Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Is Into Skydiving

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

Hey Friends! This week, Sasheer is sore from indoor skydiving. Nicole wants to go skydiving, for real. Sasheer does not. Nicole had sushi the other day. Sasheer is proud of Nicole because she doesn’t like to try new things.  Nicole believes it's her year to try new things. Sasheer is taking drum lessons. Nicole thinks Sasheer should get a full drum kit. Sasheer thinks it will take up too much space. Jordan is taking drum lessons too! Nicole learns about traveling with instruments, specifically drums. Sasheer and Jordan didn’t know that there are traveling strippers. Nicole shares that dancers have to break down the pole and the stage. Sasheer and Nicole prefer stationary poles when they take pole classes. They take a BuzzFeed quiz and answer your questions about how to get over being cheated on and what to do with an overcommunicative friend.  This was recorded February 28th, 2024.  Sources: Delicious Orchards https://www.deliciousorchardsnj.com/ How Long Can You Freeze Mac &  Cheese?https://www.southernliving.com/can-you-freeze-mac-and-cheese-8406429#:~:text=How%20Long%20Is%20Frozen%20Mac,may%20no%20longer%20be%20good. Hot Cross Bun Lyrics https://wordsforlife.org.uk/activities/hot-cross-buns/ Three Blind Mice Lyrics https://allnurseryrhymes.com/three-blind-mice/ Here is the quiz we took:https://www.buzzfeed.com/flowersandsunshine/dessert-choices-celebrity-bff-quiz Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, Sashir. Hi, Nicole. How are you? I'm all right. How are you? Listen, I'm thriving. Life is good. Oh, that's good to hear.

I'm trying to put my phone on do not disturb and it's not working out oh there it goes okay sometimes it's hard sometimes it's hard yeah what's new what are you doing um yesterday i went indoor skydiving oh how was that it was very fun um my arms really hurt right today like because you're just like laying flat and then the air is blowing underneath you and they keep saying like move your hands forward and in a certain position and so i guess my hands were just like pushing against the air the whole time and now i'm sore i'm sorry that you're sore that's crazy how does it work um i think it's i don't know how they generate the air but a bunch of air from the floor just like blows up and pushes up and then you lie on top of the air.

And there's a person who's like making sure you're safe and like balanced. And then you just like lie flat and then like spin around and all that stuff. And then there's an option where the person who knows what they're doing can grab you. And you guys fly up high in the air and then come back down. Did you do that? I did do that do you want to go real skydiving now uh-uh are you sure you did like the test version yeah the guy was like that's basically what skydiving's like and i was like cool i don't want to do that for longer

i did it it was like a minute each time like a minute 20 seconds each time and i was like cool i don't want to do that for longer i did it it was like a minute each time like a minute 20 seconds each time and i was like i don't want to do this for like i don't know 15 minutes i have no idea how long it takes to get from the plane to the ground but whatever it is i don't want to do it five minutes but then you're outside yeah sure i guess but it doesn't make me feel better i like being inside the world i can see the world and clouds and birds imagine waving at a bird and then and then what and then you like leave the bird and then that bird goes home and goes i saw the biggest birds today and you made a bird's day don today. And you made a bird's day.

Don't you want to make a bird's day? I don't care about birds. Okay. No, I think that was very fun. But yeah, I don't think I need to do it for real, for real. All right. I got excited. Yeah.

I was like, this would be a fun activity. Not for me. All right. I had sushi yesterday. Okay. I wasn't. But it was good. I tried a salmon thing and then another salmon thing. And that was like pretty good.

But the salmon is a weird consistency. So I really just stuck to my cucumber roll and my avocado roll. Okay, but brave of you to try. Thank you. I also thought it was pretty brave of me. And I was like, pretty proud of myself yeah yeah because you're not a fish person at all no nor am i a trying new thing person but 2024 is my year and i'ma try all new things yeah you can try a lot of stuff yeah and i swallowed even though i didn't want to. I'm so glad. Was there a risk that you wouldn't? Well, you know, sometimes people don't like something and they act like a child and they spit it out.

And I'm trying really hard to just be like, hey, swallowing doesn't kill. So I swallowed my sushi. Good for you. Have you ever done that where you've been like, I don't like this and you spat it out? All the time. All the time?

Yeah, there's a whole show where I do it. Oh, yeah. But like in real life, I don't like this and you spat it out? All the time. All the time? Yeah, there's a whole show where I do it. Oh, yeah. But like in real life, I got a restaurant. Oh, yeah. You do it very discreetly. You like you're like, ha ha ha ha. And then you bring the napkin to your mouth and then you're like, ha ha ha. And then you spit into the napkin and you fold up the napkin and then you put it like under the plate. Have you done that when i'm around yeah really yeah i've done it a bunch of times i just do it very discreetly because it's a child thing to do to not like just swallow the food yeah i mean yeah very discreetly i truly have never noticed you do that before thank you she is a lady such a lady spitting out of the table

and this restaurant i went to the bathroom was so far in the back i truly felt like i was in a different restaurant and then three different servers had to be like keep going and i wanted to be like why did you put it all the way back there if you have to tell people to keep going because they wanted to fill up the restaurant with more seats. Make it more accessible to me. Yeah. And that's my problem. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today is Wednesday. What are you doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

and Sunday? Don't tell me about Monday or Tuesday. Because those have passed. Well, they're coming up. They're always coming up. Lord, don't I know. Monday's always just around the river bend.

What am I doing? I'm going to get my calendar out because I don't know off the top of my head. Thursday, I'm going to donate a bunch of clothes to the Downtown Women's Center. Finally, I keep looking in my closet and I'm like, I don't want this either. And it's like adding to the pile. And then Friday, I have my first drum lesson. Wow. Wait, are you going to get drums in your house? No.

I'm going to a place that has drums that I can use. And then I think I can get like a little drum pad that I can take home, but not like a kit. And then I guess if I love it, I can get a kit. But I'm going to see if I like it. That's the exact opposite of how I work. I go, I want to do this and then I'll get all the things and then I'll be like, well, that wasn't for me. And then I'll have all the things like I have a trampoline because I was going to start doing trampoline fitness. Yeah, I have a sewing machine because I was going to start a sewing club. Yeah. What else do I have?

I have so many things just in my house and i'm like i don't use this yeah i mean i guess yeah you can always rent stuff or i guess take a class and see if you like it there and then if you're like i love it then have it in your home but i mean i definitely still have things that i don't use or i'm like well maybe i'll use it one day like i have a keyboard and a piano and a guitar and a thumb piano and a harmonica and i'm like maybe one day i'll start a whole band a thumb piano yeah i think there's an another name for it that's like more um official but it's like just like one of those african thumb pianos that you like pluck oh here's the thing i think you should get a full drum kit no because that takes

up so much space the other things i can like put under my bed put in a closet put somewhere else a drum kit's just out and if i don't play it it's still out yeah but like think of all the colorful drums you can get yeah i sure can get a lot of colorful drums you get like a purple drum kit where like each one is a different shade of purple that sounds like something up your alley it sounds like you want a purple drum kit. Maybe I do. Yeah. I wanted to play the drums, but my mother was like, you're loud. I don't want another loud thing in the house. So I had to play the flute.

Which is not loud. It's not that loud. I guess. It's still loud. Well, in comparison to drums, I think it's much quieter. Wow, these drum kits are really, really nice. Oh, my God, this purple one is cherry mahogany. Ooh.

What part of a drum is wood? Oh, I guess the around it. Mm-hmm. The around it. You know, the official name for wood. The around it. Jordan loves her drum lessons. Jordan, you're taking drum lessons currently yeah i had to do a temporary pause just because i it was getting expensive yeah um but i back in college

i had a professor tell me that i could not keep rhythm guess what i am great at keeping rhythm i'm actually really good at drums and same as nicole i've always wanted to do it and now that my parents said no to it but i just was like well i'm playing guitar i'm playing piano why do i need more things but this past fall i just did like a ton of new things and one of them was drum lessons and i i love it it feels feels really empowering and I feel like a badass to play drums. Ooh. Do you have a drum kit? So I have a e-kit, which I'm not super happy with.

I'm actually thinking, speaking of things to maybe not buy or like maybe wait to buy. or like maybe wait to buy. I would rather like an actual like practice kit that I use at the studio with my teacher. It's just, again, like it just wasn't in my budget where the e-kit was like 300 bucks where like the kit that she had teaching me was like over a thousand. And I was like, just taking lessons.

I don't know if I want to spend that much money. So that makes sense. Yeah, I'm just taking lessons. I don't know if I want to spend that much money. So that makes sense. Yeah, I get it. Also, how do you travel with drums? Do you like disassemble a drum kit and put it in your car and then take it out of your car and reassemble it? Yeah, that's why like being in a band, I ended up like helping the drummer pack everything up because you like

you have to put each piece and like and then break down the stands that the drum is standing on oh my god so yeah how long would you say it takes to put together a drum kit i mean depending on the drummer maybe like a couple minutes because it's yeah if they know where everything is going and they're comfortable with it they just have to plop everything onto the stands and then typically a drummer will sit and then

start adjusting from there so maybe max it could be like five minutes but then add in mic placement if you're being mic'd for live shows which sometimes they do sometimes they don't but if you're like an arena touring drummer you're being miked so that's an additional like then the engineer is coming in or whoever is the live person okay that's good to know it's a lot work. It's like a traveling stripper. You got to put the pole up.

You got to put the stage together. It's a whole thing. Wait, it's a real thing you're talking about? Yeah. Like an X-pole stage. You have to put the stage together. You got to put the pole in it. And it's heavy.

And you got to, it takes a while to set up. How many traveling strippers do you know? No, no, I'm genuinely curious because I didn't realize you could be a traveling stripper. Same. Well, I mean, if you do like shows and the place that you're doing a show doesn't have a pole and you want to use a pole, you got to bring your pole. I mean, I personally don't know any traveling strippers, but i know people who travel with stripper poles for shows and such and how do you travel with a stripper pole you have to break down the pole so the pole is in several parts and then the stage is in several parts and then the stage kind of looks like a wheel of cheese that each cheese slice

or cheese chunk you put in a bag and then you break the pole down and that goes in a bag and then it's so fucking heavy it's what i had in my backyard for such a long time yeah which where is that now i thought about the other day i was like where is that pole honestly i think i sold it or gave it to someone. I don't remember exactly. Or it got thrown away because it was rusty. That might have been it. If I couldn't sell it, I threw it away.

Yeah. Because it was just outside. No, I sold it. I have a question because you guys have done pole dancing. And I've always wondered if this was true or not. When you are like going around on the pole, is the pole moving or it's just your body moving around the pole? Depends.

Okay. Some poles are static and some poles spin and some do both. So people who are like holding shapes, that's usually a spinning pole. But people who are like, it looks like they're propelling themselves around, that's usually static. Do you prefer one over the other, Nicole, when you do? I prefer static because I simply think it's easier. But a lot of people seem to think spin is easier, but I don't think so.

I get dizzy. Spin is easier, but I don't think so. I get dizzy. Yeah, I only took one spin pole class, and I was very dizzy. Mm-hmm. Because you go too fast. You go so fast. I feel like I do have less control.

Mm-hmm. And you have to learn how to self-regulate. If you bring your body closer to the pole, you go faster. And then if you bring it away from the pole, you go slower. And that's just science. Velocity. Velocity and ferocity and fierceness. Ah! Ah!

Oh, I haven't been to ball in a minute because I've just had to be doing things. I miss it. Mm-hmm. I've got to get back into it. You've got to. I know. Should we do a quiz?

Yeah, let's do a quiz. Ooh. Tell us what you do in a day. I'll reveal which color matches your core personality. Or are you more Gen Z core or millennial core or eat nothing but dessert and i'll tell you who your celebrity bff is sure that one yeah okay you don't want to find out if you're gen z or millennial and you don't want to find out what color your core personality is? I feel like I'll definitely be millennial. I don't think there's a question of that. And I'll be Gen Z because I'm so young.

You're so young. And then the color one sounded great too. I did allow you to choose and I don't know why i'm like why did you choose that one we're gonna eat nothing but dessert and find out who our celebrity bff is i hope mine's oprah gail will fight you i know but i think i could take Gail in a fight. Do you not? I don't know. I mean, just based on her demeanor, I feel like I don't think she'll give up in a fight.

The way she told R. Kelly to sit down, she'll stand her ground. Robert? Robert? The way she told R. Kelly to sit down. She'll stand her ground. Robert. Robert. I think I could knock her off her feet pretty quick. Oh, my goodness. Pretty quick. Yeah, she's a little older. Come at her fast.

Okay. Eat nothing but dessert, and I'll tell you who your celebrity BFF is. Have a slice of cake. Okay. Eat nothing but dessert and I'll tell you who your celebrity BFF is. Have a slice of cake. Okay, this one is red velvet. Strawberry. Chocolate. Vanilla. That vanilla cake looks tough.

Yes, it looks really dry. Yeah, it looks dry and that someone really, really just over-mixed it in a way that's sick. How did that end up on Getty Images? I would choose red velvet. I'm going to choose strawberry. It does look good. Since there's no ice cream and it looks really moist and it looks flowerful. Eat a specialty dessert.

Baklava. Flom. Cannoli. Ooh, churros. Hmm. Hmm. You know, I would not actively choose any of these. They're not my kind of desserts.

They're not really my kind of desserts either baklava is what like a puff pastry with like pistachio i yeah i guess so i mean that's what that picture is showing i think honey too honey honey i think i gotta go with a cannoli because every time I have a cannoli, I'm not exactly happy about it, but I'm not mad. Just middle of the road. You know, I'm like, all right, this is sweet. Oh, my God. Do you want to know what I had last night? What'd you have?

Tempura ice cream. Tempura. I don't think I've ever had it. Or if I did, maybe it was when I was a kid and I like forgot about it. But you know how like tempura has like that breaded coat on it? Yeah. This ice cream was like deep fried with a breaded coat on it. I couldn't believe it.

I squealed the whole time I was eating it. Oh my goodness. That sounds great. I did like it. Too bad that's not on the list. No. Well, we're just starting. Maybe there's more.

I would have a churro. Okay. Because it reminds me of being a carnival. Oh. I do like carnivals. Pick a cookie. Chocolate chip. M&M's.

Matcha cookies. Never in my life have I ever. They look good. They're like green. They look like the Grinch stole the flavor. Okay. Peanut butter. I got to do an old classic.

I got to do chocolate chip. Yeah. I would do peanut butter. Really? I love a peanut butter cookie, even though I probably shouldn't because I'm supposed to like not eat tree nuts anymore. Oh, no. I mean, I'm like not really listening. I like took this test. that was like this these are things

that you're intolerant to or whatever or like things that are not great for you they're not like i'm not allergic or they're not gonna be bad they're just gonna be like this will be harder for your body to process other vitamins i get that yeah sometimes i still sneak a little bit of peanut butter but god i love nuts i didn't know peanuts were tree nuts peanuts are on trees i have no idea i've never seen a peanut tree i don't even know what nuts are on trees me eitheronds grow on trees? Hmm. Uh. What are tree nuts? Tree nuts, considered as a priority allergens,

almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, hazelnuts, macadamia nuts, pecans, pine nuts, pistachios, pistachio nuts, and walnuts. Wow. Peanuts are part of the legumes. You lied to. You can eat peanuts because they're legumes. No, I really can't. This test specifically said peanuts. And then I guess in addition to peanuts, tree nuts.

Oh, I see. Nuts, I guess. Wow. That stinks. I love peanuts. Yeah. Which I didn't know this about you. When we were in South Africa, you were eating shelled peanuts the whole time.

And you were just like, I love a peanut. I just turn around and you're on bed, like undoing a nut. And I was like, wow, you're really, you're really going for it. I love them. I mean, you turn down nuts on planes and then I go, can you not?

Because I'll eat your nuts. Yeah, I didn't realize you'd eat any nut. Yeah, on my flight back on Sunday, because I'll eat your nuts. Yeah. I didn't realize you'd eat any nut. Yeah. On my flight back on Sunday, I was like, ooh, give me them nuts. And they gave me them nuts.

And then after a while, I was like, do you have any more nuts? And they were like, yes. And they gave me more nuts. This is not a good story. Get this. I was on the plane and I was like, can I have some nuts? And they're like, yeah, we have nuts.

And I was like, can I have more nuts? And they're like, yeah, here's some more nuts. They gave me more nuts. No, I think it's a really good story. That was pretty terrible. What's your favorite donut flavor? Cinnamon sugar. Oreo.

Strawberry frosted. Chocolate sprinkles. I kind of like just a plain glaze. That's not here. Maybe I'll say strawberry frosted that does look good i'm gonna say cinnamon sugar because it reminds me of apple cider donuts from delicious orchards uh a grocery store that my mother used to take me to when i was little can you look up if delicious orchards is still a thing in New Jersey? I thought you were just like saying like orchards are delicious.

Like a particularly delicious orchards. I didn't know it was a store. Yeah. It's in New Jersey. I can't remember. Maybe Colts Neck, New Jersey. Oh, it's in Holmdel. Oh my God.

It still exists. Okay. Go. Yeah yeah delicious orchards i want to see if they still have those donuts do they sell things are like mostly from orchards or is it like a regular grocery store um i think it's just like a regular grocery store, but they like they make things in house and everything is more delicious and like organic and stuff. There's the donut. Right. First thing you see. Their world famous apple cider donuts are the first attempt you. So good luck trying to walk past these delicious round treats.

It's so true. They're so good. They look good. They look huge, too. They're not like gigantic, gigantic, but they're like a decent size. Oh, they're closed on Mondays. I get it. Why do you get it?

Mondays are tough and they're always just around the corner they are they always show up even when you don't want them to come they come so quick grab some ice cream ube matcha vanilla coffee my favorite flavor of ice cream is indeed vanilla okay and people like to pretend that vanilla is not a flavor but vanilla is a flavor and vanilla is a deeply complex flavor and it's delicious and it's classic you tell it girl yes you stand up for vanilla yes i love vanilla um i'm i'm new to the ice cream game so i haven't dared to venture out and try any flavors so i'm gonna say vanilla are you like eating ice cream on the regular i wouldn't say regular but like if it's around i might have a little couple scoops oh wow this is interesting this is a real um development on the ice cream front this is like my soup journey yes yes you're trying hot

liquids i'm trying cold solids well we need to go out for ice cream soon. Okay, let's go out for ice cream. Pick a cupcake. Lemon. Birthday cake. Chocolate praline. Mint chocolate. Hmm. That lemon cupcake looks good to me.

It does look good. And I normally would say birthday cake, but I'm going to be adventurous and I'm going to say chocolate praline because once at a Baskin Robbins, I was buying a cake for some event and they had a praline cake. And I said, you don't have any simple vanilla cakes?

They said, no. I said, with the chocolate crunchums? They said, that's Dairy Queen. So they're like, you should get this praline one. And I said, all right. And it was so good. I went back the next day and bought a whole one for myself and slowly ate it over the course of a month. Cakes last that long? You know, I don't think so. I recently had to ask my aunt. I said, you could freeze food, right? She said yes. And I said, how long can you freeze that food for? And she said, one or two months.

And I said, so I should stop eating the macaroni and cheese I made for Thanksgiving? And she said, I would. But I don't know. I think you could eat food forever. Hmm. Definitely not forever. But I do think you can eat frozen food longer than a couple months. But I also don't know i don't know either i had to throw out some frozen food i had that expired in 2022

because things just sit in my freezer it's hard because you're not off well i'm not often in my freezer so if i don't see it regularly i just forget i have it same the quality and taste of your favorite foods can be preserved in the freezer anywhere from 1 to 12 months okay so it's fine if it's longer than a couple months i mean that is different this is a huge range just like one to months? Could be a month, could be a year. Yeah, that's wild. Should we look up how long can you keep macaroni and cheese in the freezer? Yeah.

And then once something gets freezer burned, does that mean you shouldn't eat it again? I do think that's the case. And that's when the little crystals appear, right? Mm-hmm. How does that happen? I feel like when it's like, when the air gets to it, or like, if it's not sealed up properly. But then sometimes it does get in there if it's like in a glass container, so I don't know. Yeah. Freezer burn's crazy.

What a phenomenon. Freezer burn's crazy. Okay, this, how crazy. What a phenomenon. Freezer burns crazy. Okay. This, how to freeze mac and cheese by kitchen.com says, mac and cheese can be frozen up to three months.

Has it been longer than three months? November to December, December to January, January to February. Uh-oh. It's coming up on the month I should eat the rest. You gotta finish it fast.

Well, I'm glad we took that detour for me. Pick between these random options. Macaroons. Milk bread donuts. I don't know if I've heard of that. They look good. I have heard of them, but I've never had them. Lava cake. They look good. I have heard of them, but I've never had them. Lava cake and crepes.

You know I'm going to pick that lava cake because I love a lava cake from any old place. You do love a lava cake. It's so ingenious. I bite into it and a bunch more chocolate comes out. Okay. it and a bunch more chocolate comes out okay we had um malva cake in south africa and it was so good and tasty from the safari resort we were staying at and then i don't know why i wanted to like ruin it for myself did either and then when we were in an airport killing time, we were sitting in this nasty restaurant and I saw malva cake on the menu and I was like, I know for a fact I

like malva cake because I had it once. Let's get it again. And it was disgusting. It was so bad. Even my french fries were bad. Yeah, that was quite a feat to be like, how did you make everything bad? It was like old grease or something. They just tasted so funky. Yeah, but it's like airport food's always suspect. Like there's a risk there.

Sometimes it's like normal, sometimes it's bad. But that was particularly bad. Yeah, even my milkshake was bad. Yeah. You know what was good? My bottled water. They slammed that right on the head. It was so tasty.

And their napkins were great. Oh, God. Those napkins? Very absorbent. Ooh-wee. I think I would try the milk bread donuts just because they look so tasty in this picture. Cheesecake. Cheesecake. Plain. Blueberry and blackberry. milk bread donuts just because they look so tasty in this picture cheesecake plain blueberry and blackberry hmm chocolate caramel i don't think i've ever had a chocolate cheesecake i'm sure i

have i used to have many a cheesecake i used to love cheesecake and i would get it anytime i saw it but i think my digestive system has changed and so now i don't eat cheesecake as much as i used to i remember buying you a cheesecake i think it was during covid and you drove it by it was a drive-by cheesecake if you just pulled up, put your hand out the window, handed me a cheesecake and kept going. Boy, I'm fun. It was nice. I'm gonna say plain. I'm

gonna say... I think I'm gonna try the caramel. I do like caramel. I like caramel too. Pick a pastry. Banana cream pie croissant. Whoa, there's a lot going on with that. Pick a pastry. Banana cream pie croissant. Whoa, there's a lot going on with that.

Uh-huh. A cinnamon roll. A panachocolat. A chocolate croissant. Hot cross buns. Hot cross buns. You ever play that song? Hot cross buns.

Yeah, are there more words to that? See how they run. Wait, for real? run wait for real no no that's like wait what is that hot cross buns see how they run you'll never catch them these buttons across and they're hot i think you're combining two different songs. I can't think. What is the see how they run? I think you're thinking of Hot Cross Buns. I think what the three blind mice. Yes, those three blind mice. That's what it is.

Which is also rude. Like look at these three blind mice. Look at how they run. Look at these blind ass mice running all how they run look at these look at these blind ass mice running all over the place that is pretty rude and it's not teaching children empathy it's teaching them to laugh at animals who are blindly running into walls hot cross buns hot cross buns one a penny two a hot cross buns. If you have no daughters, give them to your sons. One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns.

What? Oh. If you have no daughters. Oh, give the pennies to your sons. Or the buns? Or the buns. Oh. I was worried that it was give your daughters to your sons.

Yeah, I was getting confused. I was like, I don't want to give my daughter to anybody. Interesting. Can we look up three blind mice? What comes after see how they run? Maybe there's some empathy later in the song. See how they run. And don't you want to help them out?

See how they run. Pick them up. Let them put them where they're trying to go. Three blind mice three blind mice see how they run see how they run they all ran after the farmer's wife she cut off their tails with a carving knife did you ever see such a sight in your life as three blind mice this is for children they ran after the farmer's wife and she cut off their tails with a carving knife and then that is over and over again and then yeah that's that's the only those are my only lyrics damn oh my god she but they didn't know what they were doing they couldn't see her yeah they couldn't see but you know what she could see them and cut their tails off yeah and now they have even less

sensory like they they feel like the tail was helping them figure out like spatial awareness and what's going on around them now they have they don't even have that now they're just probably rolling around they probably don't have balance either yeah oh my god this was sad. She made them into little potatoes with feet. And that's honestly more horrifying than mice running around. I think so. Like, wait, are these potatoes? What's wrong with the farmer's wife? What's her deal?

Yeah. You're on a farm. You don't expect to see mice? Yeah. You probably have cows and shit. Yeah. Of course there's mice running around and then you let them just run around your house after that's so unsanitary why don't you open a door and let them get out yeah or maybe clean up your kitchen is your kitchen so dirty that

mice want to be in there yeah you dirty bitch i'm gonna pick a chocolate croissant I'm gonna um maybe I'll pick hot cross bun ooh oh no wait I take it back I want cinnamon roll I do love a cinnamon roll yeah

I haven't had one in a very long time I haven't either I think they're just like not readily available they're so hard to get Yeah. I haven't had one in a very long time. I haven't either. I think they're just like not readily available. They're so hard to get. Well, you know, like in the mall, it's like Auntie Anne's. No, that's pretzels. Cinnamon bun?

Cinnabon? Cinnabon. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Malls made fun food more accessible. Yeah. But yeah, I'm not in a mall often. Oh, I went to Pink's at Universal CityWalk.

Mm-hmm. And it was very tasty. But like, you know, bad for my body. Sure. Did your whole asshole blow out? Actually, like not as bad as I thought it would. But I was gurgling for the rest of the day what time did you eat it i think like um 5 p.m maybe it's an early time it's a tough time it's that like pinks is late night food i think at like 10 p.m when you can like

sit on your couch and gurgle yeah Yeah. Did you then walk around City Walk? A little bit. Maybe because I walked, I was able to digest faster because I feel like if I sat or laid down, that would have really fucked me up. Mm-hmm. I didn't even know they had a Pink's there. Last time I went, I think, well, I went to Margaritaville once,

but then Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Ooh, baby. It's a good time. It's a good time it's a good time pick one more random dessert cherry pie s'mores brownies fruit tart these are random if someone said you want cherry pie a s'more a brownie or a fruit tart i'd be like where the fuck are we yeah what is the event where where are we geographically like they're all so all over the place i don't like cherry pie i think it tastes like eating a bunch of jam. Yeah, it's like really thick. Yeah, it's just simply not for me. I think I'm going to say brownie.

Okay, I'm going to say s'mores. Okay. Oh, my God. Who's this? This is so sheer. My celebrity BFF is Beyonce. Wow. In your fun and free era, you tend to be more extroverted. Okay. You love

going out and meeting new people. Interesting. And trying new things. I am doing that. You need a dance party bestie, a going out bestie, a will always be by your side bestie. Okay. What's funny is I don't even think Beyonce fits this description. I don't think she wants to party and dance all night. I think she wants to be home. I think she wants to be home, too. Also, I loved all the pictures of the Grammys where people were just like lining up to take pictures of her. I was like, I would never leave my house.

Are you kidding? Like, she's bombarded by celebrities. This woman wants to be home home she doesn't want to be meryl street multiple award winner was like let me at her no let me go home yeah okay i got miley cyrus the main character you're in your protect your peace and i choose me era like miley now, you're all about being intentional with your time and love and choosing things for yourself. Things that bring you happiness. Okay. All right.

A BuzzFeed? I don't know. I don't know about that one, BuzzFeed. I mean, I'd say you're in a choose me era. No? I don't know. I guess. I woke up really early today.

I went right back to sleep. So I chose me. There you go. She chose herself. More sleep, please. I would be Miley Cyrus's best friend. She seems like a good time. She does seem like a good time.

She seems like the description that I had of ready to party and dance and stuff. Yes, I agree. Should we help the children of the future? let them live and let them lead the way i show you all everybody inside should we do that wait yes let's do that

also nicole every time you sing it gets better and better thank you i need to get back in my singing classes. I just haven't had the time. You know what? You and Sashir should do drums, and you in the same room should do voice lessons. I think it would go great. She's trying to keep rhythm,

and I'm trying to find a key. Eventually, we'll get there. And then we can start a two-person band. Yes, with just voice and drums. Honestly, never seen it. It's never been done. Okay, this email is, how to recover from a year with a cheater.

Hi, Nicole and Sashir. I've got a doozy for you. I'm a 34-year-old woman who considers myself to be strong, independent, and happy with who I am. I moved to Mexico City in September of 2022 and began dating someone that December. For the following year, he was my person. We went on trips. I learned to mountain bike with him. He even was by my side during a cancer diagnosis and treatment. I'm okay now. Last weekend, I learned he'd been cheating on me with a secret relationship for the entire time we were together. Most of that other relationship was long distance, though she was planning a visit.

And in his mind, this would be the start of their lives together. planning a visit, and in his mind, this would be the start of their lives together. Needless to say, wading through the lies of the past year has been a mindfuck. Looking back, there were some red flags that I noticed, emotional distance, some obsession with his phone, etc. I brought these up multiple times, and he always convinced me to believe him. His father had recently become seriously ill ill and I always just chalked the distance up to him being concerned about his father. I think looking back, I wanted this relationship to work so much that I stopped trusting myself. I'm not afraid of being alone, but man, did the hope of something finally working out really affect what I would put up with.

My question for you both is, how can I move on and establish a balance between healthy boundaries and also trust? It's hard for me to imagine I will ever trust someone again without full access to their phone. But that's also a bananas thing to ask a couple of months into dating someone. Where is the balance between trusting my intuition or being overcome by anxiety and trust issues? Where is the balance between seeing the good in people and realizing when you're being totally fucked over? I am in therapy, don't worry, but you two always make me laugh and give such good advice, I wanted to reach out.

Thank you for bringing a smile to my face every week. Yikes, yikes, yikes. I'm sorry that happened. That sucks. Glad you're out of it. But that is really horrible. It's kind of like that lady on TikTok. You see her?

I tried to start that journey. It was like, who the fuck did I marry or whatever? Yeah, it's 52 fucking 10 minute long videos. That's a movie friend. I don't even think I made it past the intro. I was like, I'm sure it it's juicy but i can't i can't sit and look at my phone for this long to get to the root of what's happening i did finish the first video or maybe i made it to the second one but the most interesting thing was he would

be on phone calls every day and nobody was on the other line oh that's actually scary this man was pretending to talk to people and then she was like in the hospital and they called him to discharge her and she was like he pretended to be his own assistant and he said he worked at a condiment a condiment uh company and he was like a like a vice president or something and he was like oh i'll come get her after i'm out of my meeting but he wasn't in a meeting he was a temp for a forklifting company and like couldn't leave his forklifting job and then also like bullshitted his way into a house so i was like pretty juicy for the first episode but i was like i just can't sit here for 40 more minutes yeah for sure okay well. Okay. Well, you know,

at least this person didn't go through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you just have to remember that that person is that person and not everyone is going to fuck you over or cheat on you. Like a new relationship is just that. It's new.

And also, I think you got to get comfortable being single because the fear of being single can't motivate you to stay in something yeah I think it's also okay to be honest and tell people

about your past experiences like hey I got out of a long term thing where I was lied to a bunch so like that is a trigger for me like mistrust or like keeping information and i guess not to like scare that person but just to know what they're so they know what's going on like because you probably will be triggered and you probably probably will be uh suspect or suspicious of something and that's like like of course you will um and i don't think you have to beat yourself up for it you were taking advantage of it lying to um and it might take a minute for you to like get to the point where you are like trusting again and

yeah i think it's okay like any new person or current people in your life know like hey i'm still a little sensitive in this department so something comes up this is why and then they at least have like a bit of an idea of like oh okay that's that's probably what that is i agree um i do find it hard in the moment to be like oh this is why i was i'm feeling this type of way but like i think it would be good to get in the habit of being like oh i feel a little triggered and i'm feeling i'm feeling you know feelings from my old relationship coming up and i understand that you're not that person but i'm just feeling that and I just need some reassurance right now um because that's the thing I've never knew how to do to be like oh I just need reassurance that like you're still there for me and and stuff um but

also I think staying in therapy is also a really great thing so you're not like projecting all of this on this new person um but yeah. Also, you know what they say. Lightning doesn't strike twice. You're not going to get cheated on again. I'm just kidding. Lightning does strike twice, and I think it happens often. But I believe this next person.

Don't promise that. I think the next person you meet is going to be nice to you. Yeah. Solved. Hello, Nicole and Sashir and team. Your podcast is amazing and I have a friend query that I was hoping you could help me out with. I want to start off by saying I am pro-therapy and pro-everyone going on their journey, but I'm having an issue with a friend who needs a lot of over-communication.

I'm having an issue with a friend who needs a lot of overcommunication. I have a friend who is big on radical honesty and overcommunication ever since he had a big breakup six months ago. Recently, we were on a phone call where he made a joke that I didn't like. And I said that I didn't like the joke. And then after a bit of talking, he exited the conversation and hung up kind of abruptly. The next day he called to apologize for making the joke he said that he really worried that i thought he was a bad person and in the future he suggested when i hear a joke i don't like i ask him what did you mean by that personally i think what did you mean by that equates to fighting words but neither here nor there i think it is a little exhausting having a full conversation. Every time I say,

Oh, I don't like that. Or, huh, that hurt my feelings. I wish we could acknowledge that hurt feeling and move on. I don't want to sit through a whole conversation where you explain where you're coming from.

Like, I know your intentions weren't to hurt my feelings, but they were hurt. I want to be a good friend and meet this person halfway, but having to do all this conversational gymnastics and explicitly saying, I'm not mad mad at you or I don't think you're a bad person over and over again makes me feel like a little like this person's parent and not their friend. I want to be accommodating, but I'm not sure what to do. Let me know what y'all think. Tips and trip.

Chip. Tip. Tips and tricks appreciated. Tips and tricks and trips. Trips. Tripped right over all those words. I think you could say just that to your friend. Just be like, hey, I know that you are like, I don't think you're a bad person.

I'm going to tell you I didn't love that joke. It hurt my feelings. I know your intentions weren't to hurt my feelings. But at this moment, I just would love an apology and I don't really need to know where you're coming from. And like, again, I'm not attacking you as a person. I just want my feelings to be acknowledged that they were hurt and then we can move on. And later, maybe I'll feel like hearing your explanation but right now i don't want to if this person is into radical honesty you know yeah it seems like that you know if they really are they would want to hear your feelings like they are like know how you feel about the thing um yeah and i guess i i I the person who wrote in is not

wrong for saying this is just how I feel about this joke and I did not like it and then I think the person requesting like let's talk it out instead of just saying I don't like it I think I kind of understand

what they're saying because like um maybe they might have a thing where who knows I don't want to like psychoanalyze analyze this person I don't know them at all but if it's like they are a person who has been criticized for years and uh it like when anyone says anything that i don't like blank it feels like they are a bad person that's their own shit and you are not responsible for it but also if they're saying this is a thing that happens with me that's also like helpful information for you too like if it's like criticism feels like you saying i'm a bad person. Well, you don't want them to feel like a bad person. So it is okay for you to navigate how to communicate with them in a way that you're still telling them how you feel.

But they don't feel like they don't shut down and can't hear you anymore. So it's like, yes, that is exhausting. But also, this is your friend. And this is a person that you want to continue to communicate with. And if it gets to a point where it's like, you feel like you're doing all the work and all the communication, communicational gymnastics to get this person to not be triggered and like rush off the phone,

that sucks. But I don't think there's anything wrong with them telling you this, this is a thing that would be helpful to me to help, to keep listening to you when you are critiquing me if that makes sense i think that makes sense but i do feel a little bit on the side of the the reader because i'm the i'm kind of the type of the reader the person who wrote in yeah uh because i feel like i've been the type of person who's like oh i didn't mean that x y and z and then all that person just

wanted was an apology and it's like i guess i i like don't want to feel like i'm the bad person or that i intentionally hurt their feelings so i'm like let me just get it out but like they're my friend or whatever and they know i'm not a bad person. They know I wasn't trying to hurt their feelings. They just want their feelings acknowledged that they were hurt. So, yeah, I get that. But I also yeah, I also get like the oh, I feel triggered. That's why I want you to say what did you mean by that? But I do feel like what do you mean by that is fighting words.

I do. I'm trying to think if I said a joke and you're like, what? What do you mean by that is fighting words i do i'm trying to think if i said a joke and you're like what what did you mean by that i guess it maybe depends on the tone but i feel like i would be like oh she wants an explanation of like what i meant by this where maybe then i could explain it but if it's just like oh i didn't like that then i'd be like oh but then maybe she didn't get it and now now this this oh, I didn't like that, then I'd be like, oh, but then maybe she didn't get it. And now this feels like she didn't like the joke. She thinks I am bad.

She thinks I did an offensive thing. This sucks, you know? Yeah, but I feel like if it's like, oh, I didn't like that, you go, uh-oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Yes, I'm sorry. And then, do you want an explanation? No, I don't. Did I hurt your feelings? Yes. I'm sorry. And then do you want an explanation? No, I don't. Okay.

Cause then it's like, if you say a joke and it's like, what did you mean by that? I think I would automatically get a little defensive. Like if it's not just like a birds are cool. I don't know. I can't think of like a dumb joke, but like if it was like a personal, wait,

what'd you mean by that? What'd you mean? We said, see, see, see, it's like a personal wait what do you mean by that what do you mean we said see it's like oh um and then i'm on the defense so i think that friend is asking ask me what what you mean by that to be then triggered to be defensive about this joke as opposed to just being like hey i i didn't love it i'm not attacking you as a person yeah can we just let sleeping dogs sleep or something yeah but i do get it and communication

is annoying but like necessary yeah i don't i'm like not more on anyone's side i think everyone's trying to communicate the best they can um and i do understand what the writer's saying about like they don't want to be this person's parent they want to be their friend yeah i think you just have to navigate like what you're willing to communicate and if it starts feeling like too much you can even communicate that and be like yeah i don't actually want to have to like manage your shit like i don't or you don't just phrase it that way of course but like no no say it just like that i don have to like manage your shit. Like I don't. Or you don't have to phrase it that way, of course. No, no.

Say it just like that. I don't want to manage your shit. Okay. Yeah. But it's also okay to say I actually don't need to talk more. Like if I say this hurt my feelings, I can just say that. I don't have to actually say more than that or ask you to dissect that. This is what happened.

Yeah. Tough. But solved? We'll say it's happened. Yeah. Tough, but solved? We'll say it's solved. Yeah. We have an email address that you can write letters to, or emails, nicoleinstashere at gmail.com, or you can call or leave a voice note, 424-645-7003. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends.

We have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at your wolf dot com. Lastly, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show. So long this year. So long, Nicole.