Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Outran A Tortoise

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Nicole and Sasheer reunite in the studio to discuss Sasheer’s recent Alaskan adventure and Nicole’s Ojai getaway. They also share some important updates, like Sasheer’s dream of dressing like a bog witch and Nicole’s daring new hat. Also discussed are goats, dinosaurs, beavers, bald eagles, and the potential meaning behind the singular phrase “Eat my shorts”. Watch this full video on YouTube and follow below!Follow Nicole: Twitter, Instagram, TikTokFollow Sasheer: Instagram, TikTokLike the show? Rate Best Friends 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!Have a friendship question for Nicole and Sasheer to solve? Leave us a voicemail at [phone]‬ or write in at [e-mail] Friends is a production of Headgum Studios. Our producer is Allie Kahan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Best Friends via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Imagine people take a trip to look for your mom. Or like, I'm sure people will like already be there on a trip and I want them to be like, where is she? Where in the world is Mrs. Zamey? But it was really cool to see her in a new environment And she's been there from February to September It's like really cool And it's beautiful Like the I think this is the perfect time to be there

And I asked my mom, I was like, would you come back? And she was like, I don't think so. Oh snow and avalanches. Oh shit! Yeah. Timber! Timber!

And, but yeah, it's like so pretty. The sky was so clear. You can see so many stars. There were so many mountains and like evergreen forests and then also like rainforests and like a swamp and a glacier. It was like every environment. They have it all. They have it all.

To Alaska. We have it all. Yeah. I didn't have it on my bucket list, but, like, I'm so glad I went. And I would go back. You would? I would go back. I want to go back.

You got in a helicopter? I went in a helicopter. I got in a helicopter to fly to a river boat and then took a river boat, like one of those fan boats and, like, blows you through the water. And then we, like, took a tour around a glacier. And then we got back on the helicopter and flew and landed on top of the glacier. And we're like walking on it. And they're like, you can like get your water bottle and drink out of it. But I don't think that's smart. I keep hearing of it when people get sick from doing that.

Yeah, I wouldn't. That's wild that somebody was like, go on, do it. You want an amoeba? You want you? You want something? You want some bad? I'm like, this is fossil water. I don't want any of that. This is fossil water. This is dinosaur water. Yeah. No, thank you. They didn't get cleaned before they died. I don't think it's good to drink water loose in any environment? Maybe, yeah, at this point, maybe not. I want to say, I want to be like, maybe there's like streams or creeks that it's fine, but like probably not because there's also like fishies and animals in there. Fishies and animals?

Fishies, comma, animals. Not under the same umbrella. I would not call fish animals. No, a fish is not an animal. A fish is a fishy. It's their own thing. You could have picked out a salmon swimming upstream and eating it for dinner. There's so many.

My mom also was obsessed with the salmon hatchery. She was like, we got to look at the hatchery. And it was cool. There were all these like salmon like going up this kind of artificial stream. And that's where they breed. And then they go away. And then kind of quickly get eaten. Oh, no.

By people are bears. Do you see any bears? I didn't see any bears. I didn't see any bears. I thought a beaver. You did? Yeah, I've never seen a beaver before. I've also never seen a beaver.

And so many bald eagles. Wow. America. America's up there. America's up there. Whoa. Yeah, they were like everywhere, like on light posts and trees. The beavers?

The eagles. The eagles. Although someone on one of the tours, the driver was saying that to build their nest, Eagles will pick up beavers and like bring them to the top of trees to like level out the tree. And I don't know if that was true. I wasn't listening hard enough to be like, is this a joke? Or is this real? So Eagles pick up beavers and then they go get to work, beave.

And then the beaver goes, I'm pretty high up. Okay. Yeah. Is that true? It doesn't seem like it's true. It might be a joke. That's really funny. They made a joke and you were like,

Put it in my heart. I'm going to repeat it later. Make it more clear. Yeah. Say you're joking. Say you're joking. I don't know anything about the wilderness. Yeah.

I believe you. I guess it's a fact now. Yeah. Eagles and beaers work together. Eagles and beavers work together. That's the natural order. Beavers and Eagles work together. Obviously.

I went to Oh hi. Lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely Dustinosh. It's like one street, very good restaurants. There was this one place called Radio, that's a taco place. And I said to our server, I was like, I bra aspenio, but I

travador to ablo a Spanish. And she was like, okay, I'm going to speak Spanish to you during your meal. And I was like, okay. And then I was drinking margaritas. The drunker I got, the more frustrated. I was like, girl, I don't know. No intuendo.

No tienda. No comprende. But she was so nice. That's nice. And she was like, if you keep going, she's like, you're going to get really good. She's like, you have a pretty good understanding of the language. When people speak it to you, you have a hard time conjugating. And I said, yeah, see.

You got it. You got it, dude. Love that place. There's this place called the Duchess that has incredible food. We stayed at the El Robloire Hotel, which was really cute. And they have two, I was calling them turtles. apparently they're tortoises. Because they're big.

Oh, right, right, right. And I was so scared of them. Yeah. Because you, okay, in the video I sent, you said, are we watching the same thing? I don't think they're zooming. They were zooming this year. Well, because you took a photo and you were so far from this tortoise. And I was like, why are you so far?

And you're like, because I didn't want to get me. And I was like, get you how? This tortoise cannot move fast enough to get you. picking up the children got so close. There's two children. The children. There was two girls who got so close to these tortoises. And they kept like sticking their, like, nipping at them.

And there's a sign that's like, they will nip you. They don't mean to. But they might nip you. And I was like, you're not nipping me. You're not getting my dogs because my toes were out. I was on vacation. Okay? Letting the breeze hit them dogs.

But not a tortoise. Not a tortoise. And then I posted that picture of my Instagram stories. And I was like, I met a turtle. I was scared of the turtle because turtles are fast. And the nice man said, that tortoise isn't going to get you. And I said that turtle could walk. You said all of this in the caption?

Something like that. Yeah, I'm paraphrasing myself. And then a bunch of people were like, it's a tortoise. And I was like, well, you didn't read, because I know it's a tortoise. Because that nice man said it was a tortoise. I even said it in the caption. Yeah, honestly. I'm wrong.

I quoted it. I quoted him. I quoted him. But boy, oh boy, I cannot recommend this hotel enough. Okay. I got cookies every night. I got compliments every day. The days were good, the nights were good.

Day the night? Yes. This is nice. Yes. And then a lady knocked on the door and she said, do you want turn down service? And I said, we're leaving in like 15 minutes. Can you leave extra cookies?

And she went, yes. And then she goes away, finish getting ready. Knock, knock, knock. This angel appeared at the door. with so many cookies. Wow. And I screamed in her face.

In a way that surprised me. She, like, had a smile on her face, and I went, and then she went, oh! I was so elated. Oh, my God. I'm sure she was happy that she could make you happy. She made me so happy. I was like, I'm never going to come back from this high.

So many cookies And it's nice one, it's free. Yes, free fucking cookies that were soft, chewy. Wow. Somebody made them with love. I love that. Me too. Ugh.

The tortoise made me think of the tortoise nipping. I was in, I was at a, like, resort treehouse hotel in Okinawa. And there was a resident goat who, like, everyone just, just let run amok. They're like, oh, and there was a sign that was like, this goat might climb into your car. Like, be aware. This goat might hit you, headbutt you, try to eat your stuff.

But if it gets too much, let a staff member know. How? As a goat's mawling you to death? I guess they're like kind of nearby. And then also we had water bottles that you could spray the goat with. Just in case you were like, Like, get out of here. And this goat, like, came over and, like, put its head near my thighs.

And I was like, okay, maybe it wants pets. So I was, like, petting it. And then it, like, wound up and whacked me with its head. And I was like, I'm out of here. Get away from me. And then my partner thought it was funny and was just like, ha, ha, ha. And I was like, I'm getting a bruise. I'm hurt.

I was hurt by a goat. I was hurt by a goat. I was hurt by a goat and you're on the goat's side. And then I would try to steer clear of this goat every time we went to the car. And then one time we brought a pizza back and we had it in the backseat of the car. She, my partner opened the door, like, I don't know, turned for a second. The goat was in the car. Like put the whole head and front two hooves in the car to get the pizza.

And then I run to the back seat and I'm pulling from the other side. So I'm like playing tug-of-war with this goat. and the pizza and my partner's laughing her head off. And I was like, this is not funny. Pull the goat out of the car. And we like shoveled back to the room. And the goat's circling us. Like just like outside, like pretending to eat grass.

Like, oh, I don't mind me. I'm just eating grass. And I'm like, get away. You stalker? That goat wanted your pizza. Really wanted the pizza. Damn. Do you think that goat ended up there because

it's goat mom was like, you are too much trouble. Just you got to be with the humans and bother them. You are too much of a bot. What do goats do? Eat? There's goat milk. We take their milk? We definitely take their milk, yeah.

But that's it, right? Yeah, I guess we don't eat their meat, I don't think. Do people eat goats? People do. Yeah. Oh. I guess so. Never seen it on the menu.

I guess not here. Maybe other countries? Yeah. Maybe a goat stew? Maybe. Hmm. Yeah, it's widely eaten across the Middle East, South Asia, Africa, the Caribbean, Latin America, and then parts of southern Europe, like Greece, Italy, and Spain. I just heard, I didn't look it up, but it's probably true.

that Trump made it legal for you to kill wild horses. What? Why? I don't know. I don't even know why. Like, you can hunt a wild horse. I know. It's really sad.

I don't like that. I don't either. Ugh. I love horses. Me too. I feel like that happens when, like, we're overrun with a certain type. animal? Yeah.

There's too many deer, so go hunt deer or whatever. Like iguanas in Florida. You're allowed to shoot them or hunt them. I guess you don't have to shoot them. Strangle them? I guess, yeah, hunting is shooting. You can hit them, hit them out of a tree and poison them. Poison them, strangle them.

Yeah. But I think iguanas are bad for the... They're invasive. Yeah, invasive. That's the word. But wild horses, I don't think they're invasive. I think they're just running around having a good time. Being wild and free.

And like usually not in... They're not in cities. Like, what does it even matter? So sad. I'd love to get him on the horn and go, why? Why? Why? I don't know.

He probably just wants a horse head on his wall or something like that. Nasty. Nasty. Go get one off Etsy. Let someone fabricate it. No, he was the real deal. Yeah, like, the thing with hunters, I'm like, go fabricate it. Like, we don't...

I don't give a shit if it's real or not. I can't tell. Me, yeah. I almost just said, me either. But I guess that works. Yes. Me either. Huh.

Shit, what was I going to say? Horses. Fabricate. I don't know. Yeah. Hmm. That's okay. That's tough when the train leaves the station with the thought.

Just chew, chew. Bye, bye. Have you ever written a horse? Yeah. Yes. I rode one. in Iceland with our friend Andrew and they were really wild horses.

Oh yeah, yours kept running, right? Yes, it was like we were in a group being led and then my horse would be like, nah, I'm going to go over there. And then we'd just like be over there and I'd be like, please go back with the group. And they're like, all right, I'm ready and then go back. And then I don't know if I did something

or if the horse was just ready to run, but it started sprinting. And I was just like holding on for dear life. And it like took my breath away. Like I couldn't scream because I was like so scared. And then it slowed down and it was like, all right. Well, now I'm just going to go back. All right.

Been there, done that. I'm done. It was what? Yeah, when a horse gallops, my God, it's, I don't really understand how your body is supposed to move with it because my body went the opposite way and I just kept slamming down. And I was like, my pussy. My pussy! Oh my God.

I was trying to get up and pull the other day. and I was trying to just use my arms and my legs were spread around the pole and I like pulled up and it swung my pussy right into the pole so sheer the pole was like that's how hard I hit it and I was like oh no

and Veronica was like don't do that again and I was like ah yeah that's probably not a good idea my god it hurt oh yeah I'm learning this new thing in pole that is so scary and hard.

It's called a crucifix where your knees, you're like this on the pole. The pole is between your knees, and then your arms are out like that and you're upside down. Yeah. And then the thing I'm learning is to grab the pole and then go up it backwards.

It's a backwards like pounce. Go up it. Like, like, what? So you're upside down like this. Yes. And then you move your arm like that and then you go up. Oh, God. It's like a reverse climb, but you're upside.

It's climbing but upside down. Holy moly. It is so freaky. Yeah, because your head's facing the floor. Your head is facing the floor. The only thing really keeping you on the pole is your knees. So if your knees come undone, who, guess what? You come right off that pole.

Bye, bye, everybody. Yeah. That's scary. It's so scary. And then a thing. thing she was like, after we learn how to pounce up, you'll be in a crucifix in the sky, and then you let your knees open a little, and then you drop, and then you catch them again. No.

And I was like, girl, what? No, ma'am. What? It's wild. No. You're almost due for your annual poll lesson. This is true. I should come back.

Once a year. Once a year. It was so funny, the last time you came, you're like, I want to be strong. And I love Veronica. but when she hears those things, she's like, great, I'll kill them. I know. I should say nothing. Yeah.

Say nothing. You know, update her on your life when I'm late. Don't tell her anything. Don't give her any hints. My God. And then you'll never come back. And then she's like, the goal's strong, right? And I'm like, no, no, Lord, it's not.

Please be easy. You're like, that's not my goal. That's not my goal. That bitch left. My God. You're right. You're right. My goal is to take it easy.

Take it easy. Easy like Sunday morning. But it is fun to watch you pole dance because your legs are so long. Thank you. So then when you put the shoes on, they're even longer. And it's a real dream to watch. Oh, such a treat. Thanks.

My little stumps look stupid. And I'm kidding. I think they look like fun. Yeah. Even though I'm knocking on. But you can't really tell when you're on the pole. Hey, thank you. Yeah.

Because we're all like sauntering. and climbing, slinking. Yeah. I like my boots that I just got, too. They're so cute. You got to use them. Break them out. Yeah.

I'll bring them out. Come back. Come back. Oh, okay. What is this? Oh, is that beer? Oh, yeah. This is the beer Orion that's made in Okinawa, Japan.

Oh, look at her. Where I was also made. She, ugh. She's not sure why that was my. My response. But yeah, that is where you were made. I think it's because you hid it from me for so long. I'm so sorry.

I wonder what other secrets you have. I don't have any. Well, you did reveal a secret our last episode or the upcoming episode. Don't know when this will be released. I didn't know you ever babysat. I guess, I guess, yeah. Just like a handful of times. Wow.

Never knew. Crazy. Yeah, I guess I didn't know you during that time. Yeah. Sitting next to a stranger. Nuts. God, I like these pants. Thanks.

They're fine. They're so cute. Mm-hmm. For people who are not seeing the visuals. Oh, black base. Yes. A capri length. But like a billowy capri length.

Mm-hmm. And then daisies, maybe? Yeah. Some sort of white flower. Yeah. I like it. A White Lotus on HBO. On my pants. Right on your pants. These are white lotus pants.

They're really cute. I like them. Thank you. Yeah. Harem pants? Oh, yeah. Maybe they are harem pants. Hammer pants? Yeah. Hammer time. Ding-ne-ne-ne. Anyone else is time for? A break.

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That's fine. It's a little crop top. I can't wait to wear it. That's cute. My new obsession is, I'm not wearing one now, but shirts where the inside of the shirt is a different color. So when you flip this up, it's a different fucking color. That's a very specific thing.

Did you search for that or you just come across it? I came across it maybe like three or four years ago and I was like, whoa, I like these shirts. Yeah. And then I started finding more of them. And I was like, I think this is a special interest. So now I've just been looking for them. And I have found so many cute ones. Love that.

I also love a short sleeve sweatshirt. Come on. She's warm and cold. Yes. The torso is warm, but we're airing out the arms. Yes. Mm-hmm. I like that.

Also, I've been dipping in white t-shirts. Nice. I didn't wear white t-shirts for the longest. Because of fear of getting it messy? Mm-hmm. I don't know why the fear of getting it messy made me laugh. The fear. The fear of getting on messy?

Oh, I don't mess up my white shirt. Ooh, it's a mess. That and, like, sometimes the armpits will like this color. But I very much don't care anymore. Yeah. I kind of like when a shirt's fucked up, because it's like, this was lived in. Yeah.

And when I get it secondhand, I'm like, somebody loved this shirt before me. Mm-hmm. I like that. And now I'm going to love it. Yeah. I had a dream that I... Okay, Martin. And this is just as impactful.

All right. I had a dream that I should start dressing like a bog witch. Excuse me? What the fuck? What did you say to me? A bog witch? What does that mean? It's like...

Like scarves? Yeah. Okay. Like, like a little pirity, like swamp aesthetic. Okay. Are you, can you pull up bog witch aesthetic? I'm really excited about what I'm going to see. I'm thinking like pirates is.

the Caribbean? Kind of. Okay. A lot of skulls and bones. No, that's skulls and bones. I guess you could put skulls and bones, but not in my dreams. So in this dream, was this somebody telling this to you, or are you seeing the aesthetic? I think I was getting dressed for an event, maybe like a award show or something. And, like, I don't know if it was my stylist or who I was with, but we were figuring out

what I should wear it, and we kind of landed on like, this should be your look. Taylor's like, you know what you should be? a bog witch. I think you should be a bog witch. Taylor has a southern accent, loves his bait. Yeah.

And he loves his bait. I'm dying. I'm dying. Okay. It won't be all that. Okay. I'm seeing the vision.

Yeah. I'm going to like cherry pick things from this. Yes. But it won't be like full like cosplay. Yeah. There is a store that's really expensive, but I feel like it's bog witchy, but like pastelli.

Do you know what I'm talking about? No. Is it a chain or? Okay, can you write expensive, tattered clothing? Expensive tattered women's clothing. Brand. Yes, Magnolia Pearl. Whoa.

I figured it out. Ooh, a moon prism tea. She looks fun. Is that the aesthetic you're going for a little bit? I can't believe I put that hat on her. This is the biggest pirate hat on her. I actually liked everything else. What is what of these hats?

I hate the hats. I'm saying, like, I think it's like a little pirating. Yeah, but I, yes, this is the vibe I'm going for. Yeah, big flowy things, like patterns, fringy stuff. Okay. Can you look up their pants? Those hats have to be a joke, though. No, I don't think so.

And then, let's see, how expensive are they? They're expensive. Yeah, it's like $400. $400. $400. Yeah. But yeah, that's the brand you're looking for. Yeah, okay.

Love it. Maybe you could find it on Poshmark. Oh, Poshmark. I like finding things on Poshmark. Yeah, Magnolia Pearl. Poshmark. I'll look it up. Yeah. I can't wait to see this come to fruition. Me too. Look at that hat on that lady. Wow, they're having so much fun. They are having fun, like down to the shoes and everything. Mm-hmm. She also looks filth. She looks dirty. She looks so dirty. But just in her face.

In her hair. Oh, yeah. She said, I haven't washed that in years. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. Okay, I'm obsessed. Yeah. Okay, Magnolia Pearl sends to shears some stuff. He was a stuff. Otherwise, she's going to have to go buy it secondhand on Poshmark. This is true. Whoa, I'm kind of a, I'm into this.

Right. Oh my God. Look at that hat. Some of these are fun hats. I, because you're already a hat, Diva. I am. I did, I meant to take a picture of it and send it to you and be like, can you ask the boys if this is like bow peep chic, but it didn't want to trigger you.

It's fine. I'm over it. It's whatever. But I bought a couple things from a store. I won't say it because I'm returning the things. I didn't love it. But one was kind of like a flowy, lacy jacket. Okay. Overthrow thing. And then one was a like cape-led hood situation. Okay. Crochet. And I was like, oh my God, this is my new life. And I bought them. They came into the house. I tried it on it. I was like, I do not want to wear any of this. I do not want to wear any of this.

The crocheted hood looked like chain mail. Like I looked like I was going to war. Did you take pictures? I don't think I did. Damn. It was like straight up Joan of Arc going to battle. I was like, no. No, this ain't it.

And then the flowy thing was just like, it just wasn't right. Okay. It's going to be a journey until you find your Bogwitch look. I'm dying that you said, Bogwitch. That was in my dream. I was like, I guess that's what that is. And I looked on Pinterest, I was like, that is what that is.

I love this. Yeah. So when are you going to start? I guess you have to collect the things. I have to collect the things, yeah. It will be a transition. It won't be overnight. Do you imagine, though?

I think, also, I would be so insecure about doing it overnight because people would be like, what's happening? What's going on? What is she? What is you doing? All of a sudden, what is this? She's a bog witch. Is this a costume? I'm a bag witch and you bring your cauldron out.

I'm a staff. I have been trying to transition into shorts. We've talked about it. I'm having a hard time. I just feel so naked. Yeah. It's a lot of skin. But I just got to do it.

I just got to throw myself into it. Yeah. I also bought these like big baggy skater shorts. And I was like, who is this? Are they like gene material? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. They're just like big men's...

That's in right now. Uh-huh. Yeah? Yeah. I figure I wear them with my little Mary Jane's. Yeah. My friend John hated them. I like them.

I said the way I like to dress is... I don't want people to like the whole look. I want them to hate at least one thing on me. Nice. Right? Just to be like, ugh, I wouldn't. And it's like, but I did. But you did.

You're daring. Eat it. Yeah. Eat my shorts. Eat my fucking shorts. That's so funny that parents were like, ugh, that's one of the worst things I've ever heard. Eat my shorts. Yeah, people like with The Simpsons, my mom didn't like it.

She was like, that part. Hmm? That part. Maybe because they're thinking about like where the shorts are, how they're like, you know, by your butt and your, and your no-no parts. And they're like, if you're eating that, you're basically eating. So sheer. The stuff. The stuff.

This bog witch is wild. I can't believe if you said no-no stuff. No-no stuff. It's right by the no-no stuff. Boy, that got me good. Yeah, Eamore Shorts is like the calmest thing you could say with that sentiment. Otherwise, like, suck my dig, eat my ass. I don't know why I gaffed.

You did gas. Suck my dick. Suck my dick. That's gross. It is gross. That's lewd. It is lewd. And I've definitely said it to somebody.

Just like being real, suck my dick. Do you remember the, like, the crossed arms, like, over your crotch? Mm-hmm. Did that start with wrestling? I feel like that was, like, from a professional wrestling match tournament. I think they're called matches. Event? Yeah.

Event? Event? Maybe. I feel like there was a character that did that. Maybe it was already popular and he just like made it more popular. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know.

I know a lot of things come from wrestling. A lot? I'd love to hear more. Do you smell what I'm cooking? That was the rock. Austin 316. You're just saying their names. What?

Brother. So much comes from wrestling. So much. So much. Wait, did you hear about the X-Men? Yes, I did. Are you excited? Barry.

Yeah. I'm excited, too. Yeah. But who plays... Okay, do you mind pulling up who the new cast of the X-Men are? I did an interview and they said, what's next for you? And I said, playing Storm and the X-Men. They don't know.

They don't know. Who knows? They don't know if there's a multi-universe situation. As soon as that article. came out, they announced the cast. I was like, this is pretty funny. I hope I confused somebody. But yeah, who's Professor Xavier? Christopher Abbott. Yeah. I wonder if he's going to shave his head. I think he has to. Right? Or maybe a bald cap maybe? I hope not. Shave that head. Save that head. So wait, can you read to me

who is cast? Yes. Okay, so it's Sadie Sink is Jean Grey. Yes. Kit Connor is Scott Summer slash Cyclops. Christopher Abbott is Professor X. Samara Weaving is. Samara weaving is Emma Frost, Indie Navarrette, the girl from an obsession. She's rogue. And then Maya Boyd is Storm, and Adam Driver is Mr. Sinister. So there is no Magneto in this lineup. Not yet. I think this is what they have been saying thus far. Yes. Okay. Yeah. What are you hoping they do with Storm's hair? Wow. That's a good question. Wow. Wow. Oh my gosh. I'm so glad yes. I do have thoughts. Well, I guess

because they're starting younger. Like all these people they just look at it are young. And so I don't know if they're going to be like, I don't know what version they'll be or like where in their lives are going to be because eventually Storm has that cool mohawk.

Yes. And which I think they did put Storm in a Mohawk in some like... The makeover movie, Apocalypse. Yes. Yeah. Where Apocalypse is like, Mom, I'll give you new things to wear. That's essentially what the movie was.

A makeover movie. It was. He was gathering them going, no. And then making them over. Oh. Did you not say it? I don't think I did. This is a tough one.

But, yeah, Maya Boyd, boys? She's a Broadway diva? Yeah, she's a Broadway diva. I'm excited about that. I think that's cool. Because, you know, Wolverine, he's a Broadway diva. Hugh Jack Men. Hugh Jack Men, yes, that's true.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Theater. Theater? Because it's like superhero shit. I want to see some drama. Yeah. You know?

Drama. Definitely. I just watched, what is it, Days of Future past? Mm-hmm. God, that one's fun. Yeah. Oh, my Lord. The Sentinels are so scurry.

I don't remember the Sentinels. Oh, my God. They're like big and silver. They don't look at the cartoon at all. But they, like, adapt to the X-Men. and like take powers. So like one of them's fighting Iceman over here. One of them's fighting Pyro.

Then they use like pyro over here, iceman over here and like kill like. Ugh, it is brutal. Brutal. Ugh. I hope we get Jubilee. That'd be fun. I love Jubilee.

I did see someone post and because you know, everyone's always going to have thoughts. And I want to hear all of them. And they were like talking about. It's also funny because this is a fake story. But did you not know? I don't know. What is the story?

You even told? I don't know what the story is, but like the X-Men is, you know, someone created it. Wait, what? The X-Men's not real? I don't think so. Is this what you're trying to tell me that the X-Men aren't real? They're not real. I'm so sorry.

Holy shit. But, so they were saying how, like with the new cast announcement, that the characters that are so far listed are human passing mutants. Like, if you saw them and didn't know they had powers, you would think they were humans. Yeah. But there are also so many other mutants

that cannot pass. Yeah. Because they all of the time are blue or have fur or whatever. And those haven't been listed yet. It doesn't mean they're not going to be in the movies. But he just, like, was making a point basically of like, I guess like the oppression within the like already ousted class.

Whoa. That's kind of wild. Yeah, you're right. There's no toad. Mm-hmm. Oh, I love that Halliberry line. Do you know what happens to a toad when it's electrocuted? Same thing that happens to everyone else.

That's pretty cool. Yeah, but Sabretooth can't pass. Mm-mm. Um, um, um, what's Alan Cummings? Night Crawler can't pass. Yeah. Uh, Archangel with his big old wings. Yeah, interesting that they only picked the mutants that can pass.

I wonder if that's going to be like a thing in the mirror bag? I wonder. Yeah, I don't know. What's going on with Marvel? Mutants that passed, no blade. Wonder Man got canceled. I know. That makes me bad.

I loved Wonder Man. I loved it so much. I loved it. in a way, we've talked about it on this podcast. I said to The Nice Man, I was like, Ben Kingsley's Anna, can you believe? And he was like, oh, same character as Iron Man 3. And I was like, no, it is. It is?

Yeah. Ben Kingsley is in Iron Man 3. Apparently. And apparently he's in other movies. Yeah, he's in Shang-Chi. And he is the same character? He is listed as the same character. I actually haven't watched the full movie yet, so I don't know.

But it's the same name, so I'm assuming so. Was this the movie that you watched on a plane on somebody else's screen? Correct. Yeah. So I didn't hear what was happening and I didn't see all the scenes. That was such a funny text. You were like, I'm watching this movie on somebody else's screen. And I was like, okay.

I watch a lot of movies on other people's screens. Like, just like, they were like across the aisle and like ahead. And I was like, just watching it. And I'm like, that looks really good. I got to watch that one day. You're like, oh, man, one day I'll watch it. I could right now, but I simply can't. Because I don't want to commit for some reason.

I get that. But just like looking at it on someone else's screen on a plane, I'm just like, I think I get it. Whenever people watch the news on the plane, I'm like, come on. Take a break. You're taking it. Like, we're in the sky. Yeah, you're that obsessed with what's happening around. Oh, my God.

You'll find out when we land. Sometimes I don't pay for Wi-Fi and I'm just like a free agent in the sky. Yeah, look at you. And, you know, sometimes the Wi-Fi is free and I still won't log in. Ooh, look at her. Can't get to me. A break from the world. It is nice.

Yeah. Yeah. I was on a flight from... Where was I? Why was in Atlanta? Oh, because I had a layover. Delta didn't go direct from North Carolina to L.A. So I had to go to Atlanta.

We got to rethink the Atlanta airport. It's a lot. Because I landed, I think, in T and had to go to C. And that was pretty far away. It's pretty far away. Why are we doing this to people? I don't know. And then Delta was like, you'll definitely make this.

It was like 45. They were boarding by the time. But when I landed, they were boarding. And I was like, what? Why? You did this. You said I could buy this and do this. You got to do better.

Yeah. You should account for my walking time. Yes. But I could not sleep the night. night before and then got on the plane, watched half a dream girls, and then when I woke up, we had landed, my mouth was wide fucking open. And you know when you get off a plane where maybe you've snored too loud or it caused a ruckus and everyone's kind of quiet around you and looking at you? I think it caused a ruckus because like everyone was like pretty quiet and like, just like,

oh no. Just like staring at me and I was like, I think I was loud or something. I was at like a drool mark on me. I was like, I was doing a lot. What if you're just screaming slurs? You don't know it. Just screaming slurs? And the flight attendants don't stop it. They're like, she's sleeping. She needs a rest. She must be exhausted. My God, that would be wild. And then on my flight to North Carolina, I fell asleep, woke up, and I was like, can I have my breakfast? And they were like, oh, we don't have that. And I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, what do you mean? They're like, we gave it out. And I was like, but why?

I pre-ordered it and then you confirmed it with me. That is really crazy to me. Like, just don't, what? Right? Don't give away my food. That's so why. That's my food. But it's also crazy because they confirmed every meal with everyone else too.

So then were they like, hey, just so you know, if you want to switch, you can. You can, this bitch is sleeping. Yeah. Or maybe one of the flight attendants ate it? But I was really upset I didn't get my omelette. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I had to eat French toast where there was cream on it and the cream seemed curdled.

Ooh. Airline food is, they're not doing it. Yeah. It's not good. Let's take a break and think about it. Okay. Leaves aren't the only things that are changing this time of year. As children go back to school and people start preparing for the end of the year holidays,

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I thought about an airline food is still not good. I was on a flight. It was early morning. they were going to serve breakfast. I fell asleep as soon as I got on the plane. And then eventually woke up. Everyone had already eaten, finished eating. Went to the bathroom.

And the flight attendant was like, we were just talking about you. And I was like, why? And he was like, we were trying to figure out if you're going to wake up. And I was like, that's none of your business. If I wake up or not. We were trying to figure out

if you were going to wake up is a wild thing to say to somebody. Or like, you were wondering if you're going to wake up. And I was like, well, I am now. And he's like, do you want your food? I was like, I do. but... We could have done without this interaction.

Why were you having a conversation about this? Just keep the food until I wake up. So, girl, do you think 1B's going to wake up? I don't know. She looks really tired. Mm-hmm.

Do you think she gonna eat her food when she wakes up? I sure hope so because we don't want this to go waste. This is wild. Nothing else is happening on the plane? I guess not. That you're gossiping

about whether people are going to wake up or not? I guess. It was wild. That's really funny. Like, don't tell me that you were talking about me. I'm sleeping. But I guess that's what you do on a plane.

You gossip about the people on it. That's true. I was on a flight with this man who had the biggest font on his phone. So I was just in his business. I was just reading. And I was like, oh, man, he really misses his wife. Oh. He's like, I'm coming home.

I miss you so much. And she was like, yeah, I can't wait to see you. And I was like, uh-oh, she didn't say she missed him. I was like, uh-oh. What's happening at home? You better hurry up. I, uh, where was I flying to? I don't remember, but I sat down and the guy goes, so you do this fly a lot?

And I was like, no. He's like, oh, you look familiar. And I was like, well, no. The fly attendant said this? No, the man who sat down next to me. Does he do that fly a lot? I don't know. I think he wanted me to ask.

And I was like, I don't want this. I don't want to be friends with you for four hours because I've been there, done that. I don't want to want my heart broken again. I don't. Do you remember? I had a meet cute on a United flight leaving Chicago. Yes, I do. We both had been at funerals, separate funerals.

Yeah. Separate but equal funerals. And we were like flirting. And then by the end he was like, how are you getting home? And I was like, a car? And he was like, well, I live over here. And I was like, I live over here. We lived like kind of close.

But then we ended up taking separate cars, but we had exchanged numbers. And we were like texting. And I was like, I found love in a hopeless place on a plane on United. It sounds like a love story. Yeah. But then he didn't come to my improv show. He's like, actually, this is where I draw the line. He was like, she wants me to watch her make things up?

No, I don't want that in my life. I live in reality. Yeah, uh-uh, object work. And I'm like, put, come on. He's like, what are you doing? Pet and a dog. So, sure, that was really funny. You're obviously bouncing up all.

What is it? She's trying to feed a dog? What is this? Sing me. I hate her. Oh, no, he hits you? No, he shot me. Oh, my God.

Yeah, good. Oh, okay. Yes. What do you do? Hit you? What did you do? Throw foot in you? No, he shot me.

Wow, Sashir, you really need to brush up in your object word. Good Lord. Back to the X-Men. I wish they had cast like fully grown people. But I think it's because of the story. I think they're like, also they probably want to, like, do X-Men for a long time. So they need these people to be young so they can age with the characters. I miss Fampke-Gensen.

Me too. I thought she was a great rogue. She wasn't. She wasn't rogue. No, she was Jean Grey. Sorry, Anna Pacquine was rogue. Right, right, right. She was a great Professor Xavier.

I loved her so much. She was so good, bald-headed and stuff. But I also don't... Because some of the actors who are in older X-Men movies are going to be in the upcoming Avengers movie. Yes. But not all of them.

Like, James Marsden's got to be Cyclops. I'm sure Professor X is going to be there. Patrick Stewart. But I can't remember who... Ian McCullen's going to be Magnetius. Oh. But I don't know, like, what... In what capacity.

We don't know. know. We don't know. We got to see the movie. But yeah, it's not like, they're not bringing Holly Berry back. They're not bringing Famke-Gensen. What about Anna Pac-Wam? Probably not. Damn. None of the ladies? Oh, shit. None of the ladies is like, yeah, maybe not. Rude, rude, rude, rude. No girl power here. I guess not. I have not seen the trailer for the new...

I haven't... Doomsday. Doomsday. I don't want to. I actually. I don't want to have to like... Oh. I don't want to see any little clues or hints. I just want to go in blind. Going cold. Mm-hmm.

Okay. I still haven't seen Spider-Man. You got to. Here's the thing. Mm-hmm. Toby McGuire is my Spider-Man. And I have a really hard time when he's not there. Yeah.

And I tried watching the Stephen Garfield ones. Andrew Garfield. Andrew Garfield ones. and couldn't really get into them. I did watch the Spider-Man with the blip and then the one after that. And yeah, I guess I like him. What if I told you Toby McGuire's in this movie?

All right, sign me up. I'm going. He's not in the movie, though. Fuck, why would you do that? You fucking Bogwitch? That was so mean. Sorry. What if I told you he was in the movie? Okay, then I'll go.

He is not in the movie. You really shouldn't have revealed it. You should have just taken me to see it. That would have been meaner, actually. Yeah, you're right. You're like, is he coming? When is he coming? I'm like, wait for the after credits.

Well, I was like when I saw Avatar 3, we went to the premiere and Miley Cyrus came out. And I spent the whole movie going, Is That Miley? Turns out she just sang the song for the movie. For three hours this year, every 15 minutes, I was like, is that Miley? Is that Miley? That's really funny. Wasn't Miley? I mean, that's really funny to think that, not.

that she can't be in the movie, but just be like, hey y'all. Hey, y'all, welcome to Pandora. I'm an Avi now. Where's our whale? I wonder if we're going to get an avatar for. I think we are. Oh, we are? Yeah.

I thought he said he was done. I think there's another one, because I remember Zoe Saldana was like, I'm going to be, like, in my 50s. But this time this one comes out. She loves being a different color. You know, I think she got like, she found Elaine. She really did. What a funny niche. Yeah.

Me up. I'll be green. I'll be blue. 2029. Oh, wow. We got to wait. We do have to wait. What years is it now? 2026. So not that long.

Three years. Did you do that math? Did you do it quicker than me? Huh. Well, you didn't say anything, so I don't believe you. She can't count. It's true! She can't fucking count!

So what if I use my fucking fingers? Because I got there. You said got there? You didn't say shit. Closed mouths don't get fed. You can't see Avatar. I can't even see it now. You can't see it.

And what? Oh, no. I'm going to try to see it in 2030, and I'll be wrong because I can't count. Yup. And you'll be the idiot at the theater. I'm like, one ticket for Avatar. They're like, it's not here.

Why can't you read it? She can't read. She can't count. Wow. Should we answer questions and queries? Let's do it. Let's do it. There is an Instagram account

where this guy interviews people on the street and he's like, can you read this? And people can't. It's just like a sentence. It's like the geologists found the rock under the... There's like words that are not really big words, but like mid-sized words. Mid-sized words.

In between like a little word and a big one. And people cannot read. Yeah, it is tough to see. I've seen the video. Yeah. And I was like, oh, no. It's because they stop teaching phonics in schools so kids don't sound anything out. Oh, why would they stop teaching phonics?

I actually have no idea. That's a weird thing to choose to teach or not teach. I think they literally teach now, just like, guess. Oh, my God. And so like nobody's sounding anything. out. It's tough. It's tough.

You know, that song, Mitch and Weiger just walked by. That nice. That song, Whitney, she believed that the children were the future. They're not. They're not even the past. We could read back then, too. That's really funny. But I've been reading, I've been trying to read more.

Good. And I got this book. Tess recommended. it. It was so juicy in the beginning. And now it is, I'm struggling to get through it because it got really fucked up. Oh, boy. People are getting sold left and right. Oh, no. A lot of servants and slaves. Oh, tough. Tough. That's tough. Mm-hmm. All right, hit it. Hey, best friends. Longtime fan of the pod, first time question sender. I'm a 30-something Virgo gay man living in Portland and in desperate need of some advice. Lately, I've been craving in-person

human connection, so I've made conscious efforts to organize multiple friend events. However, they never feel like they're enough and I'm getting bored of seeing the same people. For context, most of my friends are here in Portland and they're straight. I just want a gay or queer person to queen out with, but it's been so hard to locate these people. I've taken dance classes, entered a queer gaming tournament, and even auditioned for a horror-themed musical to find my community with no luck. Recently, a guy reached out to me on Grinders saying he's looking for casual hookups or a new friend. I got super excited and took the friend part very seriously. We started chatting and all seemed to be going well. We both like eating, reading books, and

have similar tastes in video games. Doubly lucky, I found out he goes to the same gym as me and verified he's a real person. As conversations went on, they progressively became stale and stagnant. The only thing this guy wants to talk about is how much nursing school sucks. I've entertained this topic multiple times asking him thoughtful questions about his experiences, like what he plans on doing after he finishes, if there's a specialization he's looking to get into. Why he wanted to start this program in the first place? I'm running out of questions. And honestly, I really don't care.

The only thing I can give him now is, man, that sucks. The last time I saw him at the gym, I figured I figured I'd go for it. and try a different approach. I prompted him to exchange phone numbers with me and redirected any mention of nursing school to something more actionable. I suggested we meet up at a local bar or restaurant to move the conversation from online to in-person.

Now I'm getting excuses that he needs to study. I don't know what more I can do. I really want to make more gay or queer friends and he's the opportunity that's gone this far. I want to salvage this and not give up. How do I tell him I'm really tired of him complaining about nursing school? At this point, I'd be happy to be just casual hookup buddies.

Please impart me your wisdom. That's really funny to be like, actually, let's just fuck. Please stop telling us. I simply cannot hear about nursing school any longer. I think you've got to let this one go. Yeah, this might not be your friend. Yeah, I know it's one of those things where it's like time invested, or it's like maybe our listener thinks they've invested enough time that they're like,

I should get some sort of payoff. Yeah. There may not be a payoff. Sometimes you don't get a payoff. Sometimes it's learning that this is, you don't want to befriend to anybody else in nursing school. And that's okay.

Yeah, I think keep trying. Yeah. My impression of Portland is that there's a lot of queer people there. But they've done so much. They auditioned for a horror thing. They've, what else they do? I can't remember. Queer gaming or something?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm surprised you haven't met anyone from these activities. Yeah, I think it's just, you keep trying. You just keep trying, I guess. Yeah. And maybe, like, if you're bored of the friend group that you're already, or, like, the hang that you guys have been doing,

maybe start hanging with people in that group one-on-one. Mm-hmm. In the meantime, before you start finding, if you can't find a new friend immediately, but you're like, I still want to do stuff. Yeah, maybe you take one of your streets to the gay bar. Yeah. And then, like, I think it's easier to meet people when you're with somebody

because you have, like, a buffer. Mm-hmm. But yeah, take one of them straight. Queen out with them. Yeah. I also wonder if your straight friends have any other queer people in their life? Yeah. It's possible they don't.

But maybe if you could be like, hey, I'm trying to build more community in queer spaces. Do you know of any? Maybe someone works with somebody and they're like, oh, yeah, you actually would vibe with this person a lot. And see if you can get a little friend date going. Yeah. I also wonder if this person did one of these queer events. Yeah. And it's like, if you go to like a queer dance party, maybe it's like, if you go to like a queer dance party,

Maybe it's like you go every month. Yeah. So it's like you start seeing the same people and then you can like start off with a or start a conversation with like, oh, I saw you here the last two times. Are you going to come the next time? Maybe we get a drink beforehand. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's more. I think you have to like be consistent. Be seen. Be seen. Yeah. Be seen. Be consistent.

Be S&C. Seen inconsistent. Seen inconsistent. You know that old adage? Oh, that's what they always say. They always say. Solved. Hello, lovely women.

Hope all is well with you guys. I have a best friend of 15 plus years and she sometimes lies to me. An example would be if I send her a voice note on WhatsApp. If I, sorry. An example would be if I send her a voice note on WhatsApp, she listens to it. But then Auer says, hey, I'm just listening to this. I don't understand because she could have just said I'm busy. Would you be upset from that last?

Can you go back? Yeah. So an example would be she sends her a voice note on WhatsApp and the friend listens to it. But then hours later says, hey, I'm just listening to this now. Because you can see when somebody has listened to something. Oh. So I guess the person writing is like, I can see when she's listening to it. But hours later, the person who has been listening is like just getting to this now.

Even though she's already listened to it? Yeah. Hours ago. Yeah. But maybe she started but didn't finish it. So maybe she's not lying. That's... I agree with you.

Okay. Sorry. I was like, what? Yeah. I don't understand it because she could have just said I'm busy. Would you be upset from that lie? Am I overreacting? Have you guys lied to each other?

What type of lies would you accept from each other? Thank you for your time and love you both. P.S., I'm a massage therapist. And I love that you guys are taking care of yourselves with massages. I listen to you guys as I'm a massage. massage, and I would silently laugh and turn off my headphones because your silliness. Oh. That's sweet.

No, I think our friend is overreacting, hence me not being able to move forward and listen to the whole thing. It does seem like, maybe this person's a literal person. Mm-hmm. I'm very literal, too. But that seems like it's okay, because they are listening to it. I think maybe like a more egregious lie could be like they listen to it and then they listen to it and then they were like, I didn't hear it at all. Yeah.

But. Because to me what's happening, I sometimes will start it and then go, I should, I don't have the time to actually listen to this. So I guess it would say kept on the other person or listened to on the other person's side, but I actually haven't listened to it. Yeah. And then I listen to it later and then respond. Yeah.

I don't think that's a big deal. Or they did listen to it and then something happened and they're like, their day had to continue. Mm-hmm. And then they maybe they phrased it inaccurately. And they're like, oh, what they're, what they mean is like, I'm just now getting to it. But they're saying I listen to it. But you don't want to get hung up on semantics.

It's not a big deal. They still listen to it. Yeah. Maybe they're not viewing it as lying. They're just like, I don't know. I guess I don't know what you would call that. Like, just not being specific. Yeah, that's what it seems like to me. It doesn't feel like a lie.

Yeah, I think it's okay. Me too. I mean, I guess, you know, I guess you could also like consider someone being like, I'm leaving the house now and they're not a lie. Yeah. But also that's okay. Yeah. I feel like lies we accept from each other are times we're going to be at a place. Yeah, definitely. Getting in my car.

I'm not getting in my car. Be there intent. I will not be there in 10. It's something I need to work on more than you. You've gotten much better. Oh, thank you. But yeah, do you think that is a lie that we both accept from one another? Infamously, we're all in New York.

We were all meeting up for brunch. Everyone was taking selfies of them on whatever mode of transportation that they were in to get to brunch. Some were running late, some weren't. So she takes a picture of her at home in a bonnet. And we were like, are you coming? It wasn't even a bonnet. It was a shower cat. Oh, that's what it was.

It was worse. I was jumping into the shower. It was wild that you were like, they're going to want to see this. It was so funny. It was like, wait, what? I was like, L-O-L. I'm not even in the world yet. I think I get wet first.

But yeah, I think that's the lie that we have come to just accept from each other. Yeah. But yeah, I think if there's a lie that's like detrimental. Yeah, if you're lying about big things. Like, yeah, I'll feed your cat and then you don't. Yeah, that's bad. That's a bad lie. Yeah, that's a bad lie.

I don't like that lie. But sometimes lies might be. okay. Like if like a white lie. Yeah. Like if someone's like everyone kept laughing at my hair today. Do you think it's bad? No.

No. No. You know? I did not bring that up because of your hair. I swear to God. Do you bring it up because of my hat that I wore to the Rose Bowl parade? I wasn't thinking about that at all. People did laugh at you at the Rose Bowl parade. But I genuinely loved it.

I love that. Every corner people were laughing at me. I couldn't believe it. It was the meanest time of my life. I never, like, I look at it all the time and go, I can't wear her. Oh, no, but it's so good. We're all going to laugh at you. No.

Well, to share, I would prefer you didn't do that. If I'm looking crazy, tell me. Okay. Because then I get to make the choice if I want to continue. To look crazy. Uh-huh. Which will be what I do. Yeah. Yeah. One thing that people hate. That's your word. One thing that people hate.

And that day it was the hat. It was the hat. They hated it. Solved. If you have a question or a query, you can email us at Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. We also have a phone number. Hit it, Allie. 323-23-8-6554. Woo! Woo! Giddy-up!

Get it up! That was a hate gum podcast. I don't know. There's still some time left. Oh, just in time for my favorite season. Fall? No. Best Friends Tour season. Oh, yes.

I always forget about Best Friends Tour season. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And it starts on October 7th at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then you have to have the traditional October 8th show at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, Washington. And then everyone gathers. round Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco for a show on October 9th. One of my favorite parts of Best Friends tour season is the November 3rd show at Talia Hall of Chicago. I broke a toilet fair!

I love the November 4th show at the Wilbur and Boston. Oh, that's a really good part. Oh, what about the November 6th show at City Winery in Philadelphia? Oh, love that. And of course, there's the November 7th show at the Howard Theater in D.C. And as we all know, this season ends on November 8th at the Grammarcy Theater in New York. Oh, it really is. Oh, it really is

the most magical time of the year. People can start getting ready early this year by getting their tickets now. Yeah! Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. Headgum.

So this is just a podcast where we just talk. We're best friends. Yeah. We talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. Mm-hmm. So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities.

Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing.

You are. I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.