Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata - Nicole Wants To Know How You Put Your Bra On

Episode Date: November 13, 2019

Best Friends back - ALRIGHT! Sasheer talks about her experience dancing with two members of N*SYNC, Nicole tell stories about her recent visit to Benihanas, and they plan their next besties trip. They get into the age-old question of “How do you put your bra on?” and bring in the women of the Earwolf offices to answer. We hear from Sasheer’s mom to learn the correct way to apply perfume, then Nicole and Sasheer answer listener questions about farting in front of each other, when your best friend disappears, and breaking up with a best friend. Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:[e-mail][phone]‬This episode is sponsored by Lightbox Jewelry (www.lightboxjewelry.com/bestfriends code: BESTFRIENDS), Noom (www.noom.com/bestfriends), ThirdLove (www.thirdlove.com/bestfriends), and High & Mighty. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/friends and code FRIENDS.

everybody yeah rock your body yeah everybody best friend i thought we were just singing the actual song No, it's the intro Everybody Yeah Rock your body Yeah Everybody Best friends back

Alright It's me, Nicole Byer And me, Sashir Zameda. We haven't said our names in a long time. No, we haven't. No. But those are our names. Those are our names.

Nicole Byer. Sashir Zameda. Our podcast is called Best Friends. Best Friends. I'm holding a cold cup. Yeah. Because I hurt my thumb. Yeah.

Sashir, how are you? I'm very good. Did I tell you that I danced with two members of NSYNC? No, but Instagram told me. Oh, okay. It was nice. Sorry I didn't tell you with my voice. No, it's okay.

I'm okay learning things via social media. You are? I'm not okay weeks later, nothing on social media, and a story that I don't know about. All right. Because then it feels like you're holding out on me and the world. Okay. Well, I did dance with Lance and Joey. Mm-hmm.

And it was fun. We were all on a game show together. They were so sweet, so nice. And then during a commercial break, they were asked to do Bye Bye Bye. And they wanted to. I feel like I would be like, ugh, no. Well, I feel like 10 years from now, if someone's like, nailed it, I'll be like, yeah, nailed it. Yeah, maybe. I think time needs to pass for you to not accept, but embrace why people love you and what they remember and love most about you.

That makes sense. I think. No, that's probably right. Right? Yeah. But also, ba-ba-ba is such a good iconic song. It is. And they like to do it.

They're like, we get it. This is fun. The dance is fun. The chorus is fun. We understand why y'all like it. And I love that they knew the choreography still. It was years old. Yeah.

How old? I really don't know. If I were to guess, I would say Ba Ba Ba came out in 2001. Yeah, I think 2000. What's your guess? I'll say 2003. Kimmy on the keys, let us know. Oh, 2000 think 2000. What's your guess? I'll say 2003. Kimmy on the keys, let us know. Oh, 2000.

Whoa! Okay, so you're closer. I'm closer, but Price is Right rules, nobody wins. Damn. Nobody wins. Bye, bye, bye. I live my life by Price is Right rules. You live your life by Price is Right rules?

Yeah, if you're over, no cigar. But what are the stakes? What would you get? Oh, I don't know. Okay. Nothing, but I like guessing. Yeah, you love guessing. And if you are not under, you went over, no prize.

When did you start? Whenever we're, like, at a restaurant, you'll grab the check and be like, guess how much? And then, you know, price is right rules if you're over too much. I don't know. I had no idea when I started doing that. But it's one of my favorite things to guess how much a bill is. It's fun. And then I get it wrong all the time and you get so mad at me.

Well, because you don't take things into consideration. We'll have two bottles of wine and you'll be like, I don't know, $60? And it's like, how could you possibly think that two bottles of wine and two full meals and a dollop of ice cream was $60? I don't pay attention to stuff. I don't know how much things cost. I don't know. I'm trying to live in the moment. I'm living my life.

Okay. I don't know. I recently went to Benihana's. Okay. Wow. Wow. What a fun time. Yeah? What a great fun time. You ever went to Benihana's. Okay. Wow. Wow. What a fun time. Yeah?

What a great fun time. This is... You ever been to Benihana's? I don't know if I have. So someone entertains and cooks right in front of you on a hot, hot... Not grill. Hot, hot plate? A hot, big, hot plate? A big, hot plate?

Like a stove, right? No, it's a big, hot plate. Like a table? Yeah, a big hot plate like a stove right no it's a big hot plate like a table yeah big hot table to cook on because there's no like divots like a stove divots yeah you know where flames come up on a stove but have you ever seen one of those stoves they're just like in the counter and the thing there's no divot but you have the coils yeah but what if the whole thing was like that i guess it is like that but there's no divot. But you have the coils? Yeah, but what if the whole thing was like that? I guess it is like that, but there's no coils.

Yeah. It's a big hot plate. It was a big hot gray plate that he cooked rice and shit on. Miguel did it. He did such a nice job. Oh, good. I loved Miguel. Did he do the thing where it was like an onion volcano?

Hell yeah. You better believe I screamed. I was so pleased. That's fine. Hell yeah. You better believe I screamed. I was so pleased. That's fine.

We were sitting at a table with three gentlemen who kept being like, it's his birthday. And he's like, it's not my birthday. And I thought that was very funny that that was the bit that they were doing. But like past that bit, they were pretty quiet. They really got excited to say that it was that man's birthday. We sang happy birthday to him. And then they were like pretty dead silent. Then we sat on the other side of a couple who knew everything about benihana's oh at one point we got soup and i was like and it's broth with uh i think scallions and mushroom and you know me

not a big soup head so i was like i don't know if i'm gonna like this soup and then the man looks over and he's like you're gonna like the soup okay you're gonna like it oh and then his girlfriend was like actually there's no crispy onions in our soup and then they talked to three different servers about getting crispy onions for their soup broth and then he looks at my friend mano was like mano or he didn't say mano yeah i was like whoa he was just like did you get the chicken fried rice and mana said no he's like you better get the chicken fried rice so then mano got the chicken fried rice and then bb was there and bb is a pescatarian so she didn't get the chicken fried rice and he was like i mean you can get the chicken fried rice just like without the chicken just ask him to give you some of the rice without the trick he was rice really yes and she got white

rice and she was very happy with it he was he was like, you're really missing out on the chicken fried. He wouldn't shut up about the chicken fried rice. Wow. And then I asked him how long they'd been together. And they were together for like 16 years. I said, do you come to Benihana's often? They're like, well, we live down the street. So, you know, every three weeks we're right up here.

I was like, oh, okay. It was like they were the mayors of Benihana's. And the lady did this interesting thing when she ate. She put her hand palm side down over her chest to eat. And I was like, what is this way of eating? Was it to prevent food from falling on her lap? I think so. But I think it was to prevent food from falling into her boobs, into her titties.

But I think it was to prevent food from falling into her boobs, into her titties. I'm sure she has left Benihana's many a times taking off that bra and chicken fried rice tumbled right out. And then he was like, keep it. It's so good. And she was like, I'm tired of having chicken fried rice eaten out of my titties. So I don't want this. Damn. They were a very interesting couple.

Some couples are like uh regular restaurant people they're like this is our place we know the staff we have our usual table do you and your gentleman caller have a restaurant that you frequent we do we do have a few well not a few a couple but what's the difference between a couple and a few? Honestly, this morning we were like, where are we going to get breakfast? This one place or this one place? It's not even because we don't try other places. We try and then we're like, meh. Yeah, that's the worst. When you try a new restaurant and you're like, I don't want this.

Yeah, I know what I like. I want what I like. Yeah. But we don't go so much that we know the staff and that we have a spot to sit or whatever. But I want to have a place where people know me. Where everyone knows your name? Yeah. Cheers.

I want my own cheers. Yeah. Franklin and Company used to be my spot where I knew the bartender. He knew exactly what I wanted. It was a great time. I would get a Moscow Mule. He would not charge me for most of them. I'd give him a big old tip.

And then we'd be like, ha, ha, ha, till next time. Bye, bye. And then I moved away. And now I don't have a neighborhood place I go to often. I guess there's one place I like to, I frequent a lot. But I won't say that because I don't need y'all showing up there. Making it hard for me to get a seat. Oh. Car! that because I don't need y'all showing up there. Making it hard for me to get a seat.

Oh, Kurt! Yeah, I would like a nice little hole in the wall to be my place. But all the places I go to are really popular. It's hard to find a good hole in the wall, I think, in LA. Because if you find a good hole in the wall, everyone knows it's a good hole in the wall. And then it's find a good hole in the wall, I think, in LA. Because if you find a good hole in the wall, everyone knows it's

a good hole in the wall, and then it's no longer a hole in the wall. It's a big place where everyone's at. It's just a building. It's just a building, babe. Oh my goodness. Ice is cold. That's why I don't like it. You're always telling me to ice stuff, though.

Yeah, if you're in pain, you should ice it. I just, I can't believe I hurt my thumb so badly opening a jar. I can't believe that either. I don't really understand what 2019 is for me. It's almost over. I can't wait. What month are we in? October?

Yeah. So I only got November and December left. Yeah. There you go three months you'll get through it yeah unless i die no so um here's a question can we go to cabo yes i've always been saying yes oh okay you act like you asked me to do stuff and i always say yes and then you're like but when can we do it i'm never the one holding us back oh i'm holding us back open up your goddamn planner

and then tell me when you're available i'm always available let me know when you want to go oh man my favorite is when you flip through that calendar and there's nothing written on the pages. It's funny. Alright, great. We're going to Cabo. I cannot wait. Yeah. I just want to be in a beach. Yes. Love beaches. I love beaches. I was looking at our Mexican vacation pictures and I was like,

wow, we had a great time. We had a great time. I'm going to pop this Reese's Peanut Butter Cup right in my mouth. So, can you talk? Okay. Um, the, the vacation was great. Our Hawaii vacation was great. I love the, don't chew in the mic. Yeah. Chew away from the mic. Um, yeah, beaches are great. I'm swimming more. So I want, I definitely want more opportunities to swim and be swim sheer um also also um you know um gosh what else can i say about vacations finished chewing i'm back i just i love a vacation where i technically don't have

to do anything technically i mean there's always like an email there technically don't have to do anything. Technically. I mean, there's always like an email that's like, you need to do this. Oh. And I'm like, ugh. But like, if I only have to do three things out of a five-day vacay, that's a win. I did have to put myself on tape while I was gone for Barbados. Oh, you did? For what?

Some series. I understand. Let's not name it. Yeah. Let's not name it. Yeah. Let's not do it. Yeah. I don't know why I ask, because I don't like to publicly talk about my auditions. Yeah.

Because when you do that, people are like, did you get it? And you're like, no, no one gets anything. Yeah. I'll never get anything in my life, unless I make it. But I feel like I did a good job. But yeah, I'm like, making it good job but yeah I'm like making it like if you're not an actor

a self tape here's some BTS behind the scenes so a self tape is when you have to put yourself on tape and send it in to your reps and they send it to a casting director and they send it to a producer and they send it to a director and everyone watches it and they're it to a casting director and they send it to a producer and they send it to a director and everyone watches it

and they're like, no. So if you don't go into a casting office or someplace that has a setup, you are playing Legos and building blocks in your house or your hotel trying to figure out how to set your iPad up on a table

on top of an ottoman and with pillows behind it. And then you can't be too backlit. And then you have to get the framing right. It's so much. And then you have to get someone who is a good reader. Because it matters. It does matter because I also I've had my roommate, John Milhiser.

John Milhiser is my roommate. This man named John Milhiser. So he'll help me with my self tapestapes and he's gotten auditions from my self-tapes. They'll be like, we recognize that voice. Is it John? And I go, yes, it is John. And then they'll let casting know. That's awesome. And then they'll ask John for a tape. That's great.

That's good for readers to know. Yeah. If you're good. Do a good job and maybe Hollywood will come a-knockin'. Yeah. But yeah, self-tapes are I mean, they're not the hardest thing in the world. This is annoying. It's annoying and then you're like, well, I shouldn't hold the paper because

technically I've had more time and I've done this. I can do as many takes as I want. But then sometimes you're like, well, I don't know the lines so I just want to hold the paper. And then you're like, am I telegraphing that I don't care enough? It's a whole saga. And then I do the thing where i like do it till uh the words don't make sense to me anymore and then i look back at all the takes and i'm like well i guess i got in the first one

glad i did 27 takes and wasted my time uh i just had a job where we did this one scene so many times and by the end none of us knew our lines. Every line, we were like, sorry, what is it? And then the AD would say it. We would say it. And then the next person would open their mouth and go, oh, no. Sorry, what was it? For a two-page scene.

It's hard. And at that point, we were all like, we got this. We shouldn't do this any longer i do love acting love acting i do it's fun me too it makes me happy it makes me so happy do you have a dream role? Holy shit. That's what I was going to say to you. Oh, my God. I would really like to play an action person. Yeah.

Like, I would like to be the comic relief in the female Fast and the Furious movie. Ooh. That is in, I don't think it's in pre-production yet. I think it's been been announced is it actually part of the fastest furious it's the franchise allegedly it's supposed to be okay and i was like let me in yes you should be in fucking love cars yes two i got potty mouth i could curse i can say things like the boys let me fight yeah i can fight. Yeah, you can fight. Yeah, action I think is something that I would love to do because I don't think you think of me in an action role.

Yeah. But I do think I could kill it. What's your dream role? I also want to do action stuff. Hell yeah. I think I've said this before. So I love Tarantino movies, love The Kill Bill Volume 1-2. Love Tarantino movies. Love The Kill Bill Volume 1-2.

He flirted with the idea of a three where Vivica A. Fox's daughter gets revenge on, or like avenges the death of her mother. And good casting if you played that little girl all grown up. Yeah. You also got great toes. I have great toes. Tino. He would appreciate that. Loves toes. He have great toes. Tino. He would appreciate that. Loves toes.

He would show them throughout. It'd be 90 minutes of my toes, 30 minutes of fighting. I mean. 20 minutes of him saying the N word. Not him, you. Me. You'd be saying it through his. Through his words.

Script. So, Quentin, if you're a listener at Best Friends. Which we know you are. Write that up. Also also i'd love to be in a marvel movie hell yeah i love marvel i like marvel too yeah um yeah i want to be i want to be storm's fat friend i think i've said this like i think i said on my other podcast i want to be her fat friend who abuses her powers. She's like, I'm so hot. Make me a snow cone. Make me wind.

And then a snow cone. Did I tell you I found good Italian ice? No. Okay. There's this place on Melrose called Happy Ice. And it's New York style Italian ice. Whoa. Yes, bitch.

I cruised by in my car. I said, what the fuck is happy ice? And then I was on Yelp. And I said, better double back. All the reviews were great. And I got in my car. And I said, can I have a small cherry one? And she said, you don't want another flavor?

I said, no. My flavors don't mix. Separate but equal. And then I ate my cherry one in my car. And I was so pleased. What makes it a New York style? It's like creamy. Oh.

Because there's like shaved ice, which is just like ice with like food coloring and shit in it. But you know like the street carts in New York where a nice lady scoops it for you? Yeah. You've never had that? No. I don't think so. I don't think so. You've never stopped at a cart where a nice, older Hispanic woman

opens the lid, and there's blue, yellow, red, rainbow, Italian ice, and she scoops it into a paper cup that is flimsy. And if you don't eat it fast enough, it will bleed through, and then your hands will be red. I don't think so.

You're shaking your fist at me. My hands! I just cannot believe you lived in New York for as long as you did, and you've never had Italian ice. Give me all the keys. Can you please look up Italian ice? You know I don't like cold things.

I know. But you think I would break that to go get Italian ice. You know I don't like cold things. I know. But you think I would like break that to go get Italian ice? Yes. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. It looks great. Yum, yes, yum. Yes, yum. We're just looking at pictures of Italian ice and Nicole's going, yes, yum.

Yes, yum. It's so great. It looks great. I love Italian ice. I think you would like it. Maybe not. It is cold. I discovered I like those mochi ice cream things, the balls.

Interesting, because they're not that cold. Yeah. I can hold it in my fingers. I can bite it. I like that. And they're gummy. They're gummy. I like that.

Huh. We like different food. Yeah, I think we discovered that. And they're gummy. They're gummy. I like that. Huh. We like different food. Yeah, I think we discovered that. Because I don't think I like those. No? No. Because you stick your thumb in cold ice water. Yeah, I'm trying to really get my thumb back.

I'm working. Yeah. It was really hard to put my bra on today. Sorry. And tomorrow, I want it to be easier. Do you put your, do you latch it in the front and then twist it around?

Are you kidding? No. Do you do that? Yeah. Does everyone do that? Wait, Jordan, do you latch it in the front and twist it around?

No, I do not. I latch it from the back. Me too. But Kimmy latch latch it in the front and twist it around no i do not okay i latch it from the back me too but kimmy latches in the front yeah latch in the front huh so the two fatties are like we gotta make more work for ourselves and the two thin women were like easy peasy we'll get our exercise in shimmying our bras around our body jordan do you take offense to that? No. Okay. No, no, no. I don't know how some people identify, so I didn't. We've talked about plus size clothing too much. Okay, perfect.

But it is very funny that you two do it like that. That's insanity. Well, it's easier. I felt like I was out of my mind twisting this bra around my body. Waiting for the cups to come to the front. I can see it. What? If I do it behind me, it's just like more mental math to figure out how I'm going to get these hooks to touch each other.

They just hook. Well, if it was in front of me, I could just look at it and then turn it around. So do you take your bra off before sex or does your dude do it? And does he twist it around to the front? I think off is easier. I don't have to twist my bra backwards and then unhook. Can you do that the next time you have sex? Let me know how it goes. Just twist.

Hold on. So you take it off just by unsnapping it when it's behind you yes but putting it on is harder because i had to like figure out which one it's going nuts that you think that's hard it is hard because there's a lot of options there's a lot of options of where the hooks can go there's three options well it might have like different sizes different sizes there's like three latches and then three more behind that and then three more behind that what oh yes yes yes i'm so if you wanted to get tiger i got very confused and it's like what if i get one on the second row and one on the third row and that's okay first one it It's not okay. The bra's on. No.

I'm not okay with these mismatching hooks. They have to all line up. Or else it's going to feel weird. Or pop off. And then keep being in public with a bra that pops undone. They have to go to the bathroom and readjust. And then take the whole thing off and start from the beginning. That's so funny. You have to take it off

and start at the beginning. Honestly, I've never been more shook in my life. That's how you put a bra on. I guess, yeah, I've never seen you put a bra on. No. I was once trying to put on a sports bra after trying to hook up with a dude. And I guess I got tangled in it because he was like, do you want help? And I was like, no!

I'm going to put my bra on myself. Oh, boy. That's so nuts. I'd like to know if other people do this. There's women who work here, right? Yeah. We got to ask these ladies who work here. All right.

Want me to go grab some ladies? Yes, please. I'm going to grab some ladies. One sec, guys. All right. I want me to grab some ladies. Yes, please. I'm going to grab some ladies. One sec, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Ladies.

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. State your name and your age. Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies. Oh, yay. Brush, brush, brush, brush. State your name and your age. We got some ladies of Earwolf to weigh in. I guess we don't need their age. I can talk about my age.

No, it's very silly. Okay, how do you put a bra on? How do I put a bra on? Okay, this is Dana, and I'm 31. Do we need to do that 31 producer at earwolf um so i put so okay so the i so hard to like explain it like out loud i put i take the straps and i have it like turned around so it's like i hook it in the front oh boy and then i twist it around and then i flip the bra up over my boobs okay and then i like i slip into it. I think that's the correct way.

Yes. Right? That is the correct way. Yes. Okay. There you go. So we have one for the insane way. Wait, what's the other way?

Are we going to find out? To just hook it behind you. I can never reach it behind. I feel like I'm always like. This is something about me. Insane. Yeah, you hook it in the front and I twist it or slide it around

that's what I do and I'm like whoop whoop and then it's up this is nuts alright thank you there you go

one for the insane way hi hello hi hello how are you hi hello okay tell us your name I guess you don't have to

tell us your age that was insane um i'm mindy i'm 23 yes you know um i will usually i feel like i take it off and it's already hooked so then i just put it back on and then i don't do anything whoa whoa what okay you have to explain everything because you take it off and then just pull it up. You take it off as a shirt? Yeah. Do you guys...

Is that not... I've never heard that one. So this is like a hooking bra or a sports bra? Yeah, hooking bra. Oh. And then you pull it up over your head. They do get a little stretched out. Yeah, of course.

You put it over your shoulders. But then when you have to unhook from the back, I feel like I'll always get one unhooked, not both. And then they're stuck, and it's just like, I don't have the time. Okay. So we have one for an insane way. One for the most implausible way possible. The funniest way possible. Okay. Hello.

Hi, hi, hi. Say your name. My name's Kristen. I am 31. So, full disclosure, none of my bras have hooks. They're all pullover because I have tiny boobs. So, I just

like bras with no padding or no hooks. But I did wear one with a hook once, and I put my arms through the straps, and then I tie it in the back. like bras with no padding or no hook. But I did wear one with a hook once. Yes. And I put my arms through the straps. Yes. And then I tie it in the back. Yeah! Okay.

All right. All right. So we got one for the normal way. Okay. How do you put a bra on? Also say your name. I'm Hannah. I'm 29.

Thank you. Okay. Well, I've had two breast reductions. So it's out of. I'm Hannah. I'm 29. Thank you. Okay, well, I've had two breast reductions. So it's out of habit that they used to be very large, that it was uncomfortable because I'd wear a tight thing underneath. So I couldn't do it in the back. And I tried for a long time and couldn't make it click. So I'm in the front. Oh boy. And then I spin it around and then I into it.

Makes sense to me. Well, so that's two for this insane way that I've never heard of. One for a way that truly is impossible. And then one for my way, which is the normal way. So I guess Kimmy and Sasheer win. Thank you very much for sharing with us.

Thanks, guys. Thank you. That was very helpful. I'm truly floored that so many people hook and twist. Yeah, I just assumed everyone hooked and twist. No. No. But also, never assumed everyone hooked and twist. No. No. But also, never heard of pulling it over your head.

That I love, and I think I'm going to try it when I get home. I think I would get caught up. It would get caught up. I feel like you would break the hooks. Yes, and definitely going to stretch out your bra. She's funny. I like that. But she's what, 23?

23. She'll figure it out. She'll know better. She also helps a little bit. She goes to the voicemails for me and helps find the good ones. Oh, nice. She's a friend of the show. Yeah.

Maybe when she starts buying her own bras, she'll figure it out. She's still wearing bras from high school, Erica. Her parents bought. When she doesn't buy expensive bras, she'll know not to stretch it out like that. I don't have expensive bras. No? No, because they don't make my size on expensive bras. My bras, none of them are over $44.

That's like a normal amount. That's expensive? Or like an average range, I think. Oh. What's an expensive bra? What's the most you've ever spent on a bra? Good question. I don't know, maybe $60.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's not that bad. But they're not getting like cheap, like $ anymore no they're not good they don't support the gal they don't support the gals i had a friend who had massive titties i wonder how she puts a bra on i don't know i won't i don't i don't know how to i don't know how i'd bring that up in a conversation. Yeah. Like, hey, we haven't spoken in three years. How do you put them wrong? How do you harness them titties?

Yeah. Yeah, and it's so interesting that the people who also spun it around have a thin frame. I don't know. How do we find more fat people? They can call in or write in, I guess. Hey, if you're fat out there, if you're a real big fucking fatty and you want to let me know how you put on a bra,

you can email us at NicoleAndSashir at gmail.com or you can call in at 424-989-6219. That's not it. 424. Oh, that is right. 424-645-7004. Oh, that is right. 4-2-4-6-4-5-7-0-0-3. Yeah, the most right. And let us know if you fat how you put on a bra.

If you fat. And then please preface it by going, hi, my name is, and I'm fat as fuck, and I put my bra on like this. Wonderful. Should we take a quiz? Should we do some voicemails? Should we eat some Reese's peanut butter cups? Tell me

tell me the grossest thing you've put your toes in. You know, I can't say I put my toes in too many things. Dirt? What's the grossest thing? Applesauce. Why? When I was little, I just wanted to feel what applesauce would feel like on my toe.

Whoa. So I stuck my little toe in a little moth's container of applesauce. And then what did you do with that applesauce? I mean, I threw it out. I didn't eat it. Come on, I'm not a savage. I don't know. What?

I mean, you think I'd eat some toe sauce? Some toe applesauce? I wouldn't put it past you. You don't like wasting food. Milk. Oh, other food's fine, but milk specifically. No, you're right. I eat old hamburgers all the time.

Yeah. I love old food. Don't know why. Yeah, I don't like wasting. Waste not, want not. There's starving kids somewhere who'd eat it. Now, did you put all your toes in this? Just my big toe.

So you separated your big toe and put that in there? Your big toe's bigger than the other toes. you just stuck i just stuck that little toe in well i thought you'd have a more interesting answer so um i don't really like the focus fully on me i don't know i can't i don't think i had that urge to feel the sensation of food or anything else on my toes like that well i guess you don't think I had that urge to feel the sensation of food or anything else on my toes like that. Well, I guess you don't have ADD. Yeah, I was like, I see weird shit like that all the time. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. What else? I used to pee in the sink. Like multiple times? Uh-huh. Huh. Yeah, because I was like, this is different. Whoa.

Did you sit up there? Hell yeah. Lifted my whole body up on the sink. Sometimes you'd sit on the faucet and that would hurt, but you still got to. In which direction? Are you facing the mirror? No. Your back is to the mirror.

Uh-huh. And you sit your butt on the faucet. Uh-huh. And then, for a long, long time, I tried to learn how to pee standing up. It just went everywhere. Of course it did. Yeah, I learned to pee standing up like the boys. You can't do that.

No, I don't think I... You ever sit backwards on the toilet and pee? No. It sounded like you were having a blast when you were younger. Just trying all kinds of stuff. Hell yeah. Having fun. Yeah. See what works and what doesn't work work and a lot of those things didn't work although i haven't sat backwards on a toilet in a while oh what's a

while years and years and years and years um there was a very funny joke about ah shit i can't remember who told this joke or the actual like way that way that the joke is told, but it was like a you're so fat joke. It was like, you're so fat, you sit on the toilet backwards so you have a place to eat. And it made me laugh so hard and I think about it often. It's funny. I can't remember. It might be like a drag queen roast joke. Mm-hmm.

But isn't that funny? Yeah. Someone having a full steak dinner on their toilet. What? Uh-huh. Oh. Okay, what's another strange question I can... Okay, would you rather walk 300 miles...

Would I rather walk 500 miles? Is it 500 miles? Yeah. Okay, would you rather walk 500 miles or... To go to heaven, or would you rather walk up 500 stairs to go to heaven? When you die, I don't know. You get an option.

Would you rather walk 500 miles or 500 stairs? I would do 500 stairs because it's less walking. Oh, yeah. More of an incline, but I don't have to go miles. I guess I would do stairs, too. Yeah. 500 miles is less than 500 stairs. No.

No? Other way around. 500 stairs is less than. What did I say? You said 500 miles. WW dot. Still two. I was doing ads for my other podcast, and I said ww dot and then realized i'd only said two so then i was like ww and i was counting with my fingers and marcy jerro was helping me with the

ads and she was like why she didn't understand what was happening she was like why is this happening why are you counting them on your fingers? And I was like, because I can't say them all when I just say it. And then I said something that she thought was so wild. So I keep essential oil in my car, and when I park it at night, I rub it behind my ears. And she was like, this is strange. She was like, the way you said that is so weird. Do you rub things in your ears at night?

Not on my ears or in my ears? Behind your ears. No. Like essential oil? No. Am I the only one doing this? Probably not. Which oil?

Lavender or something? I don't know. It came in my fat fit fun box. Oh, nice. And it told you to put it behind your ears specifically? No. That's just where I thought it should go. And did it tell you you should do that at night?

No. That's just the time I do it. Thought I should go. Did it tell you you should do that at night? No. That's just the time I do it. Why am I being interrogated? I could go spin a bra around you. I do have like a little essential oil travel kit. And I'll get out one of the oils.

It's like for stress relief when I'm on planes. I put it on my wrist, my forehead, and under my chin because those are like your little stress points. So nothing's behind your ears? I mean, I don't put that specifically behind. And when you say behind your ears, you mean like behind the actual lobe or like here? Between your chin and...

Between my chin and my ear. Okay. I mean... Is that a spot? That is a spot, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. Thank God.

I thought I was just dabbing it in the wrong spot. Why are you doing it at night? I don't know. It seemed like a good time. Because I parked my car and I'm getting out of my car and it's in my car. Because you parked your car? Yeah. So the oil's in your car. Yes. And car because you parked your car yeah so so the oil's

in your car yes and then when you park your car yeah you dab it before you go into your house yeah yeah what why is like while you do it like the beginning of the day when you get into your car oh uh because that's not the routine i don't. I just started doing it at night and I really like it. Then keep doing it. Hey, thanks. Yeah. Well, I guess nobody understands me. Marcy didn't get it.

You don't get it. I thought I could explain it and you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Behind your ears at night. I'm all down for essential oils. And yes, behind the ears is great. I guess I just don't understand why you do it before you go to bed. Unless it was like too healthy sleep.

I don't think so. It's just a rollerball of oil. Okay. It smells pretty good. Great. Fat fit fun. Nice. I mean, do you know what smell it is or which oil it is?

Maybe lavender? Lavender's great. I like it. Yeah. I should actually want to get in my car yeah but i won't put it on because i haven't parked my car and it's not right i think what happens is i decide that these are the things i'm going to do and then that's the decision that's been made and then if someone goes but why i'm like oh i don't know you're real big on rules for no reason i love rules i love arbitrary rules that i have implemented for no

reason did you put perfume on today hell yeah can you smell it yes when i get real close to your waist I can smell it you didn't smell it when I walked in no I said to Sashir I wear perfume or no I was like I need to put my perfume on she's like you wear perfume and I was like yeah I've been wearing it the whole time you've known me she's like what do you mean I've never smelled it one time on you you've never smelled like perfume you smell like human and it really bothers me because I spend a lot of money on perfume. Yeah, of course. My impression of Sashira is, hi, I'm Sashira Samada, and I'm here to denounce your perfume use.

I've never smelled it. I've never heard of it. You make me sound like a Napoleon Dynamite character. I grew up in Indiana, and I have two parents. One is tall, and one is taller they're both pretty tall people no my mom's short no is she yeah she's like five three your mother yeah she tiny i have no depth perception she's the same height as me no that's when i saw her last at my show i looked that woman in the eye and i didn't have to look down no you did not we are the same

height or not we embrace and i said this woman is one with me she's fun with me i can't believe she's five three yeah she's short maybe she has heels i'm fucking shook get her on the horn get on the horn right now yeah ask her how tall she is Alright, hold on I wonder if she'll answer She'll love this She will Is your mother saved on your phone as mom? Mommy

Ah I don't have parents, so, you know, just wanted to know When you did have parents Didn't have a cell phone Ah, interesting But my dad was, I think it was like Papa's work and then Papa's cell. Oh wait, Papa, did he

have his cell phone? Calling my mommy. Hello! Hi, Mommy! Hi! I'm recording the Best Friends podcast with Nicole right now. Uh-huh.

And Nicole was under the impression that you two are the same height. She said last time she saw you, she thought you were eye-to-eye with each other. Can you confirm how tall you are? I'm 5'4". Oh, 5'4". Dang. I could have sworn you were like 5'4". Oh, 5'4". Dang. I could have sworn you were like 5'7". I have this demeanor that people always perceive me taller than I really am.

Because you're powerful. I guess so. I said 5'3", but I was an inch off. Yeah. So, Nicole, how tall are you? I'm 5'7". Yeah, I thought you were taller than me. I mean...

It could be the hair, because I always have an updo. Yes, it was the hair. It was the updo that tricked me. Uh-huh, yes. Yeah, that makes sense. All right. Do you have any other questions for my mom?

Mmm. What's your favorite color? Purple. We all want purple! That's this year's favorite color, too! And Nicole's. It's my feel-good color.

Me, too! If I know it's gonna be a bad day and I've gotta get through something, I plan my wardrobe and I pull out the purple.-good color. Me too. If I know it's going to be a bad day and I've got to get through something, I plan my wardrobe and I pull out the purple, my power color. I like that. Where do you wear your perfume, like on your body? The pulse points on your wrist, behind your ear, behind your knee,

and down on your ankle, on those veins, your pulse points. Wow. Oh, I don't think I've ever put perfume behind my knee or on my ankle. Yeah, that's where there are veins that are close to the surface. Oh, wow. The heat of your body from the blood pumping will make that scent just radiate around you. Oh. So maybe I'll smell it if you put it behind your knee.

Nicole's been wearing perfume, I guess, every day for the last 10 years. Uh-huh. And she's never once smelled it. I just don't smell it. You need to put it close to your pulse point so the heat of your body and where your veins are will make the scent rise. All right. That's what I got to do. That's what you got to do.

Mm-hmm. Well, thanks, Mommy. Well, you're welcome. Call me another time. Okay. Have a good day. Huh? Have a good day. Have a good day. We'll talk to you later.

Okay. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, wow. So your mom is shorter than I thought, and I've got to put perfume behind my knees. Apparently, yeah. I guess I'll do it. Yeah.

How wild. Yeah. I guess it's like your elbows. You know your elbows have veins right here. You know this. Yeah. Your elbows have veins. Yeah, I'm trying to, what are you getting at?

I know. It's like the back of your knee. Oh, I see. The knee, the elbow of the leg. Yes. The knee is the elbow of the leg. Mm-hmm. He is the elbow of the leg. Well, I guess we should take some voicemails.

Let's do that. Yeah. Hi, Nicole and Shashir. I'm a huge fan of both of you, specifically of Nicole's current podcast, Why Won't You Date Me? My question is, me and a good friend have been friends for about two years now. We just recently started farting in front of each other. I wanted to know if you thought two years was an appropriate amount of time to start farting in front of your good friend. How long was it until you and Shashir started farting in front of each other?

Do you fart in front of each other? This is very important, and I need an answer. Thank you. Very important. Do we fart in front of each other? This is very important, and I need an answer. Thank you. Very important. Do we fart in front of each other? I don't think so. Not loud ones. No.

Sometimes we'll be like, I farted, don't come over here. Yes. But I don't think we'll, like, rip one and laugh about it. Ripping it and giggling. I think most of it is, I farted, please don't think we'll like rip one and laugh about it. No, we're not like ripping it and giggling. No. I think most of it is, I farted, please don't come over here. Yeah. And I think we started doing it when we started touring.

Yeah, we were traveling together. Yeah, it was no way around it. Yeah. So I would say maybe like a year in we farted in front of each other maybe. Oh, you think so? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Probably. Great. be like a year in we farted in front of each other maybe oh you think so maybe yeah yeah probably probably great i'm sure maybe the first time we farted in front of each other was in vancouver

i think that was the first trip we took to the vancouver improv festival probably where keisha made it on that flight on time and i i think i'd eaten an edible Keisha made it on that flight on time and I I think I'd eaten an edible and you were just tired but we had maybe one of the worst conversations about muffins I've ever had yeah we were on some sort of like air train

and I don't know maybe you said it you're like muffins are good and I was like muffins are good and we were the last people on this plane we walked up and they're like oh we've been waiting for you and we're like huh okay then i couldn't stop laughing as everyone seen it was staring at us so angrily oh boy that night Oh, boy. That night, my roommate had gotten edibles from a friend, little cookies. And I ate one.

And she goes, I would wait. They're pretty strong. And I was like, yeah, right. So then I ate another and another because I got three cookies. I was like, I'm going to eat them all today. And then it hit. And I said, oh, no. And then the way I packed, it took me three hours.

Oh, boy. I put one thing in my suitcase and then lay down. And then I go, you got to put one more thing in. Then I didn't go to sleep. Then when I saw you, I had to tell you muffins were good. And now I was on board. Mm-hmm. Okay.

This is a letter I can read this Okay Dear Nicole and Sashir Love the show Been a fan of you both since Pursuit of Sexness Our web series that you can find on YouTube On YouTube

I have a friend who I've known since we were kids Though our lives went on different paths We stayed friends for almost 15 years. A couple years back, my mate met his current wife, and very shortly thereafter, they had moved in together expecting a child. Everything seemed to be going well. I had only met the wife maybe two times in the first year, but she seemed nice. After the baby was born, I bought him a toy train and gave it to my friend for their first Christmas. A couple months later, I met my friend for lunch and his wife dropped by.

She was working close by. She's very appreciative about the toy, invited me to the family dinner the next week. On the day of the dinner, I texted my mate about what I should bring. He replied that his missus had stormed out and he had not seen her since the previous day. Dinner canceled. I gave them some space for a couple days and tried to check in with him a couple days later. No answer. I've not heard from my mate for three years now.

Except for a strange Facebook conversation where he invited me to meet for lunch and never showed up. I'm really confused about what happened and want to know what happened. More importantly, I miss hanging out with my friend. What should I do? Sorry for how long this was. No, that's fine. Thank you. Whoa.

I think this woman might be bad. The wife, you mean? Yes. I think it's a gone girl situation. Maybe. Or she's abusive? Why do you say that? Just because she left?

She stormed out. Dinner was canceled. He's not allowed to talk to his friends. Except for a weird cryptic Facebook message where he said, help me, meet me for lunch. And then she found out. And she said, you're not getting cold cuts with your friend that's not what that letter said that's not that's not what that email said at all that's not no no we do not have enough information to conclude that this woman is abusive all he said is that

their friend they i guess they got in a fight but she stormed out we don't know the reasons why and then and then the friend invited him to lunch and didn't show up. So we don't think that this woman stormed away from her husband because she was like, I'm going to get back at him a different way. I need to think about my master plan. And then her master plan was to lock him in the house. And he's not allowed to contact the outside world. And then he escaped for her grass.

He went on Facebook. facebook he said meet me for lunch and she went no no no just because mark zuckerberg created a thing to keep us all connected doesn't mean you get out of the house and then that's why he didn't show up that's not what you inferred from that letter now that you explain it like that i think that's exactly what happened okay what do you think is up i don't't know. There's not a lot of detail. Yeah. It sucks. I mean, maybe this person's going through something.

It does suck that they invited him to lunch and then didn't show up. So I don't know what the friend's supposed to do. They reached out. I think it's his wife. We don't know. Okay. So like his good friend marries this woman. He's only met her twice in a year.

Yeah. That does seem wild. And then. She liked this toy train, but then she's screaming. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe she likes ships.

Yeah. Don't give my child trains we're a ship family maybe uh maybe they had a fling before the marriage this friend and the friend maybe they were lovers you think we don't know they didn't say but okay so what are you making up i took things from the letter no you didn't you also made things i didn't make a thing up yes you did what did i make up that she trapped her husband and he couldn't see the outside world because he has not heard from him in three years that does not mean that he was forbidden from contacting this person i'm reading between the lines okay

well maybe i'm reading between the lines maybe yours is a little far-fetched. Why is mine more far-fetched than yours? Okay, so what do you think happened? That the person who wrote this letter and their friend had a stormy affair before this man got married. Okay, so then they got married, and then he gave the kid a train, but the train had a secret note. She found the note and that's why she stormed off. She's like, my husband had a train run on him

and I don't want that. I don't like that. So I'm leaving. I'm leaving. But then he was like, no, no, no, no more trains will be run on me. No more.

I promise. She goes, the only way I'll take you back is if you let me chain you into the basement downstairs and you don't get to talk to nobody. Yeah. And he said, okay. Yeah.

So that's what happened to your friend. And I'm really sorry about it, but you got to let it go. He's in a bad place. Literally a bad place. He's in the basement. He's in the basement. This is, we need more information. Well, this person needs more information.

They don't even have more information to give. I guess, yeah. Yeah, I don't think there's anything you can do if you reached out and they're not responding. I think you gotta just take that as you're not friends anymore, which kind of sucks. I guess you could reach out and be like, I'm worried?

Are you okay? I do want to see you or at least hear from you. That might be nice because if he is going through something and it's been three years just to be like hey man are you okay yeah uh you know thinking of you uh i think that might be good a good place to start this one's tough sorry yeah hopefully hopefully your friend will respond but uh yeah all you can do is reach out and hope that they say something. Send an SOS. S-O-S, baby.

Somebody help me. Let's do a voicemail. Let's do a voicemail. Hi, Nicole and Sashere. I'm looking for some advice on how to break up with someone who was once your best friend. how to break up with someone who was once your best friend. I, about a year ago, was the maid of honor for a girl that I hated when she got engaged, and I didn't like her any better when I walked down the aisle with her. And I think probably that having her maid of honor be someone who hated her wasn't great,

but I also don't know at what point in the process of her asking me to be maid of honor, I should have said, no, thank you. I haven't liked you for a long time. Any thoughts you have on that would be so amazing. Thank you both so much. I love you.

Love the podcast. Bye. So she was made of honor and this girl's wedding. She doesn't like this girl, but are they talking? Like, are they friends? Seems like the person who was the bride thinks they're friends.

Yes. If she thought they were close enough to make her the maid of honor but also i mean i don't know shit on this friend but i don't think you should have accepted being her maid of honor i also hated her i also don't think because now if you explained her that you don't like her and you don't want to be her friend especially if the wedding just happened like she's gonna look at those pictures and be like this girl fucking hates me and said she'd be my maid of honor the this is one of the things where i think you should just let it fizzle okay right what's the like if if i made you my maid of honor and then like a couple months later you're like actually you know what i don't think really like i'm not into hanging out i would like, you were my maid of honor.

Yeah. And then I'd be like, what? I would be so sad. Yeah. But I think both options are sad. If it fizzles out, too, it's also confusing of being like, well, I thought we were so close. I mean, we can't go back in time. I don't think she should have said yes to being a married woman

I did see a DeLorean on the road the other day On the road? So Oh Alright I guess we can go back in time Maybe we can But moving forward

Yeah I don't know I don't know Yeah I don't know if it should be an official breakup Or if you just Slowly lose contact with this person. Hate is also a really strong word. Yes, like you hate this girl and you were her maid of honor?

Did you accept being her maid of honor to then sabotage the wedding or something? That one's tough. And also, how can this other girl not sense it yeah maybe she's doofy yeah maybe she's a doofus a real fucking doofus and gallant situation do you know them doofus and gallant oh shit no i do this all the time oh i think you did bring this doofus and gallant i still don't know what this is it It's in the Highlights magazine. Sure. No, I remember you bringing this up.

Mm-hmm. It's a real goofus situation. It really is a real goofus situation. Um, gosh. I mean, why is this person still hanging out with this friend if they don't actually like them? I don't know. We need to have a conversation with her. Yeah. Keep me on the keys. Let to have a conversation with her. Yeah. Keep me on the keys.

Let's have a conversation with her. You got it. And then I have my phone case. Still working on it. Okay. Yeah. All right. Cool. I think that's it.

Cool. That's been Best Friends. That's been Best Friends. If you want to ask us questions, do we already do that part? You can email us at nicoleandsashira at gmail.com. Or call us at 424-645-70003. 70003. Is there an echo in here?

I think so. Oh, man. Never mind. Oh, wait. Do it again. Is there an echo in here okay okay isn't that so annoying

yeah it is oh boy wow wow I had a great time I had a great time too I gotta go okay

bye bye you wanna come to my house later yeah I might be too drunk okay then no I had a great time. I had a great time too. I gotta go. Okay. Bye bye. You wanna come to my house later? Yeah. I might be too drunk. Okay then no. Without context it sounds like I'm going home to just like slam beers.

Yes. And then I'm like you wanna come over? I'm gonna be hammered. And that's how I'm gonna leave it. Bye bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hanging things can be overwhelming. Lose the hangxiety with High & Mighty.

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