Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Probably Snored On A Plane (Re-Release)

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

OH WOW HELLO! This week Nicole and Sasheer cover Nicole’s travel mishaps and newest nemesis, what a manifesto really is, plane-snoring, airline etiquette, Nicole’s new friend Ed - the CEO of Delta, pilots who sleep at the wheel. Then, Nicole and Sasheer answer listener questions about how to feel okay about your ex/current friend moving on, and how to have hard conversations with roommates. Plus - roller crocs?!?   Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail]424-645-7003  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/friends.

Hey guys, we have a live show coming up on Saturday, July 16th at 8 p.m. at the Largo in sunny Los Angeles, California. These shows are really fun. We catch up, we tell stories, we make each other laugh and we make you laugh. We even do Buzzfeed quizzes and we answer your questions right in the dang room. You come to the show with a freaking question, we'll answer it. It's a dang good time.

It's a dang good time. Grab them tickets for a dang good time. For July 16th. You absolutely have to do that line again. There's no way you got a good take of that. Grab your tickets for July 16th. What? What?

What is happening? Grab tickets for July 16th at largo-la.com. See you then in sunny Los Angeles, wow. Hello. Wait, should we just start? Yeah. Wait, I thought you were starting. I was and then I stopped. How are you? I'm so sleepy. Yeah. I couldn't fall asleep last night. Oh, when did you go to sleep? Like three.

And then I kept just like waking up. Damn. Okay. Hello, Sashir! I thought that was the start. Oh, was it? We're going to include all of this. We should. This is great. How are you? I've already said it.

I'm exhausted. Yeah, I'm actually pretty well rested. I don't know how. What a dream. We got back from Mexico yesterday, and I think I went to bed around midnight, and then I woke up somehow at like 8 a.m., just like all on my own.

Wow, you'll love to see it. I, yeah, I had to watch Spider-Man, Gotta Get Home, and, I don't know, the second one, whatever the fuck it's called, and... Gotta get home. Gotta get home. Spider-Man, gotta get home! Um, and then I finished it at like, I guess like one-ish. And then I tried to go to sleep, and then I couldn't go to sleep,

so then I drank some Z-Quil. Z-Quil knocked me out for like maybe an hour, and then I woke myself up snoring, and then I was like, you gotta get back to sleep, and then then I woke myself up snoring. And then I was like, you gotta get back to sleep. And then I kept waking myself up snoring. It was delightful. I loved it. Thrilling adventures of Nicole's sleeping. It is what it is. I don't know.

Uh... Somebody told me I should do like a sleep study to figure out why I'm snoring. Also, the last time I had a physical, the lady looked in my mouth and went, oh, do you have a boyfriend?' And I was like, is this a hate crime? What are you saying to me? What is happening?"

And she was like, "'Because you have a closed throat, so you probably snore?' So she's like, "'Do you wake up your boyfriend?' And I was like, one, get out of my business. Two, I'm famously single. Three, I have a small throat? I was really afraid that she was gonna be like,

you have a closed throat, so his dick will not get back there. He's gonna have a hard time getting back into that throat. You are not a throat goat. Your throat is too tiny. I'd be so sad if someone, you know, diagnosed me as a non-throat goat. My official diagnosis is that you can't deep throat nobody.

Nobody? Sorry about it, honey. Um, boy, I'd be sad. But no, the diagnosis was, if I were to ever sleep with someone repeatedly, I would wake them up. Oh. Isn't that a wild thing for someone to say? That is, because like, why is that the main concern? It should be, how is this affecting you? Not the person you're sleeping with.

Yeah. Yeah, she should have been more... more involved with me. She should have been talking to me. But, you know, it's like a movie doctor and I don't know what her credentials actually are. I see. But those people, there's like, you're alive. You can go work. Yeah. Physicals for our jobs are so funny.

Someone will look at you and be like, um, do you feel like sick? You're like, no. And they're like, all right, sign these documents. You're, you're cleared. I know at one time a doctor, uh, for a work physical felt my throat and was like, you're a throat goat. I'm just kidding. He was like, uh, he's like, you have enlarged and enlarged thyroid.

And I was like, yeah, I have gone to a doctor before and like they mentioned it, but like said it wasn't anything to worry about. I was like, do you think it's gotten larger? Do you think I should get this checked out? And he was like, meh, I don't think so. I was like, you don't think so. Boy, oh boy. But you noticed it.

And he's like, ah, it's probably fine. And I was like, oh boy, okay. I love a medical professional who's like, listen, it's probably fine. And I was like, oh, boy. OK. I love a medical professional who's like, listen, I don't know. I truly don't know. Don't know. Don't know. There's no way to figure this out. I won't even try. Not one time. I had one physical. It was in New York and I was living in like uptown at the time.

I always lived uptown. And they sent me to this place, like, I'll never forget. Yeah, it was West Forth. And then I was like, oh, I took the train. There was too many steps. West Forth, if you take the blue line down, you gotta go eight flights of stairs. It's rude. And the elevator never works.

So I huffed and puffed, and I made it to the doctor. And he was like, boy, you're out of breath. And I was like, yeah, I was trying to make it here. I hustled, I was trying to be on time. He was like, okay, let's start your physical. You ever think about losing weight? And I was like, you know, maybe, maybe once a month? I don't know, sir.

And he was like, I think you should think about it harder. And I was like, can I do this job? And he was like, oh yeah, you're cleared. But like, and then kept talking to me about like losing weight. And I was like, and also, P.S., he was huge. He was the, he was a very big man. I was like, all right, Humpty Dumpty, this is the pot calling Kettle's black.

Leave me alone. I didn't like him. I wish him nothing. I'm so sorry. I like that lady on the plane yesterday. Oh, my God. We step, okay, first of all, I hurt myself every day of our trip. We were in Mexico, I put a song in at karaoke to sing,

party in the USA. This is after I paid the DJ a hundred US dollars to never put in another song from this unruly table that I hated. I said, I will pay you to not be nice to them. And that DJ said, we'll do. So we put it as a song, Party in the USA, maybe disrespectful to do in Mexico, cause I'm not partying in the USA.

I am in Mexico, but chose to sing it. And as I was skipping my heart out to get to the stage, I hear a... And felt a... And I said, oh dear, but I finished the song because she's what? Professional at having fun. And... And also I had eaten mushrooms, so I thought maybe I was like, maybe it was a good pop. Turns out bad pop. It was a dirty pop. And...

And... And... So that was the first night. And then I was just like limping the whole time we were there. The second day, oh, it was a beautiful beach. And then there was a pool floaty that I was playing on, had a nice time. The floaty said, I reject this fun you're having.

And it slammed into my acrylic fingernail, splitting my nail horizontally down the center. Blood everywhere, covered him. Like, truly came up from the ocean. What? Just dripping, you were dripping him blood. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like a dream of mine is emerging from the ocean,

toss tossing a cute little afro of like little beads of hair. Someone being like, wow, look at that sexy woman emerging from the ocean. Oh my God, I love her. And like water dripping. Instead, I like limped out of the ocean dripping in blood. I'm like the fucking bookie man. Like a horror movie. I was like the lady from The Ring climbing out of the ocean dripping in blood. Like the fucking bookie man. Like a horror movie. I was like the lady from the ring climbing out of the TV,

except the TV is the fucking ocean. And our friend rushed to get like a medic, wrapped me up. And then I didn't get hurt on ATVs, but I was stuck behind the slowest woman in America who didn't. Oh, no, I was not in America. Oh, no, I was. No, I was not in America. Oh, no, I was! No, I was not in America. I was in the continent North America? Yes. No, I was in Central America.

Wait. No, I think it's North America. I'm in North America? OK, slowest woman in North America. And my God, we were going up a hill. And OK, to be fair, she was like a little... She was plus size and they like clocked plus size people and put us on bigger ATVs

because it helps you go up the hill, especially if you don't know how to shift. And they told us how to shift. You just got to be in a higher gear to go up a hill. And boy, oh boy, she got stuck and I was like, shift up, I'm screaming shift up in the clearest of voice. She turns around and she's like,

excuse me? And I was like, shift up. And she's like, what are you saying? I was like, shift up. And she was like, what? And then the guy like came over and did it for her. I was so mad. And then I wanted to be like, and then you downshift. Whatever. She kept going so slow, but finally I got to the end of the line so I could do whatever I want.

And we were on it for six more seconds. So then, a long roundabout way to get to this plane. So we're putting our luggage in the overhead bin. So sheer. I love for this year to just sit down and I'll put stuff up. I don't know why I need you to enjoy your time on a plane. I love planes. You're a gentleman. And I appreciate that.

Thank you. I am your plane gentleman. So also I took a wheelchair down because I have this terrible limp. And then people, I guess, don't believe that you need a wheelchair if you can stand up later, which is very interesting. So I was putting the suitcases up and this lady was like, it's not going to fit. That's not going to fit. It's also worth sitting there and I was like, ma'am, it's going to fit.

And she was like, I try to fly a lot. I said, it's going to fit. Don't worry about it. And she's like, sure. And I was like, you'am, it's going to fit. And she was like, it's going to fit. I try to fly a lot. I said, it's going to fit. Don't worry about it. And she's like, sure. And I was like, you have a lot to fucking say. She was so rude. I hate her. I wish nothing for her. I hope she got lost on her way home.

I hope her children say, mommy, I hate you. I wish her husband filed for divorce when they landed. I hope her food wasn't good. And her butthole blew up when she got home. I hate that woman. I do not like her. You know what? I should call Delta, get the manifesto, find out her name and figure out where she lives

and send her some dead flowers and go, you're like these flowers seem to be dead. No, that's a threat I could never... Is that a threat? You're gonna threaten to kill this woman? I guess I shouldn't. I guess that's wrong. I also like that you said you're gonna get the Delta manifesto. threatened to kill this woman. I guess I shouldn't. I guess that's wrong.

I also like that you said you're going to get the Delta Manifesto. What is that? Isn't that what the plane list is called? Absolutely not. Are you sure? It's like you're... Can you look that up? I feel like it's a plane manifesto. It's a list of all the people. So I feel like that's like your thesis statement,

like of your like mission, or your mission statement for, I don't know, your world views. Oh, wow. Why do I think it's called a plane manifesto? Hopefully a manifesto is just landing in the right spot. Hmm. There's a Delta manifest request form. Oh. But I wonder if...

To manifest, it's close. Yeah. What is it called? What, like the list? They're like, we have the manifesto. Or maybe they've never said that and I'm making things up. Where did you hear that? I feel like it's like the passenger manifesto. I don't know. But who said that?

I feel like I heard a flight attendant say, we have the manifesto. Oh no, maybe they're plotting something. There is a thing on Google that says, what is a plane manifesto? A manifest, comma, customs manifest or cargo document is the document listing the cargo passengers and crew of a ship, aircraft or vehicle for the use of customs and other officials. Okay. I guess you were right. I didn't even know about this.

Interesting. I probably never heard anyone say this, and I don't know. Because it seems like you know a lot about planes. I love planes. Listen, listen. Our friend, my friend Tessie, our friend, she's your friend too now, she couldn't go, she had to go back to Portland,

and she was trying to get into the Delta Lounge and they said she couldn't be in the lounge. And then I looked up online, you could be in the lounge if you are first class or if you are flying international. And I was ready to fucking get on the phone, hop on the horn and get it done. What I did was I took a screenshot and I sent it to her

and she was like, I already told them. And I had half a mind last night before going to sleep to call Delta and say, excuse me, you tell me exactly what all the rules are right now. But then I was like, I have the credit card, I'm fine. But I just don't want my friends denied. I mean, it doesn't make sense, because that's been the rule for the longest.

That if you're on an international flight and you're connecting, you can be in the lounge. And your first class, she should have absolutely been in the lounge. Absolutely. But, you know, on the way to Mexico, I did hear a man in a cowboy hat say to his friend or acquaintance, they're making it easier

for any old person to come in here. He also didn't have a Southern accent. He gets more and more bigger and bigger every time I talk about him. And then he rode his horse into the sunset and said, I don't even need a plane today. But that's what is not true. That there is not easier for people to get in there. It's in fact getting harder.

It's getting so much harder. And all I ever want to do. Is eat eggs in the Delta Lounge. All the eggs we had on the way to Mexico were super salty. If there is a Delta representative listening right now who works in culinary, can you let the chef know, the head chef, that the frittatas were too salty?

-♪ Hahahaha. They don't care. -♪ The only opulent thing about me is how I fly. That is literally it. Truly a crusty bitch any other time. I wonder if I, I don't think I can pole dance for a while with my finger like this. Oh, absolutely not. I wouldn't suggest it. This fucking sucks.

I'm sorry. I mean, also with your leg, I don't think you should be pole dancing. Oh yeah, probably not. I should probably let that rest. Yeah, definitely. I think for a thing, you just were truly falling apart every day throughout this trip. I was like, my poor friend.

I think my body was like, I have been through enough because I went to Miami, had a fucking wild last night. And my truly went for work, had a wild last night in Miami, got to the airport apps. So, OK, was having my wild night, looked at my watch or my phone or whatever, said to the friend I was with, I was like, I get picked up in an hour. And they were like, you got to get out of here. And I was like, you're right. I got you out of here. So they would get in the car, get back to the hotel.

And I said, I have to spend the rest of my per diem. You're not going to give me money that I'm not going to spend. So I ordered a hamburger. I think I ordered two hamburgers because I was like, got to get the rest of the per diem because I was keeping track. So the burger came. I laid on that bed and ate it horizontal. It got everywhere. Also, you only had an hour.

Uh-huh. Yeah, the... My assistant was calling me. The driver was calling me. And also I turned the TV on and landed on, I don't know, I think it was like HBO Spanish. So I was just like HBO in Spanish and I was just watching Spanish stuff. And I was like, what are they saying? I was so drunk that I thought it was like an English thing and I was like, why aren't they saying the words,

I know, as I was horizontal, slamming a burger in my mouth. Two burgers. And then the driver who dropped me off from where I was was the driver who took me to the airport and he went, wow, are you okay? And I was like, uh-huh, I just gotta sleep here. And so I fell asleep in the car and then he very gently, when we got there, he was like, uh-huh, I just got to sleep here. And so I fell asleep in the car and he, and then he very gently, when we got there,

he was like, hey, we're here. I said, thank you so much. And he's like, get home safe. I said, okay. And then I tipped him, I don't know how much money. And then he just handed your wallet over. Yeah, I said, please take my identity. I don't know who I am.

I wasn't in my body at that moment anyway. You were not. So then I get to TSA Security. I feel like I had a real nice ha ha ha with the agent when I took my mask down, but I don't remember it was a good ha ha ha or it was just me ha haing. And then, I didn't tell you any of this.

I just said I was very drunk when I flew home. Yeah. So then I like very drunk when I flew home. Yeah. So then I like, sit down and I... Oh, also, it was like gate 179. It was the longest walk I have ever taken to get to a gate at Miami International Airport. They said, you'll walk this off before you get on the flight.

And my body said, no, that's not gonna work. I got on the flight and I looked around and I was like, I'm still so drunk and it is 530 in the morning and I don't think anyone is at my level. So then I had another vodka soda and then finished that and promptly passed out. We were on the ground for 45 minutes. Well, I was just snoring.

And I didn't even know we were delayed until we were landing, where they were like, we tried to get you here on time. That 45-minute delay really set us back. And I looked around, I was like, did everyone else know we were delayed? That's really funny. Oh, God. I mean, gave you extra time to sleep? It did.

But the way I slept was I slumped down in my seat and slammed my knees into the seat in front of me and I think that person reclined on me cuz when I woke up, I was like how why am I sitting like this? I was like also my knees hurt. So when I stood up finally I was like Boy oh boy, it was Oh, no. Boy, oh, boy, it was tough. And then my seatmate, he kept glaring at me, so I think I was snoring really hard and really loud and maybe talking.

Mm-hmm. Just like the doctor was saying. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I'm not dating that person, so I don't give a shit. Mm-hmm. That is a good point. Ah. And I thought I was done flying drunk like that. I used to do that all the time in my early 20s, or like when I was touring a ton more, because, you know, it'd be a very early flight to get somewhere else, and then you'd have a show and then go out after the show.

So you get on planes drunk. I can't. I'm nearly 40. I know. It's so much harder. Yeah, I did that, uh, leaving Indiana. And I, well, I missed my flight because I just fully fell asleep with the TV on and all the lights on and was, and like set no alarms, wasn't, had no plan. Stuff was scattered everywhere. And it was like, like a zombie.

It was like, I have to go. And then truly if I left 15 minutes earlier, I probably made it. But she didn't. She did not. Did I ever tell you about the last time I was going to Austin? I think we were before. I think it was Moon Tower. I left LA pretty drunk. Can't remember what, I think I was coming from like a dinner or something, or maybe, I don't remember.

But I was drunk getting on the plane, had a cocktail on the flight, fell asleep, woke up to them saying, we're now landing in Houston. Couldn't land in Austin. And I was like, wait. Again, I looked around, I was like, we all knew this? We all knew we were is going to Austin. And they were like, and we are leaving in 45 minutes. And I said, I believe you,

which is something you should never believe in airline. It took like three hours. And then there was another flight that had taken off, but like, I believed the 45 minutes, so I didn't read books. And then I was in the fucking Houston airport for a week. And then I was like, I believe you. And then I was like, I believe you. And then I was like, I believe you. And then there was another flight that had taken off. But like, I believed the 45 minutes so I didn't rebook. So then I was in the fucking Houston airport for three hours.

Did I ever tell you about that? No, I don't think so. Oh boy. It was wild. I know. I hate when that stuff like that happens where they're like, okay, it's going to be delayed just this much and you're like, I could rebook, but maybe I'll believe them. And it never, it's never worked out where it's like,

oh, they were right, it was only 45 minutes. Like, now I spend my whole day here. And everyone else got to leave on a different plane. Mm-hmm. Oh, if there is anybody who works in airlines listening, I have a query. Here is the query. So my friend Tessie, she had a connecting flight from Portland that was delayed.

It was a Delta flight to a Delta flight to Mexico. And she was not the only person delayed. There was like 10 other people delayed. And they were trying to close the doors. And I think the only reason why they didn't close the doors is because we talked to the gate agent and we were nice and we were like, our friend is coming. And we stayed outside the like, we stayed outside to the last second.

And then like everyone like rushed, rushed, rushed, and like made it right on time, like right as they were closing the doors. But I'm like, why would you leave 10 passengers if they're only gonna be like five minutes late? Because I've had flights held for me. We had a flight held for us when we went to Canada. Remember when I ate the edible and you were perfectly sober

and we had a great time? Yeah. I was just sleeping and we were like, muffins are good. And then we were like, Ms. Fire, Ms. More, we were waiting for you. We were waiting for you.

We held the flight for you. And then we laughed the whole way to our seats with everyone staring at us. Not happy. Yeah, that didn't make any sense. Cause it was like, so you would rather rebook all these people than just wait five minutes? Because you can see where they're coming from. You can see what... They have the manifesto.

They have... They have. Just look at your manifesto. Yeah, that's so silly. I need to talk to Ed Bastion about this. That's the CEO. talk to Ed Bastion about this. That's the CEO. Who is Ed Bastion? I believe he's the acting CEO.

Jordan, can you confirm that for me? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I love Delta. The acting CEO. That's correct.

That is wild that I know that. And I'm not like, I have very, very little knowledge in this brain, but I know Ed Bastion. Ooh, I know Ed. I have no idea what he looks like. This is like the other night when I knew who, who... Tootsie Poots. No, wait. Imogen...

Imogen Poots, no wait, Imogen Pooz. When I knew who Imogen Pooz was, and I couldn't figure out why I knew her, that's Ed! Wow, I think Ed and I could be friends. I think Ed would finally, would find me very entertaining, and he'd want to be around me. And he'd absolutely find you interesting. He'd be like, oh, I like Nicole.

Some happy old rich white man. Loves you. All right, if anyone has any connections to Ed, see if Ed is married or if Ed is looking for like a sugar baby because I'll fly anywhere on Delta with him. Oh, he probably has a private fucking plane that's not even a Delta plane. Absolutely has a private plane.

Ed! Ed! Ed! Do you think, do you think Ed's private plane says Delta? Or do you think it says Ed? Or do you think it says nothing? It might say Delta. It might be like these, since he's not, since he's just the acting CEO. It might just be the CEO's plane. And then whoever's the CEO at the moment can use it. Oh, God, Ed. Did you know Delta's the number one on-time airline? It's all for Delta. Yeah, I know that because they tell us,

they brag about it every time we land. It's all for Ed. Oh, it's because of Ed. I just learned why you get in early. You know how pilots are like, pilots will say, we made up time in the air and we landed early. They overestimate how long your flight will be. So, like, if you're delayed or whatever,

you still kind of get in at your arrival time because they built that in. So it's like to impress people? Yeah. So you can't get mad. Because you're like, oh, we got in early. Or, oh, I guess we got in at, we were delayed, but we got in on time.

It's like because they estimated it for you. Huh. Tricks. Ed got tricks up his sleeve. Wow. It does seem like they're doing all these tricks to like make people like, be like, see, we did a good job. Be calm. Like we started playing music when we, when we de-plane. And I'm like, what the fuck is this music?

But I guess it's to like calm people the hell down. Yeah. It'd be like, don't fight in the aisles. You'll get your things back. Chill out. You had a nice time. There was like intense classical music playing on the shuttle on the way to our plane.

Pretty funny. And Tess said that it was sped up on her bus, which is really funny to me. Yeah, because she was like rushing, so it was like... Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh- My man explained the bit. It's for us. Some things have to remain private. You would have had to been there. Yeah, and even if you were there, you may not have understood what was happening. You wouldn't have gotten it.

Yeah, people around us definitely didn't get it. No, they didn't like it. Except for one man. He did. He did. I saw the crinkle of the eye. You know, that's a laugh and a mask, the crinkle. Um, and then at the end of that flight, I had my enemies, but then I had my friends behind me, I'm always making enemies and friends on flight. And then that baby, that dope ass baby, and that onesie, that was a cool baby.

I, it's pretty funny. I have said more about the flight than our trip to Mexico. Maybe it was entertaining. No, because you'll miss out on all the action. Oh, you're right. Maybe I'll become a flight attendant and I'll just like get into it with the passengers. Were you the one telling me that most pilots fall asleep in the cockpit? Hell yeah. Over, I think the statistic is over 50% of pilots have said that they have fallen asleep at the wheel of planes.

Like that can't be the term for it. At the gears, at the head of the plane and have woken up and their co-pilots also asleep. I mean that's here. Jordan, can you confirm or deny that I'm lying? I don't think I'm lying. I think I read that somewhere. I mean, so they're just there just in case autopilot messes up. It seems as such.

Yeah. That pilots might be, uh, a pilot might be listening. It might get mad about this. It seems like pilots might be playing babysitters. Whoa. More than half of pilots have fallen asleep while in charge of a plane. A survey by Pilots Union suggests of the 56% who admitted sleeping, 29% told BALPA.

Who's BALPA? I don't know who BALPA is. That they had woken up to find their other pilots asleep as well. Wild, right? that they had woken up to find their other pilot asleep as well. Damn. Wild, right? Damn. Yeah, I think that's nuts. It's crazy. I mean, it's really funny to think about it.

It's like we are flying through the fucking sky in this huge metal thing. You know, you just gotta believe it. And it works. And then the pilot goes, I better take a nap. Right? I guess like you're just looking at clouds. And if you don't know your co-pilot,

like you don't feel like shooting the shit, I guess you just tap out and go to sleep. But also, is there a conversation beforehand? Like, hey, man, I don't really fucking like you, dude, so I'm gonna close my eyes for a bit. Or like, hey, buddy, I'm gonna close my eyes. Or do you just like fall the fuck out? They're probably also overworked,

because I think, isn't there like less pilots after the pandemic or something? Apparently, everyone is short staff because of the pandemic. One, two, they lifted the mask mandate. And I think Ed went on record to say that they're having staff shortages due to COVID-19.

But don't, don't, that's not a direct quote from Ed, okay? Please don't misquote Ed Bastion. I can't misquote Ed because I'm trying to become his sugar baby. I need someone to get to Ed and tell him that I'm... I'm down! Imagine from this podcast, I get to become Ed Bastion's sugar baby. I mean, that'd be great. Imagine he gets to become Nicole Bastion.

I could be the queen of Delta. The real diamond diva. Oh, my God. But yeah, I wonder. And then I know that the pilots, they're not allowed to eat the same meals. They have to like get separate meals in case not allowed to. Yeah. In case one of them has like gone bad and causes food poisoning.

Oh, so the one pilot has to have a different meal over the other pilot. Mm hmm. OK. Again, that might be a lie, but also I might have read that. I mean, everything you've said has been true so far, so I'm going to believe it. I mean, everything you've said has been true so far, so I'm gonna believe it. BOTH LAUGH That was what kind of sounds like a, like, murder mystery kind of thing, like,

in case one of them is poisoned. In case one of the flight attendants had a thrist. No. Is that... What? A trist. No. Trist? A trist? I don't know. I was trying to say... Like a hair? Yeah, I was trying to say... Like a hair?

Yeah, I was trying to say in a dramatic way that she was having an affair with the pilot and then she tries to poison him. It didn't really work out in my favor, but... It's fine. It's fine. Thank you. I got it.

Um, what kind of pants are you wearing? Hmm. I'm wearing some new pants. To let them... That's what I thought. I don't think I had seen them before. Those are cute. Okay, so people can't see. They're leopard print. They're really cute.

Are they denim? What's the material? Walk me through this. I think they're cotton. And they're comfy and they draw strength. The fabric of our lives. Okay. And I got them at this store called Half Off on it's near Squaresville. I don't know what that street is called or what that area is called, because I don't know where I am ever. But they just have like random stuff,

like a bunch of like graphic design t-shirts and, and then occasionally I'll find like some cool comfy pants or a nice jumpsuit. I also got, um, where is it? It's on Vermont. Oh, okay. Thank you, Jordan. Um, I also got like a, a sweatsuit. And what's it called again?

Half off. Do they have plus sizes? I don't think so. Mm-hmm. Half off should become full on. Get some bigger sizes, half off. Oh, we're done. I don't know. the world is fun. Should we help people or take a quiz?

Let's answer some questions. Yes, let's help America. Hi, Nicole and Sashir and Kenny and Jordan. My name is Fern. It's a fake name. Don't worry. I guess I use they them pronouns because it's not confusing. But I have, I need advice. So I was dating this girl for a while. And then we broke up so that we could be friends because we wanted to remain friends. Um, after the breakup, um, like we weren't like, there's no like bad feelings. We were both just like, okay, I think like this was on its course. So like, it was very, um, amicable.

Fun fact, I, uh, we were, we were, we scheduled, we scheduled our breakup and we're going to go like a little cabin trip. It was going to be great. It was going to be cute as hell. Um, but then her roommate got COVID. So then we had to quarantine together for a week, but like since we already were going to break up and like do, it was, it was a great week. It was fun.

It was great. Um, but so my problem is that I'm happy being friends. I'm glad I don't want to get back with her. It was not going to last much longer. It was neither of us but it was gonna last longer than it did. And so I am perfectly happy. But I was gonna go see her orchestra concert today and she said, oh, I'm gonna bring my plus one

but I can't hang out anymore. And I was like, bet you have your own life. That's fine. But now I'm just like having these weird feelings about like, if she has. Like a new significant other. And I like, we all have advice, like how to get over those kinds of feelings of like not wanting to be back with her and like not jealousy, but just like this like weird, scratchy scratchiness of having to confront that

because that's kind of new for me. Um, it's very clear and I love you guys. I think you're so funny and you make my day and you make me really happy every time I put on the podcast and I listen to it all the time. Uh, okay, love you, bye. They seem very sweet. Yeah.

I do think that is a hard thing, uh, to date someone who you had a friendship with and then continue the friendship and be happy that you're still friends, because love and sexual attraction and romantic feelings don't just like turn off. So I think my therapist has said mourning a relationship is like good and healthy.

So I think it's okay to like be sad, be in your feelings and mourn the loss of like the romance or whatever. And I think maybe a good way to get over it is to ask them questions about their dating life and share your dating life a little bit. And if you do start to feel jealousy, just remember that you have this person in a different capacity. Like, just because it's not romantic doesn't mean

they don't have the same level of love for you. Mm-hmm. I think. I don't know. I... In my mind, I'm kind of like, take a break. Like, y'all don't have to be immediately be best friends right now. You just broke up. Like, you can still be friends for sure.

Go on coffee dates, et cetera. But I don't know if you need to, like, feel like this person needs to be in your life as much as they just were. Like, you can still be friends for sure. Go on coffee dates, et cetera. But I don't know if you need to, like, feel like this person needs to be in your life as much as they just were. Because then you're going to run into moments like this where they're like, well, now I'm dating. And you're like, oh, this is a new thing. You weren't dating before because you were dating me.

And that, you know, like, go find your other friends. Go regroup with your other friends that you have. Make new relationships. Maybe go date. And if that's what you want to do. And then maybe it'll be easier to like have those conversations where you're like, oh, how was your date? How was your...

How are these other people that you're seeing, et cetera? I think to immediately go... I feel like you're kind of fooling yourself to be like... We could just like put a hard line like, okay, now we're friends. And like, it's as if we didn't date for X amount of time. Like you and kind of what to what you were saying, you can mourn the relationship.

But I do think that takes time. I don't know if you can do that while you're still in the process of being coming friends again. I guess that makes sense to. Yeah. Just like remove yourself from the situation for a little bit so you can. What is it? What is they say? Hindsight's 2020. So it's like when you when you're out of it, you can see more fully

about things. So, yeah, maybe some distance will be good. Yeah, I think that's that's good advice, I think. Yeah. And you can still hang out with this person. Maybe it's like group time with your friends or something. But I think maybe like cool it on the like... off like the frequent one-on-one hangouts for now. That's good advice.

Yeah, I've never been friends with anyone I've been romantic with. I just see them in a green room and go, hello. Until we both feel not as weird and we keep talking. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, same, honestly. You know, I don't have any close friends that I used to date. Yeah, no. But I always think that's nice-ish.

Especially if it's like amicable. And it's not like you don't hate each other at the end. It's like, because that person did know you intimately. So it is nice, I think, in theory. But again, I've never experienced it. I mean, same. I've seen it done or I've heard of it happening somewhere. It's like a myth. I've heard I've heard I've heard lore that this happens sometimes. Yes. Stories from from from the great beyond.

Jordan, are you friends with any of your exes? No, I'm a fairy. You do me wrong once. I never talk to you again. Ooh, one and done. One and done. And maybe that's the Aries in me. But no, it's truly like I don't waste my time with people who are wasting my time. And I don't want to be friends with you afterwards if you feel like you no longer

want to be with me or to share your... Not your life with me, not like so like powerful like that, but just like I know I don't give a lot of people second or third chances, and I'm not friends with any of my exes. But a lot of people would disagree with me. I know a lot of people who are like, I am friends with my exes, and I just feel like it's a lot of drama and I don't like drama. Yeah.

So. Okay. Yeah. I hope it works out for our friend. Me too. Let's have another query for us to answer now. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Thank you for all that you do.

This podcast has brought me so much joy. I love you both so much. I would love your thoughts and advice on my roommate question. Here's the backstory. I moved in with my friend, who I've known for about 10 years. I didn't really have an idea of how she would be as a roommate, but I decided that it would be fine

since we were both adults. And I assumed that we can resolve any issues as they come. However, I came to the realization that I am horrible at confrontation and will let things build up until it turns into resentment. I am now at that point. I know that I need to voice my concerns, but I can't get myself to do it. I go back and forth between my apartment and my boyfriend's apartment.

So she has the apartment herself a lot of the time. However, almost two years in, the vibe in the apartment has changed because now it feels like it is her apartment and I just have a room there. Number one, the shared space has become an extension of her room. She moved her large dog crate into the living room. So now he stays out there. She leaves all her packages and jackets on top of that crate and the dining room table and on the couch. Number two, I do all the cleaning even though I am mostly cleaning up after her dog, because he sheds everywhere.

I don't mind cleaning for my share of the apartment chores, but I don't think I should be the only one doing it. And lastly, the most irritating point three, she has a FWB, friends with benefits, who comes every once in a while, mostly on the weekends. Before she would let me know if he was coming over, and I would just volunteer to go to my boyfriend's apartment because I prefer not to be there. But now she doesn't give me the heads up

and he comes on random days in the middle of the week. I don't have an issue with them having sex, but what I do have an issue is, is there sex waking me up while I'm sleeping? And because her dog sleeps in the living room, he's the first to know when her friends with benefits comes, comes by and barks because someone is at the door. They would initially wake me up.

And this would be between the hours of two and four a.m. when the friends with benefits would arrive. If I get to fall back asleep, her dog would wake me up again by barking when he hears them doing it because her dog thinks she's being attacked with all the moaning she's doing. It is as if there's no one home besides them and they're loud as they can be. It's four a.m. on a Tuesday and all I want is sleep because I need to be up in a few hours

and I'm stuck listening to a symphony of barks and moans. It's becoming an every other day occurrence and I really like my sleep and not be interrupted by my roommate's moans or her guy's grunts or slapping sounds. I don't have the luxury of WFH. Work from home. Oh, work from home. So I can't just sleep or nap in the luxury of WFH. Work from home. Oh, work from home.

So I can't just sleep or nap in the middle of the day. All of the issues have built up to the point where I'm debating just moving back home. My question is, how can I address these issues when I'm not comfortable being straightforward with it? I also don't want to sound like a mom asking their kids to clean up after themselves. And I don't want things to be awkward after. I really appreciate your advice. Thank you so much. Ooh. OK.

I would say definitely say something before you just like straight up and move home. I had a roommate who had some issues on a roommate level, but they were also my friend and probably felt the exact same way that you feel. And wanted to bring up kind of some similar issues because I had a, uh, my partner was who is my partner now, but it was my boyfriend at the time, uh, was coming over a bunch and maybe we were waking him up with some slapping sounds. I don't actually know, But yeah, when when what when my roommate finally realized,

like he wanted to move out, he was like, I'm moving out. And like I maybe had a week to find a place before our lease was up. And I was like, why didn't you tell me this last month or like any time before this time? And he was like, oh, well, you know, I thought, I don't know. I can't remember what his reasoning for not telling me sooner, but he was just like, well, you will probably benefit from living alone because you have your person coming here all the time and you don't want a roommate around.

And I was like, sure, I guess. But like, would have loved to have this discussion literally at any point before the for now. So, yeah, I would say bring up the issue because maybe something could change. Maybe they could actually like work on this or you can come to an agreement where it's like, OK, your friend texts you when they figure out that's their part, their person is coming over or whatever. Or they move the dog right back into the their room. But like you could at least try. And then if you try and it's like, OK, maybe we're a good roommate fit,

then you can move out. But you do you should let them know and give them a heads up that, hey, some of this behavior is. Shitty and. And you can do it in a way that's like, this is a roommate issue, not a friend issue. Like, this is not you being a bad person. Some people just don't know how to live with people.

Maybe she hasn't done it before. Or maybe this is like one of their first experiences living with another adult, and they don't know that you can't just do whatever you want. So, you kind of have to like teach each other how to live around other people, which is unfortunate because you're not their mom. But I think saying something, anything would be helpful because then maybe they can adjust.

Yeah. And I think when you have the conversation, there is something to saying, hey, can we talk? And this is gonna be a tough conversation, but it is a roommate conversation, not a friend conversation. And then go into what you would love changed. And then also maybe... If you know you do something that might annoy them,

that maybe they've brought up, I don't know, maybe say, oh, and I will try to work on these things. If you know you do something that might annoy them that maybe they've brought up, I don't know, maybe say, oh, and I will try to work on these things. So it doesn't seem like a full blown like this, this, this, you, you, you, you, you, or like offer something. It's tough when it's like, especially if you feel like you've been a very good roommate and you've been doing everything to be like, well, here are all the things you're not doing,

but I think you have to like say some stuff that you're gonna do as well so it feels like a shared thing and you're not just digging on them. Yeah. Or just like some solutions that could be a compromise. Or it's like, look, I'm happy to go to my boyfriend's place whenever your boyfriend comes over here or your friends with benefits. Just give me the heads up. Just don't have them come at 2 a.m. and then I'm stuck and I am hearing you guys.

Because yeah, you may not actually know you're waking up to them fucking. And maybe they would be embarrassed and be like, oh, shit, I don't know. I thought I was late and you were asleep. Yeah. And then you could also say, I love your dog and I love your dog in the living room, but I do feel like I'm the one vacuuming a lot. So as a cop, like maybe we we alternate days who vacuums or something. Or it's like if you see dog hair, just like before you go real quick, just vacuum and I'll do the same because I like your dog.

Yeah, I think that's good. It's a good way to compromise. And hopefully, they'll listen. Yeah. And then if you do want to move out, and you... Another option is not having a conversation, but at least giving them like a month to find a new roommate. Definitely. Definitely give them enough time to figure out if they're gonna stay in that month to find a new roommate. Definitely. Definitely give them enough time to figure out

if they're gonna stay in that place or find a new roommate. Solved. Yeah. Should we do one more? One more? What's that painting back there? On your wall, behind the lamp. You better believe it is the movie poster of Ghost.

Of course. And you better believe on the wall I'm facing, there is a portrait, a black and white portrait of Whoopi Goldberg and one of Patrick Swayze. Wow, she's committed. I love them. Okay, hi, Zashir and Nicole. No friendship questions here.

But I needed Nicole to know that I saw someone on TikTok making their own roller cross, and I immediately thought of her. TikTok attached below. Love you both and look forward to your show every week. Ooh, thank you so much. That's going to be very fun for me to watch. I get lost on TikTok. I watch it. I just, I just, I like, I like it. I like the vidges.

I posted one the other day of my own and guess what? You actually posted one? I just posted a pole dancing one. I don't think I'm going to post anymore. I might just leave that one up forever. Yeah. I just, it seems tough, a tough thing to break into. It's a whole other thing, and you gotta be consistent,

and I just don't feel like doing that. I don't have it in me. I'm too old! Do you wanna see the video and you can react to it? Sure. Let's see it. Oh. They're like drilling it. Really drilling it into this croc.

Into this croc. Oh, wow. It's a lot of going through a lot of stress going through this. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, oh, boy. This is very unstable. It doesn't look great. Is it because they don't have a sturdy bottom? There's no ankle support. But it's a sport mode.

It is in sport mode, but so it is not in sport mode. No, they're in sport mode. It is in sport mode, but... Oh, wait, they're not in sport mode. No, they're in sport mode. But sport mode is keeping the shoe on for runs and moves. It's not supporting them ankles. I'm worried. Oh, God. I'm very strained. Yeah, oh, boy. I'm stressed out.

Yeah. Wow. Okay, thank you for thinking of me, but boy, that did a number on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't recommend anyone do that, but... No, not at all. Very cool to look at. But that's it for this episode. So if you want to call, leave a voicemail or text us, you can call the number at 424-645-7003.

We also have an email address if you like letters typed to words. And that is Nicole and Sashir. You know, I have a way with words that is unmatchable. Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com. We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends. Lastly, do not forget this one. You got to rate, you got to review and you have got to subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show, baby.

We also have a show at Largo in Los Angeles, Saturday, July 16th. And you should come go to Largo-LA.com for tickets. Yes! All right, see you later! See you later!