. People love like a thing to have a reason to have fun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Solved. Solved.

Oh, and get some good butter and baguettes. You got to have a good butter and baguettes you gotta have a good butter and baguettes well i love french butter and if i went to a party where someone broke out some french butter i'd be like this is the party of the year am i the asshole oh do you want to start beautiful friends yeah okay yeah uh hi beautiful friends let me get right into it a few months ago a group of friends and i went out drinking and dancing we were all having a great time and the drinks were flowing after some time our group of six dwindled down to just three of us. Me, a female friend, let's call her Nancy, and a male friend, let's call him Tony. It was planned that I would be crashing at Nancy's place as we had plans the next day as well. Tony ended up paying

for a taxi to get the three of us back to Nancy's place. He lives in the same city, so I thought he would just carry on home because who doesn't love to sleep in their own bed after a long night out? But no, Tony decided he would crash on Nancy's couch. Nancy lives in an apartment with two roommates, so we basically just hang out in her room until we decide it's time to go to bed. Nancy and I share a bed and Tony's on the couch. The couch is in Nancy's room too. The couch is in Nancy's room, too. I fell asleep immediately and was enjoying a much-needed sleep when I was woken up by Nancy being fingered by Tony right next to me in bed.

All right, now you can read. I had no idea what to do and ended up pretending to be asleep they ended up fucking right next to me in bed and didn't say a word about it the next day even though i know that they knew i was awake because who can stay asleep with the bed shaking moaning and wet noises happening right next to them needless to say the morning after no one mentioned it and i personally felt very violated i ended up talking to them about it and asking them both for a little bit of space once i felt like enough time had passed i messaged them that i would like to restart the friendship but we needed to take it slow since then it has been radio silence from their side no effort at all to try to rekindle the

friendship am i the asshole for reacting the way that I did and not wanting to run after them to be their friends, even though they were the ones who did something wrong? I get it. People be horny. But do you have to have sex next to someone who is just trying to sleep? Sorry for the long email.

I love you both and honestly cry with laughter while listening to the podcast. Damn. Yeah. Wow. Wow. laughter while listening to the podcast damn yeah wow um i do not think you are the asshole um um has that ever happened to you this year oh okay someone has definitely fucked in the next room like i've had like thin walls in my college

apartments where i just heard fucking so loud and then i guess there was you know what i did have a roommate who said told me years later she was like oh i fucked in our room while you were sleeping like in a different bed and i was like what like there i knew there was one time where a guy was like making out with her and i was like could you not i have i have sleep i need i need sleep i'm studying and i need to like i have finals in the morning um and then i guess they would just wait for me to go to sleep and probably fuck um but in the same bed no one's ever been directly next to me and had sex no yeah I've never had anyone have sex in the same bed as me but once in college if you want to call it college our beds were very close to one another and i was sleeping and i woke up and the window

was steamy and the room smelled like a locker room and i was like what and i look over and my roommate's little toes were curled up in the air and i was like you have got to be fucking kidding me and then i woke up and i was like i'll just be sitting in the hallway let me know when you're fucking done because i was like i can't sleep it's moist in here it's nasty she's like her little toes were shaking in the air it was nasty i was so mad and so they just finished while you're in the hallway yes and she's so rude yes and she's like i'm really sorry and i was like you're not and it's fine yeah you're not because you would have just stopped yeah she was like rude yes and she's like i'm really sorry and i was like you're not and it's fine um yeah you're not because you would have just stopped yeah she's like okay um i'll let you know when i'm finished what and it was only like a good like five or six minutes i think she

was like you have to finish she's mad um and then the next day i was like guys like just i don't want to be home for this like please like any other heads up yeah let me know i won't come home i'll go find something to do yeah or i'll go sleep at somebody else's place yeah and then i think they got a hotel for the rest of the weekend but i was like jesus fucking christ that's annoying i cannot imagine fingering someone looking deep into their eyes and looking at someone who's sleeping next to them yeah that's so rude it's insane i mean maybe there's like some sort of turn on i mean i know there's a turn on of people like could we get caught like what if it's like you will she's next to you she'll feel the vibrations everything you're doing or yeah so rude um

yeah i mean yeah i'm taking i i will say you like our listener took space and then was like i would like to rekindle the friendship but also it is within their rights to go this person overreacted we don't like it we don't want to talk to you i don't think that makes you an asshole i think it's like they made a choice with an insane choice but also maybe they're like ashamed or i was about to say i don't think the reason they're not responding is because they think she's the asshole i think they're not responding because they are embarrassed or or just like or ashamed yeah i think they're ashamed they're like this is awkward we got called out because we did do a bad thing and i don't want to be reminded of that so i would just rather not talk which is a shitty way

to deal with that but also these people don't sound like good people so like i'm not terribly surprised no i it is also i will say to our our listener there was hints along the way that this might have happened i just you know i'm i'm i don't i'm not blaming you but the fact that this might have happened. I just, you know, I'm not blaming you, but the fact that he didn't go home and you all were like tee-hee-heeing in her room and staying awake, I personally would have been like,

oh, Tony's sleeping in the room with us? I might want to sleep on the couch. Tony's not going to his home, which is close. I think I'll sleep on the couch if y'all want to be in the room together or it would have been like tony sleeps on the couch in the living room if i wasn't going to be fucking tony but i think tony and nancy was going to fuck regardless of where you were yeah but the issue was that the couch was just in her room unfortunately but there was no living room i don't think the living room was

an option i think because i think she said something like the room the apartment was oh they had roommates that's what it was and so the couch was in her room so so she or you were right yep oh i see i see so they were already just in the same room they there was never a separation which yeah i think at some point I would have also been like, it seems like I'm the third wheel. Seems like something is going on here. Yeah, should I step out for a little bit? I could sit in the hallway while y'all fuck. Yeah, which sucks because she,

or she doesn't have to stay at Nancy's, but she was, that was the agreement, that she would stay over. But now there's a dick here. So things have changed. but also if i'm nancy and i know nancy might have had nancy's own reasonings but if i'm trying to get fucked i would have told my friend i would have been like i'm really sorry i need to get it in this seems like a sure thing um do you mind hanging out somewhere else for a little bit or something? Trying to work it out.

Tell your roommates my friend is coming. Can you just like talk to her for a little bit? Because I have to have sex. I have to do this. Which also, this guy has a place that he lives. So Nancy could have went to his place and then homegirl could have just went to sleep yeah just went just went to nancy's by herself and been like i'll see you when you come home as opposed to let's all go to nancy's maybe they were hoping she would wake up and be like

ooh la la finger me too oh maybe i mean yes it could maybe but that's also shitty like it's really just shitty it's a shitty position to put her to put anyone in period because like either you have to say i don't like this please stop doing this right next to me or or i guess like i'll i have no choice to join but then like hope hopefully you want to do that and don't feel pressured to do that. Or you just pretend you're asleep, and that sucks. Yeah, that sucks. Because now you just, like, have this. This person's right.

They were violated. Like, you didn't ask for sex to happen around you. Yeah. Like, that's shitty. And then, honestly, maybe you're dodging a bullet with these people not wanting to rekindle the friendship because they're gross. Like, that's so gross. Also, I wonder how old you guys are. I hope this is, like, early 20s, but still.

Yeah. Jordan, maybe you were a kink to do it next to somebody. Yeah. I mean, probably. Yeah. I think it's really, like, big of you to even reach out and be like i'm down to rekindle the friendship but i don't think you should no i don't think you need to find better friends yeah yeah i'll never forget my roommate's toes just curled up in the air it was was so gross i was so upset well if you have any questions or queries or complaints about people

having sex right next to you or anywhere else that you don't want, you can email Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com or call or text or leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003. And if there's people naked having sex near you, we have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. You can put a shirt on them. Put a shirt right on those idiots. And if you want to deter them from still still having sex you can read them our transcripts we have transcripts for our new episodes you can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com and if you want someone to lose their erection or dry them right up tell them to rate review

and subscribe it's the easiest way to support this show imagine she woke up and was like hey um can you stop right now and rate and review and subscribe to best friends i think he'd be like oh i don't know what you're talking about i would get so wet if someone told me to rate review and subscribe best friends heard it here first so she was kink is asking for herself to be rated, reviewed, and subscribed to. Oh my god you want to rate my podcast? There is someone out there

with that kink going oh my god you subscribed to me? Bye! Bye! me bye bye