Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Sings “Let the Sunshine In!”

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Hi hi friends. Nicole and Sasheer catch up during the week. Nicole scattered flowers in a planter hoping they would take. Sasheer also had plants that were in the back in the front but figured it was an animal. Nicole decides she will do it. Sasheer is trying to figure out what Nicole is singing. Jordan is also trying to figure out what Nicole is singing. It’s ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield. Nicole is convinced she sang it correctly. Sasheer acknowledges there are lot of songs about the sun and rain. Nicole remembers when she ruined The Sixth Sense for people in the theater. Sasheer and Jordan are going to watch Old based on Nicole’s recommendation. Nicole thinks she has exercise-induced asthma. Meanwhile, Judith joins the podcast later to guess what Nicole was singing. Nicole and Sasheer go on to answer your listener questions about changing bars after kissing a bartender and how to get over your first breakup. No BuzzFeed quiz this week.   Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail] Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

Hi, Nicole. Hello, Sasheer. Hello. Hello. Hello, Nicole. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. How are you? Listen, I'm good. I'm thriving. It is sunny in LA. I'm in a good mood uh the rain came i was in austin flew back to fucking rain and i was like do i die like what is happening it feels like i live in seattle i did not sign up for that but now now it's sunny. We love that.

Thank goodness. Yeah. I was just outside soaking up the rays. Just like standing there, soaking them up? No, I sat. But I was soaking them up. I said, feels good on my body. Clyde and I went on a lovely walk this morning where I stole

a bunch of flowers from an alleyway and I scattered them around outside my house hoping that those flowers will grow. So you took the flowers and you scattered

them on the yard? I scattered them in a planter hoping that the planter will take is that how that works i don't know i've seen flowers in the back appear in the front and i was like oh they must have flown somewhere and landed uh so i was doing the flying for them i don't know i'm not a botanist i and nor am i i don't know i think gardener i do think you're right or like yeah i think i'm not a soil preservationist oh is that a job i don't i have no idea i don't know i made it up i made it up i don't know i don't know i don't know um i also have plants from the back that are in the front but i assumed it

was because maybe some animal ate those plants and then pooped them out in the front but maybe not maybe there's maybe there's a different way they're just transporting them and they land there so i should eat these flowers and shit them out please and and smear my feces where i want it to grow please don't okay i'm on it i'm gonna do it on our next walk i'm gonna eat eat eat and then i'm gonna catch it in a bowl and slap it around outside. No, because then everything's going to smell like shit out there. Mm-hmm. Nature. She's a gardener.

She's a soil preservationist. I'm a farmer, gardener, soil preservationist, and a botanist. Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. What have you been up to? Mm-hmm. What have I been up to what have I been up to I mean mostly watching Dawson's Creek

which is done now nothing really okay that's exciting yeah nothing yes get out there let your let the sun in nothing else can do it for you everything is for us all let it in let it in i don't know this yeah let the sun come in there's nothing else that's better for you let the sun come by let it

in let it in who's this i don't know i you've heard the song it's like it's either like a theme song to something or it's like been in movies let the sun come in. No one else can do it for you. Let the sun for you. Let it in. Let it in. I'm really not getting it. Let the sun come in. No one else will do it for you. No one else can find it for you. Let it in. Let it in let it in you everyone knows you know this song is jordan knows you find it i don't think so No. No.

Is that okay? I'm searching. Let the sun come in. No one else can do it for you. No one can make you feel better. Let it in. Let it in. I swear, both of you know this song. I don't know.

Wait, sing it one more time. I'm going to type out what you're saying. Let let the sun come in no one else can do it for you no one can do it better you let it in let it in i mean i think it's also hard because the lyrics are never the same but let the sun come in no one else can do it for you. I think that's consistent. Let it in. Let it in. Are you singing a Natasha Bedingfield song? I don't know. Maybe.

How does it? Hold on. Keep singing. Let the sun come in. No one else can do it for you. No one else has dreams for you let it in let it in the sun on your skin okay and we got it we got it i don't know this is it's like it's a really popular song

like and i feel like when you hear it you'll be like oh my god yeah so i'm gonna find how it sounds but the lyrics that i'm seeing are feel the rain on your skin no one else can feel it for you who is this hold on i. The Natasha Bedingfield. Hold on. Sounds like it would be a Natasha Bedingfield song. It's a bop, and you've heard it, I promise. Yeah, I think it's this one. Hold on. Nicole, if it's this song,

I'm going to be real honest with you. You did not do a good job singing it. I don't think so. But maybe we'll be taking that back. I love you so much, but I could not figure out what you were going to say. Hit the chorus. The lyrics. Blank page for you.

Feel the sun on your skin. No one else can do it for you. Loathe you to let it in. No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips. Yeah. No way. You did not sound like that. There's no way.

Ah! Yeah, that's the song. That's the song? Let the sun come in i knew it was one of the elements oh my god well why is she standing out in the rain the sun is better for you let it in let it in i think i did a great job um jordan did a great job of deciphering that i'm really glad we got there because i was not i'm gonna share just so we have the lyrics by the way for those listening it's unwritten by natasha beddingfield that nicole is

oh yeah i am unwritten so you were singing the chorus but i didn't realize it was let the rain feel the rain on your skin i thought it was the sun feel the rain on your skin no one else can feel it for you i mean i think i was singing the melody of it i honestly okay hearing the song after my singing of it there was no difference it was as if natasha beddingfield uh possessed me oh and she was coming through me i can't believe you guys didn't know what it was. That's so wild. I mean, can you sing your version again?

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can do it for you. No one can let the sun on in. Let it in. Let it in. Okay, I think it was a let it in. I mean, it was all of it that messed me up. It now sounds more like the

song because we heard the song but if we go back we go back to the beginning of this episode i bet there was people from the first time i sang it were like that's natasha benning like people knew people knew i don't think so. Let the sun in. Nothing else can do it for you. Everything is for us all. Let it in. Let it in. I don't know this.

Yeah. Let the sun come in. There's nothing else that's better for you. Let the sun come by. Let it in. Let it in. Let it in. Who is it? I thought it was going to be Hilary Duff's Let the rain fall down.

Da da da da. Let the sun fall down and on your skin and everybody knows you can do it better. That's a different song. Funny that they're both about rain and you can do it better. That's a different song. Funny that they're both about rain and you can substitute the rain with sun. But that's that's a different that that melody is different.

Yeah, you're so right. Thank you. I got confused. And that happens. That happens to the best of us. We don't know what song sun song is being sung we don't want we don't know what sun song is being sung we don't know which sun song's being sung but neither of those are sun songs listen you gotta flip it and reverse it just like missy said

now she's talking about the rain oh she can't stand the sun i can't stand the sun at my window um listen uh i i really do think people listening knew exactly what i was singing and i feel confident in that all right well we all i guess we'll just see I'm confident in that. All right. Well, I guess we'll just see. Hearing you sing it after we heard it, now I get it. Now I can hear it. Thank you. Yes, I take back my comment.

Thank you. That's okay. You're a lovely singer. You can keep the comments flowing. I know in my heart, I did a good job. So nothing can knock me out because I let it in let it in okay

she lets it in lets it in okay it is funny though that I thought it was sun and it's definitely rain yeah because there's also so many sun songs i'm singing in the sun no i know that one's rain too there's so many songs about you actually said a lyric of a very popular sun song i wanna soak up the sun. Tell everyone.

Don't ever want to lighten up. You were literally like, oh, I was out there soaking up the sun. It was right there. And then you chose a rain song. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. Wow. I guess the rain is just on. I'm trying to flip the rain away into the sun.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's good. That's a good. And now it's stuck in my head. And I'm trying to flip the rain away into the sun. Yeah. Yeah. And that's good. That's a good insight. And now it's stuck in my head. I'm like bopping internally with it. Mm-hmm. Do you have an earworm i mean now now it's hillary duff's let the rain fall down let the sun fall down i get it let the sun fall down

oh my god that would be so scary if the sun fell down that'd be horrifying it would be so hot oh it's falling towards us i guess oh god oh i guess it could just fall some yeah you fall anywhere i didn't know it was coming right at us it's hurling at us i would be so mad if i turn on the news and they were like an asteroid's coming towards the earth i'd be like are you kidding yeah i don't want that what if an asteroid was coming to the earth i'd be like are you kidding yeah i don't want that what if an asteroid was coming to the earth and we had like three months we knew it was coming we only three more months what would you do oh i'd go on a lot of vacations are you kidding i would spend my money yeah i would dry it right up i would i would go into debt because what you're not you can't come after me

we're all dead this is true yeah i think same i would go places i've never been before yeah i'd have a nice time but then it's like oh man would everyone be having a nice time would people go to work if we were all gonna die in three months that's a good point would people fly planes would there be pilots or would they be also enjoying themselves like who's gonna take us to these extravagant vacations if everyone's like well who cares i guess as soon as it was announced i would get a yacht and then i would find someone to to to yacht me and i guess i would like pay them even though money doesn't matter anymore. Or I'd just be like, do you want to just like take us around vacation and have a nice time with us? Yeah, I think that's what I would do. I like that.

That's very smart. Yeah. Well, all right, Comet, come on down. No, we don't want it. Come on down, yacht. I have a plan. No, I mean, like we it's like good that we have a plan, but I don't want it. Come on down, yacht. I have a plan. No, I mean, like, it's, like, good that we have a plan, but I don't think we should want...

End us all, comet or asteroid or whatever. Come on down. Come on down. No thanks. It's like the price is right. Price is wrong here. Price is right. Come on down.

End us all, diva. Right as rain. Right as... Is that a song probably but i don't know right is rain i haven't taken a singing lesson in a minute so i'm a little rusty the singing i don't have a problem with oh it's the mystery melody that was confusing listen i don't know how many times i'll have to tell you i was on the fucking melody i think what tripped you up is i didn't know the words you know you were you were searching for a sun song and it should have been a rain song this is true that's the only difference that's it i am natasha benningfield what imagine i just like peeled my skin back i was a white woman that's where she's been

yeah guys i've just been in nicole byers body and now i'm back and better than ever has she been away i think she like pops up here and there there was um was it this song i feel like something came back in the zeitgeist at some point and someone was doing a dance to it or something i don't know i just remember a few years ago she like came became like popular again because people were doing i think a dance to some one of her songs probably this one probably this one but then i don't know if she's like releasing music still i don't know um i went to karaoke a couple weeks ago and bad romance is such a banger i like often forget how good of a pop song it is and then we sang jennifer page crush do you remember that song yeah it's just a little crush

every time you fly fly let's not not touch oh yeah maybe that's i'm just thinking things that rhyme with crush. Oh, that's good. Crush, touch. Oh, that's smart. That's probably how it goes. It's such a good song. Yeah, it's a very good song. Also a good song, Natalie Imbruglia, Torn. Very good song.

I can't remember how it goes, though. I'm torn apart between two things because I'm torn that's not how it goes i can't decide oh my god uh no oh here it is. Ooh, yeah. I saw a man look tonight. He was warm. He came around like he was dignified. Dignified. He showed me what I used to like. Who are these men?

Has run dry. That's what's going on. Nothing's right. I'm torn. I'm all out of faith this is how i feel cold and i am shaking lying naked on the floor why is she naked on the floor because she's torn she torn her clothes off i've never been so torn between two options that i'm lying naked on the floor being like which one i mean i think she's like heartbroken or something is that is it about choosing something i don't think so i think

she's just heartbroken i don't know but there's two men in the video there's a short one and a tall one is she torn between those two men no i think they're directing a scene or like i think it's like they're directing the music video or something. Oh. Wow. You really remember that. Honestly, it was just context clues. Oh, okay. So you like pay attention or something.

I get it. Okay, cool. It's just context clues. You know, when you watch something, you understand what's happening. That's what you sound like. I was just paying attention to the clues bestowed upon me. And that's how I figured it out. I'm Mr. Here.

That's exactly what you sound like. Wow. Well, if you look at minute 35, or at a minute and 35 seconds you'll see someone was holding a script and then someone else is moving props so i deduce that it's probably a scene of some sort god you fucking nerd well some of us like details okay fair but also when i watch things i just i am watching them i okay i don't understand people who watch movies and then they're like oh this is probably gonna happen next and i'm like what don't do that why are you doing that why are you getting ahead sure sometimes i wikipedia things

to know exactly what's gonna happen when i'm like really like what's happening but for the most part if i'm like in a theater watching something with a friend i am on the ride i'm not trying to figure out what's next why do people do that interesting i don't know i feel like it happens in my brain naturally where i'm like oh it's probably going to be x y and z and i don't know if it's because of all the content i've already consumed in my brain is like creating patterns based off of patterns i've already seen or what but I don't know I think I don't think I intentionally do it but I do do that where I'm like oh this will probably happen next or I can probably see this happening wow everything's a surprise to me I'm always like whoa okay it's a nice place to be you're the perfect audience member i really am i never know

where things are going i'm like what mill heiser does that all the time he's like oh this is probably gonna happen when it happens i'm so mad because i'm like why did you tell me keep that shit to yourself did you see the village the m nightamalan movie sure did did you were you like for the ride the whole time no I kind of knew I was like oh I think they're just like on the outskirts of life and I don't know why I thought that but then I was like oh that is it but I was like I wasn't trying to figure it out I was like this seems weird something's off yeah I think I found that out pretty early too and I was really upset that that's what was going on. Yeah.

But I did ruin the sixth sense once. And maybe this is why I don't do it anymore. Because I was just like understanding. And I was like, oh, oh, he's dead. And then it happened like seconds later. And everyone turned around and looked at me. And I was like, sorry about it. But I was just like understanding things. Yes.

Oops. And I didn't mean to. So maybe ever since that incident, I was like, hey, let's not think. Let's just enjoy the ride. Yeah. You're like, I don't want people mad at me anymore. No, simply don't. Keep my brain off.

Dumb ideas away. Have you seen old? No. Jordan, have you seen old? It is an incredible movie done by m night oh my god okay are you gonna see it probably not okay i'm gonna ruin it jordan are you gonna see it you could ruin it go ahead no there was hesitation okay Watch it and get back to me. It's the twist is nuts. Are they like not actually? When did it come out?

Um, uh, years and years ago, the poster was like on a beach with like legs and it said old. It was like old hands and young legs or something like that. Something like that. Boy. Oh boy.

It's a doozy. So sure. You got gotta watch it alright out of all of his movies did you like the twist of old best or were other M. Night Shyamalan movies better

I think the Sixth Sense is really his creme de la creme I think it's so good old is truly just I was like wait what and I watched it on a plane and i was i was loud as hell i was like no what have you ever watched the gun a plane you look around and be like am i the only one seeing this and you're like oh i guess i am i am it's my private screen i what a trap to put yourself in to be like i'm the guy who always has a twist like that's gotta

suck like you just can't make a straightforward movie if you wanted to it's like i gotta find some sort of freaking some fun twist happening it makes people uh feel like i got them oh my god you want to know what i watched on a on a plane that there was kind of a twist but not really american fiction have you seen it oh no i still haven't seen it what a lovely movie oh nice i had a nice time oh good things happened that were surprising wow i'm loving this reveal it was well acted good surprises um uh fun things yeah uh seth seth from the oc is in it okay uh what's his name andy cohen oh yeah adam brody whoopsies i think his name was seth coen on the show to be fair yes yes you're right okay wow that

was yikes but he's in it he's good erica anderson era from living singles in it oh yes oh erica alexander. She's great. So great. Everyone is so good in it. Issa Rae's in it. Oh, nice. Oh, my God. What a time. What a time.

All right. And there's one scene where I went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I looked around and nobody else was laughing with me. Yeah, it happens on a plane. Yeah. Also, I think I have exercise induced asthma what okay i'll tell you why because i was flying to austin my flight was leaving at 6 30 in the morning and i got a uber who happened to get off the highway twice. And I, okay, when I go to the airport,

I leave just amount, like the right amount of time for no mistakes. This man made two mistakes and we hit traffic. So I got to the airport at 6.08 for a flight leaving at 6.30. So I had, I don't know, five minutes to get through security and run to the gate. So I went through clear and there was a line at clear and I said, Dios Mios. So I said, hi, everybody. And I left my phone open so I could prove to them I only had 20 minutes to

get to the gate. Technically, I only had like five minutes, but I said 20 because I was like, it leaves at 730. So then everyone rolled their eyes and let me go ahead of them, which was really kind. Thank you, everyone at LAXX and then the lady who did my little eye scan she's like when do you leave and I was like 6 30 and she's like we gotta get you and I was like thank you so then um go through the security and then a couple of people were like heard you leaving at 6 30 and I was like yes and I can't talk to you and they were like good luck and then I ran I ran the whole way to the gate until I was like, okay, it's around the corner. Then I stopped running because I was like,

phew, I'm getting hot. And then I got on the plane. Oh, first the gate agent was like, we thought we were going to have to leave you. And I said, no, I'm here. And she's like, catch your breath. And I said, okay. And then I got on the plane and then I started going. And then I couldn't stop coughing and i was like oh my god everyone thinks i am covid and then i didn't stop coughing for most of the flight and then when we land it it like kind of subsided but then i still have this little cough and i was like it's from the run it's probably from the run yeah that's that's exact scenario how this happened to me too like after rushing to a flight sitting sitting down, I'll start coughing

and my nose will run too. Mm-hmm, same. But I don't know if that's asthma. Can't you not like, I feel like with asthma, you can't breathe, right? Oh, maybe. Okay, so I have exercise-induced coughing.

Yeah. It's gotta be called something else. I think I looked it up once and I cannot remember what it was it went in my brain and right out maybe it's like exercise induced bronchitis i don't think so bronchiological disease no i don't think it's that serious i think it's just like coughing when you exercise but i coughed for so long like the lady next to me was like kind of mad at me she was like oh stop coughing and i was like i can't i ran here i swear it's running not covid okay so i looked it

up so exercise induced asthma is when the airways narrow or squeeze during hard physical activity it causes shortness of breath wheezing and coughing and other symptoms during or after exercise the medical term for this condition is exercise-induced bronchial constriction. Whoa. Okay. You said all those words. Sure did.

Well, well, well, looks like you're the nerd. Looks like I'm a doctor. Dr. Beyer, MD, me and Doogie studied at the same, I almost just said farm, but that's not it. Medical school. The doctor farm?

Well, because earlier we were talking about farming, right? Planting? Soil. Soil. Shitting. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm all over the place lord jesus oh lord it was tough though i was it really and okay so i also anticipated the gate being in the 30s which a delta is closer

than the 20s so i had to run further oh lord you, on the thing you just read, does it say like how to stop that? Oh. How do you fix exercise-induced asthma? Take the prescribed asthma medication about 15 to 30 minutes before exercising. Warm up before exercising to prevent chest tightening. Breathe through the nose during exercise. Take short breaks if you find that helpful. If symptoms start, slow down the exercise.

Seems tough. Seems like there's no real way to do it. Yeah. All right. You can't take a break when you're at the airport. No, you got to keep running. Got to get on that plane. No, I truly just couldn't believe i made it it was wild and then i was like i need to leave my house earlier and i know for a fact

i won't because you keep making their flights you'll never learn your lesson nope you're like well it didn't really matter matter before. So I can now make it with five minutes till takeoff. I think I got to the gate at like 6.16, which is simply like a minute because they allegedly closed the door 15 minutes prior to departure. Yeah. But I think I was scanned in and they were like, she'll come.

Wow. Damn. Yeah, I know. Wild, right? Wild. yeah uh but i think i was scanned in and they're like she'll come wow damn yeah i know wild right wow yeah i should leave i should i should really at least give myself a half hour to get through security and not eight minutes absolutely i know i know that there's a price difference and also flights are different but do you like would you rather do like the burbank airport or lax um i know people say that the burbank airport is easier but i got through security in eight minutes at lax so didn't you have someone guiding you no i asked to go in front of everybody oh okay but that's not normal are you gonna do that every time oh sorry sorry like we've seen you before get here earlier you do this every time well i i always have my phone out you know so they can be like let me see if anyone has to see it i

show them to you know and i take screenshots of my boarding pass because they will give your seat up and then you cannot check in and that has happened to me once and it'll never happen again damn i think it was an overbooked flight and i got there uh i think when it was boarding so like when they do that they like release the seats of overbooked flight and then they take away your your chance to check in because they've like taken your seat or whatever yeah um but you're not gonna get me you're never gonna get me i'll screenshot that shit. She knows all the tricks. Oh, I've missed flights before not asking people. So I'll ask.

I've missed flights by somebody booting me off the app because they gave my seat away. Nuh-uh, no-uh, no, no, no, no. Screenshotting that shit. Yeah, okay yeah okay okay great yeah i should get there earlier because i did get to go to the lounge when i was in austin and i did have mashed potatoes that's the night that's the other part to getting there early to get mashed potatoes yeah yeah and just mashed potatoes well okay i did have mashed potatoes strawberries and cucumbers

okay it was tasty don't don't don't make that face this is an interesting combination it's it's they're having mashed potatoes and like a seasonal summer salad this is true you're right you had a summer salad yeah just without the lettuce and like dressing and stuff you know yeah it's a good strawberry man too oh good i'm glad and i was mad because i was like it's 11 30 why am i eating mashed potatoes give me a bagel yeah and we've talked about that before cut off 11 dumb and it should be noon noon is afternoon that's mashed potato time i nobody wants to be eating mashed potatoes at 11 30 certainly not me no but i did it so brave should we answer questions and queries let's do it hi judith you're

hi judith yeah it does look like you're right she's soaking up the sun right now you're soaking up the sun you gotta tell everyone no no no before we get into listener questions nicole you sing that song again your judith has to figure it out oh okay let the sun fall down and in your heart. Wait, hold on. Let the sun fall down. Wait. Uh-oh. Let the sun come in and in your heart. No one. Wait, no, I think I'm now singing the other one.

You are. Yeah. Okay. Let the sun fall in. No one else can do it for you. No one else can let it in this i know this i know wait no let it in let it in okay all right judith what do you think decola's singing well two different songs okay wait let me do it again i'll do it one more time let the sun fall in no one can do it for you everyone needs it for you let it in let it well that is natasha bedding yes and then the first one felt like it was cheryl

crow uh uh no i think the first one you were singing the hillary duff i think so but see judith judith i'm so shocked i told you these these women these friends and allies didn't know what i was singing but my good friend judith she said i know exactly what you're singing and i said the listeners are going to know too. I feel validated. I'm indicated. Oh my God. All right. Those are some questions. Hi, Nicole and Sashir. I'm a new listener and oh boy,

I'm a huge fan. I have a situation that I could use some advice with. A few weekends ago, I went to a local bar slash restaurant near my home to have some food and drinks. Food and drinks. I go to this place every now and then.

Usually, I want a drink with dinner since I don't like to drink alone at home. On my way in, my favorite lady bartender was on her way out. She seemed sad, so I said hi and hoped to see her next time. So I was sitting at the bar with a bartender I had not met before. This man is very attractive, and we were talking and vibing and having a great time. We have a lot in common, and we were both really excited about it. I ended up staying much later than I expected because we were having so much fun. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. Next day, I hoped to get a message or a call, but alas, I did not. The next week, I was having dinner and drinks with a friend, and we decided to go to this

bar for a drink. The same bartender was there and told me he lost my number, and he was really excited I came back. We stayed late again that night because we were having fun, and when I left for the night, he walked me out. We kissed, and it was glorious. In the morning, we made plans to see each other a few days later. When we hung out again again he told me that he'd been in an on and off relationship with the lady bartender that i like they were not together the last few times i saw him but since they have decided that they are going to try to make things work because they live together and he feels stuck in this situation we're both sad about it but i respect the relationship and i don't intend to become involved in a potentially messy situation. My question is, would it be inappropriate for me to go back to this bar?

It's a good spot for me because it's close to home and I don't have to drive or get an Uber. I don't drink at home and I prefer to have company when I do drink, so that bar is my go-to. I would be unhappy if I was unable to go back. However, I don't want my presence to cause issues in a relationship that I'm not trying to get in the way of, regardless of the feelings I have for him. He usually works in a different part of the bar that I don't go to often, so I could probably avoid seeing him, but I would likely see her there, and I don't know how to feel about having fun bar time with her, like usual, knowing that I have feelings for her boyfriend. Ooh, thank you so much for being here to listen.

My any advice is greatly appreciated. That's tough. That's tough. I would just find another bar. Yeah, I guess it's like kind of unnecessary to have all of that stuff floating around. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I guess it'd just be like, if you feel awkward,

cause I doubt either of them would say something or maybe they would, we don't know. But like, I don't know if the guy would have been like, oh, I met a lady, she comes to this bar all the time. It's that lady, you know, I don't know if he's gonna tell the other bartender about you per se. But yeah. But I guess I could feel how it feels being two-faced.

Being like, oh, I've kissed this man that you live with and is your partner and you are trying to work things out. While you weren't together we kissed or so he says yeah you know who knows if they were actually apart then yeah maybe he lost that number because he's a history of collecting numbers from you know ladies that he meets and is she we don't know we don't know the actual full scope of things so me personally i would feel i would feel like a nasty dirty bitch if i was like okay i kissed this woman's man and i'm sitting here talking to he he with this girl

and i've kissed him and you're trying to work like i would just not i wouldn't feel good about it yeah that makes sense yeah maybe yeah maybe find a different bar and maybe over time you can go back to that bar. But maybe this is like a little too soon. Yeah. They don't have their stuff figured out. You don't want to wait or like be a part, like watch this unfold in front of you. Yeah, I think just for your comfort,

you probably should find a different bar. Yeah. And that's why they say don't kiss where you eat right isn't that like a saying i think it's no shit where you eat but don't kiss where you eat much nicer don't kiss where you eat divas okay okay? Because what a treat to have a man so close at your bar, but then it's messy and it's not really a treat. It's not really a treat. And also, even if the girlfriend wasn't a thing, even if you were able to date this person separately,

now if it doesn't work out, there goes your bar again. Really. Go to a place where there's ugly bartenders. And make that your place. Yeah, go to Coyote Ugly. I hear they're ugly there. Get an Uber, girl. Get in a little Uber.

Spend $10 to get a little further. Yeah, thankfully there's options. Yeah. Or get your steps in to get a little further. Yeah. Thankfully, there's options. Yeah. Or get your steps in. Walk a little further. I mean, it can't just be one bar near you. Yeah. I guess it's just like the convenience because it's the closest bar.

But I'm sure there's another one. Yeah. Keep keep stepping, which sounds rude. Keep it stepping. Yeah. I think that's I think it's a little too messy and i think it's nice to just be like i'm gonna remove myself from this yeah solve solved or oh or go into the bar on friday and be like bitch you're not working shit out that's my man i'm sucking his dick tonight

and then there's a fight yeah and then you brawl and then you brawl and then that woman gets fired because she fought at the bar and then you can take her job and her yes and if they put up a picture of you being like she's not allowed in get a wig they'll never know and sunglasses like and set it off they were hard to find this is true solved problem solved give us one more jordan hi nicole and this year and the whole team love you guys and adore y'all's friendship i suppose i had a question on how to navigate a recent breakup.

We dated for three and a half years. He was my first actual love. We truly loved each other, but eventually he chose the bottle over me. There was a lot of factors at play. I'm a travel nurse and he traveled with me. He could never commit to advancing any type of career, no matter how much time and financial support I gave i understand he was sacrificing some things to travel so i took on 70 of the bills if not more three months ago his mother came to get him because of how bad the alcoholism and lying about the alcoholism got he texted me and apologized and said that he needs to better himself followed by neither of us are followed by neither of us are perfect okay a few days later i haven't heard from him

since i just feel like i deserved more closure especially since i tried and tried and he couldn't even give me a sober discussion slash apology when it ended in person after i texted him a couple weeks after the breakup to say my peace he ignored me i texted him a couple weeks after the breakup to say my piece he ignored me i texted him a couple weeks after that once i found out something he did that he should have told me but lied to my brother and said he did tell me when he did not he ignored that too i know i made mistakes too and i'm far from perfect and i understand it's painful for him and it's even more painful to face someone you let down so much. I wish he could, I wish he would have fought for me though. It's clear he didn't have any fight in him left.

It was a great relationship at first, but it definitely sank. I miss him and his dog. It was very, it was, and is very heartbreaking. I'm taking a new contract in New Hampshire with a great friend of mine. So it'll be nice to leave his apartment and not live alone it's been an adjustment since this was my first actual love i suppose i'm seeking advice on how to navigate post breakup with the lack of closure uh p.s i'm 28 he's 26 both gay guys just to add to the details okay i mean alcohol is a beast and alcoholism is horrible uh for everyone involved and um i think you have to you don't have to do anything but i think it will help knowing that a lot of this doesn't have anything to do with you or your relationship it's he's sick and uh it's possible he wanted to have a good relationship or wanted to be a good partner and there are things that he can't control that made it hard for that to happen and it's not a thing of like if he wanted to he would

he probably wanted to and can't and that is sad and he's also probably sad because he can't or couldn't and who knows we don't i don't know if this person knows where they are i don't know if they're like working on it or like trying to get their shit together or just being an alcoholic somewhere else but like it seems like they don't want to talk right now or they don't want to talk about this right now and um it's fine for you to get your piece out but if you're doing that do it because you want to get it out but if it maybe don't do it expecting a response because you either won't get a response or you won't get a response that feels good because it sucks either way no like if you think about it whatever this person's going to say back

it probably won't be satisfying because it just happened the way it happened and uh and they i'm sure they don't feel good about how they treated you um but also they weren't actively thinking it wasn't like they were using their logical brain to hurt you they just couldn't control another part of their brain and they probably don't like thinking about that. So, yeah, it's hard. It's really, really hard to not take it personally. But it isn't about you, I guess. And then I'm also like, what closure are you looking for? Like this person cannot give you what you need.

And what like, do you want that articulated to you like wouldn't that just hurt your feelings more i think a good exercise might be what you think was happening in the relationship writing that down and then writing down what was actually happening in the relationship to help you stop romanticizing the good times that you might have felt like you had with this person and it's like yes you missed their dog you missed them might have felt like you had with this person. And it's like, yes, you miss their dog. You miss them. But it's like you also had problems and that's why you're not together. And I think people think closure is a thing that helps you move on.

When I don't, I think you don't like, do you get closure from everything in life? Not really. And you just learn to move on. And it sounds callous and like kind of mean but like i don't think people actually like heal heal from stuff i think distance makes things easier and it's like as soon as you start putting distance between you and this relationship the better off you'll be you know and maybe this person will get better maybe this person will come to terms with how they treated you and reach out later and be like i'm sorry for x y and z

hopefully you'll be in a place where that that's like it's nothing it's like okay i'm glad they felt like they needed to say that but like i didn't need that because i did the work to be okay by myself yeah i i also i saw a post somewhere that was like uh growth is forgiving someone without requiring an apology like if like you can forgive someone and they don't have to actually necessarily say sorry you can you don't actually need another person to get the closure you're seeking that can be inner work on yourself maybe it'd be nice but also would it like it sounds like it didn't like end well so like yeah i don't know i don't know even if you guys did talk another time if that would be satisfying um yeah i think i think it's okay to

know like that wasn't a good situation thank goodness you're not in it anymore um of course you guys loved each other and it's sad that it ended but also he's dealing with a lot and um i'm glad his family stepped in and i hope that he's getting the help that he needs um but yeah like there's you're not gonna get a coherent back and forth from this and especially bringing up the past and like starting like trying to like flesh out why things happen he doesn't know why things happened he hasn't he does not know why why he did those things they just happened um and yeah hopefully he will get to the point where he can make amends and and come back to you and say sorry but if, that's also very real.

It's a real possibility that you'll never get that. And hopefully you can be okay with that. So you can move on with your life. And I think there's something to deleting their number. I think there's something to deleting the text thread in general. So you can't return to it and like stew and be like why didn't he answer why did this happen this like if it's not there you can't look at it if you have pictures of you guys together that are favorited unfavorite them uh just like try to not live in the past and live

in like the good memories and yeah just you don't need closure you don't need validation i think the closure is you moving on and like really working on yourself and figuring out what you want in another partner yeah i'm sorry this is happening yeah that's bad there's also if you if you really want to like talk to more people and and hear their, there's Al-Anon, which is a support group for people who love alcoholics. And since that is you, you are a person who was in a long-term relationship with someone who's an alcoholic, you might find some solace in hearing some other people's stories and hearing their perspectives and yeah getting something out of it i agree because it is nice to be like oh i'm not alone yeah someone else is going through the same thing as me oh that one was heavy if you let the sun fall down you're the only one who can do it here's the funniest part i'm like you're that's wrong like i know that i'm not singing the same words every time but like i

was like oh so sure like you're that's not right let the sun sun fall. No, wait. Let the sun shine in. No one else can do it for you. No one else can let it in. No one else. No one else. Okay. If you liked my rendition and or got it on the first sing,

you can email Nicole and Sashir at gmail.com or leave a voicemail or a voice note or a text telling me how good I am at singing and how you thought Natasha Benningfield had taken over my body at 424-645-7003 we also have merch at pod swag.com slash best friends and we

have transcripts of our new episode so you can read the way I sang to check it out and go yeah she got it good and and you can check it out on our show page at your wolf.com lastly don't forget to rate what you thought of nicole's uh rendition of the song review if it sounded like the other song and subscribe to this or natasha beddingfield's actual page. Thanks. That's the easiest way to support this show. Signing off from the body of Natasha Beddingfield, it's been Nicole Byer.

And from the rain, Sashir Zameda. See you later, everybody. Bye. Bye. Feel the sun on your skin No one else can do it for you Loathe you to let it in No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips Yeah!