Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Learns That Dolphins Are Psychos!

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

Hey Friends! This week, Nicole wants to learn all things Las Vegas Casino. Sasheer got gifted wine from her neighbor. Nicole loves that Clyde has a dog friend in their neighborhood. Sasheer is trying to be a woman who wears linen. Nicole is on the side of the orcas attacking yachts. Sasheer knew the dolphins are psychos and it really gets weird. Nicole and Sasheer learn that humans have had sexual relationships with dolphins. Nicole is not getting a tattoo of dolphin, for sure. They do a Buzzfeed quiz that identifies the Disney animal they should adopt as a pet. Plus, they both answer a listener letter about someone grieving a breakup and the potential to have children while their friends are in relationships and with kids. Sources: Dolphins @ 24:10 - https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/08/the-dolphin-who-loved-me@ 25:51 - https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2014/06/how-a-science-experiment-led-to-sexual-encounters-for-a-woman-and-a-dolphin/372606/@30:28 - https://www.greenmatters.com/community/why-are-dolphins-evil  Here is the quiz we took:https://www.buzzfeed.com/mladrian12/plan-your-wealthy-dream-life-to-get-a-disney-pet-to-adopt  Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions and  “Is this weird” suggestion at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

what up what up girl what you doing oh you know i'm just trying to have a pocket trying to have girl you do have for real you I have one? I know you have one. Wow, thank you so much. You're on it right now. Oh, yes. Sashir, wake up. It's your podcast. Oh, I've been dreaming this whole time. And you were there. Oh, I was?

And you were there. Did you know in The Wizard of Oz, that wasn't like black and white. They painted the set sepia and they painted her sepia and her clothes were sepia. Whoa. Because the technology to change it from sepia to color didn't exist back then. Oh, interesting. So that's how it's so seamless. Whoa.

Am I lying? I might be. They like painted, put makeup on her face to look like, like all the characters' faces? Huh. I am 92% sure I'm not lying about this. Okay. Also, I don't know how I know this. Hmm.

No clue. I don't know either. Sometimes I want to learn. So the technology didn't exist to make it black and white and color in the same i think so yep you're correct so according to wendy's wizard of oz um yes the wizard of oz was filmed that way to give it the over the rainbow effect the white and black parts were actually filmed on sepia tone film it has a more brownish tint to it but if you have the dvd you'll see that the true color of of the sepia tone wait it was filmed in sepia tone film

yeah it didn't say they're not painted oh i guess i'm stupid no no it's okay you know it's okay who told me that um it definitely wasn't me why. Who told me that? Definitely wasn't me. Why did you tell me that? I didn't tell you that. Well, you told me that and now I'm lying to everybody? Now I feel so foolish. I didn't tell you that.

Oh, man. Kimmy told you. Kimmy. Maybe it's on Instagram. I guess nothing on Instagram, Not everything on Instagram is true. Nuh-uh. That can't be right. I learned a hard lesson.

You can't just pare back everything you see on Instagram. I mean, I guess I could see them, like, making the set look dull or something to help with that. Oh, Kimmy found something. Yeah. Ooh. Everyone. Ooh. Everyone is right. Isn't that fun? Yes!

It's not that all the sepia-toned black and white stuff was painted that way. Most of that was just filmed in sepia. But the scene that you're talking about, the transition. Yes. So the set she's stepping out of is painted in those sepia tones.

And she steps into a colored painted set. Yes. So it's just for that transitional scene. So you are right but also Judith was right. So everyone won. Everyone. Yes! Instagram didn't forsake me. Oh thank goodness.

My new mission is to learn about casinos. That sentence sounded so dumb i'm just so interested in them after being in them yeah because i'm like how much money do you have to make to like recoup and then make a profit they're so big and they employ so many people i that World Resort, a Hilton property in Vegas, cost $4 billion to make. It's a resort? Well, it's called World Resort in Vegas. And it says Conrad on the side, Conrad Hilton, which I guess is a Hilton. But I'm like, when do you break even on $4 billion?

That's wild. That's a lot of money. I don't know. Also, when you gamble, where does that money come from? Like when you win? Huh. I believe it probably comes from people losing their money. And then it goes into like a bankish type deal that's an

interesting question dude if like is it the resort who's paying for it yeah who's paying for this especially shelling out 32 million dollars if someone wins do people win like 32 million dollars the slot that you were playing the little uh rake and bacon one with the pig on it at the top it said you could win 32 million wow instead i lost 20 well technically 19 oh yes i got a dollar back but i left it for a lucky person so although casinos may earn some money from food entertainment and other venues the breadwinner for the industry is the games a significant portion of the casino profits are the results of the accrual of all of the losses from casino partners each year excuse me patrons not partners that makes sense yeah people just lose a ton of money and then that money goes to people who win yeah because i guess if like the high rollers it's like if you lose 10 grand and then someone's winning like 20 grand, it's like you're only paying out 10.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that person just lost 10. Wow. Interesting. Casinos are wild. Yeah. Who was the first casino? Imagine the rest of the this podcast was

just Vegas talk. So far. We were on the third episode. I mean, it's a wild place. So in Vegas, according to Google, Tommy Hull was a businessman who was granted a license to build a casino in Las Vegas. He built El Rancho,

the first hotel casino in the city. It was built in the area that came to be known as the Vegas Strip. So Tommy Hill. Mm-hmm. Tommy Hill? Tommy,

I guess Hill, but it's spelled H-U-L-L. Oh, like Hull. Tommy Hull. What year was that? Yeah. Ooh,

year. This one says, in 1906, the first casino in Vegas opened its doors to the public. Wow. Wow. Learning. I can't wait to incorrectly repeat

that to somebody. You'll probably get it right. Maybe. Who knows? Who knows? What's been going on with you? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. It's been like hanging out in my house. Nothing. Nothing. Actually, on my way, before I left my house to to come here my neighbor brought me a bottle of wine oh because their mail was left in my mailbox but they didn't know uh-huh and when i got home there was mail in my mailbox and i was like this isn't mine and so i walked it over put it in their mailbox didn't think about it and then i guess they need there was something important in there

and they've been waiting for like weeks. And then they were like, we've needed that. Thank you so much for that. And then they gave me some wine. And I was like, that's so sweet. That is sweet. What a beautiful neighborly thing.

Clyde has a new friend in the neighborhood. There's a nice man who's got this big, I think standard poodle or a golden doodle who's so friendly. And he walks him off the leash because he's very well behaved. And the first time Clyde saw him, he was like, and I was like, he's very friendly. And we're in the cul-de-sac. So I was like, I'm just going to let him off the leash because he just wants to play and

he loves a bigger dog. And I was like, oh, of course. And then they played and it was so cute. So sometimes in our night walks, we'll see him and I'll just let him right off the leash and they'll just like tussle for a little bit. And then the bigger dog

is a little older so he'll be like, now, now, that's enough from you, little one. Let me go home. Look at us, making friends with neighbors.

Look at us. Oh my God. There was a neighbor like down near my yard and I met, I saw them once, like, when I first moved in, and then thought I would see them more often. Never saw them again for like a year. And then I was, like, pulling in to my garage, and I saw their cars in the driveway, and I was like, they're home. And so I, like, rushed over and, like, rang the doorbell, and I was like, hi, I. And so I rushed over and rang the doorbell and I was like,

hi, I'm Sashir. I'm next door. I haven't seen you in a year. I thought I would, would, but I haven't. But yeah, just let you know, I'm here. Just so we could, I don't know. I don't know.

I didn't want to be like, let's be friends. But I was like, just so we know each other. And they're like, oh, that's so nice. We're moving. They were like literally moving out that week. I was like, oh. That's so funny. Okay.

Actually, we knew this day would come that you would come over. We're going to get out of here. Now it's time to leave. We got to go. You've caught us and we don't like it. Wait, is the house for sale? No. So I think they're renting it out.

I think someone's renting it right now. I haven't even bothered to introduce myself because they're renting. I'm sorry. And you don't want any fleeting friends. No, my heart can't take it. Imagine I bought the house next door to you. That'd be fun. You think? Yeah. I think it'd be fun too.

I think it'd be fun. Like, hi friend and now neighbor. What are you doing? Can I come over? Wait, you're going out? Where are you going? Who is who? Why are you leaving?

You got everything right here. Me. Just stay here with me. Just stay here with me. Let's cuddle. Hello. I mean, the only place I'd be going out is out is with you so you know where i'd be going yes thank you i like that good answer good answer um oh shit i had a thought and it left dang man. I simply can't remember what I was going to say to you.

Did I see that video of a woman talking about a commune that she lives in with her friends? I don't think so. She was like, her and her friends have like an intentional community. And I don't know what the setup's like.

I don't know if they're like just a bunch of houses on a plot of land or I'm not sure what. But it sounded cool because she was like, yeah, our friends just agreed that we wanted to like live near each other, raise our kids around each other and like have a support system right there. So we just chose to live in the same area. I think that's really cool. I think that's nice.

I think so, too. Because I feel like, this is going to sound really fucking like woo-woo, whatever, but I feel like there's a lack of community, and I think that's why adults have such a hard time making friends, because we don't have, like, I feel like church was like a community. Are you all right? Are you okay what no community we're both dying um but yeah like my mom had church she went to church all the time that

was her community yeah my dad had one friend that was his community and through comedy like I have my community and then it's like people who like work a nine to five and don't really do stuff like how do they find their community yeah I guess it's like clubs and stuff but yeah we used to I mean we like back in the day humans were in tribes so you just had you had this already built-in community that you were part of and grew up in and generations and generations happened but we have become more individualized and yeah spread out i don't want that we together is stronger than I. I don't know. We is two letters and two is better than one. I.

Someone printed up on a T-shirt. This is a good saying. There's strength in numbers. Yes, that's exactly what I was trying to say. We is two and is more than one, which is I. Boy, I'm so thankful to have you. I would never have made it there. But that's exactly what I was trying to say. There's strength in numbers.

Yes, yes, yes. Got it. Yeah, I just love having people that I trust and love around me. Mm-hmm. Sorry, that got me. Thank you. It was very funny.

Well, it seemed like I said I love having people around me, but it sounded like I started peeing. Wow, you're really comfortable. I feel great. Straighten the numbers. My tribe is here. Oh! Share the numbers.

My tribe is here. Wow. Wow. Wow. So, Shira. Nicole. I have a problem. I think I need to remove Depop off my phone.

And Etsy. And eBay. I keep buying things things I don't need and then you can't try them on so like it gets to you and then it's like a little tight and then I'm like maybe I'll fit into it one day or it's like too big

and I'm like maybe I'll fit into it one day cause like you know things happen but I have so much clothing. Yeah. I think on my birthday I need to, like, really just do, like, a purge. Yeah. I think that's good. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. You can also do it little by little. Oh, you're right. I can do it little by little. I do overwhelm myself a lot by being like, I got to do it. Oh, no. Yeah. I just, like, put it back together of clothes I don't need because I just was going through it.

And I was like, I haven't worn this in so long. And I started, like, peeling things out that I was like, I haven't had a need for this. And I also want to make room for the stuff that I bought when I was gone to put in my closet. Have you ever thought about doing, like, a closet sale because you have cool clothes? Um, no. I definitely try to sell my clothes, like, at stores. Mm-hmm. Do you have cool clothes? No. I definitely try to sell my clothes, like, at stores. Mm-hmm. But then it gets exhausting.

Yeah. And I'm like, and then it doesn't always work or, like, they don't buy it. And I'm like, I don't know. Someone can just have it. I don't really care. Do I really need the $50 or whatever for the sweater? Someone can just have it. Yeah.

I thought about it. I've done it like a couple times at this like resale shop. And I get like a percentage of what they sell or whatever. But then I truly was like, yeah, I don't need to make money on this. Some poor fat will love it. Yeah. And I mean, maybe they're not even poor because I still thrift. And I'm moderately okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, maybe they're not even poor because I still thrift and I'm moderately okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to give. It's nice to give. You know? Yeah. I'm waiting for one of those magical thrifting experiences where like an old fat has died

and they were fabulous because that happens sometimes. I'll like go thrifting and I'm like, oh my God, an old fat with sequins and like colors and patterns has passed or lost weight or like whatever, gained it. I don't know. I make up stories sometimes. But like, and I'll just like, oh, get so much stuff. Oh, oh, oh. I love stuff. Yeah.

But I need to get rid of some. Yeah. No. It was like interesting to go through the clothes I didn to get rid of some. Yeah. No. It was like interesting to go through the clothes I didn't wear anymore because it was like, oh, I remember buying this. Or like, I remember when I thrifted this in

South Carolina or some other place. But it's like, I don't have a need for it now. Yeah. Wow. I Yeah. Wow. Wow. I went through an enormous phase where all I wore were ballerina flats, leggings and like a skater dress. And I think I have moved past the need of a skater dress. And I can't see. I'm like, oh, but maybe. Maybe they'll come back to me. Maybe I'll want to wear them again.

But I do think it's a dead thing for me. I don't think I'm going to go back to it. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely have things where it's like, I used to wear that all the time. And I'm like, that doesn't feel like me now. What's the thing that, like, you just got rid of that you were like, I used to wear that all the time, but now it's just not me. There's this red dress that I had and it has these big shoulder pads and big white buttons and it's cute, but I feel like I'm in a costume.

I could see that. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely like got stuff from Goodwill and Salvation Army that were like that looked older, like more vintage. And I appreciated that look

when I was younger. But now I'm like, I feel like I'm in a costume. I don't want to wear that anymore. No, that makes sense. I have a lot of dresses that are like a little too frilly but I'm like, oh, I loved it.

And now I'm like, I think I've moved past this. Right now I'm stuck on looking like a child. I love overalls. I'm like obsessed with overalls. It's all I wear right now. It's all, yeah. I only wear jumpsuits.

Yeah, I like a jumpsuit. I like overalls. Yeah, that's all I wear right now. It's all, yeah. I only wear jumpsuits. Yeah, I like a jumpsuit. I like overalls. Yeah, that's all I've been wearing lately. I've got this fabulous jumpsuit from Good American. Although their jumpsuits are wild. Like, I have two that are the same size and one I had to get rid of because I was like, this doesn't fit me at all. Don't go over my butt, nothing. Same size.

Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. That's weird. That weird me. That weird me out. I don't know why I get weird. What kind of fashion are you trying to get into?

I want to look like a woman. Wow. We're going opposites. I'm like, I want to look like a child. But yeah, sometimes I want to look like a woman. But that requires wearing like not sneakers. Yeah. I don't think I'm wearing a sneaker head anyway.

I do love a sneaker. Yeah. Sandies. I'm wearing sandies, yes. What kind of woman are you trying to look like? I think the kind of woman that wears a lot of linen. Oh, my God. Yes.

I see that for you. Yes. Easy breezy wide pants. Mm-hmm. Big shirts. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

I'm thinking like loose fabrics. Yes. A vacation woman. Yes. I'm thinking like loose fabrics. Yes. A vacation woman. Yes, I'm a vacation woman. Okay. You're like, did she just come off of a boat? Wow, was she just on the sea? Oh my God, speaking of the seas, did you hear about the orcas?

Oh, how they're taking out- And the sharks. Oh, what are the sharks doing? They're banning together. Oh! And they're like having meetups. They're like talking in the ocean about how to take down yachts and stuff. I love it.

I'm here for it. Yeah. How do we let them know that we're on their side? You know, I think. Certainly not by getting on a yacht. No. Stop it. We're on your side.

And they're like, take him down. I think we just got to let them fight their fight. I think it's not really for us to be a part of. I'm like, what if the octopuses get involved? They're really smart. They'd be the mastermind. Yeah. I really love that they're just hanging out, being like, what are we going to do?

Yeah. It's like Avatar 2 coming to life. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it, but see Avatar 2. Boats off Spain's coast. Oh, no. Boats off Spain's coast are seeing more killer whales touch and push even-turn vessels. Wow.

I love it. Whoa. I love it. Whoa. I love, I just love sea animals. I love the sea. Avatar 2 was funny because they would have these whale creature things and be like, this one's a poet. This one makes the music of the community. And just be like.

Oh, okay. That's a lovely song. It also came out of nowhere. You were like, oh, how do you know all this about them? Yeah. There was an experiment with dolphins, I believe, where somebody kept dolphins. Like, they made a pool in their home and, like, lived with dolphins.

Oh. I think, I wonder if I'm making that up. But I don't know what the end result of that was. What was the, what were they trying to figure out? I think they were trying to teach dolphins how to communicate with humans. Whoa. I think. Hmm. Is that a thing? Dolphins are to communicate with humans? Whoa. I think. Hmm.

Is that a thing? Dolphins are psychos. What? Dolphins are psychos. What do you mean they're psychos? They are, like, more dangerous than sharks. Dolphins? Yes.

Their smile is deceptive, but they are killers. What? They will, like, fuck up a seal and just, like, throw it around. They'll, like, get high off of puffer fishes and pass them around to each other. They're heathens. Really? Yes. That's wild.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that dolphins were getting high. They're getting high and destructive. Puffer fish and throwing around otters. They can emit this, like, sound that, like, I think, like, screws up your brain waves or your organs or something like that. And they just do it to kill. They're not even eating the other animals that they're killing. They're just doing it to, like, fuck up some shit. Oh, my God.

How come they don't do it when they're in captivity to, like... The humans? Yeah. Or maybe they can only do it to animals. This I don't know. Interesting. I didn't know. Interesting. I didn't know dolphins were so savage. They're savage.

Oh, my God. Really more than sharks. And I feel like Jaws was a smear campaign on sharks. Wow, really? Jaws was a smear campaign on sharks. And Flipper was done by Big Dolphin trying to make everyone think that dolphins were your friend. And they're not. And they're not. And then Free Willy was just an accurate representation of Killer Whales.

Yes. Wait, should I get a sea creature tattooed to me? Yes. Which one, though? I was going to say a dolphin, even though I have strong feelings about them. Maybe a seahorse? Oh, that feelings about them. Maybe a seahorse. Oh, that's fun. I love a seahorse.

Yeah. So, Nicole, you were right. There's one that was a while back, but over a period of two years, Lily and Lovett, both with very different approaches, tried to prove that human language could be mimicked by dolphins. Lovett reasoned that if she lived with the dolphins and made human-like sounds similar to how the mother teaches her child to speak, they would make a success. But apparently it was tragic. Tragic? Oh my goodness. The dolphin

who loved me. What? Oh no. The dolphin who loved me? Yeah, sounds like they were trying to JV. Trying to... I mean, that picture's pretty wild. She's like up under this dolphin. Yeah.

Whoa. Wait, Judith, will you tell us what the tragic thing is? Yeah, I'm going to read it right now. How wild. But yeah, let's see. I don't think I want an octopus tattoo. I want a starfish. Ooh, I do like a star.

And I do like a starfish. Ooh, I do like a star. And I do like a starfish. Yeah. Okay. I think I just really want my back to be filled with animals. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Well, animal menagerie. When we saw the flamingos in Vegas, you showed me your flamingo tattoo.

But in such a weird way, you wound up your arm and was like, flamingos. And I was like, what's. And I was like, what's happening? I'm like, oh, your tattoo. Yes, yes, yes. I was so happy to see flamingos. I love them. Their legs are so dumb. It seems like they shouldn't be able to stand. No. Every time they walk, it looks like their legs are about to snap in half. Yeah. But boy, are they majestic and pretty. And what a beautiful color.

Yeah, it's very pretty. I almost just was like, should I get a flamingo tattoo? I have one. You do. So, here we go. On June 17th, the BBC will debut a new documentary, The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins. It's the story of Margaret Howell Lovett, who in the 1960s took part in a NASA-funded research project in which she developed an unusual relationship

with a dolphin named Peter, a relationship that at times became sexual. What? The emotional attachment between humans and animals is well-documented. Like any animal and human who spend long amounts of time together, a dolphin trainer could say they love their dolphin.

But this does not excuse nor open the door for zoophilia or delophinophilia. Forgive me. While I'm a dolphin enthusiast, I also a firm believer that humans and dolphins should not have sex. I agree with that. For sure. I like the person writing this article. I really don't co-sign this. I don't want that. This is bad. This agree with that. For sure. I like the person writing this article is like, I really don't co-sign this. I don't want that. This is bad. This is not good.

Let me repeat. I don't think this is good. Yeah. Investigating the case of Margaret Howell Lovett and Peter the Dolphin, it was a relationship that started out of a logical problem. In 1964, Lovett was working on an experiment to try to teach Peter how to communicate with humans.

She literally moved in with him for three months, sleeping next to the tank and working on a desk that hung over the water where he swam. They spent a great deal of time together. And as Peter was a sexually mature adolescent dolphin, he often had sexual urges at inconvenient times. How did anyone know this? How did anyone know about Peter's sexual urges? Yeah. Was she, like, typing on her computer, and he's like, and then, like, fucking splooshes on her.

She's like, not my computer. This is an inconvenient time. So as it turns out, it's very difficult to teach a dolphin to talk when he's aroused. Love that found that Peter, quote, would rub himself on her knee by foot or my hand. She allowed it. I was uncomfortable as long as it wasn't too rough. It was just easier to incorporate that and let it happen. It was very precious, very gentle.

Peter was right there. He knew that I was right there. End quote. That's upsetting. I love dolphins. I would never let a dolphin come on me. That's nasty. Wait, would you?

No. What is this, long paws? I'm just processing all of this. So she was in the tank, and she was like, it's really hard for me to teach this dolphin the human language when it's horny. So I guess I'll let it rub one out on my knee. Also,

how did the dolphin know to rub one out on her knee? Unless she led that dolphin to her knee. So they tried to help him. So in order to satisfy Peter's increasing

sexual urges, he would be transported to another pool with two female dolphins. This was a logistical nightmare and it disrupted his communication lessons consistently. Eventually, Lovett took it upon herself to relieve Peter of his urges rather than going through the long and inconvenient process of transporting him. It would, quote, it would just become part of what was going on like an itch just get rid of that scratch and we would be done and move on oh sexual acts i didn't know there was more so sexual

acts between dolphins and humans have a history is what this article says. Malcolm Brenner wrote the book Wet Goddess about his nine-month-long relationship with a dolphin. Oh, no. At the Notting Trent University, Dr. Mark Griffiths has studied delopenophilia, which means humans sexually attracted to dolphins. There are also a number of blogs and online communities. Enough people were attracted to dolphins

that came up with a word. Yeah, it's not like just bestiality. No, it's specific. With dolphins. And this article was written by Polly Mosidez. How a science experiment led to sexual encounters between a woman and a dolphin. Yikes! I'll make sure to link that.

To add to this, and this is more of a negative stuff. This is from greenmatters.com. And I just Googled, like, how are dolphins evil? And I just want to say dolphins are aggressively horny. Dolphins are often called the rapist of the sea. Primarily for their insatiable sex drive. If you swim with them, you might think they are just being really playful,

but they're probably having something different on their mind. Just ask actress Demi Moore. What? Who had her own uncomfortable encounter with a dolphin. Wait. On a family trip. Oh, my God. And then it's true.

They also go into detail about how male dolphins will gang up on female dolphins and rape them over and over again. Oh my God. To the point where they'll like kidnap a female dolphin. So dolphins are just like us. And they have STDs. Just like us. I mean, there's some men out there who aren't great.

And I also want to add that this article that's listing these negative things, one bold statement is they carry STDs. And that's why they're evil. Because they're spreading it? Yeah. Wow. And this is the other horrible fact. The male dolphins are so horny that they will murder their own babies so that they can mate with the mom again. Oh.

What the heck? Why was this not told in any? Just put them in a cave. You don't got to kill them. You don't want them to watch? Put them in a cave. No, I think it's like the mom is like, oh, I don't have any kids anymore, so I need to reproduce. Oh.

I think. I don't know. That's terrible. It's like wait you just killed my kid and now you're trying to fuck? I think that happens with lions too. My goodness. Wow. Well I'm not getting a tattoo of a dolphin.

They don't represent good stuff. No. You want a rapist on you? No. I sure don't. That's wild. Yeah. Oh my god. I love them. We don't. That's wild. Yeah. Oh, my God. I love them.

We shouldn't. No. We shouldn't. They're so bad. They're bad. They're too horny. They're too... They're just too horny.

I guess whales? Whales are good. Whales, I think, are good. It's still like a whale? Yeah, I think so. I think they're okay with whales. Oh, my God. Whales have accidentally, like, swallowed people and then spat them back out.

Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. Okay, maybe we'll get a whale tattoo. Yeah, there we go. We like that. All right. Yeah, I love a whale. Oh, my God. Should we do a quiz?

Hell yeah, dude. Let's fucking quiz it up, brah. All right. So quizzes. I can actually guess your zodiac based on the ingredients you use to bake your cake, create your dream life using unlimited funds, and we'll give you a Disney animal to adopt as a pet. I'll guess if you prefer hot weather or cold weather

based on what animals you choose. This one's longer. Choose a celeb for each zodiac sign and we'll reveal your soulmate star sign. Curious, what type of bagel are you? Guess what these celebrity star signs are. There are 20. Wait, do you just go back up?

Yes. Create your dream life using unlimited funds and we'll give you a Disney animal to adopt as a pet. Perfect. Wild. There's a lot going on. There's so much going on. Buzz feed, buzz feed. Okay.

How do you become rich? NFL. By having a successful vlog on YouTube. Oh, I guess it's not NFL. It's by being a professional athlete. I just read the picture. It said NFL. NFL.

How do you become rich? NFL. Nothing specific. Just the NFL. By selling a baby product on Shark Tank. Wow, I really thought the sentence was just going to be by selling a baby. By selling a baby. By writing several best-selling novels.

By being a fashion designer to the stars. By being a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Oh my God, there's a lot of choices. That's a lot of, lot of, lot of choices. I think I'm going to be a fashion designer to the stirs. Oh, that's good. I'll invent new technology and renewable energy.

Wow. Good for the environment. Yeah, I love the environment. Who me? I love the environment. I love the environment. Buy a new home. Luxury ranch in Wyoming. Beach condo on Hamilton Island, Australia. Luxury ranch in Wyoming. Beach condo on Hamilton Island, Australia.

Luxury penthouse in Dubai. Stylish brown huh? Stylish brownstone in Manhattan. Colorful houseboat in Seattle. Big colonial in your hometown. A rustic beach house near surfing in

Roton. Cottage in province. Great industrial loft in Chicago. Historic manor house outside London. You better give me that beach house, baby. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I would love to just walk out my house into the beach. Yeah, that'd sound nice.

Hmm. Maybe I do a brownstone. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah.'d do a brownstone. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Where? Brooklyn? Brooklyn. Even though the choice was Manhattan, but I'd be in Brooklyn. Yes. You love Brooklyn.

I do. I love Manhattan. First major... Let's call the whole thing off. First major purchase. Vintage car to fix up. A number of first edition books. Fully fitted home theater room.

A piece of work from favorite artist. Nice jewelry. Heard of goats. Fitted out home gym. RV for family trips. Reinvest in a new business. Trip around the world. Mmm.

Ooh. I'd probably do trips around the world. Yeah. I feel like I would get the car, but also I think I would reinvest in a new business. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Reinvest reinvest in a new business. Yeah. Yeah. Reinvest. Reinvest.

Yeah. Donate some of your money to a good cause. Scholarships for trade schools. Community art programs. Make sports accessible for all kids. Wildlife conservation. Helping kids in foster care. Making over

an interview prep for unemployed people. Animal rescues. Summer camps for sick kids. Well, how sick? Funding for startup companies. Why does it matter how sick? I don't know. I'm not trying to go in there if they're full of

etch-oos and sneezes. I think it's like people with like diseases. Not just like colds. I don't know why that was my first thought. My God. I choose and sneezes.

Also, you don't have to go there. You're just funding it. You're right. Well, in case I want to make an appearance, I'm not trying to have anyone go on me. Keep those sick kids away from me. Ha ha! You're right. Well, in case I want to make an appearance, I'm not trying to have anyone go, on me.

Keep those sick kids away from me. Oh, support local museum projects. Okay. Well, definitely not the sick kids. I see. I think scholarships for trade schools. Nice. Because we don't push trade schools enough.

Mm-hmm. You know? Maybe community art programs. Ooh, that's good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I'm very giving. Very philanthropal.

Philanthropal. Is that a word? Philanthropic. Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ, I was so off. It's okay. Philanthropic? Mm-hmm.

Why is a word so hard sometimes? Why Why is words so hard sometimes? Why is words so hard sometimes? I don't know why words is hard sometimes. They're so hard. Pick a party to host. Super Bowl party in a box at the stadium. Black Tie New Year's Eve gala at New York Luxury Hotel. Private camp out at Aquarium and all get to dive in a shark tank. See, they're having a problem with words, too.

Yes. That wasn't written well. No. Private showing at the theater and dinner after. Private circus camp experience for all friends in Vegas. Whoa. This is like when after

I saw Cirque du Soleil I was like if we all learn stuff could we all be acrobats? I think what I was trying to get to was what if I dedicated my life to becoming

part of Cirque du Soleil? Do you think I could do it if you started as a kid yes no right now if I started training right now I again like I said before I mean you can be a clown and it stings just

as hard as the first time you said it I don't think that's not an insult the clowns were a big part of the show. Yes. And they need comedic relief. Yes. And they were very good at their job. Yes.

And I think they probably went to some sort of clowning program or something. Yeah. It's not just like any old person can be a clown. I'm trying to bend. I'm trying to swing. I'm trying to climb. I'm trying to be strong. And you say, be a clown.

So you can see how that hurts. I do believe you can bend and climb and do all that stuff. But as a clown. And not in a very cool contortionist. I think you could probably be a contortionist, just not Cirque du Soleil level.

Those people train since they were a kid. You really don't think if I started now and trained every day, I could be Cirque du Soleil in a couple years? No. Really? You fell down your own stairs. That you walk up and down every day.

No, I do not think you could flip and jump and do all that stuff on stage. No. I thought you were my friend and you don't believe in me. I'm just thinking about the facts. Wow. I'm going to prove you wrong. I really can thinking about the facts. Wow. I'm going to prove you wrong. I really can't wait to see. Imagine I secretly drove in Cirque du Soleil.

And I don't tell you. And I just invite you to Vegas. I would lose my mind. All right. This is the goal. I'm going to be in Cirque du Soleil. Just you wait and I won't be a clown. I will not be a clown.

You'll be that old man who is chasing all the birds. No! No! I will be swinging and strong and bending. Well, I can't wait to see it. I don't believe you. Rent out a pool villa in Thailand for your birthday with your closest friends. My God, this is like the time that you said you wouldn't be with me during a zombie apocalypse.

Have a designer, or you said I wouldn't survive. Have a designer do a private show. Pay for extended family to come for a massive reunion. Clown. Rent out art gallery for cocktail party. Deep sea fishing on a yacht to cook out on private beach.

Ooh. Well, your ass gonna sink. Yeah, I'm not doing that with the orcas, you know. Gathering and whatnot. But I'm gonna do a private circus camp for all my friends who believe in me. So I guess you're not invited. Fine.

I just can't believe you don't think. But you do? I do. You legit think. I really think if I worked really hard, I could do it. I believe if you work really hard, you will be so good at bending and being strong and whatever else you said that you wanted. I just don't think it'll match the caliber of talent that they're looking for in a Cirque du Soleil show. That's all.

You'll see I'll audition. I'm going to audition for Cirque du Soleil and I'm going to prove you wrong. Well, I can't wait to see it. Thanks. Do you believe in you? Do you think you could? No. I'm in my 30s and i haven't even been practicing anything no

it's not i don't believe in you i believe anyone i know at this point in their life who have not been seriously trained to be in the circus for their life can make it into the circus. Okay, that's fair. I really thought it was a personal thing. It was not personal to you at all. I don't think I could do it either. Okay, I feel better now. Okay.

Because it was hurt. It's a very hard thing to get into. Okay. There's circus performers who don't get into Cirque du Soleil. Oh, yeah. You know? Like, I think it's like the cream of the crop. So I just imagine it's a very hard goal.

Yeah. I'm going to do it, though. Okay. Yeah. Let's see. I would go to a private camp out in an aquarium. I've actually always wanted to do that. That does sound like fun.

Can I come? I don't know. I'm not invited to Vegas. No, I'll invite you. Okay. Since you said no one could do it. Great. Pick a party favor to give out.

Video game systems. Tablet. An Amazon gift card. Designer handbag. New luggage. New phone. 3D printers. Smart watch with fitness band. Custom fitted toolboxes. Camping gear. Robot vacuums. I would be so mad if someone gave me a robot vacuum. I'd be like, this? I'd love it. Really? Yeah, I'd be like, cool. I get to like, my gets swept up automatically. But you have stairs and steps and stuff.

They can't go down stairs and steps. Yeah, but my house is mostly not stairs and steps. Hmm. It's mostly flat surfaces. And there are stairs and steps, but the majority of my house is a flat surface. There's one room and then there's stairs and stairs. So you only hit the one room. And then you got to bring it up the stairs.

And I'm willing to do that. You're just going to be lugging this little robot around. But it's little. Here's the thing. I set it in the room and I walk away and it does its thing. I want a Roomba that does stairs. It's like... I think that would terrify me if I saw

a vacuum going upstairs by itself. Coming for you. Maybe. Do you have a Roomba? No, but now that we're talking about

it, I might just get one. Oh. What's your question? I don't know. Maybe I was going to buy you one for

a nice time. Oh, you know what? I don't think I need it. I won't buy a Roomba for myself. I was going to buy you one for a nice time. Oh, you know what? I don't think I need it. I won't buy a Roomba for myself. I'm going to get you a Roomba. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to try to surprise me. Fuck.

Okay. I'm going to get everyone designer handbags. I'm going to get everyone luggage. That's nice. Everyone needs luggage. Everyone does need luggage. I don't really have a big suitcase, and I think I need a bigger one. Also, I'm never going anywhere for like that long.

But you never know. You never know. Pick a business to invest in. Home entertaining line. Now, this says home entertaining, but it's a picture of a cake mixer. A cake mixer with eggs going in it. That's not entertaining anybody. I guess it's a picture of a cake mixer. A cake mixer with eggs going in it. That's not entertaining anybody. I guess it's a cooking line.

Yeah, I guess. I don't know if I would call, I mean, I guess cooking is entertaining. No, it's not. It's labor. It is labor, yeah. We don't like cooking. I certainly don't.

And I do entertain, but I don't cook. No, me either. I do entertain as well, but I don't cook. Pottery studio and classes eco tourism company oh help fund oh help fund archaeological digs nightclub outdoor adventure business stick to the stock market yoga Yoga studio and retreat. ATVs. And other sports vehicle shop. Luxury spa. Mmm. Nightclub. Oh.

I think I'm going to do the ecotourism company. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, you really do love the environment. I love it. Mmm, environment. What is this quiz?

Oh, yeah, I forgot. Something about, um, we'll tell you what Disney animals to adopt? Oh, yeah. Build a portfolio. We'll tell you what cartoon to take in. That's really funny. Oh, boy.

Okay. And finally, choose a vacation to go on. Private beach villa in... Mystique? Mystique. Never heard of it. Me either. Private shows during Sydney Fashion Week.

Skiing in the Cloisters, Switzerland. Private anime lessons in Tokyo with top artist. Oh, that's nice. What? Stay at a giraffe manor? On safari in Kenya? I could sleep with a giraffe? I don't think you could sleep with a giraffe.

I think it's, I feel like we've talked about this, no? You can get brunch in this restaurant and the giraffes will come through the window. Their heads will come through the window and you can feed them and stuff. We have never spoken about that. Oh. I want to do that. You should do that. Oh, my God.

I fucking love a giraffe. I need a giraffe tattoo. You should get a giraffe tattoo. Oh, boy. Those long necks. You should get one that starts the body's on your, and the neck goes all the way up your back. That would be so fun. And then the head's, like, on your shoulder.

Yes, and says, hello. Hey, fridge. Private cooking, oh, boy. Private cooking lessons at Luxury Oasis in Morocco. Off the grid camping in Denali. Take all your friends to a carnival in Rio. That sounds fun. Private diving and wildlife cruise of the Galapagos.

Tour and stay in castles in Germany. Wow, I kind of want to go on all of those vacations. Fun. Private diving and wildlife cruise of the Galapagos. Tour and stay in castles in Germany. Wow, I kind of want to go on all of those vacations. I know. They're really fun. I mean, I got excited about those giraffes, but I also want to go to Carnival. Oh, no. What are you going to do?

I also want to do the private beach. Well, I live on a beach. Okay. Oh, that's right. That's right. I've got to remember those things. Yes. All right. I'm partying with the gir a beach. Okay. Oh, that's right. That's right. Got to remember those things. Yes. All right. I'm partying with the giraffes.

Nice. Do you remember on Land Before Time when they would call Littlefoot a long neck and that was like kind of a slur? Yeah. I do. That's so mean. It is mean don't really know why i brought it up oh because i found a giraffe did i tell you when i? When I was in Cincinnati at the zoo. No.

I found a giraffe. This is interesting information that I would have loved to have known. Is there photo evidence of this? Yeah. And you didn't send it to me? Why didn't you tell me? I thought I did. Did it have a black tongue?

Yeah. Did it like you? Yeah. So you have a giraffe run out in the world and you just didn't tell me about it. That hurts. I didn't. I thought I did. So you don't believe in my circus. But you know what?

This is also on you. I told you I was at the zoo and I told you all the stuff I did and you could have asked more questions. You weren't interested? It's on me to ask questions about your trip? Why didn't you volunteer the information to me and say, Nicole, I met a giraffe. I think this is information you would be happy about. I thought I did tell you, but I guess I didn't. No, I tried to coordinate meeting a giraffe when I was writing my book.

And that giraffe was not available for friendship. I'm lucky. I guess I don't fault you. You did have a great big trip, and I could have asked more questions. Although, asking did you meet a giraffe is rather specific. That I will stand by. Yeah, this is true. Did you meet any other animals and make friends?

A red panda. Were they as cute as I think they are? Yeah. Oh my God. They were freaking cute. Ugh. Yeah. I love them.

Did you get to touch one? Yeah. Did you hold it? No. They wouldn't let you hold it. Okay. Phew. But I fed it.

Oh my God. And one actually fed it. Oh, my God. And one actually scratched me. Oh, a souvenir? Yeah, I was like, aw, I love me a souvenir. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I met the hippos. Oh, my God, what are hippos like? Did you get to touch them?

Stinky. They stink? They're really stinky. They're just sitting right in front of you. They don't give a shit. And they're big and, uh, no, we couldn't touch them. And their mouths are huge. But yeah,

they're cool. You ever play Hungry Hungry Hippos? It's a real crowd pleaser. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. Slam, slam, slam, slam. It's also, like, feels inaccurate to, I mean, I guess I haven't seen hippos in action 24-7, but they don't move that fast. No, hippos are too big to move that fast.

They do move faster than you think, but not as fast as the game. And no hippos are purple. Game's a liar. And they're not eating white balls. No, they're eating food. What vacation are you going on? I think we need a private beach. Yes.

I'll come visit. Yeah, because I live in a brownstone in New York, so I need the beach. Yes. So this is the Shears results. Oh, yes. The animal, the Disney animal that I am adopting after I used unlimited funds for my dream life is Pua from Moana. You're adventurous and want to see the world. You love meeting new people.

You need a pet like Pua who's open to hitting the road with you. Nice. I'm pretty jealous. Yeah, I'm sorry you didn't get the pig. Wait, I don't know how to say that name. Daji? Dahaji? Dajali?

Dajali from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Oh. You're fun-loving and have a bit of a wild side. I do. You like to let loose and don't mind the attention. That's right. You need a pet like Dajali who can join your antics. Okay, I'll take it. Is it a goat? I think it's a little goat.

You know what? I'll take that goat. Take that goat. This is, I think, an accurate thing. Yeah. Adopt that goat. Yeah. I'm gonna get that pig. Should we answer the queries of the world?

Okay. Yes. Hi, Nicole. I've got a friend question where I am unquestionably the bad guy but I was hoping to get your help with it I've got two beautiful best friends one of them has a one year old baby the other one is newly pregnant I'm 33 and I just went through a breakup

a couple of months ago with a person who I thought I was potential to be with for the rest of my life a part of this is that I now feel like the choice to have kids has kind of been taken away from me a little bit, or there's like a lot of pressure on the next relationship because I'm already 33. So I'm kind of like grieving a big loss about a relationship, my future, kids. And I was also going through like a great change. And I was living with my partner. So I'm sort of like

homeless, jobless, and single. Anyway, sorry. so at the moment the problem is I just can't stand to hear anything about my friend's pregnancy I can't stand it it hurts my heart and I keep responding with just very like you know just a heart or not really engaging so my question is how do I deal with my emotions and just be happy for my beautiful best friend and also maybe some affirmations from both of you about why kids are indeed terrible. I'm not sure if I want to have kids, but I'm just panicking because I might not have the choice. Thank you so much for your help. I'm sorry, but I am very much the bad guy here. Please help.

Bye-bye. Well, as long as you aren't actively doing anything or saying anything to your pregnant friend to, like, make them feel bad for being pregnant. And you're not. Yeah. You're not the bad guy. Yeah. And I think, like, if it's text messages or pictures or stuff, I think you can, like, heart it. I think that's enough.

I don't think you have to say anything. And I think you can like heart it. I think that's enough. I don't think you have to say anything. And I think you can tell your friends. I am grieving a little bit because I'm not sure if I'm going to have kids. But I'm so happy for you. So if I do seem a little distant at times, please don't stop sending me stuff.

But that might be why I'm not responding as quickly. Oh, that's really good. But I'm so happy for you. I like that. Like, don't get it twisted. I think it's okay to tell people when you're going through something, especially if you're like, it's not about you.

This is deeply about me and I'm in my feelings about it. But I'm so excited to meet your little one. Yeah, because they're your friends, too, and they want to know how you're feeling. And if this is something you're going through, I think they would want to know that. Yeah, you're grieving the relationship and the possibility of childbearing at this moment. I will say 33 is still young. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what your health stuff is.

I don't know if you know either. But you can still have kids later in life. Or you can look into freezing your eggs. Although that might be difficult now that she's jobless, because that is an expensive journey. But there's always ways to get a kid. You can just get a kid. Everyone's trying to get rid of them all the time.

You can get a kid. You can get a kid. Or not. It's also fine to not have kids and be a fun aunt. Yeah, and body aside, 33 is young. You don't know what's going to happen in the next two years, three years, four years. But I will say, do not go into a relationship

with the pressure of, I need to make this work in order to have a kid. I think going into your next relationship is like, I hope this is fun and good for me. And whatever happens, happens. But yeah, I think we do put pressure on ourselves to have kids. Also, you can adopt later in life. Yeah.

I just learned that when women go through perimenopause, sometimes they get pregnant, even though they think they can't get pregnant anymore. So, you know, you got that in store for you. Yeah. Oh, no. Poor these women who think they're going

through menopause and they're like, woo! Raw dog! Well, I told a friend who was going through perimenopause, I was like,

when I get my little implant out, I'm in a raw dog because it'll be like, I'll be in my 40s by the time it comes out. And she was like, no, girl.

Perimenopause is the time where something like, she's like, you ever hear about women having babies late? Yeah. Because they think they can't have them sometimes oh no yeah it's never ending oh no the fear of having a child never ends not until you're like 60 it's like fuck oh my god imagine being pregnant at 60 oh no get rid of it goodbye but then maybe it's a miracle, baby.

You have to have it. I don't want to be responsible for a miracle. Are you kidding? That's a good point. It's a heavy burden. Yeah, you got to keep this miracle alive and make sure it goes to school and learns. No. Yeah.

I think that's good. Yeah. Do you guys have anything to add? You don't have to. Jordan was truly like, ugh. No, no. I think you guys nailed it I think sometimes we've we have people chime in and you guys like I'll feel like I have something to add but I think

I feel the same way I think you're very young still because I'm I'm 32 I'm in the same boat listen I've been single for a really long time and I'm not really worried about it but I also myself have health problems that like it's I have Hashimoto's and PCOS and that's really difficult to have kids and so like there might come a time be like I want to have kids and it might be really fucking hard and so I totally get that I also get be having friends who are in a totally different frame as you and like I do have friends who have been married and have two kids. And it's like, I cannot imagine like being in those positions.

But at the same time, if I had a partner and that's something I wanted to do with my partner, I would hope that my friends would come to me and be open enough to be like, hey, I'm so happy for you. Just like you guys said, so happy for you. But like, I'm dealing with my own shit and I'll like, I, I'm so happy for you. Just like you guys said, so happy for you. But I'm dealing with my own shit and I'll continue harding,

but I need to take a moment to myself. Yeah. A hundred percent. I also think when you have friends who have kids, you get to see how they go through it. Again, not every pregnancy is the same. Not every parenthood journey is the same. But if you're going to be there

and you're going to be the cool aunt, you get a first class ticket to see what you may have to sacrifice, what you may have to put up with. And if you still want it, that's amazing. That's information for you to do what you need to do to prepare yourself for that journey. And yes, you are young. Unfortunately, society has us thinking we need to be thrown away at like stroke of 30. It's not true.

It's just not. And so continue to look forward to what life may bring you. And it sucks to be in a season of like loss. It really does suck. But once you continue to process it, like there's more on the other side. And so keep positive. Kimmy, if you want to answer, as someone who's about to be a new mom.

You're going to be a mom? As I waddle over to the mic. I think everyone gave really lovely advice. I would say that I've had, I work hard in this season where I'm very happy that I'm pregnant, but also it is uncomfortable. And my body does weird things that I don't expect.

Just be really honest with people about what it is so they can see there's good and bad to it. Doesn't feel like the dream always because it's very real. And then I had something else. And then literally my brain is not functioning at the moment. But I would just say, I think that was really lovely advice as someone who is in this season. And if someone was like, hey, I'm so happy for you. I'm kind of struggling with my own stuff he'd be like I get it and I think also we're taught a lot to be expect negative surprises in our life but happy surprises happen too and so just as you were maybe surprised by these sad things I think you have a reason to be hopeful that you can be surprised by happy things yeah maybe live expectant of that as well because I

think it can definitely happen I like like that. That is nice. Look at us. Oh my god. We're sending you love. I love it. Me too. Solved. Solved. Alright. We gotta get out of here. Oh we have to get out of here. Okay great. Yeah cause

there. Yeah there's our outro. Whenever that appears I'm like we gotta go. If you have a question or query you can email Nicole and Sashira at gmail.com or call or text or leave a voice message at 424-645-7003. If your fingers are burning to spend your cash, we also have merch at podswag.com slash best friend. If your eyeballs are itching to read some transcripts, we have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at Earwolf.com. Ooh, if your fingers are burning for supporting,

don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. It's the easiest way. Well, to support this show. It is the easiest way to support this show. Sashir, we got to get out of here. We have to get out of here, Nicole. Well, signing off from Sirius XM Studios in Hollywood, California. Bye-bye.

Bye.